


Brèves de TARDIS

by SHADOWSQUILL



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attack, Character Death, Death, F/M, Gen, Love, Original Character(s), Pete Tyler (Pete's world) - Freeform, Regeneration, Roleplay, Solitude, Torchwood - Freeform, crossed universes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 133,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8097367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHADOWSQUILL/pseuds/SHADOWSQUILL
Summary: "We never forget our first Doctor." The TARDIS never forgot any of them and is still ready to go back on adventures with his many incarnations. [New Who Area]





	1. Gone Too Soon (Nine/Rose)

**Author's Note:**

> Last year, I started watching "Doctor Who" because a friend almost compelled me to do so. The truth is I absolutely loved it from the first episode. I still have to watch the seasons 6 to 9 of "New Who" (haven't started "Classic Who" yet) but... I'm still not over Nine's regeneration. Nine will always be my Doctor (golden rule: we never forget our first Doctor). While watching the show, I had some ideas for one-shots and drabbles and rather than just publishing it one by one as if it was different stories, I chose to put them all in a collection of short stories I called "Brèves de TARDIS".  
> As a french whovian, my english isn't perfect but it seems to be good enough for people to understand. I do write my Who-stories in english AND in french. All the translations and writing are mine. I kept the french title though. I love the sound of it.

The Doctor looked around at her uneasy. He was particularly ill-at-ease, which never had happened in her presence. She was shaking her head, completely oblivious, trying to remember. She noticed him watching her. He smiled. It was so much easier to pretend that everything was fine even though death was eating him away. He had been impossible for him to let her die because of the Time Vortex right after she saved his life. At that moment, his reason went away and he soaked up the ache that was hurting her, an ache that was soaking up every cell of his Time Lord’s body. It was painful but he didn’t show anything. He was pretty sad to be compelled to leave her so soon but, once again, he wasn’t showing anything. He wanted her to remember him as he had always been: an impulsive man, sarcastic, loving dangerous adventures and the word “FANTASTIC!”. Maybe she would remember how much he loved bananas. Soon, he would be a different man, with a different character. What would his next incarnation do with her? Would he make the ultimate sacrifice for her just like he did?

“Rose Tyler.” _He said with a small laugh._ “I was gonna take you to so many places. Barcelona, not the city. Barcelona, the planet. You’d love it. Fantastic place, they’ve got dogs with no noses.”

He laughed at his own joke. Rose giggled, half rolling her eyes. It was a bad habit she took from him. Her smile was something precious. He would keep it as an eternal memory. Seeing her smile while he was slowly dying warmed his hearts. Maybe would he success in making her accept his death more easily.

“Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it’s still funny!”  
“Then, why can’t we go?”  
“Maybe you will. And maybe I will. But not like this.”

He didn’t elaborate but went back looking at the monitor with a vague smile on his face. She didn’t understand anything and he wasn’t able to explain the situation to her.

“You’re making no sense!” _Said Rose while standing._  
“I might never make sense again! I might have to heads. Or no head!”

It wasn’t funny at all but he was laughing from his own flights of fancy. Rose shook her head with a bemused smile on her face. She didn’t understand that he was distracting her attention from what was really happening. For her, he was still that wild man who was gonna take her all over the borders of time and space, that Doctor who took her hand one morning and told her to run for her life. He took her into a life of adventures, dangers and discoveries. He gave a meaning to her existence and he was going to disappear even though she asked him not to do so. That choice weighed upon him, the idea of leaving her scared him to death but he was happy that he had been able to save her, to be a coward so humanity could keep on living. He never thought someone could change him so fast and so deeply. He was definitively going to miss Rose Tyler.

“Imagine me with no head! And don’t say that’s an improvement.”

Rose grinned, eyes twinkling. She was probably thinking that he was mad and he most likely was. He always had been but never this crazy.

“But it’s a bit dodgy, this process. You never know what you’re gonna end up with…”

Suddenly, he was propelled backwards with a blast of golden light. He clutched his stomach as though he had been punched. Pain was barely bearable and he was struggling hard to hide it. Rose rushed forward, full of concern. He could read her worry on her face and was saddened for being the reason of it.

“Doctor!”  
“Stay away!” _he urgently answered._

Rose stopped, staring at him, eyes wide. The Doctor winced in pain. His end was very near. He needed to do what he had to do, say goodbye, before the regeneration he was fighting with sorrow and pain took over him.

“Doctor, tell me what’s going on.”  
“I absorbed all the energy of the Time Vortex and no one’s meant to do that!”

He was trying to keep his tone light despite the pain. It was never a good idea to fight the regeneration but Rose Tyler was such an important person for him so he had to say goodbye in a proper way. He screwed up his eyes in pain, Rose staring at him with concern. He didn’t like to see her that way. He wanted to see her smile before leaving.

“Every cell in my body is dying.” _He explained, serious now._  
“Can’t you do something?” _Asked Rose, horrified._  
“Yeah, I’m doing it now! Time Lords have this little trick, it’s… sort of a way of cheating death. Except…” _He hesitated before looking into her eyes._ “It means I’m gonna change.”

Rose shook her head slightly, not understanding. He wasn’t able to explain the situation to her. He was going to change physically but, on the inside, he would still be _her_ Doctor.

“And I’m never gonna see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft old face.”

Once again, he laughed at his own words. He didn’t want to scare her but his end was nearer and nearer. He had to be quick.

“And before I go…”  
“Don’t say that.” _She interrupted him, upset._  
“Rose…”

His tone was now pleading. She had to listen to him. He surely looked devastated and it forced her to stay silent and to listen to him while she just wanted to protest. She was always protesting.

“Before I go, I just wanna tell you, you were fantastic.” _He finally said, smiling at her, so proud of her._ “Absolutely fantastic.”

Rose looked back at him, unsmiling, still upset and not knowing what to make of this. He regretted the fact he had to leave before she finally understood that everything’s gonna be alright for him and that he was happy he could have travelled with the fantastic person she was.

“And do you know what?”

Rose shook her head, not knowing what to expect from him anymore. He smiled at her, forgetting all the sorrow and all the pain he was feeling and spoke again with the great self-confidence he always had.

“So was I.”

To these words, Rose finally smiled, nodding. He managed to make her smile and told her how much fantastic she was to him. He gave her a big smile and let go. The regenerative energy took over his body with a blast of golden light blasting out of the neck of his jumper, the sleeves of his jacket and the bottom of his trousers. He was taking with him the reflection of a smiling Rose Tyler and that was all he needed to be appeased when he totally disappeared in favor of a new man…

×

The process of the regeneration had been violent. He didn’t think that would be that painful. Now, he didn’t know what to expect. In the TARDIS’ library, he had found a book on the regeneration. The author, an old Time Lord, wondered what happened to the incarnation which was disappearing. The book was a row of theories without clues and he laughed hard at it. Now, he wasn’t laughing that much because he really didn’t know what was going to happen, where he was going to end up. His life had been really “short” in a way and a part of him didn’t want it to end there. He still wanted to go running after the adventures. How was it going to be now? Was he going to simply disappear? Or, was there some Time Lords’ heaven? He would have laughed at himself if he had been able too. If the incarnations could survive to the regeneration, Time Lords would have known it for centuries. So he was expecting to totally disappear, to feel his consciousness go off… but truly not to brutally land, head first, on a vast area of sand.  
He needed a few seconds to put him back together and rolled on his back. He rubbed his eyes to remove the sand stuck in it and looked at the blue and cloudless sky that was spreading for as far as the eye can see. When the shock of the landing had passed, he heard the backwash of the sea. His senses were coming back little by little. The physical pain too. So he wasn’t dead. In one way or another, he survived and broke away from the Doctor. He became a new man but had kept a part of the old one. Well, that was what he supposed from his memories, his senses, his feelings. For now, it was still muddled. He needed to stick the pieces back together and find out who he had become. He had been the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords. He was sure of that. But now? Was he in another time? In another space? In another dimension? Something was worrying him and making him doubt: silence. Except for the sea’s movement, there wasn’t any noise. That looked unreal. He had to inspect the surroundings, to find a shelter.  
He got up slowly and walked while looking around. He was on a desert and craggy beach. There was no clue of human life, not even a footprint. It felt like he was the only one to have trodden upon this beach. It felt weird. He had seen a lot of places and never saw a place as empty as this beach was. He kept on walking towards the exit. The sea wind beat against his back and brought a salty smell to his nose. He put his hands his pants’ pockets and kept on walking. He was missing his loyal blue phone box in which he had spent so much time. He pictured it and imagined himself pushing the door. He got into the walkway and went straight to the console. Every single detail of his spaceship came back to his mind. He had the impression that he just needed to stretch his hand to brush the buttons and the levers. That was a sweet dream he was stroking until he realized that a blue hub had materialized a few feet away from him.

“What the…” _He started, surprised._

Pushed by a sudden curiosity, he rushed to the hub. It was real. He put his hand on the door and stroked the wood with his fingers. The door opened with no resistance. He got in. Right in front of him _his_ TARDIS was materializing. Everything was just like he left it, except for one detail. Rose wasn’t there. His whole spaceship was there but she had disappeared. Was it only a production from his mind? That seemed too real. He felt the TARDIS thrilling under his feet, as if it were ready for a new trip. He would have liked to turn the engine on and fly away to the stars again but he felt like he wasn’t ready. He was missing something and that was holding him back. He knew very well what it was. He turned his back on the console of which he had gotten closer to and leaned on it, crossing his arms. His eyes were looking around the platform and he remembered a particular moment that had happened in the walls of this hub. Those images made him nostalgic. What was she doing right now? Where was she? How was she?  
He knew almost at the exact moment he had seen her that this little strong-tempered blonde would change his life in one way or another. He would have never been able to predict the consequences of the effect she would have on him. He absolutely didn’t see it coming. He had seen the past, the present, the future and every single planet of every single universe and never even thought that such a person could exist just like she never thought she would meet a Time Lord. He went out of the TARDIS, aggrieved. He had hoped to see her in there. The mission that made them closer had a particular place in his hearts. That day, they had met Captain Jack Harkness and the Doctor’s jealousy pushed him to get closer to Rose, creating – or strengthening – a bound between them. He remembered every single detail of this magical and extraordinary adventure. He didn’t want to stay in that empty world, he wanted to go back on an adventure, to take her hand and tell her to run, run right into his world because he was cruelly missing company. His existence had been as empty as that beach he was walking on. He didn’t want to live that again.

“I came to save you, my Doctor.”  
“Rose?” _He asked in the emptiness that was surrounding him._ “Rose!”

She just appeared to him. She was there. She went to pick him up in his deep loneliness. Without thinking, he ran to her. He wouldn’t disappear once again. He wouldn’t leave her face to face with a stranger. She was looking at him with a smile and he saw that she was crying. He had to erase all those tears. She shouldn’t cry, not because of him. The more he was getting closer, the more he felt that she was going to be dragged away from him a second time. To fight this feeling, he threw himself on her to catch her, to hold her in his arms. He only met the void and fell in the cold water of the sea he had walked into without realizing it. He got up a few seconds later suffocating and looking around for Rose. She had disappeared. He yelled her name and looked for her like a mad man but he didn’t find any clue of her presence. When he realized that had only been a hallucination, he was devastated. He fell on his knees, not able to bear that truth. Behind him, the sea kept on coming and going but he wasn’t paying attention to anything but his injured hearts… until a banana hit his hand.  
The fruit came out of nowhere. Grabbing it, he noticed that it had a concrete existence, a real one. He looked up at the beach he was now hating on. The TARDIS was still there but it wasn’t alone. The beach was littered with numerous objects he had thought about at some point since he landed here. Everything was a production of his mind but everything seemed real when he took it. He just had to think about something to make it appear. A new hope seized him. He closed his eyes really tight and thought about the face of a little blonde, of _his_ little blonde. He smiled while picturing her. Even if it was only an illusion, she would be there, with him, and he wouldn’t be afraid anymore. For the first time in a very long time, he wouldn’t be afraid of the loneliness because she would be there, near him. She would reassure him, talk to him, love him, fill the emptiness that was filling his hearts since the Time War ended, taking away his entire species. She was human but he didn’t care. She had said the perfect words when he needed it. He would do anything to get her back, to see her smile again, even praying a God he wasn’t believing in.

“There’s me.”

He opened his eyes, ready to welcome her, but was deeply hurt to see he was still alone. Rose didn’t appear. Only a white rose lay at his feet. He knelt down to pick it up and brought it to his nose. Silent tears escaped from his eyes and watered the weak petals. While he was letting his darkness overwhelm him, he saw an object practically buried in the sand only a few inches away from where he picked up the rose. He started to extract that mysterious object without dropping the rose. As he was uncovering it, anxiety choked his entire body. His memory was trying to tell him something he refused to admit and that refusal was undermined in front of that thing. New memories came to his mind and got the upper hand on his Time Lord’s adventures. He had done another stop before landing on that beach and the item he was extracting was the reason of his presence there. A nervous laugh slipped out of his lips when he understood he had another life right after the regeneration, a life that was shortened by a shell, by the exact shell he had just found.

“Corporal!”

He had been a part of the British army during the World War II. He had no memories of his old life until he was sent here, until he rebuilt, piece by piece, the large parts of his existence. He had been a soldier, he had fought for his country and that beach was just a no man’s land, a land of passing before he really left in the afterlife. That day, he had saved a lot of human lives but he had also lost his. He had protected the men that were under his command and gave his life for them. The shell that should have killed them all only killed him and he was relieved of that. He fully accepted it and finally let himself fall into the darkness of the Grim Reaper, taking with him only one rose. After all, he’d rather die than face a life in which Rose Tyler wasn’t. 


	2. Lost In Reality (Ten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After he'd erased Donna's memory, the Doctor realised that he was a curse and decided to end his life. But the TARDIS decided otherwise...

The Doctor had never been so lonely and so distraught before. He always had been a happy and oblivious man. Nothing had ever stopped him and truly not the danger. However, the last few days, he had lost that happy and reckless temperament. He had hidden away in the TARDIS and locked himself up in his bedroom. He hadn’t move since that day. He had been laying there and never got up to eat, to drink or to shower. He only had watched the walls and the ceiling according to his position. He didn’t feel the hunger nor the thirst. He felt weary, exhausted, but wasn’t able to sleep or to get some rest. Every time he closed his eyes, he was seeing faces and hearing voices. They all belonged to people he had known. They were the expression of his guilt, of the man he had become after the Time War. He didn’t know how to keep people in his life. He didn’t even know how to prevent them from diving head first in a world that would kill them. He was the bird of ill omen.

First, there had been Rose Tyler. Losing her was still difficult to accept. It kept on tormenting day after day, night after night. He was even having nightmares. Rose had been an extraordinary person, always ready to stand up, always ready to help him even if she had to die for it. He had asked her to come with him right after she helped him to defeat the Nestene Consciousness. He had thought he would be nice to travel with her, that it would distract him from his loneliness. However, time passing by, he had fallen in love with that little blonde with a strong character little by little. His feelings didn’t have any importance at first. He had held them back because he couldn’t fall in love with a human girl. And this tragic incident had happened. He was so happy with Rose that he had thought it could last forever. She had promised him so. His hearts broke when he had realized it was over. Her fingers were still holding the switch but he knew he would never see her again. He hadn’t even been able to tell her but he loved her. Like only a mad man could love her.

Then, there had been the unlucky Martha Jones. He was still mourning over Rose when he had met her. She was brilliant and her scepticism had entertained him. And he offered her a trip. He had been really clumsy by taking her on a planet he had already visited with Rose. To make amends, he had offered her a second trip. Despite her family’s opinion, she had followed him and adventures going on, she had found out what an extraordinary man he was. She had ended up falling in love with him and had suffered of the fact he didn’t pay attention to her. Rose’s loss was still tormenting him and he wasn’t ready to turn the page. However, Martha had given a lot of herself to help him when he had been in an impasse. He regretted not being able to see, thinking she would be perfect to make him forget how much he was suffering. He was wrong and it was her who suffered the most. She helped him to defeat the Master when he hadn’t been able to do it himself and chose to put an end to their adventures by leaving the TARDIS, by leaving him.

He had chosen to keep travelling alone, not to take another companion to spare himself from a new loss. He had wandered and gone on his missions of galaxies’ protector. He came back on Earth when a strange case had drawn his attention. He followed the signal he had received. He wasn’t expecting to see Donna Noble again, nor her insisting to be his new companion. He had been delighted to go back in the stars with such a good friend. They had done a lot of good together, they had saved a lot of people together. The most remarkable thing was that she had saved him. Without her, he would have disappeared and every world of every galaxy would have gone into the chaos. Yet, Donna Noble was more than just a simple companion for him. She was a friend, a true friend he cared a lot about. She was always able to find the words he needed, she knew how to pull him back into line when he was running out of control. She was his rock in the middle of the storm. Being forced to erase her memory to save her life had hurt him as much as losing Rose. Something had broken into him.

There were other times and other companions but those ones had really left their marks on his existence. He had seen them all again, these three extraordinary women and all the people bounded to them: Captain Jack Harkness, Jackie and Pete Tyler, Mickey Smith, Wilfred, Sarah Jane Smith, K9… They had saved the universe one last time together before going apart and taking a new path, leaving the Doctor more alone than ever, totally destroyed by the loss of so many loyal friends. He had gone back in the TARDIS, let it take him to a place he didn’t even care about and never moved since. He had cried, more than he would want to say. He had yelled, against the outside world and against himself. In a fit of rage, he had even thrown objects through the room. Then, exhausted and miserable, he had gone in his room and collapsed in his bed not to move anymore. He only wanted one thing: to disappear. That was selfish but sticking up the pieces of his being was impossible and regenerate wouldn’t make him forget. He only had to let himself go towards a final death, avoid the regeneration, disappear from time and space.

That was simple to say. That was the easy solution to let go of his pain, not to suffer anymore, and the more he was thinking about it, the more it appeared to be the best solution. There wouldn’t be Time Lords anymore, the Daleks would win _post-mortem_ and he would be in peace. Yeah, it was the best solution. He rolled on his back, closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. It was easy to end his life; he didn’t need any cyanide or other poison. No, he just had to stop his hearts from beating, slowly and methodically. He was calmly breathing while proceeding to that suicide. His hands contorted with pain on the sheet when the first one stopped beating. His breathing became hard but he wasn’t panicking. Soon, it would be over. When his second heart would have stopped beating, when he would be officially gone, the emergency system of the TARDIS would go off and the hub would automatically go to the Powell estate, where she had always lived, where his soul should live forever, tied to her memory. It would be his eternal penitence to have been so careless with people who didn’t deserve this. Except that the TARDIS seemed to disagree with all of this.

A sudden start threw him out of his bed. He ended up face on the ground. Motors were purring. It was impossible. The TARDIS couldn’t have started up alone. Dizzy, hurting like a bitch, aching and suffocating, he stood up with difficulties. He didn’t understand what was happening. While he just got up and was testing his balance, a new start shook the TARDIS and chucked him in a wall. The hub was moving. Confused and deeply irritated to have been interrupted, the Doctor rushed out of his bedroom and clumsily went straight to the monitors. He had spent so much time without moving that his muscles weren’t correctly reacting to his orders. He tripped and fell several times before reaching the monitor. Every single system was on. The TARDIS was going to an unknown destination. As furious as desperate, he tried to stop this unwanted journey but was brutally pushed away with an electric discharge which burnt his hand. The TARDIS was refusing him, she was side-lining him and the only thing he could do was standing here, raging, tears streaming down his face.

 

 “STOP IT!” _He yelled to the machine._ “STOP IT NOW! YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM DOING IT! You can’t…”

 

Yelling on the machine was useless. The TARDIS was obeying to his one and only instinct and this one wanted to divert the Doctor from his willing of suicide. By refusing him the access to the system, she compelled him to stay sat and to wait for the landing but she was also stimulating his curiosity. That flaw would keep him alive for a while. The Doctor couldn’t resist to this wish of visiting new places, even in such a state of confusion and despair. A new adventure would make him land on his feet. He was always landing on his feet. Maybe he would find someone to get his head straight. The TARDIS landed with a final throbbing and the motors went off. The Doctor stayed sat, still stunned by the sudden behaviour of his machine. He wasn’t feeling any better, it was certainly due to his several falls, to a severe hypoglycaemia and to a weakened heartbeat. He staggered to the door when he partially snapped out of his state of immobility. He opened it and protected his eyes from the shining sun. He went out of the TARDIS and shut the door behind him to look at the surroundings. However, he only had time to see a strange white dog wandering in the streets before being violently grabbed by behind and made mute.

 

“Told ya they would send someone for the kid.”

“He’s a wreck. His life is probably not worth it.”

“It don’t matter. We take him.”

 

The Doctor didn’t see his assailants but he deduced that it was two men to the sound of their voices and to the strength they put to hold him back. Soon, he found himself with a bag on his head and his ankles and wrists tied. He was thrown in what seemed to be a car’s trunk. The violence of the shock didn’t improve his deplorable state of health in any way. Feeling that it was a pretty bad sign to be abducted in an unknown world, he tried to reach his sonic screwdriver he always kept in his pocket. He had almost reached it when he was lifted up and hauled before being brutally put on a chair and tightly tied. Then, the bag was removed from his head. He needed a few seconds to get his eyes used to the light, yet subdued. He was in a boardroom of some school building. The blinds were all down and the room was thrust in a half darkness. About twenty persons were in the room including a young blond guy who was about fourteen years old. He was tied just like him on a chair in the middle of the room. They were all waiting for something. The presumed chief got close to the Doctor and caught his chin to look him in the eyes.

 

“So, here’s the famous hybrids saviour. I thought you were more impressive. I have to admit I’m disappointed.”

“…”

 

The Doctor remained quiet. He didn’t have anything to answer to this individual who just abducted him, especially when he was saying things that didn’t make sense. If he stayed quiet, maybe the guy would deliver more details about this strange world.

 

“Cat got your tongue?”

“…”

“Listen to me closely, bugger! Your rescuing mission just fell through. This little boy there”, _he added turning the Doctor’s head towards the blonde boy_ , “was impatiently waiting for you to come saving him. You were his last hope of survival and now, we’re just gonna watch it fade away slowly and painfully. What do you think of that?”

“Do whatever you want with me.” _The Doctor answered watching the other prisoner in the eyes._ “I won’t fight back.”

 

The kid was surprised to hear such words. If he hadn’t been gagged, he would have answered to that rubbish to go screw himself and to die alone like the freaking selfish guy he was. His eyes shone with anger and, for a brief moment, the Doctor could see something that frightened him. He stayed frozen while the other guy obliged him to look away and gave him two friendly slaps, dangerously smiling.

 

“Well, well, well. You shouldn’t act like this. Some resistance for God’s sake!”

“No matter what you will do to me. Nothing will hurt more than my feelings right now.”

“The impressive Tom brought down by his feelings! Ah! Surprising you didn’t even used your so plugged powers to get out of here!”

“If you wanna kill me, then do it already!” _Angrily said the Doctor._ “I don’t know who you are and what you’re expecting from me!”

“Tom…”

“I’m not that fucking impressive Tom you’re expecting so much! I’m the Doctor! And I don’t understand anything of what you’re saying.”

 

The man looked up to his troop who started to become agitated, eager to put that impertinent to death. The doubt instilled in them. They got hold on an innocent man and now he knew too much. They had to erase his memory or kill him. Their blood’s thirst suggested that the second option would be the best and since he pretended to be a doctor, they all knew the perfect end for him. The chief shook his hand and a small bottle with a purple fluid appeared. He removed the cork with a skilful thumb movement and smiled. The Doctor gulped. He had chosen a simple and effective death a few hours ago but something told him that these guys hadn’t chosen such a soft death. Next to him, the boy writhed, probably knowing what they were up to. Someone hit him by behind and left him stunned before he could do something. The Doctor sensed the excitement in the room. Those guys were delighted to put him to death and showed their eagerness. One of them caught him by the shoulders, leaned his head back and compelled him to open his mouth. In no way he could escape this gloomy fate.

 

“I created this poison a few days ago” _said the chief._ “I’m particularly proud of it. You’ll tell me what you think, doctor.”

 

Then, with a pernicious smile, he poured the contents of the small bottle in the bottom of his throat. The other man closed his mouth so violently that his teeth bumped into each other. He pinched his nose so the Doctor was forced to swallow the liquid in its entirety. His grimace of disgust made them laugh but that laugh only lasted for a few seconds. It was stopped by the door which had been smashed to pieces and which let them see a young woman – about twenty years old or more – with a long scar on the face. The Doctor was surprised by her combative face and the unwavering confidence face she was showing in particular. She came in the room while the others were recovering from her storming entrance. She took advantage of this short confusion to unknot the prisoners’ ties with just a move of the hand. The Doctor was shocked by such an appearance. He needed some time before realizing she was gesturing to him to go with the blond boy. She intended to challenge the twenty men at the same time. It was the proof of a great courage or of a great madness. Who was she? Where was she from? How did she find then?

 

“Sorry, I’m a little late for the party” _she said with a big smile._

 

She looked perfectly frail and innocent but the Doctor could feel the danger that came from her. She wasn’t to underestimate. It would clearly be a mistake. Would those guys do that mistake?

 

“Oh, I supposed that you’re the real saviour of this mistake of the nature” _replied the chief, no suspicious at all._

“I don’t see any mistake here but you” _she responded to him._

“I’m surprised they didn’t send Tom the impressive. By the way, who are you?”

“I would almost be offended that you don’t know my name. I won’t take the offense. It gives me a real advantage.”

“Ah, which one?”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of.”

 

After these words, she flung herself on the men, leaving the Doctor run away with the other prisoner. It wasn’t easy, because of his state of health that left a lot to be desired and because the others didn’t want them to flee. As the kid was in the haze, he had to carry him partly and fight his attackers. The fight was violent and cruel. Nobody spared no expense. The woman created a diversion which let the Doctor run away dragging the blonde kid with him. He progressed slowly in the corridor not knowing where he was going. His breathing was more and more irregular, he kept on stumbling and hot sweat was flowing in his eyes. He had difficulties to walk but he had to go on. However, he had to stop, exhausted. The kid was waking up. The Doctor turned to him and stayed frozen. Under his eyes, the teenager was turning into a monster with keen teeth, glowing eyes and sharp claws. He already had seen such a monster and he almost didn’t make it.

The situation froze him with terror. What should he do? He opened his mouth to try to communicate but a powerful growl made him step backwards staggering. The boy was furious and was about to jump on him to attack. He was undoubtedly going to smash him to pieces. Suddenly, the woman that came earlier pushed him away and went in front of the danger. She did the same transformation. The Doctor began to feel some difficulties to stay on his feet and to keep his eyes open. The two wolves were weighing up each other, ready to jump on each other. He felt like it was going to end badly, that there would be a blood bath, but he was thinking wrong. Illogically, the younger one leant in front of the woman. He identified her as his superior. Immediately, all the signs of the transformation disappeared and the kid knelt down as she was getting closer. The Doctor was watching the scene, in a total state of shock. When his legs finally responded him again, he chose to run away rather than staying. Nobody knew what she was capable of and she had obviously gotten rid of the twenty attackers. It was better not to stay around and to go back to the TARDIS.

He had a bad feeling though. Deep down, he knew. He knew he couldn’t run away from her, that she would catch him. Who knows what she would do to him then? The spectre of Death was already prowling around him. He just wanted to give up, to let go and not get caught by the woman. The terror was giving him wings but he knew it wouldn’t last. He had felt pins and needles, a progressive numbing in his right foot when he witnessed the fight. He had thought that it would disappear as soon as he would have moved. It should be noted that it didn’t and that feeling not to feel his right leg made him stumble. The numbing was quickly spreading to the left foot. His balance was highly disrupted and he had to slow down to lean on a wall. His ears were ringing, his heart was beating wildly and creating an echo in his groggy brain. He dried his forehead with his arm and ran again. His legs let go of him very soon and he brutally fell to the ground. Exhausted, he chose the only option left: he crawled into an empty room and locked himself in.

That was an ordinary school room like many of them in the building. It wouldn’t be a long-span refuge. He just hoped it would be enough until he could go back to the TARDIS. That was an illusionary hope. He already had met a werewolf. There were beasts thirsty for blood and slaughters. He just needed to remember how they had succeeded in getting rid of it. With Rose, they had succeeded. He was losing the memory. He was lost. He crawled to the professor’s desk and took refuge under it. Trying to remember hadn’t been a good idea. Now, he was haunted by the voices of his past. He took his head in his hands. He wanted them to shut up but couldn’t do it. He let a sob out. He was going through hell. Why were they torturing him that way when all he wanted was disappearing in silence? When someone knocked on the door, his heart stopped beating. She found him.

 

“You are the easier prey I had to track.”

 

The voice was calm but it made his hair stand on end. The words’ choice was unpleasant but a detail let the Doctor puzzled: the door wasn’t locked – he only closed it – and she knew he was in there but she didn’t come in. Why? Why did she choose to keep her distance?

 

“I have anything to do with your stuff!” _he argued._

“The opposite would have surprised me.”

 

He indeed noticed that there was a surprised tone in her voice. No sign of hostility but he remained suspicious. Maybe it was a trap. He had to stay cautious and not tempt fate. A sudden pain went through his chest, leaving him out of breath and speechless. The situation was getting worse for him. His hands were shivering so much that he couldn’t have held his screwdriver. He was unarmed and at anyone’s mercy.

 

“…”

“I apologize. The choice of my words wasn’t wise.”

“That’s the least we could say” _mumbled the Doctor between two breathes._

“You had the presence of mind to run away when you saw my second nature. So, you’re particularly clever. And you’re not from here. That’s obvious.”

“…”

“Your appearance makes me think that you spent a lot of time locked away. Your suit is crumpled and too large, your hair is disorderly and you didn’t shave for a while. You have been betrayed by your scent. That’s an aggression for my very developed sense of smell. You haven’t had any shower for weeks.”

“It doesn’t matter to you” _he muttered._

“I also have a very developed hearing. Did someone abduct you and keep you prisoner?”

 

The question disconcerted him. Why was she thinking that he had been abducted? Was it because he looked like a tramp? He had been careless lately, that’s true, and he had created a series of little injuries when he had wanted to go from his bedroom to the monitor but thinking he had been kept prisoner and been tortured… Then, he understood why she didn’t come in. She didn’t want to scare him. She wanted him to let her come in. She didn’t want to cause him a new traumatic shock. Except she didn’t know the whole story and that he didn’t intend to tell it to a stranger.

 

“…”

“You’re going to die, do you? You feel Death prowling around you.”

“…”

“Look, you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. You shouldn’t have gone through this but I promise I just want to help you. What happened to you doesn’t matter to me, I don’t want you to tell me your story, just to let me in so I can help you.”

“…”

“Just let me in.”

 

She was really asking him if she could come in. The surprise of the Doctor exceeded his sense. If he had been of sound mind, he wouldn’t have gotten sucked in. If he had been in his normal state, he would not have been in a school room hiding like a common human. He didn’t answer. He wasn’t able to do so. His senses and his ability to think were jeopardised by the constant dizziness. He was wondering if he should accept when he had the sudden feeling that someone was digging a knife in his left eardrum. He started to yell like a crazy guy and put a hand on his ear. When he removed it, he saw that there was a lot of blood on it. His yelling served as permission. He was lying on the floor, listless like a young kid, overwhelmed by pain and memories. He wouldn’t have been able to move, even if he wanted to. Through his tears, he saw two green eyes above his face. It was her and still no sign of hostility. Did she still want to help him? Or, was she about to kill him? It didn’t matter. Why was he so afraid of death now?

 

“Leave me alone” _he tried to say._

“Boy, you will learn that people rarely die when I decided to take care of them.”

 

The Doctor suddenly felt lifted up as if he was feathery. She carried him to the windows at the back of the room. Then, she sat him on a chair and took place on a table face to him. Next to her, arms crossed, there was the kid. The Doctor didn’t know how he could even stay still on that chair while the numbing was gradually gaining ground. He was really in a bad state.

 

“…”

“Do you hear me?”

“…”

“Let’s suppose you do” _said the woman_. “My name is Katlyn Itachi, president of the werewolves Council in Texas. Him,” _she added while pointing at the blonde guy,_ “it’s Niall. He’s under my protection. And you, who are you?”

“I am…”

 

I had difficulties to articulate. His tongue was furred and he had troubles opening his mouth. He was now thinking back of the poison he had to swallow. The action speed was impressive. His immune system was very deficient right now but it was unusual that a poison could affect him so much. How was it possible for him to die from such an insignificant thing?

 

“He said he was a doctor earlier” _completed Niall for him_.

 

Actually, he said he was the Doctor but, for a lot of people, that didn’t mean anything. Right now, he was himself looking for the meaning of his name, of this nickname he had chosen. If he had been a real doctor, he would have been able to save the persons that counted the most for him. He would have been able to save himself without any help. Except he would prefer life than running right into the darkness of death.

 

“Fine. I’m a doctor too. People say we’re the worst patients.”

 

The Doctor tried to laugh when he heard that remark that everyone did about the doctors. He had heard it several times but always added that he was an exception because he was never sick. Now he had to stop swaggering. The numbing was gaining his hands and a weird sound came out of his throat. Seeing the face Katlyn did, it wasn’t a good sign. Or his eyes drenched with tears and sweat were leading him up the garden.

 

“He provoked them on purpose. That guy wanted to die.”

“Do you allow me to?”

 

She stretched a hand to his face and asked him if she could touch him. She was undoubtedly trying to determine his state, to know which poison had been used on him. He nodded to tell her he was okay with this. She soaked two fingers in the blood that was flowing from his ear and put them in her mouth. He wanted to tell her not to do this – though he was always doing the same thing – that it was dangerous, that we didn’t know what it was nor what were the invisible risks of it.

 

“Don’t… Do that…” _he managed to enunciate_.

“Don’t worry. I’m immune to all kind of poisons. This one is pretty tasty. His effects are devastating.”

 

She shook her hand and a little bottle with a turquoise-blue fluid appeared. The Doctor froze. Was she about to give him a poison of her own invention? She put the little bottle on the table between them and looked him in the eyes. What was she going to do to him?

 

“This is the antidote. To earn it, you have to give me two simple answers: who are you? From which species are you? It’s useless to lie” _she added grabbing his chin._ “You aren’t a werewolf, nor a witch, and truly not a vampire. No human could have survived to this poison. You’re special and I wanna know.”

 

He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her his name, his age, his origin, the reason he was here but he couldn’t. Every time he opened his mouth, words stayed stuck in the bottom of his throat. Besides, he was really running out of air. He wanted to do a move to express his inability to talk when a blonde girl stood next to the werewolf woman. He blinked several times to be sure of what he was seeing.

 

“I didn’t believe it when they told me what happened.”

“Rose” _he stuttered._

 

It was impossible. She couldn’t be here. He had sent her back in the parallel universe with the other him. The cracks were closed. She couldn’t have gone through the universes. Even if he had given out a powerful distress signal – which happened unconsciously because of the situation – she could not have met with him. It was against the understanding.

 

“I didn’t think I would see you again in these conditions, Doctor.”

“Did you come back?” _he whispered._

“I’m only an hallucination from your sick brain.”

“Stay.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You are the one who left me on that beach, Doctor. I came back to you and you left me again in that parallel universe.”

“…”

“Now is the time to say goodbye, Doctor.”

“No… Don’t leave! Rose!”

 

It was too late. She was already gone. He now knew what she had felt when he said goodbye. He felt his surviving heart boil down in shreds. He had a renewal of anger against himself.

 

“Your mind is very well latched” _Katlyn was still talking to him._ “You must be a peerless telepathy.”

“…”

“You know, that poison has a devastating effect. You don’t feel it because of the paralysis but every single vein of your body is exploding creating damages almost beyond repair. This is why you’re bleeding from all the orifices of your face. You probably have hallucinations too.”

“You’re going to kill him!” _Shouted Niall, horrified._

“ROSE!” _Yelled the Doctor to the void she had occupied earlier with his last breath_.

 

That scream got the better of him. New tears came out of his eyes and he felt his body tumble forward. He thought he was going to hit the ground but someone caught him. She was holding him against her and that’s at that very moment, while she was firmly holding him so he wouldn’t collapse and decline, that he knew she could be trusted. Then, he opened a part of his mind to talk to her.

 

“ _I’m the Doctor. I don’t have any other name. I’m a Time Lord, an alien from Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. My TARDIS landed in your world for no reason. I got abducted when I went out… I only travel through time and space…_ ”

 

He couldn’t say more. He had reached the bottom of his last limits. He would let go soon. He felt someone laying him on the ground and squeezed his hand. He was forced to swallow something and someone was talking to him but he didn’t hear anything. He turned his head to Katlyn. He wanted to thank her for a reason he didn’t even know. His eyelids were slowly closing.

 

“This is going to be painful, Doctor, very painful but don’t worry, I’m gonna help you get through this.”

 

Those were the last words he heard and the last face he saw. Exhausted, he stopped struggling and finally let go…

 

×

 

The Doctor lightly moved in his sleep. He was slowly emerging from the cocoon he was in. The last numbing of his sleep went away. His eyes fluttered open. He felt like he just woke up from a long sleep and felt calm down. He put his hand on his eyes to remove the last signs of the sleep he had deserved. When was the last time he slept so well? He had a nightmare in which he was dying in an horrific way though. He scratched his forehead and frowned when he felt a strange thing under his fingers and a light pain. He looked at his hand and saw that it was bandaged. He froze. It wasn’t a nightmare. It really happened. He got up, not giving a fuck to his painful muscles. He grimaced but was happy to notice that he could move again. He rubbed his face and met beard. He indeed had stayed in that state of dormancy for a while. Someone had cleaned his face to treat him and changed his clothes. May it be that Rose stayed after all?

He got up. If she was here, she would have waited for him to get back on his feet elsewhere. She would never have troubled the sleep he needed except for an utmost emergency. Consequently, he found a note pinned on the door: “ _I’m waiting for you outside. Meet me there only if you feel better. Otherwise, I’ll compel you to keep the bed by force._ ” This message made him smile. He was going to join her when he remembered the miserable state he was in. Lightly limping, he locked himself up in his bathroom. He took a long and hot shower, put some clean clothes on and took the time to shave. He felt more like him and less like a hobo and it felt better. He smiled to his reflection. With light steps – but still clumsy – he went to the exit of the TARDIS and opened the door widely. His smile faded when he saw that Rose wasn’t there. He only found Katlyn, leaning back against the hub, that seemed to enjoy a well-deserved nap. She had changed to get rid of her clothes covered with blood. Sat against the other side of the TARDIS, Niall was looking around. He smiled to him when he saw he was awake but the Doctor was too busy looking for someone to answer.

 

“It was just an illusion” _he whispered for himself, disappointed._

“Happy to see that you’re feeling better.”

 

The Doctor turned to Katlyn and realized that she was the one who took care of him those last few hours right after she had saved him from this nest of vipers. It had never been Rose. He had only thought it was her while another woman he didn’t even know was treating him.

 

“I’m going to need some explanations.”

“Let me introducing myself officially first. Katlyn Itachi” _she said while holding out a hand to him._ “Hybrid.”

“I’m the Doctor” _he answered while shaking her hand._ “Time Lord.”

 

The handshake was frank and warm. Something was telling him that she was a right-hand woman and that she was not easily frightened. He owed her one.

 

“Well, Doctor, you had a close shave.”

“I’ve rarely been in such a thorny situation. A chance you were there.”

“I don’t think your machine landed here by accident.”

“By the way, how did you know?”

“You’re a powerful telepathy. I read all of this in the breach you’ve opened for me. When I’ve been certain that you were gonna make it, I teleported you in your bedroom.”

“Didn’t you come in?”

“No need to. You said everything to me.”

“Thanks. Without you, I…”

 

He broke off when she put a hand on his forehead and the other one on his chest. The move got him surprised but he didn’t move away. The touch was enjoyable. Earlier, her aura had been threatening but, now, she turned out to be likeable, protective, almost motherly. He could drift with such a person. She was understanding him and succeeding in treating him. At least, physically. There was nothing else to do for his hearts and soul.

 

“No more fever. Everything seems to work well in there. One hell of a recovery!”

“It could have taken more time.”

“It could have taken less if you didn’t reject my blood.”

“Your blood?”

“A tiny amount. So you could get back on your feet faster. Are you still in pain?”

“Only a pain no one can treat. Everything else is slowly recovering.”

“I felt it. I even saw it. I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“That’s why the TARDIS sent you to me. It wasn’t a coincidence.”

 

She didn’t go further and took Niall to the beach of the city. The Doctor couldn’t help but follow them, even if he hated beaches. He had to understand the meaning of Katlyn’s words.

 

“Explain to me.”

“Before you fainted, you called someone. Rose Tyler. That’s when I understood.”

“Do you know Rose?”

“I can travel through dimensions and parallel universes. I met her during a mission. When she heard what I was capable of, she told me about you and asked me to take care of you if we met. I just didn’t recognize you immediately.”

“How is she?”

 

The question escaped from his mouth. Katlyn didn’t accept to answer it before a long time. She forced him to sit to the terrace of a coffee shop and to eat something. The same rule went for Niall. That’s only when they had all finished to eat and that Niall went on the beach under the supervision of his new guardian that she finally gave an answer to his question.

 

“I can’t tell you, Doctor.”

“Please.”

“I’m bound by confidentiality.”

“I need to know. Show me.”

 

He insisted so much that she finally accepted. He put his fingers on her temple and watched the memories she had unlocked for him. He was seeing Rose again. He was seeing her working for Torchwood in his name, helping the other him to get used to his life, dreaming about a reunion, rebuilding her life. She wasn’t as happy as he had thought. The other him looked exactly like him but he wasn’t him. She was dreaming about an impossible mission which would get them together. He wanted to break the balance of the universe so much only to see her one last time. When he burst into tears, Katlyn skirted the table to comfort him. She held him again her until he felt better. Even when his tears stopped flowing, he stayed against her to enjoy this comfort he needed so much. He followed her on the beach when he had pulled himself together. She was about to go back in her world and to leave him here. He wanted to enjoy her comforting presence a little more but she had her own things to settle. If it had been possible, he would have asked her to go with him. She would probably have been a perfect companion but he had to keep going alone on his track while she was going back to her family.

 

“We’re destined to meet again, Doctor”, _she said with a wink before disappearing with Niall._

 

He was surprised by the sentence but didn’t pay attention to it. It was a part of his future and it wasn’t a good thing to play with time. He would know it in good time. He looked at the horizon for a moment and slowly went back to the TARDIS. His loyal machine truly had merit. While he was six feet under, the TARDIS had kept him alive until the right time. Then, she had put him in the way of the only person that could reassure him about Rose. Everything had been calculated in order to keep him alive and to make him keep going in the universes to bring justice. It was time to turn a page to keep on with this lonely traveller mission.

 

“Thanks. I wish we would have known more happy moments you and I but no doubt that you remember everything. I…” _he started, tears in his eyes,_ “I don’t wanna go but I have to. It’s time to change, to start from scratch. I don’t know what I will become but… All these years of adventures will forever be etched in me. Thanks for everything, dear friend.”

 

The Doctor closed his eyes, not giving a fuck to the tears that were flowing again on his cheeks. The familiar warmth of the regeneration went through his veins and a golden halo surrounded his body before it exploded in a flood of orangey light. A goodbye went through the air before a new man replace the tenth Doctor…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An OC appeared in that one-shot. She's from a story I wrote some time ago. She quickly identifies herself as Katlyn Itachi. Just so you know and don't feel lost or anything, Katlyn Itachi is half-werewolf, half witch, which is the result of a forbidden union of a witch and a werewolf. She's considered as a living legend in her world and people are pretty much afraid of the abilities she has. Later in her own story, she finds out that there is other people like her and decides to go after them and to offer them a better life. That's why she's traveling in the Doctor's universe, to find the boy.  
> And by the way, excuse my English. That text was one of the very first I wrote about "Doctor Who." I'm french and I do write in french before translating the texts.


	3. He had the words (Ten/Rose/Kilgrave)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That man wasn't the Doctor. Not at all. He was a monster. And, now, she wasn't able to run away from him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that I still haven't found the time to watch "Jessica Jones" and that I've never read the comic Kilgrave is coming from. All this chapter has been written from the pieces of information I've found on Internet. I did my best with what I had.  
> Also, the original idea was a RP from agentsoftomorrow on Instagram (former roleplaysinthetardis). The owner allowed me to write a story about her idea.

Rose Tyler never liked this parallel universe. The first time she walked in it, it had been a mistake, with the Doctor. At this time, she had found it kind of funny to see another side of her life, of her parents’ life. She had been disappointed to see that she didn’t have any existence in this world even though Jackie and Pete were married. It had been funny to fight the crime in a universe that wasn’t hers. Mickey had truly loved this parallel universe and Rose had thought she would never see him again when he decided to stay while the Doctor and her were about to go. A lot of other planets and other knowledges were still waiting for her to explore them. At the moment, she had really thought she would never be back there, that those adventures in space and time would last forever. There was nothing better than thinking it would never end. The Doctor had warned her though. He would never be able to spend the rest of his lives with her. She had been so naive.

This naivety and the catching imprudence of the Doctor had led her to her fall. She had thought she could do well with the world which was his. Her, the little human, without any certificate. He had saved her from a miserable and uninteresting life to drag her into a life full of bounces. Somehow, he had pushed her to the vice, to a life which would never be stable, in an adventure that would cost her life. Jackie had blamed him and was still mad at him for what had happened. Rose would refuse to admit it but, deep down within herself, she had already thought she was hating him, that nothing would ever be the same. She had given up everything for him and he had sometimes been ungrateful. However, she had chosen to stay and to fight alongside him. She hadn’t understood immediately – or refuse to admit that it would be possible – that, actually, she had started to feel something that wasn’t friendship for this special alien. Nevertheless, she only had realized it when it was too late. And she had failed.

This was why Rose Tyler was now standing on the beach of Dårlig Ulv Strenden, in Norway, days or maybe weeks after Pete Tyler had saved her from the Void by taking her to his universe before the breach shut. She had been mad at him for that reason but she had also been thankful. She would have preferred death than keep on living without the Doctor but she had survived. Until now. She was confused and didn’t know what to do, standing there, with the marine wind lashing her under the watch of Jackie, Mickey and Pete. She came because he had called her. She had followed his voice to here and she was now waiting for something to happen, for a message to reach her, for the Doctor to appear though there was a tiny chance for this to happen. It had not only been a dream, she felt it. The Doctor wanted her to be here, now, for a reason she wasn’t able to understand until he suddenly appeared to her left. She thought he was real when she turned to him but it was just an almost see-through image. A sad smile crossed Rose’s face.

 

“Where are you?”

“Inside the TARDIS”, _answered the Doctor’s hologram_.

 

His voice sounded distant, mechanical, and Rose felt her heart fall in her chest. Her Doctor wasn’t really there and that sound and image game was just confirming it. A knot of sobs formed into her throat but she refused to cry. The Doctor didn’t make her come here without a reason. He was expecting something from her.

 

“There’s one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection, I’m in orbit around a supernova.” _He said laughing softly_. “I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye.”

 

Rose shook her head while hearing those words. It seemed so difficult to believe. A tiny little gap remained in the whole universe and he was willingly putting himself in danger just to say goodbye. He could have gone on with his life without her and forget her like he seemed to have done with the other companions but he wanted to come back, to say goodbye before disappearing forever. It made things more difficult to believe. If she hadn’t seen more strange situations, Rose could have believed it was unreal, a simple thing from her imagination.

 

“You look like a ghost.”

“Hold on…”

 

She almost smiled when she saw him make a move she had seen him make several times. He pulled out his screwdriver from his pocket, the same sonic screwdriver that had saved their life so many times. He pointed it to something she supposed to be the console of the TARDIS and did a remote adjustment. His projection seemed to strengthen and appeared more real. Rose thought for a second that he was really there and got closer to him. She raised a hand to touch his face. She needed to touch him, to have a contact with him. She missed all those moments of privacy they both had had in the TARDIS. She missed his full presence. She needed him to keep on surviving in this world that wasn’t hers.

 

“Can I t…?”

“I’m still just an image”, _he said regretfully_. “No touch.”

“Can’t you come through properly?”

 

Her voice was trembling and she hated feeling so weak, especially in his presence. She wasn’t the damsel in distress anymore. She wasn’t naive anymore. To follow the Doctor, she had to prove her worth and become tougher. She couldn’t become this weak and gullible girl again; she didn’t want to. She had to be strong. She owed him that.

 

“The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.”

“So?” _She said half-joking._

 

They already had had this conversation, with his previous incarnation. It was a Doctor with a lot of humour, often mean even if he didn’t mean to and who was hiding a great pain deep down within himself. He had had the choice between saving the world and saving her. He had wanted to save her at all cost. It was funny to see how the situation had changed. This time, he was the one listening to the voice of reason and she was the one who was unreasonable, selfish. The Doctor smiled. Maybe he thought about this again too. They watched each other for a moment before the Doctor looked around at their surroundings.

 

“Where are we? Where did the gap come out?”

“We’re in Norway.”

“Norway. Right.”

“About fifty miles out of Bergen. It’s called Dårlig Ulv Stranden.”

“Dalek?” _Asked the Doctor, surprised._

“Dårl-IG. It’s Norwegian for bad.”

 

The Doctor didn’t understand. He stared at her, confused, brow furrowed. The situation was funny for Rose. Usually, she was the one looking at him like this while he was going into incomprehensible monologues.

 

“This translates as Bad Wolf Bay.”

 

They couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. They had spent so much time running after the meaning of those two words “Bad Wolf”. It was a long time ago. Rose Tyler was the “Bad Wolf” and the universe kept on reminding her of this. The coincidence was funny but the sobs came back. Her voice broke when she spoke again.

 

“How long have we got?”

“About two minutes…”

“I can’t think of what to say!”

 

It seems so absurd she almost laughed at it. She had promised to stay forever, even knowing it was impossible. It shouldn’t have come so soon. She wanted to keep on running with him forever through space and time. She wanted to die protecting him. That’s what she had done in a sense but that option wasn’t satisfactory and never would be. The Doctor laughed too then glanced over at where Jackie, Pete and Mickey were waiting by the Jeep.

 

“You’ve still got Mr. Mickey then?”

“There’s five of us now. Mum, dad, Mickey… and the baby.”

“You’re not…?” _He started to ask, taken aback._

“No”, _she answered, laughing_. “It’s mum.”

 

The Doctor laughed and Rose was able to feel his relief. Her heart broke again when she understood. He had thought that she was pregnant; that she was expecting someone else’s child while they were loving each other through the universes without actually saying it. She knew she could not love another man like she loved him and that it would destroy him if she had a child with someone who wasn’t him. The Doctor looked over at Jackie.

 

“She’s three months gone. More Tylers on the way.”

“And what about you? Are you…?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m back working at the shop.”

“Oh, good for you.”

 

Rose laughed. The situation was truly unreal. While it was their last moments together, while they were pressed for time, they were talking like the two old friends they were about memories from years ago and that were getting lost in the wibbly wobbly timey wimey thing.

 

“Shut up. No, I’m not. There’s still a Torchwood on this planet, it’s open for business”, _she added while tearing up again._ “I think I know a thing or two about aliens.”

“Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth.”

 

He was proud of her and she could easily see it in his eyes. She would never disappoint him. Never. She would keep on fighting in his name, no matter what the risks were. There was another lingering look between the two of them.

 

“You’re dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you’ve gone missing. You’re on a list of the dead.”

 

Rose began to cry quietly. It had been their last battle together. Who would have thought it would end this way?

 

“Here you are” _he continued, smiling._ “Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.”

“Am I ever gonna see you again?” _She said as she was really crying now_.

“You can’t.” _He said quietly and sorry._

“What’re you gonna do?”

“Oh, I’ve got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords.”

“On your own?”

 

The Doctor nodded silently, still watching her with compassion. Rose surveyed him to be sure he was telling the truth, to be sure he wasn’t going to replace her as soon as he would be gone. Her heart was so hopelessly broken that it was painful. Tears were falling thick and fast on her cheeks. She started a sentence and could not finish it because she choked with tears. She had to take a moment to regain her composure and complete her sentence.

 

“I love you.”

 

Another shuddering sob escaped her. The Doctor gazed at her with heart-rending tenderness and devotion. She could feel all the weight of her own pain with this look.

 

“Quite right, too.” _He said, softly._

 

Rose nodded, smiling at him through her tears. He knew it. He had always known it and he now had the confirmation. A weight partially left her shoulders. She would have to live for a long time with the memory of this extraordinary man. He looked at her right in the eyes before speaking again, creating an ounce of hope in the bottom of the young woman’s broken heart.

 

“And I suppose… If it’s my last chance to say it...” _He paused for a moment, his eyes still locked on hers_. “Rose Tyler…”

 

He couldn’t end his sentence. She never knew what he was about to say to her, even though she had a vague idea. He just disappeared, vanished in the air. It was over. The gap was closed. They would never see each other again. The pain overwhelmed Rose for good, leaving her breathless. She let the sobs she was holding back and fell to the ground. She would never fully recover. They had all met the Doctor. They had all worked with him at some point and none of them ignored the strength of the feelings Rose had for him. She had chosen the Doctor over her family but her family saved her before she got lost. She needed weeks to partly pull herself together. As soon as she had been back on her feet, she hurried to Torchwood to have a job. She had been working there only recently when she received the one and only message from the Doctor, a letter dropped on the pillow of her room, which gave her a new aim to reach.

 

_“My beloved Rose,_

_I don’t know if you will ever have this letter but I felt the need to write it. Our last meeting on the Bad Wolf Bay dates back a few weeks now and I’m still dwelling on the words I couldn’t tell you that day. Your loss leaves me so distraught that I don’t know how to react to the world around me. I keep on running after adventures and in front of the danger but it’s not the same anymore. I miss something. Sometimes, I forget that you’re not here anymore. Sometimes, I hear your voice calling me or I see your reflection to a street corner. And when I realized that it’s just an illusion, I collapse behind the doors of my loyal TARDIS._

_Those two minutes were way too short to say all the things I wanted to say to you. Rose Tyler. If my consciousness allowed me to, I would gladly break the balance between the universes. I never stopped missing you since that day and nothing is able to stick back the pieces of my broken heart together since this universe put you away from me. The great power given by my condition of Time Lord also gives me great responsibilities. Sadly, I can’t rewrite our story to give it a better end. Only you knew how much I want it though._

_Some time ago, when you first met me, when my previous incarnation offered you to travel with me, I was just a man completely destroyed by the acts I had to commit. To win this stupid Time War, I perpetrated monstrosities. I destroyed the Daleks’ race but I also destroyed mine. If my enemies keep on coming back to haunt me for a reason I ignore, my people are definitively gone because of me. This act has irreversibly darkened my soul._

_I never tried to look for forgiveness, nor tried to forgive myself. I’m guilty all down the line for being a coward and for leading my people to death. This darkness was gaining ground every day. It wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t want to forget but I didn’t want to become that monster again either. Yet, I was drowning little by little in the darkness of my soul and that was frightening me more and more. I was about to let go when you came in my life. My behaviour might have seemed strange to you but I didn’t understand how someone like you, how someone as bright as you are could travel with a man as dark as me. Every day, every adventure, you were showing me that I could be a better man. One day, I found out that you broke my loneliness, that you gave me hope again._

_Then, I’d like to thank you for everything you’ve done for me without realizing it. You saw the darkness that was eating me up and chose to stay with me anyway, to never let me down. You almost abandoned your family for me. You wanted to help me. You wanted to be there for me every time I would need it and you’ve done it. Even when you couldn’t do anything, your presence was enough. I wasn’t alone anymore and my darkness was disappearing at your contact. You learned to me who I really was. I’m not a monster. I’m only a man who did mistakes, mistakes he will never be able to forgive himself for. Thanks again, Rose. You knew how to love me when I couldn’t love myself, when nobody else could have loved the man I was._

_I hope that someday I’ll be able to get round the law of time and space to send you that letter. In the meantime, I’m keeping it on me, everywhere I go. Maybe you would never have it but, if one day I’m in a position of sending it to you, I want you to know, Rose Tyler, the words I couldn’t tell you that day. I’ve never felt something this strong except with you. Despite my words, I believed you when you promised me to stay forever. I believed it with all my soul because I wanted it to be true. Our destiny had decided that we should go on separate ways. Never doubt that I loved you, that I love you and that I will love you as long as I’m living._

_I’m afraid that we will never see each other again but I did some researches by my side. Almost everyone has a double in another universe. It may be possible that I have one. Just to write these words is destroying me but… If you got the chance, look for him. Look for my double. Maybe he would let you live the life I’m dreaming with you, even though he would never be able to love you as much as I love you._

_Be happy, Rose Tyler, and never forget how much fantastic you were for me._

_Your Doctor.”_

 

Oh, she had cried while reading that letter. She never thought the Doctor could do such a declaration to her. She had been expecting it that day, on the Bad Wolf Bay, but he never had been able to finish his sentence and she had been devastated. One way or another, he had managed to send that letter to her and she had never been so happy than at the moment she discovered it was from him but it finished to crush her mental health. Those words, she had always been dreaming of hearing them when they were traveling together. Now, it was too late. She would never see him again. What was he doing now? How much time did he keep that letter before being able to send it to her? A while on the evidence of the look of the envelope and letter which were both scented with his perfume. He had done it; he had succeeded in sending her a message despite the risks. Rose wished she could answer him, tell him how much she was happy that he had managed to contact her, happy that her feelings were mutual… And tell him to screw himself because she would not look for the double of the man she loved.

Those last lines put her beside herself. How did he dare pushing her into the arms of another man? Maybe he had a double here but he would never be him. How could he? This revelation from the Doctor had also surprised her. She had thought about it for nights and days. She was disturbed because of this and couldn’t sleep anymore. The more she was thinking about it, the more it was intriguing her. Was there really a double of the Doctor in that world? If she found him, what should she expect? Those questions were tormenting her. She now wanted answers. One night, she had logged on the Torchwood computer system and had launched a research. The computer had worked for days, silently, secretly, in her room. Nobody knew about what she was doing, even Pete who was controlling all the uses of the system. She only had done that research to satisfy her curiosity. A lot of things from her former universe didn’t exist in this one. The Doctor was one of a kind. He shouldn’t have had any double, but the system had found one. Someone called Kilgrave.

 

×

 

Despite their very great physical resemblance, this man wasn’t the Doctor. He was far from it. He was a monster and even that descriptive was far from describing him perfectly. The worse in all of that was that she was stuck with him now. After she had found his file in the Torchwood archives and had thought about this for a long time, she had decided to go to New-York to meet with him. It hadn’t been easy. The man was very discreet and nobody really knew him. She kept on tracking him down, day after day. She had found him, totally by chance, at a coffee terrace. It was him who came to her. He said he had never seen her in the town and that her aura was intriguing him. She had rolled her eyes and yet had smiled to him. He had smiled back and the conversation had gone well. Rose couldn’t help but compare him with her Doctor. At first, they were similar. Maybe it was the thing that had fooled her, that prevented her from seeing who this man really was.

They’d seen each other several times and she succumbed to his charm a little more every time without realizing it. When they were apart, she was in a lot of pain. She got attached to him pretty quickly, more quickly than with the Doctor. Their physical resemblance was helping a lot. Sometimes, she found herself wandering in the streets without knowing where to go until he found her and seemed worried about this vagrancy. She didn’t worry about this behaviour. She should have. She should have known it was abnormal that he always knew where to find her. She should have known he had some influence on her. She would never have act so foolhardy before knowing him. His words had a power on her and that was particularly scary. She should have been suspicious but she hadn’t been because he had manipulated her as it pleased him. She should have gotten away from him when she had understood but she realized way too late that she was in danger in his presence. He already had her under his control.

This was why Rose was now sat in his flat instead of her hotel room. She had been there for two weeks and she didn’t really understand why she wasn’t able to go out, to run away, to flee from this man. One day, he brought her here after he had found her in the street, in the middle of the night, under the driving rain, and took care of her just like the Doctor would have done it in such a situation. She didn’t remember the exact details of that night. Everything was pretty hazy. Some memories still remained in her memory. She saw him again increased the heating and wrapped her into a blanket so she would not get cold, make a hot drink to warm her up, and talked to her slowly, quietly to reassure her. She remembered him whispering her to stay in her ear. Too tired to upset him, she had accepted. He had smiled to her. She loved that smile a lot and didn’t think it was hiding so much hostility. She had been fooled and was bitterly regretting it.

It hadn’t been an order, a plea nor a threat but she felt obliged to stay. Somehow, he had given her a feeling of security. How naive she had been! This feeling was only an illusion and now she felt in danger in his presence. He had felt it and was enjoying it. She couldn’t run away. She was under his total control and no matter the strength she was struggling with, she wasn’t able to flee from him. She had tried to run away several times when she felt he was losing hold on her mind but it never lasted. He always found her. Not so long ago, when she was in another state of vulnerability, he asked her again to stay and she accepted, one more time. This time, he had asked her to stay in the flat and to never go out under no circumstances. She was obeying to that order every single day and was trying to break the hold he had on her mind but it was too firm and she didn’t ignore that she had a part of responsibilities in that situation. She got messed around. She hadn’t been suspicious.

Now, she was living in a constant fear. She was afraid of what this man was capable of and what he was going to do with her. She would not be unharmed at the end of this adventure. She felt it. He was going to destroy her and she couldn’t do anything else than staying sat here waiting for him to come home. She trembled when the door opened. Kilgrave came into the room. She smiled involuntary, as if her face was answering to a tacit order he was giving her.

 

“Hello dear” _she was forced to say_.

 

He smiled because she was so docile. Rose Tyler had been an easy prey because she had looked for him. She had taken him for somebody else. She had thought he was that Doctor she was madly in love with and had succeeded in manipulating her by pretending he was something as appealing as that man. He had even read the letter she was constantly keeping on her before putting it back. That Doctor wasn’t entirely wrong. He had a double in this universe and they were similar on the fact that they had trapped her in their very own ways. Rose Tyler was at his mercy just like she had been at the Doctor’s one, the Doctor who hadn’t hesitated in sacrificing her. Kilgrave had a lot of fun with that blonde girl naive enough to drink in his words. The love she had for that Doctor made her blind and he had had fun playing with her feelings. However, Rose Tyler was starting to annoy him with her stories. It was about time to get to another level, to feed her fear – and he knew better than anyone how to exploit people’s fears – and to push her to become an instrument in his hands, instrument he could use against somebody else.

 

“Hello Rose Tyler”, _he answered._ “Did you have a good day?”

“It would have been better if you didn’t keep me prisoner here!”

 

Kilgrave loved that renewal of anger she had every time he let his power decrease on her mind. He even laughed at it and it was getting on her nerves even more. He sat at her opposite and crossed his legs. He smiled at her again.

 

“Oh, come on! That doesn’t look so terrible! I got this flat for almost nothing and the view is wonderful.”

“I couldn’t judge by myself.”

“Oh, what a shame. We have to catch up!”

 

He got up and made the balcony door slide. Then, told her to stand up. Uncertain but forced to do so, she met up with him. As a gentleman, he let her go out first and followed her on the edge of the balcony. He put his hands on the barrier and got lost in the contemplation of the town plunged into the night. Rose did the same, half because she was forced to, half because the view was actually wonderful. She would have loved sharing this view with someone other than this man. She looked up at the stars and a tear streamed down her face while she was thinking about the adventures she had been living in her universe, about the comforting presence of the Doctor. She jumped when she felt a hand on her cheek. She didn’t see him come closer. He wiped the salted drop with his thumb. Rose didn’t draw back. She was certainly afraid of that man but she knew she didn’t have to worry about him right now, that he wouldn’t harm her. Maybe she was wrong again, maybe it was him influencing her mind again.

 

“Is it the view that affected you so much, Miss Tyler?”

“Tell me. You’re manipulating my mind.”

“That doesn’t work exactly like this.”

“And yet, I have to obey to every word of yours.”

“Sometimes, I wish it to be differently. Some situations can become particularly embarrassing.”

“Do you regret your acts?”

 

The question caught him off-guards but he wasn’t surprised. For the “nice people”, it was normal to ask such a question. It was very predictable. He removed his hand and smiled again. He was the bad guy of the story and it was so much better.

 

“I have no reason to regret.”

“The Doctor would.”

“Enough with that Doctor!” _He said, getting angry_.

 

He brutally caught her by the wrist and led her into the flat. He closed the door with abruptness and pushed Rose in the kitchen. She was panicked by this sudden change in his behaviour. Her back hit the work surface and the pain went through her whole body. She let a whining out and a morbid pleasure sparkled in Kilgrave’s eyes.

 

“Ugh.”

“I have nothing to do with that stupid Doctor who reproach himself for all the evils of the world! To me, he just looks like a pedantic little dick and holier-than-thou! Why do you love him so much while he abandoned you in that universe? You have to be totally blind not to see that the guy used you and let you down like he did with many people before you! I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FREAKING. DOCTOR! And I don’t have any scruples to do what I do!”

“He never used me!”

“And you’re stupid enough to believe his cute words and come here to dive into my arms? Did you really believe it would be so easy? He dropped you straight in a trap to get rid of you!”

“Don’t judge him without knowing him!”

 

The anger won the day on the fear and Rose suddenly felt free from the hold he had on her, as if he had lost all his control on her by insulting the only person who believed in her when she thought she was just a person that didn’t matter. For some time, she had become one of the most important person in the universe and she wouldn’t let that dick tell her otherwise. He was about to reply, as hurtful as he could, but she didn’t let him the time to and violently punched him in the face. It made him even more mad. He slapped her and brutally caught her throat. She wasn’t afraid. She was still furious. No matter what that guy wanted from her, she would not get flustered. She would not let him insult the Doctor. He looked at her straight in the eyes. His furious look didn’t even make her shudder.

 

“I don’t want to hear you about the Doctor again, is that clear?”

“Y… Yes”, _Rose nodded, feeling he was taking back his control on her._

“Good. Now, take care of the dinner. You’ll finally be useful.”

 

Then, he released her and got away from her. He disappeared in another room of the flat, leaving her alone in the kitchen. Rose didn’t react immediately to the order he gave her. She stayed still here, leaned on the work surface, shuddering, gasping and tears falling down on her cheeks. She had no doubts anymore on the fact he could kill her. He just showed her that he wouldn’t even have any remorse but he preferred playing with her. She wiped her eyes to erase the tears marks but wasn’t able to stop the shivers. She started to cook as he demanded her but she was distracted and it was playing tricks on her. She jumped when she deeply cut her finger. She let go of the knife and heard Kilgrave swear from the other room. She held back a sob of despair because she didn’t want to catch his attention once again. In a state of shock, she watched the blood flow from her wound. Her eyes slid on the knife covered with her blood. It was a hypnotic view which made an idea grow in her mind.

So he wouldn’t get intrigued by her long silence, she put her finger under cold water to stop the bleeding and wrapped it in a kitchen roll. Then, she cleaned the blood and the knife and went back cooking. There was no clue of the incident anymore. When she finished the meal, she cleaned the kitchen and did the washing-up. Kilgrave liked when everything was immaculate. Then, she checked if he could see her or not and put the knife in her belt and hid it with her T-shirt. She was praying for him not to find out her trick before she could do anything. Kilgrave was so confident in his ability to control her that he wouldn’t suspect her from trying to trap him. She didn’t like the solution but it was the only one left. She had tried to run away many times. She didn’t want to kill him but to handicap him long enough to get away and go back to London. For now, she had to act as if nothing had happened so he wouldn’t get suspicious. It would probably be the most difficult part of that plan. She started by laying the table where he was already settled.

 

“Looks like the lovely rose had thorns after all”, _he made his point looking at her finger wrapped in a bloody kitchen roll._

“I’ve been clumsy. I cut myself.”

“Knives aren’t toys. Be careful from now on.”

 

The look he gave her turned her blood to ice. For a moment, she thought he had guessed what she was about to do and that he was going to destroy the one and only chance she had but he did nothing. He went back to the newspaper he was reading and told her to go clean that wound before spreading blood everywhere. She didn’t make him tell it twice and went straight to the bathroom. She threw the kitchen roll away, disinfected the wound and put a band aid. She took advantage of the moment to hide her improvised weapon before going back to the living room. She sat at the table to his opposite. In her absence, he had finished to lay the table and to serve the food. Rose wasn’t hungry and was just playing with her food, silently.

 

“You should eat something. It would do you some good. You’re as thin as a toothpick.”

“And you, as friendly as a prison wall.”

“I went to jail once.”

“Not even surprised.”

“It was glasses walls. I liked it.”

“Hmpf.”

“Do you even know the lower thing about me, Rose Tyler?”

“I don’t need to know more. I’ve seen enough.”

“You’ve told me your story from every conceivable angle but you never asked for mine.”

“Not interested.”

“Too bad.”

 

He didn’t went further and silently finished to eat. He cleared the table and did the washing-up while she was changing. When she had arrived here, he had “forced” her to sleep with him. That night wouldn’t be an exception. She went to bed before him but wasn’t able to sleep immediately. When he got closer to the room, she pretended to be deeply sleeping. She didn’t see him when he came in but she guessed the smile he had when he saw her. He quickly got in bed and fell asleep some minutes later. Before he totally fell asleep, she turned to him and cuddled up his arm, still pretending to be asleep. Kilgrave was surprised by the move but didn’t push her away. The move was as unconscious as innocent. Rose Tyler were looking for comfort and was probably thinking he was someone else. Kilgrave was sleeping the sleep of the just, a sleep that almost nothing could bother. He truly didn’t expect to feel a pain so sudden in the chest that he was breath-taken.

He opened his eyes right away and came face to face with Rose whose faded and wet look was staring at him. He looked down at the origin of the pain and saw that she had stabbed him with his own knife from his kitchen on the breast bone. The wound wasn’t deep enough to do any damage. She hadn’t wanted to kill him, she only had wanted to hurt him and he detected there the difference there was between their two characters.

 

“I’ve been waiting to do this for hours.” _She whispered._

“What have you done, reckless girl?”

“I’m taking back my freedom.”

“You’re not brave enough for this, Rose Tyler” _he answered with a smile_.

 

Her hands were shivering on the handle of the knife she pushed a little further, enjoying the grimace of pain he did. She didn’t like what she was doing but she couldn’t stay here one more minute with a man who disgusted her deep down inside. She knew he could turn the situation to his advantage any time. It was surprising he didn’t even try to push her away and to remove the knife to turn it against her. He could do it easily, she didn’t have any doubt about it, but she was too mad to get messed around.

 

“Don’t tell me what I have to do” _She replied._

“You know better than anyone that I can do it more than I should.”

“I’m gonna take my things and go now. You’re not going to do anything to prevent me from doing so. You’re gonna stay here obediently.”

“You think you can give me such an order? Do you really think I’m gonna stay here while you run away?”

“I don’t think so, I know it.”

 

And by the look she gave him, he knew she had done something. The knife had been her first idea but Rose Tyler wouldn’t have tried to kill him. She had had another idea and this one would immobilize him in that bed and force him to watch her go without being able to do something to hold her back.

 

“Do you really think you can do something against me?” _he swaggered_.

“The muscular paralyzing thing I have found in your bathroom tells me I can.”

 

Then, Rose Tyler released the knife and sat up straight. She was still sat on him and was enjoying her win. She was exulting because she had succeeded in having control on him. That muscular paralyzing thing would of course defeat him but only temporary. His modified metabolism enabled him to digest the drugs more quickly than normal people. Rose didn’t know it and she was about to discover it.

 

“Congratulations. You’ve got me.”

“Someone said it’s the quiet ones you have to watch.”

“I’ll remember that.”

“Goodbye, Kilgrave.” _Simply said Rose, getting up_.

“Wait, Rose.”

 

She froze. He didn’t use his mental influence. His abilities were lowered by the paralyzing thing she put in his blood. His mind shouldn’t be very clear. However, she stopped her move and looked back at him. He smiled at her.

 

“It’s too late to regret… Oh, I forgot you never regret anything.”

“Would you do me a last favour?”

“No.”

“Remove that knife from my chest, Rose Tyler,” _he ordered._

 

She was struggling against the idea he was suggesting her. How was it even possible for him to suggest her to do something she didn’t want to? Her hand got on the knife and despite all her will, she removed the knife from Kilgrave’s chest.

 

“How is it possible?”

“If you’ve listened to my story, you would have known. Now it’s too late. I have to get rid of you.”

“You can’t move.”

“I don’t need to. Put this blade against your carotid.”

 

She didn’t want to but she obeyed. The knife was now against her neck, where her pulse was beating. The fear was coming back to her. Even in a position of weakness, he was superior to her. He was giving her a lesson which moral would be her death. She could see the jubilation in his eyes.

 

“Nobody will believe that it’s a suicide.”

“But nobody will know that you’re dead, Rose Tyler. Press harder.”

 

The move was made by itself. Rose swallowed when the blade made a notch on her skin. He was about to kill her, to get rid of her body and oblige everyone to forget about her. The perfect crime. She saw out of the corner of her eye that he was beginning to move again. What was that man made of? How could he struggle so fast against that paralyzing thing? He smiled again when he saw how desperate she was and opened his mouth to give her another order when a crash resounded in the whole flat. Someone just came in by force and was looking for something or someone in all the rooms. When the door of the bedroom flew off the handle, he finally had recovered all his abilities so well that he caught Rose and held the blade against her neck by himself. He felt her fear beating at the end of his blade. Four persons appeared at the door, three men – including two armed soldiers – and a woman who looked like just like Rose.

 

“Release my daughter immediately, you son of a bitch!” _She yelled in the grip of violent anger._

“Oh, that’s cute! Mum and dad came to save you! Isn’t it wonderful!”

 

The man who wasn’t a soldier pushed the blonde woman behind him and faced Kilgrave. His self-control was admirable but he was glancing at Rose and at the blade against her throat. He was worried. Kilgrave was in a position of strength. No matter how many people there were, he could manipulate everyone.

 

“I’ve been doing researches about your abilities for a long time, Kilgrave. You truly are a curse.”

“I take it as a compliment.”

“However, and sadly for you, I found a parry against your powers.”

 

At that moment, Kilgrave noticed the strange little black stain that was shining on the temple of every newcomer. An anti-mental manipulation device.

 

“Clever.”

“And very efficient.”

“The situation stays the same.”

“Actually, it doesn’t.”

 

Taking advantage of the moment, Rose nudged him in the ribs. The sudden shock forced Kilgrave to let go of her with a swear word. Rose went straight behind her mother to take refuge, still shuddering because of the emotions. Jackie examined her attentively before going straight to Kilgrave and punching him. He burst out laughing in front of that violence he’d seen earlier that night.

 

“Listen to me very well little snot, you dared to touch my daughter and this is something I will never forgive you for.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to sleep anymore.” _He said ironically_.

“And you find it funny?”

 

Yes, the situation was very funny to his eyes. Mother and daughter were truly the same on several points. Kilgrave didn’t have any conscience, nor remorse. Nothing and no one could reach him. Although Rose Tyler had offended his ego. He felt the electric shock but didn’t see it coming. She had a Taser. The electric discharge left him on the ground. Jackie went back close to her daughter and equipped her with an anti-mental manipulation device before hugging her. Pete told the soldiers to seize Kilgrave and to handcuff him. The latter didn’t let himself get pushed around and struggled like a madman. They had to use a sedative to take him. A few words came to his ears before he gave in to the effects of the sedative.

 

“That’s not what I wanted.”

 

×

 

When he woke up hours later, Kilgrave was mad to find out he was in a glass cage. Once again. Pete Tyler personally told him that he was in Torchwood and that he was going to give a hand on some projects, whether he liked it or not. Kilgrave burst out laughing when he had heard that. Torchwood officers had tried to force him but he had obstinately refused to work with them. Physical and verbal threats didn’t change a thing. Then, when he had been tired of that little game, he finally accepted to be a part of those much talked about projects to one condition: Rose Tyler had to be his liaison officer. He would only work with her. He was expecting a “no” but, quite unexpectedly, she chose to satisfy his demands and to work with him for an indeterminate time…


	4. Take me home (Ten/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take me home" were the only ords she could tell him. She thought she was the only one. Oh, how wrong she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original idea is from agentsoftomorrow on Instagram. It was a roleplay we did together and she allowed me to publish it as a one-shot. All that work belongs to the two of us.

Rose took a deep breath, placing a hand over her stomach. This was going to hurt but she had to do it. It was clear that she wasn’t the first priority in the Doctor’s life and that meant that neither was her child. She learned that she was pregnant about two weeks ago, right after their visit with Sarah Jane at the school. She had meant to tell the Doctor sooner – he was the father after all – but that was right before they landed on the French ship, that was before she saw him with Reinette, that was before he kissed her, before he let Reinette see into his mind. But, then, on top of all that, Reinette started traveling with them. Rose tried to just deal with it at first but then, Reinette started throwing herself at the Doctor. The last straw was when Rose found the Doctor on the floor with Reinette snogging on top of him. Her heart was shattered to say the least. She instantly started throwing her things into a suitcase and ran into the console room where the Doctor was already. She looked away from him, unable to even look him in the eyes.

 

“Take me home.” _She said in a shaky breath, wiping the tears from her eyes_.

 

The Doctor looked up at her and felt both of his hearts fall in his chest when he saw the tears on Rose’s face. Did he hear correctly? Did she just ask him to bring her back home? What was happening to her? “Wh-What?” was the only thing he could reply.

 

“Take me home.” _Rose said again, gripping her bag tighter with nerves_.

 

She kept her eyes locked on the floor, refusing to look at him. As much as this hurt, she had to do it. For both herself and her baby. He couldn’t believe Rose was really asking him to go back home. What had he done for her wanting to leave him? Why wasn’t she looking him in the eyes? He got closer to her and put his finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

 

“Tell me what’s wrong. Are you feeling homesick?” _He asked._

 

He knew it wasn’t the reason at all. Something had been wrong with her for days and he had been too busy swaggering around to talk with her. Rose jerked her head away when he placed his fingers under her chin.

 

“Don’t touch me.” _She snapped, angrier than expected._

“Have I done something wrong?” _The Doctor felt hurt by the reject. He knew he was unable to hurt her in any way_. “I know I can be a jerk sometimes but I never was with you, right?”

 

Rose looked up at him, her eyes full of hurt and tears.

 

“You don’t even know what you did.”

 

She let out a harsh laugh at that, a tear rolling down her check. The Doctor now knew he had done something wrong and that something he couldn’t even remember hurt his Rose. That laugh and the look in her eyes broke his hearts into million pieces. He couldn’t bear the sight of Rose Tyler crying because of him.

 

“Tell me what I should do to be forgiven.”

“Just take me home.”

 

Rose sniffled, turning away from him. She hung her head, unable to stop the flow of tears that ran down her cheeks.  He wanted to hug her so much but he felt like she was gonna reject him once again. He went to the console and launched the machine. He kept on looking at Rose, her crying face, her luggage. His hearts hurt. He was wondering how he would convince her to stay then changed his mind. He couldn’t force her to stay with him forever. She had the right to live her own life without him. Before the TARDIS landed in the Powell Estate, he couldn’t help but go straight to her and took her in his arms.

 

“My past self would have kidnapped you. I’m just gonna let you leave but, Rose Tyler, I-I don’t want you to go.”

“Don’t say that.” _Rose moved out of his arms, blinking back tears_. “Don’t lie to me. I’m so tired of lies.”

“I’m not lying. I’ve never lied to you. It hurts me to say this but you’re free to go if you want to. Just know that I’d rather die than seeing you turning your back on me and going through those doors.” _He was now crying and didn’t care. That was too much to handle_. “I can’t live without you. I’d rather face the Daleks’ fleet again than losing you. Don’t go. Please.”

“You don’t need me.” _She turned her back to him._ “You have _her_.”

 

Her voice was practically venom _._ The Doctor stopped breathing for a second, shocked by the tone she used.

 

“I-I don’t understand what you mean.” _He said._

“You chose her!” _Rose practically shouted, her voice trembling with emotion._

“Oh.” _He simply said._

 

He finally understood it was all about Reinette and the way they were acting together. Rose couldn’t help it anymore. Her body trembled with sobs as she grabbed her suitcase again, weakly moving to the doors.

 

“I saved her because I had to. I just couldn’t let her die. I’m the Doctor, I save people. But if you want me to choose, I choose you. It has always been you and will always be you.”

 

He ran to her before she reached the doors but tripped over something and fell to the ground at her feet.

 

“You’re not just one girl I picked in the whole universe. You are _my_ girl, _my_ Rose, the most important woman in my whole life. Look at me in the eyes, Rose, and tell me the truth: do you really wanna go?”

“Of course, I won’t.” _She said in a broken voice._ “But I can’t stay here with you. Not when she’s here. Not when I have to watch you flirt and snog her in front of me. I can’t--I just can’t!”

 

“I love you” was all he could answer. It was just a whisper but he felt like he had yelled it.

 

“STOP LYING!” _Rose shouted, louder than she intended_.

 

He got up and got closer to her.

 

“I’m not lying.” _He said as he leant to kiss her._

 

She was too stunned to react at the kiss. After a few seconds, she came back to her senses and pulled back.

 

“Just go.” _She said in a broken voice._ “I’m sure Reinette is waiting for you.”

“She means nothing to me and never will! Why don’t you just understand?” _He said, kind of pissed off._

He sighed, took a deep breath and finally let go. If she wanted to leave, fine _._

 

“Before you go, I have to tell you that I know what you’ve been hiding from me.”

 

Her face paled at his last words. How could he know? She had been so secretive.

 

“W-What?” _She stuttered out nervously_.

“You’ve felt sick for days. You told me it was nothing. Just a cold. But I was worried so I asked the TARDIS to scan you while you were sleeping.” _He admitted with some shame._

 

He didn’t like doing things behind her back but he had to know.

 

“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner that I knew you were pregnant.”

 

She took a shaky breath.

 

“I can’t raise my child with her.” _Rose specially said “my” instead of “our”._ “I used to think you’d protect me through everything… but not anymore. Cause I’m nothing. Just a stupid human. A dumb shop girl with no A-levels. What am I compared to a successful French Mistress? I’m not accomplished. I’m not anything.”

“Rose…” _He whispered with a sad smile._ “My beautiful Rose, pregnant with my child. Don’t say such a thing. You know I’ll never let you down. This child is ours. We will raise him together.” He sighed, hoping she wouldn’t leave now, and added with a smile: “Would you allow me to show you something? Promise it won’t be long.”

 

Rose looked unsure. “What is it?” she asked sceptically, still not sure about what to do right now. He took her hand and led her through the corridors of the TARDIS. He was feeling a little nervous. Suddenly, he stopped on front of a door and gave Rose a nervous smile before opening the door. They came in a room under construction but it was clearly a room for a child. The Doctor ruffled his hair.

 

“The TARDIS and Reinette helps me a lot. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

 

Rose looked at the room with wide eyes, stumbling back. She opened her mouth but words seemed to fail her. She took another step back, her back hitting into the wall.

 

“You-You don’t like it?” _He said, unsure of how to interpret her reaction._

“I-I…” _She took a deep breath_. “I love it.”

“Really?”

 

She slowly nodded. Her answer made him so happy he did a little dance before hugging her really tight.

 

“Rose Tyler, I can promise you that our child will be the happiest child in all the universes. If you stay with me of course.”

 

Rose didn’t hug back right away.

 

“I don’t know.” _She said quietly._ “Whatever happened to ‘no domestics’?”

 

It was then that Reinette poked her head into the room.

 

“My love?” _She called out_.

“My past self was kind of a grumpy bear. He didn’t know how to handle the feelings he had for you.”

 

He openly ignored Reinette who was calling for him. Rose heard her and took a step back. Reinette stepped further into the room.

 

“My lonely angel, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Not now.” _He answered with a cold tone. He put his hand on Rose’s cheek and smiled to her._ “Sometimes, I just walk in there and sit for hours, thinking about our future. I don’t see it without you. Never. Just think about it.” _He said before leaving the room._

“My love, shall I be seeing you later tonight?” _Reinette called after him_.

 

Rose winced at that and covered her face with her hands. She slowly slid down the wall, sitting on the floor as she sobbed. The Doctor stopped for a second and said:

 

“We’ve already talked about this.”

 

Then, he left and went out. He needed to walk, to breathe some fresh air and to think. Rose was still in the baby’s room, crying silently. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Did the Doctor really love her? She didn’t even know. Words mean nothing when your actions contradict them.

The Doctor was walking in the streets of London, silently, lost in his thoughts. He wondered how to prove Rose that he really loved her and that he wasn’t lying. He stopped for a moment and looked up at the London Eye. He smiled at the view and put his hands in his coat’s pockets. His fingers touched something that gave him a sudden idea and made him rush to Jackie’s flat.

Rose was still inside the baby’s room, looking at the crib with Gallifreyan symbols. She sighed to herself, unsure of what to do. Of course she loved the Doctor but she couldn’t ‘share’ him with Reinette.

The Doctor had a hard time explaining Jackie what he wanted to do. She had slapped him several times and insulted him many more. She had also cried a lot when he said how much he loved Rose and wanted her to be his wife forever. After a lot of threats, she finally allowed him to do what he had planned. He ran to the TARDIS and had a talk with Reinette. He explained her that she couldn’t act like this with him anymore. It was fun and all but she had to go back to her normal life.

Rose had no idea any of this was even going on. She stayed in the baby’s room, liking being by herself. It was nice. Besides, she needed some time alone.

Hours passed by. The Doctor had a very long talk with Reinette and felt tired of all this running. However, he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t get things done now. So he went to the baby’s room and gave a soft knock on the door.

Rose slowly stood up and wiped her tears. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

 

“Doctor?”

“Can we talk? Or maybe you want some rest?”

 

He knew he could not wait to talk to her but he also hated to see her feeling so bad. He was feeling guilty. He was the reason this was happening.

 

“Is she gone?” _Rose asked quietly, referring to Reinette._

“I’ve talked to her. She decided to start a new life in this century. She’s gonna travel on her own. Maybe go back in France. It’s just the two of us now.”

“Does that ruin timelines?” _She frowned again._ “She’s a part of History. She’s supposed to be in France.”

“Oh, you’re right. Then, I suppose I just have to bring her back and erase all the memories she has about me, about the TARDIS and everything. The future Madame de Pompadour is supposed to be in France, who am I to argue with History?”

 

He smiled. He was sad but he knew it was the best thing to do. Traveling with her had been a mistake. Taking her away from History where she was kind of a fixed point was another one, a huge one. How could have he been so stupid?

Rose simply nodded, not sure of what else to say. She looked down at her feet, biting her bottom lip nervously.

 

“Rose, I… err…”

 

He had so many things to tell her but didn’t know where to start. His mind was a mess and he kept on stuttering things like an idiot.

 

“What?” _Rose slowly raised her head back up to look at him._

“It’s better if I show you.”

 

And he put his fingers on her temple and connected his mind to hers so she could read the memories he wanted to show her. He showed her everything from his first incarnation to his last, all the best moments of his lives and all the bad, all the emotions he had ever felt from despair to happiness, all the moments they had spent together, all the laughs, the tears, the adventures they’d share, the moment he’d learnt he was gonna be a father.

Rose’s eyes widened in surprise as all the memories and emotions entered her mind. She looked up at him, unsure of what to say.

 

“Doctor…”

“Rose Tyler, I once told you that you could spend the rest of your life with me. I want now to spend the rest of mines with you. Will you accept that gift of immortality and become my wife for the best and for the worse of what’s to come?”

 

And as he was saying those words, he put one knee down and pulled a square thing out of his pocket. This was the only way for him to keep her forever without seeing her aging and dying.

Rose was too shocked to even speak. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she looked down at the ring in his hand. She slowly nodded her hand. “Yes” she whispered quietly. “Yes, yes, yes.”

The Doctor thought the silence was too long when the answer came. It was a small yes followed by several others. He needed some seconds to realize. She had said yes. She wanted to be his wife forever. Tears were falling down his cheeks but they were tears of joy. He got up, put the ring at her finger and smiled through the tears.

 

“Rose Tyler, you’ve just made me the happiest man in all the time and space.”

 

Rose blinked back tears of joy and rushed forward, hugging him tight. “I love you”, she whispered into his ear.

 

“I love you to the moon and back”, _he answered, hugging her back_. “And I love our little baby, though he’s not born yet. He’s gonna have the best mother ever.”

 

She cried tears of joy into the crook of his neck.

 

“I love you so much”.

 

Rose hugged him tighter.

 

“Never try to leave me again, okay?” _He said as he pressed his lips against hers._ “This is our happy ending, my love.”

“I’ll never leave you.” _She kissed him again._ “I love you.”

 

She rested her forehead against his. The Doctor didn’t move at all. He kept her in his arms. He’d never let her go. He looked at her in the eyes and saw all the happiness she was feeling and all the love she had for him. He knew she could see the same in his eyes. He kissed her forehead. Everything was now fine. Everything would always be fine as long as he had his Rose with him.


	5. Astronaut (Nine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor had been wandering for too long through time and space when a strange message came to him.

Her voice was echoing in his mind. Again. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard her voice. He didn’t know who she was, nor what she looked like. He only knew that she had to save him. _“I came to save you, my Doctor”_ were the words she kept saying to him. At first, he thought it was a memory from a past self but the more he was thinking about it, the more he was convinced it wasn’t. That couldn’t be a part of his future. He had never been able to see his own future. That was for the better. Those dreams surely came from the fact he had been traveling alone around time and space for too long. Or maybe it was his subconscious sending him a message: lately he had been a wreck. Since the Time War, he hadn’t done anything good. He was just drowning in the darkness of his soul, waiting for the death to come and released him from his burden.

However, he couldn’t die. He had to pay for what he had done. He had to live with the blood of his people on his hands. He had to live and find a way to get it right. He knew he could never forget the images of the slaughter he’d committed. The solitude and the burden he wore were the correct price. The good things he was doing for other people were just a way to relieve his pain. He had been sending messages all around time and space hoping one of his people would answer him but no one ever did. It was just him. He was the last one and he had deserved this fate. He was the only one to blame. Sometimes, the victory was bitter. If he had known, he would have chosen to lose this war and to die as a hero instead of burning his planet down and running away like the coward he was. This guilt was heavier every day. It was more and more difficult to bear it.

That’s why, although he didn’t understand why that was happening, he liked hearing the voice when he slept. He liked hearing those words night after night because then, he forgot about the solitude that was driving him crazy. For a moment, for a tiny little moment, he didn’t feel alone anymore as if the voice was really here with him. His hearts were filled with a feeling of forgiveness and he felt like he had a friend. He loved those feelings but they never lasted. Every time he woke up, he had a small smile before the memories came back to his mind. It hurt him so much that he felt unable to move. He had stopped crying a while ago. It was useless. It wouldn’t bring them back. The messages, the prayers, the hope… Nothing would ever bring them back. Gallifrey was forever gone. When he fell asleep, he was pushing all those memories away, just for a few hours of break, and he almost felt guilty to not dream about his lost people.

That night, he could see more of that strange creature who wanted to save him. He could only see bright golden eyes, looking at him straight in the eyes. Nothing else. Just the bright eyes and some new words _“I want you safe, my Doctor.”_ That was enough. He could feel the warmth of that look on him. There was no name, no face. Just the bright golden eyes and a warmth that made him fall to pieces. That was only a dream and he wanted it to be real so bad it was hurting. The solitude was slowly killing him and the pain was becoming unbearable. But that pain and that solitude weren’t there in the dream. There were only her and the feeling of being another man, someone worth it. In his dream, he was forgiven for what he had done. He managed to redeem himself in the eyes of someone. Something that would never happen, he knew it for sure.

When he woke up and realized it was this dream all over again, the pain hit him and left him breathless. Some tears were running down his face. The first tears in a long time. For nine hundred years he had been an extraordinary and weird man who loved life and was always laughing and goofing around. Now, he was just a poor little thing, totally broken inside down. Nothing more. Just a living wreck. He was alone and all of this was his fault. He breathed slowly and got up, all dizzy. He needed some fresh air. He went out. The TARDIS landed in the middle of a deserted forest. He didn’t ask her to. The machine chose it on purpose when she felt his need of being away from people for a while. Nothing better than a so-called haunted forest. It was very dark but he didn’t care. It was reflecting the bottom of his soul: dark, frightening, haunted with ghosts.

He walked for a long moment in the dark, tripping over roots and non-identified things, hands in his pockets, his mind far away from his body. He stopped some minutes to listen to the wolves howling at the moon. He found it beautiful yet a bit worrying, as if something was wrong. He frowned. He had a strange feeling hearing those screams, as if he as supposed to understand something. He leaned his forehead against a tree and sighed. Why was everything so strange lately? He was lost and didn’t know what to do, where to go. He was just so tired of all of this. He pulled himself together and went back to the TARDIS, more careful of where he put his feet. A sense of anxiety was overwhelming him but there was no reason for it. He was unsure of what to think about these strange feelings. He froze right in front of his machine.

The words “Bad Wolf” were written on the doors. He put his fingers on the writing, still shocked by what had happened. There was no one and nothing around. He was in the middle of the forest. Who did this? Who was this “Bad Wolf”? Or what? The paint was still fresh. It wasn’t dry yet. He checked around and saw nothing. The anxiety went up. This situation was becoming stranger and stranger and he didn’t like it. Was someone fooling him? What was the point of all of this? If someone wanted him scared and confused, they did it right. He was terrified, even if he would never admit it. Going back to the TARDIS, he noticed that the words weren’t there anymore. Someone had erased them. It was like nothing happened. There were no marks on the TARDIS but he still had some fresh paint on his fingers. It wasn’t an hallucination; he was sure of that.

He turned around when a noise came to his ears. He took a step back when he saw a wolf standing a few feet from him. It was a real wolf. One big wolf, growling at him, ready to move onto the offensive, to attack him if he ever did a move that wouldn’t please it. The Doctor was even more confused. The wolves howling at the moon, the tag and now a wolf in front of him: the universe was sending him a message and he didn’t manage to understand it. He held out a hand, trying to keep the wolf away from him, trying not to get bitten or worse. What the hell was happening? The wolf didn’t stop growling at him. The Doctor knew he had to stay calm and that he should certainly not run. He came closer to the wolf and slowly put his hand on its head. He didn’t know why he was doing such a thing. He felt like he had to act like this.

He was surprised beyond words when the wolf accepted to be touched by him. It stopped growling as soon as the hand reached its head and let the Doctor stroke it between the two ears. It calmed down and seemed to instantly trust the Time Lord because it laid down on the floor. That’s when the Doctor saw that the wolf was hurt. There was a lot of blood. He didn’t think twice and took the wolf in his arms. He took it into the TARDIS and began to heal it, slowly, carefully. The wolf never showed any sign of hostility towards him even though it was in pain. It really trusted the Doctor and it was as amazing as impressive to see. The situation was weird but the Doctor knew he was doing the right thing. Somehow, he was supposed to be here and now to do what he was doing. On what purpose, that was still a mystery he had to solve. Why would the universe be sending him so many messages about a “Bad Wolf”? Why did he feel like he had to take the wounded wolf with him? The question was still tormenting him when he went to bed where his new companion was already sleeping.

The eyes. Again. The bright golden eyes were still haunting his dreams. And the voice was still here, still echoing in his mind, still wanting him to be safe. He had been doing this dream for months now. After his meeting with the wolf and the birth of a new friendship – the wolf never was hostile towards him but didn’t leave that chance to the ones wanting to hurt him in any way – he began to travel again to look for the girl of his dreams, for this person who wanted to protect him so bad. And every time he closed his eyes, the eyes and the voice were coming to him and he welcomed them as an old friend. If those dreams ever stopped, it would leave him helpless. Those strange dreams had helped him holding on when everything was meant to be broken. His subconscious had sent him hope when he needed it the most and now was the time to get the meaning of the message.

That night though, he felt anxious. Something was wrong. _“The Doctor will fall. The Doctor must be exterminated.”_ The Daleks. The Daleks were in his dream. They were threatening him of death. Again. The TARDIS was nowhere in sight and the fear was spreading him. He had no way to run away, no way to escape from his enemies. He had to surrender and let them kill him for good. But the TARDIS came back to him and the golden light prevented him from seeing who was standing there. But he knew for sure it was _Her_. _“I want you safe from the fake God”_ she said. Everything else went so fast he didn’t remember it. The last thing he saw was him kissing Her in a halo of golden light that caused him to wake up. His body needed time to recover from this dream. He was gasping for air and sweating because of the terror he had had but his mind was clearer than ever.

He knew. He knew that if he ever found the golden girl, he would die. He now knew that those visions were his future. He was meant to die to save the girl that wanted him safe. That revelation caused him so much sadness and pain that he curled up, hugged his wolf tight and cried, unable to stop the tears from falling, his face buried in the grey fur of his only friend. The wolf licked his face. The Doctor had a small smile. His companion knew how to make him feel better. When it jumped to the ground, the Doctor wiped away his tears and followed him. The wolf led him to the console room and put two paws on the console. It was showing him the radio thing. It wanted him to send a message. The Doctor stroke the wolf’s head. It was very clever, cleverer than a normal wild beast. It was weird but the Doctor didn’t care. He liked it. Still stroking the head, just between the two ears, he turned the radio on and recorded a message.

 

“Hello” _he said unsure of what he was going to say to people out there._ “I’m the Doctor. I’ve been travelling in the whole universe for years on my own. Most people don’t realize how beautiful the stars are until they really see them. I was those people. I was them. And now, I’m living upon the stars because I can’t land on Earth or anywhere else. It always feels like I don’t belong anywhere. I-I’m just lost here, in the starry night sky, waiting for someone to talk to. Is someone out there? Is someone listening?”

 

He sent the message, not knowing what else to say. Then, he opened the TARDIS’ door and sat, his legs hanging in the emptiness of the galaxy. He was looking at the stars all around him and the wolf was sleeping against him, his head on his legs when an answer came. They both turned their heads to the console. The Doctor wasn’t expecting any answer to be honest. That’s why he was so surprised when the voice made itself hear in the TARDIS.

 

“The Doctor? Is that a code name?”

 

The Doctor and the wolf both got up and went straight to the radio. The Doctor hesitated a second. Should he answer? He was wondering if it was a good idea. On the other hand, he really needed to talk to someone, to stop feeling so alone, to stop the pain of the solitude. And the wolf was pushing him to do so. Then, he replied to the woman that got his message.

 

“Is it ironic from the woman who keeps her name silent?

“Sorry. Gonna do this again. Hello, Doctor. I’m Rose. What’s your real name?”

“Hello, Rose. I’m the Doctor.”

“Doctor who?”

“Just the Doctor. That’s how they called me.”

“Is it a code name?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

 

There was a silence and he couldn’t bear it now that he had broken it but he didn’t know what to tell either. He wasn’t used anymore to interact with people. It felt weird to speak to someone again. As the TARDIS revealed him the call was coming from the Earth, he suddenly felt curious. Specially because the accent was very _british_.

 

“So, tell me everything, Rose. Where are you from? What it’s like on Earth?”

“You’re weird, ya know?”

“Yet, you’re listening to me.”

“I never listen to the radio usually but tonight I needed to turn it on. And I heard your call. You seemed sad. So, I found a way to answer.”

“I’ve been up there for a very long time. The solitude becomes a weight when it lasts. Thank you for not ignoring my call.”

“How is it?” _she asked._

“What?”

“The space? The stars? It looks so small and insignificant down here. The Earth must look the same to you.”

“Oh, I wish I could come down sometimes. The space is boring when there’s nobody to share it with.”

“Isn’t that ironic? You just want to go back to Earth when I want to escape from it.” _She said and he could hear a sad smile in her voice._

“Oh, Rose. If I could, I would show you how beautiful the space can be.”

“Must be fun.”

 

He really wished he could though he only knew her for a few minutes. She seemed pretty nice and the sadness in her voice hit him like a bullet. Somehow, he wanted to help her. After all, she had answered his call. She had broken his solitude. Why couldn’t he thank her by showing her the hugeness of the space? They kept on talking for hours. The Doctor never felt so good since the Time War. Rose was just a little human wishing to leave her miserable life to do something extraordinary. The more he was talking to her, the more he wanted to meet her. But that was impossible. He knew it for sure. Maybe the odds would be in their favour. She was just a little human but maybe she would be his friend, a real friend, someone he could talk to. He was hoping this could be possible. He had been alone for months and she was the first one to ever talk to him like a normal man. She didn’t know what he had done and it felt good to forget this slaughter for a few hours.

 

“Rose, I promise you that if I ever came down, you’ll be the first person I will meet.” _He suddenly said._

“You better do!” _She replied._

 

He couldn’t help but smile. He liked her. He wanted to talk with her forever but he heard at her voice that she was feeling tired and that she needed to sleep. As he was coming to this conclusion, she told him that she had to go to sleep because she was working in the next few hours. He didn’t want to let her go but he had no choice.

 

“Goodnight, Rose.”

“Goodnight, Doctor.”

 

The conversation came to an end there. The Doctor sat down, a smile on his lips. He was happy, simply happy, and he had forgotten how good it was. If he ever got the chance to, he would meet Rose, the little human that gave him some happiness and hope. After this conversation, he began travelling again and interacting with people of every planet he visited. He was still talking to Rose from time to time but hadn’t found her yet. Who knew from what time she was? Anybody could have answered him. She never wanted to tell him where she was from or what year she was living in, always saying he was weird. He never gave in because he had to find her. He needed to thank her personally and to take her for a trip in the middle of the stars. He would not stop until all the things – destiny, Gods – he didn’t believe in helped him find her.

Today, he was running after a signal given by the TARDIS. He was in some shop in the modern London. He was placing bombs in the building to destroy all the Autons when he heard someone. He ran straight to the scream, saw her, caught her hand and told her to run. She followed him and kept asking questions. She was curious, too curious. And clever. He liked this. But he had to get rid of her before he made everything explode around there. He threw her outside, told her to run away from here and shut the door. But he opened it to find out that she was still there, confused by his behaviour and by the whole situation.

 

“I’m the Doctor by the way. What’s your name?”

“Rose.” _She simply replied._

“Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life.”

 

He shut the door again and kept running to get rid of the Autons. Though he might get hurt in this, he was smiling. He was smiling because he knew he had found his Rose. He had no doubt about it. And when this thing would be done, if he was still alive, he would ask her to go with him. He would show her the stars she had dreamt about. The odds decided to be in his favour, for once. This was the start of a brand new life.


	6. Sirens (Eleven)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had wanted to prevent that free violence, but he sadly arrived too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this text after the attack in Brussels. Someone asked me why he didn't write it with Nine. Eleven seemed more accurate. Even if he is the Doctor who forgets, he also is the Doctor who hopes, and hope is the light we need in time of darkness.  
> I want to believe that if a man such as the Doctor ever existed, he really would have tried to prevent what happened that day. Maybe he would have managed to save all these people.

The Doctor was standing there, in the middle of that big concourse which used to be full of frenetic agitation, in a deep state of stupor. Someone could have talked to him or act foolishly in front of him and he wouldn’t even have noticed it. He failed. He had seen what was going to happen and decided to act before it left a mark in History. The event wasn’t indelible when he had caught sight of it. Now, it was, just like the seven, eight and nine of January or the thirteen of November 2015 and he was saddened because he couldn’t change a thing, because he couldn’t save all these people. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to but he couldn’t believe it. He needed to believe there was hope, that as long as it wasn’t a fixed point in time, he could still change that horror, that sad day in the history of the terrestrial world. That planet was a little his and to see it sinking into the chaos of the human madness was deeply hurting him. He failed, once again.

He knew, however, when he had jumped outside the TARDIS, that it was already too late. The feeling followed him while he was running until he was out of breath in the building. He had misled everyone with his psychic paper. He had said he was a part of the Territory Security and that he had received an information about a suspicious behaviour. Somehow, he had warned these people but it hadn’t been enough. Nobody had seen the threat. Nobody, except the Doctor, knew what was going to happen in the next few minutes. He had been even more vigilant and had acted as discreetly as he could: he had tried to find and to control the threat but he had been too slow, way too slow, and he regretted it. He felt guilty because he couldn’t do something in time. Him, master of time and space, had crossed eyes with the martyr. He hadn’t had the time to open his mouth. The explosion resounded, followed by a second one and a third one.

 

First, there was the silence. A deafening silence responding to that big crash which had shaken the whole building. The time seemed to have stopped for a moment. Nothing moved, there was no noise. There was nothing else than that silence charged with meanings and the Doctor was thinking about the worse of them. That silence was proper to Death. It was prowling around, ready to reap the souls of the fallen people. That silence was little by little filled with an unpleasant whistling. It was imperceptible at first but, quickly, it filled the area. Omnipresent and unstoppable, it rapidly became unbearable. However, there was no way to get rid of it. That whistling was the only move perceptible in the air. The Doctor got up. He had fallen because of the explosion. He stumbled, silently. He seemed to be the only one able to move. The whistling was dazing him and his eyes couldn’t see anything else than some white for as far as the eye can see when he opened it. The thing lasted a few minutes and his sight came back progressively.

Then, the blood. Scarlet stains were spreading everywhere. He could smell the copper flavour. It was so heady that it was becoming sickening. As his eyes were getting used to the light, he could see the fluid. Nothing seemed to have been spared by the deluge of the red rain. Walls, ground and ceiling were covered with it as if they had been the witnesses of a paintball game, as if they had dealt with the repeated assaults of a reddish paint jet. Except it wasn’t paint. Except it wasn’t a game. It was a battlefield and the ground was drinking the blood of the fallen, those fallen who didn’t ask to be there at the wrong place at the wrong time, those fallen who had wrongly thought they were safe and who had walked on an active landmine by accident. They were laying here and there those fallen of a war that was none of their business. Mixed with them, there were the winners we could hardly recognize in that bloody sight. They were the winners only because they were laughing at that morbid show to which they were a part of only to leave a bloody mark in History.

The cries and the move finally came. The time had taken back his flow and everything was rushing. The yells were following each other, echoing, stopping, beginning again, choking with tears. And everybody was running. Everybody was running to a shelter, a hope, an answer. Everybody was bumping into the danger, the obviousness, the silence. They were running in all directions, panicked. The sirens of the emergency services, of the police were mixing with the cries and the agitation. The sirens were wailing without a break, were mixing with the whistling, with the cries of panic and despair. The Doctor closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He held back a retching. The smell of Death was fluttering too strongly in the air. The agitation increased every minute passing by. The perimeter was cordoned off; the emergency services were converging from all quarters and people were evacuated one by one. The Doctor wasn’t moving. Standing in the middle of this madness, he stayed still and stared at the scarlet stains with an absent look. He had failed. And now, he was struggling not to be sick in front of that sight.

 

“Sir, are you hurt?”

 

Yes, hurt, he was but not like the medic was thinking. When the humans only saw a new bombing, he was reminded of the war he had so much tried to forget. He had been a soldier once. And he had been a coward. He had sworn it would be the last time. And he was there, in the middle of a slaughter he had wanted to prevent, while a medic was taking care of wounds he wasn’t even aware of, while people were crying their lost friends and family, while everyone was looking for answers which would never come. There were no answers to the why of such a bombing. It was only cowardice, influence, disproportionate dreams. There were fearless people who wanted to create a terror that would erase their name for a cause that was still unclear. There were no answers to the why that place, why that day, why those people. There were only whys and no one knew the answers.

 

“‘Why?’ Such a small question for such big problems.”

“Doctor?” _Called out Amelia Pond, a ghost of his past he was the only one able to see._

“See why optimism is the best of all the answers?” _He replied._ “I’ve always been an optimist lost in a world of pessimism. I’m trying to bring some happiness, some hope. I’m trying to repair the wrong, to prevent the slaughters. I’ve defended this planet with my hearts and soul. Men are stuck in a vicious circle, condemned to do the same mistakes again and again, to never learn anything from them. There is no hope and they remind me every day of the mistake I committed and that I’m trying so hard to repair. I keep on hoping that one day everything will change. I keep on hoping that one day they will understand and, when it’ll be the case, peace will be possible. Facing the men’s madness, facing their inextinguishable thirst of blood, I oppose this tiny hope which, alone, can defeat the fear. They won’t win because we won’t give in to panic.”

 

The Doctor looked one last time at that stinging fail, at that madness no one understood, not even him. He was wearing the marks of that deadly bombing. Then, full of sadness and pain, he turned around and walked away. He vanished into the crowd to get back to his TARDIS following the steps of his own ghost…


	7. Torn (PART I - Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was so cold and so tired but his voice didn't want her to sleep. Who was he?

It was a pretty cold night and Rose was tossing in her bed trying to find a good position to sleep but couldn’t find one. The cold always sneaked up in her warm blanket causing her to shiver. She didn’t know why she was so cold. It had been a bright hot sunny day in London, so why was she so cold right now? She opened her eyes and noticed the window was wide opened. That’s why she had been so cold. She didn’t remember opening it when she went to bed. The night was clear but there was some fresh wind. The reason of her being cold. She didn’t shut the shutters last night. She frowned. She didn’t even remember going to bed last night. The last thing she remembered… She didn’t know. All she knew was she needed to sleep. Her body and mind were both too exhausted and refused her to move or think properly. There was no other important thing at the moment. She curled up further into the blanket, closed her eyes and ended up falling asleep.

 

_“No!”_

 

She woke up with a start and looked around, trying to find the voice she just heard. It was a man’s voice. Loud and a bit hoarse. It reminded her of someone but couldn’t tell who it was, nor tell what he looked like. The room was totally dark, except for the square of light given by the window, a square of light that didn’t get into the room though the stars were shining bright. The wind was coming in but not the light. Rose didn’t note it, didn’t find it weird. She waited until her heart stopped racing and sunk into her pillows again. Why had she woken up so suddenly? She couldn’t tell. She was cold and tired. She closed her eyes.

 

_“What have you done to her?!”_

 

The voice surprised her once again but she assumed it was in her mind since there was nobody in the room with her. She was probably dreaming in the short amounts of time when she was sleeping. There was anger in the voice but also despair. Whoever was that guy he wasn’t really happy of what had happened to a friend of his. But she wasn’t a friend of his. She would know it. Actually, she didn’t know anything. Just her name and the room she was sleeping in and that was more than enough. She didn’t have to know anything else. Anything else was just useless, pointless.

 

_“I’m sorry. I should have been here to protect you.”_

 

That time there were remorse and pain in his voice. She was getting a bit curious. Who was he talking to? He seemed pretty concerned and she could imagine him – an image she totally built up from her imagination and from the voice – pacing up and down, apologizing to someone that seemed to be out of reach. She had pity for the poor man and wondered what had happened to him, to his friend. She was hoping inside down that they were both fine but the last words weren’t really good. His tone wasn’t good either. She still wanted to sleep but she wanted to know more about the guy. He had to say something else. She wanted to hear his voice again.

 

_“You gotta wake up now. Please.”_

 

A tall tough guy in a leather jacket with a daft old face came to her mind. What was that exactly? She didn’t know where it came from. She was sure not to know him, so why an image of him crossed her mind? She somehow knew that the voice belonged to him. She would remember if she had met such a man. She would not have forgotten such a face. Would he? That left her totally confused.

 

_“Rose. Please. Wake up!”_

 

Her name. He pronounced her name. It could be another Rose but she knew for sure he was calling her. The reality hit her so suddenly it left her out of breath. He was calling _her_. The man she didn’t know was begging her to wake up. She could hear the tears in his voice, the knot in his throat, the panic rushing through his veins, the pain crushing his hearts. How could she know all those things? How could she know how devastated he was?

 

_“Please. Don’t let me down.”_

 

There was so much pain in his voice. It broke her heart. She slowly got up and went to the window. That was something strange about it, she could now sense it. She tried to put a hand outside but it disappeared. This was all an illusion. The window was hiding a portal. She didn’t hesitate and passed through it as the voice was calling for her, was begging her to wake up.

 

×

 

She was cold. She was incredibly cold and couldn’t understand why. She couldn’t breathe either. At first, it didn’t bother her but then, she started to really suffer from the lack of air. She struggled against the knot in her throat. She coughed and spat water out of her lungs. Her eyes fluttered open as she spat out the water. She was lying on the cold ground of a primitive cell carved in stone. There was almost no light except for the torch burning in the corridor. She was cold, totally soaked and couldn’t stop coughing to spit out water. She was laying there with absolutely no clue of what she was doing there, why she was there and where she actually was. Her whole body was shaking. She curled up, trying to warm herself. She had a terrible headache and couldn’t think of how she got there.

Two strong and warm hands suddenly caught her arms and sat her down, her back against the cold and hard stone wall. She was about to panic when her eyes met two other. Blue icy-eyes, a daft old face and a leather jacket. The man of her dream, of her illusion. He looked sad, really devastated. His eyes were red as if he had cried. His fingers softly brushed her temples where the pain was the worst.

 

“This is all my fault.”

 

She looked at him totally confused. There was no trace of recognition in her eyes and yet her mind was telling her that she knew him, that trusted him. The pain in his eyes almost broke her heart and she didn’t know why. She got scared when he started undressing her, pulling off her vest and shirt but didn’t move. His eyes were not leaving hers. There was no glance at her shaking body. She relaxed a bit as he was getting rid of her pants and shoes. He left her in her underwear. Then, he took it his leather jacket and his jumper. He made her put on the jumper and wrapped her into his leather jacket. It was warm, very warm but she was afraid that he would get cold now that he was shirtless.

 

“It’s okay.” _He whispered_. “It’s all gonna be okay now.”

 

He sat down next to her, his bare back against the stone wall and carefully took her on his laps. His skin was really hot and she shivered at the difference of temperature. She curled up against his chest to make the most of the natural heat he had. She still didn’t know who he was but trusted him. He was still talking to her but she wasn’t paying attention. She almost jumped in surprise when he softly pressed his lips against hers. A small trickle of golden light passed from his mouth to hers as memories came back to her mind. Whatever they had done to her, he was fixing it in the best of every possible way. She clung onto him as the light disappeared and she remembered him. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he was doing the same around hers. She laid her head on his chest, quietly listening to his hearts. She could tell by the sound of his breathing that he was silently crying. She hugged him close.

 

“It’s okay, Doctor.” _She said._ “I’m okay. You fixed me, my Doctor.”

 

It didn’t matter where they were, what they were doing there, what was going to happen to them. They were together and together they could achieve anything.


	8. Torn (PART II - Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a stupid idea to come there and now, he just didn't know what to do to help her.

It had been a stupid idea. He should have known it. He had wanted to impress her as always. That’s why he had taken her on that planet. Last time he came here, it was a peaceful planet but a lot of things had changed. A group of scientists had come there and started doing some experiences. They were studying the DNA and ended playing with it, doing inhuman experiences. Everything was fine when they had landed. He had been talking to her, explaining something about the planet, and, as usual, Rose had wandered off. He had cursed her and then, himself. He knew she was always wandering off. He had started looking for her, calling her out, telling her he was really not amused by all of that. That’s when he had heard her scream. That’s when he had rushed into the trap they had settled for him. They had knocked him out and, as his DNA wasn’t important for them, he had been thrown into a primitive and cold cell where he had paced up and down until they brought Rose back and threw her into the cell with him.

 

“No!”

 

He jumped on the door’s cell, full of rage and tried to catch one of their gaolers but soon as he held an arm out of the cell, they pressed something cold against his ribs and an electrical shock shook his body. He groaned and fell to his knees. He crawled back to Rose while the gaolers went away, talking a language the TARDIS wasn’t able to translate. Only a guard stayed in front of their cell. The Doctor took a look at Rose. She was totally soaked. There were some cuts and bruises on her face, neck and hands. She was pale, too pale for it to be normal. He took her hands in his. Her skin was cold, very cold. He knew they had ran tests on her. They had probably taken a sample of her DNA. However, he could feel that wasn’t the only thing they had done to her. They had done something else, something that would explain why she was soaked, pale and hardly breathing. If they had killed her… He cupped her cheeks, looked for a pulse and finally saw the burns on her temple.

 

“What have you done to her?!” _He yelled at the guard who didn’t answer_.

 

He was angry, really angry. At himself for being an idiot not able to take care of a little human. At Rose for never listening to him and always wandering off. At the gaolers for experiencing on her. He stroked her face, trying to wake her. He was very soft. That was unusual of him. He was worried. No, terrified. She wasn’t reacting to his touch and her skin was too cold. Her body was trembling. He called himself the Doctor but the truth was he didn’t know what to do for her.

 

“I’m sorry. I should have been here to protect you.”

 

He was whispering, apologising to her for being a perfect idiot. He regretted taking her there. He should have gather information before coming back but no, that wasn’t fun. It was better to come around and to see by themselves. That was the true definition of adventure. That was better to have shivers because of the danger. Except he forgot he was almost invincible, almost immortal and she was not. His mission was to protect her and not to throw her in the first trap he saw. He tried to dry her off but it wasn’t easy without his sonic. He felt useless and desperate. He ran a hand through his hair, thinking quickly about what he should do.

There was remorse in his voice. He was feeling guilty and didn’t know what to do to help her. What a bad friend he was! He had promised her mother she would be safe, that he would always take care of her, always choose her over the world. And he screwed everything up just like always. He got up and paced up and down in the cell trying to find a solution to help her. He didn’t have his sonic. He couldn’t go to the TARDIS – hopefully no one seemed to have found his precious ship – and there was nothing in his pockets that could be useful for her. Except for a banana he would give her if she was hungry.

 

“You gotta wake up now. Please.”

 

He knelt down next to her. He slowly shook her but there was no reaction. His fingers softly brushed her temples, trying to reach her mind but something was blocking him. Her mind was closed. He couldn’t access it and that was worrying him. Rose was receptive to the telepathy thanks to the TARDIS. He should have been able to access her mind. At least, to access the part that wasn’t locked.

 

“Rose. Please. Wake up!”

 

That was an order. He wanted her to wake her. She had to wake up. But then, he realised it sounded more like a plea. He was so afraid of losing her that he was begging her to wake up. He was desperate at the mere thought of losing her. Rose Tyler was a simple little human but to him, she was so much more. She was a friend. No, she was hope, she was light, she was love. She was everything he needed.

 

“Please. Don’t let me down.”

 

His hearts hurt as if someone was crashing them into its fists. That’s when he noticed she wasn’t breathing anymore. He almost did a heart attack. He couldn’t lose her, not now, not that way. He had to save her. He shook his head and took a deep breath, remembering all the stupid TV shows he had watched in her room. That had just been an excuse to spend more time with her but now, those TV shows could save her life.

 

×

 

She was still cold under his hands but his only thought at the moment was to breathe some life back into her. He had laid her down on her back and was now pressing repeatedly his hands on her chest and blowing some air into her mouth just like he had seen in the TV. He promised himself to study all the human medical stuffs and to stop criticising the shows Rose was watching if he ever managed to save her. He sighed in relief when she coughed and spat water. He helped her getting on her side so she wouldn’t suffocate. He gently patted and rubbed her back while she was coughing to help her expelling the water that was filling her lungs. He watched her relieved but still worried as she curled up to get warm. Her body was badly shaking because of the water and the cold temperature and he could see how confused she was.

He gently and very carefully caught her arms and sat her down, her back against the cold and hard stone wall of the cell. He noticed she was about to panic and before he could do anything, her eyes met his. Her big brown eyes were looking straight into his blue icy ones. He didn’t know what she was seeing – maybe the tears threatening to fall – but she calmed down. He softly brushed her temples with his shaking fingers to ease her pain.

 

“This is all my fault.”

 

He could see how confused she was when she looked at him. He felt his hearts fell into his chest when he realised she wasn’t recognising him. He was barely breathing now because of the pain he was feeling. He couldn’t linger on his pain right now. He had to help her getting warmer and the first step was to get rid of her soaked clothes. He didn’t like the idea but he started undressing her, taking off her vest and shirt. He could see the fear in her eyes but he never looked down. He kept looking at her in the eyes, never looked at her shaking body. He left her in her underwear and then, took off his jacket and jumper and made her put on the jumper before wrapping her into his jacket.

 

“It’s okay.” _He whispered._ “It’s all gonna be okay now.”

 

He sat down next to her, his bare back against the stone and carefully took her on his lap. He felt her shiver against him. Though a Time Lord temperature was 59°F, she was so cold she could considerate him as hot. He felt a bit embarrassed when she curled up against his chest to make the most of his natural heat. He knew she still didn’t recognise him but she was trusting him and that’s all he needed at the moment. He softly talked to her, even though she was not listening as usual. They did something to her mind. He could feel it and he had to fix it. So, he did the most unbelievable thing coming from him and he kissed her. She jumped but didn’t push him away. The surprise let him access her mind more easily. A small trickle of golden light passed from his mouth to hers as he was fixing her mind with his very own regenerative energy.

He felt her clung onto him as he brought her memories back. The light slowly faded away. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she did the same around his. He watched her resting her head on his chest. She was listening to the sound of his hearts and, as she wasn’t looking at him, he let the tears he had held back for too long falling in silence.

 

“It’s okay, Doctor.” _She said._ “I’m okay. You fixed me, my Doctor.”

 

He couldn’t help. He was so relieved to have her back. He was so relieved she was alive and remembering him. He had multiple solutions to fix her mind but he really wanted to kiss her and now he didn’t know what to do anymore because he really enjoyed kissing her, because he realised how much he would be lost without her, how much he needed her in his life and worst of all, how much he loved that tiny little human he was holding in his arms…


	9. Better with two (PART I - Twelve/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had made sure to be everywhere he was but he never seemed to see her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original idea comes from a roleplay I did with dxctors.queen on Instagram. Most of the first part is the work we did together. The second part was enterely written by me.  
> When we worked on that roleplay, I didn't see the episodes with Twelve yet so I may have personalised the Twelfth Doctor a little bit.

It was strange watching him have no clue of who she was. Her beloved Doctor whom she had worked desperately to find again had absolutely no idea of who she was. It had been far too long in his timeline. Who knew what had happened to him during all those years she was away? She didn’t. Time was faster in her universe and yet it seemed to go very slowly. Time in the right order wasn’t fun actually. It was better to just pop up here and there, to go everywhere, no matter the time or the planet. All of that ended when he had left her on Bad Wolf Bay but she never stopped trying to come back though she had slowly been losing hope because of the many failures. Years had passed by and she had lost everything in her quest for the Doctor. Until she found the portal to her birth universe. Until she found him again.

She started to make sure she was everywhere he was. Cafes, hotels, even the little corner shops where he’d stop by to buy a small snack. She was nervous every time he was getting close to her but he never noticed her, as if she was invisible. She could have abandoned and let him go but she was too close to give in. She couldn’t just let him go now that she had found him. She was sure that if he just took a look at her, he would realize that she’s been following him. Maybe he would tell her that she was reminding him of somehow. But he never said anything. She had to move up a gear. One evening, she saw he was going into a little coffee shop. She disguised herself as a waitress and put his favourite cup of coffee on his table before he even ordered. She’d hidden the ring he’d given her a long time ago inside, hoping he’d remember her.

 

“Waitress’ intuition” _she said softly, nodding to the cup_. “You look like a no sugar kind of guy.”

 

The Doctor raised his head and looked at the waitress. He gave her a small smile and thanked her. Then, he looked down at his coffee. He was too lost in his thoughts to wonder how she got to know that he liked it with no sugar. She felt familiar though, as if they’ve already met. That was possible. He had been living for so long now and couldn’t remember all the persons he met but could clearly name the persons that died because of him. He sighed and took a mouthful.

 

“Reminds me of how bitter life can be.”

 

He had said that more for him than for her but she understood the feeling. She was thinking the same. She smiled weakly.

 

“I feel the same way.” _She agreed, rubbing her arm at bit_. “Never can quite get the attention of someone I’ve been looking for a long time.”

 

She sighed heavily. He looked at her again, surprised by the tone of her voice. He could see that she was nervous and pretty sad. He thought that she looked as broken as he was and that made him sad.

 

“I wish I would help you. But I’m not even able to help myself lately. Sorry.”

 

He gave her a smile with no joy, his eyes full of sadness. He’d been helping people for a very long time and now he just needed some time for him to heal his own wounds.

 

“No, I would really like to help you actually.” She said softly, carefully sitting down across from him. “See, I know the look of a lost love. I don’t know how many you’ve loved and lost but that sadness is there. I can fix it.”

“I don’t think you can. Thanks though. It’s nice to see that some people still care about others.”

 

He took another mouthful and avoided her look. He didn’t need anyone’s pity. He didn’t need anyone around him. No one survived around him. They all died, disappeared, got hurt or worse. He didn’t want to see that anymore. He couldn’t bear that anymore.

 

“I have to go.” _He said as he got up, leaving his cup half-full._

“Rose Tyler” _she said_ , _starting to get up_. “Do you remember Rose Tyler?”

 

She was terrified he wouldn’t remember, that he would think she was crazy. He stopped. How did she even know that name? Rose Tyler died in a battle he hadn’t wanted her to take a part in. In that universe, she was nothing else but a dead name on an empty grave he had dug. She had been stuck in a parallel world because he had said that it was the best for her. It had been the worst decision he had ever taken and he regretted it every day. His life went on and he hadn’t wanted to think about the great life she might have had with the metacrisis Doctor. He still didn’t want to know. She probably died a long time ago after living a long and happy life like he had wanted her to. He would never see her again and she never saw him again before her death. He clenched his jaw. He had tried so hard not to think about that. How come a little waitress could know about his Rose?

 

“She’s a friend I’ve lost a long time ago.”

 

Saying it out loud was harder than keeping the thought for him The name brought back a lot of memories. The fear suddenly overwhelmed him as he realized that time passing by, those memories weren’t as clear as they used to be. He was slowly losing her. Again. He didn’t like that. He didn’t want to lose her again.

 

“The best friend I could ever have.”

“She loved you.” _She said softly, a single tear sliding down her cheek_.

 

She was heartbroken to say the least. A friend. Just a friend. At least, he knew who she was. He still remembered that she had existed in one of his past lives. She had to end the game now. She couldn’t bear it anymore.

 

“I loved you.”

 

The Doctor turned around, surprised by the words of the waitress. How could she know? That was impossible. Rose Tyler was dead a long time ago and he would never see her again. He clenched his fists. His hearts were now full of anger and sadness. No one should ever talk to him about Rose unless they knew who she really was. It was too painful remembering the girl he loved, remembering he never was able to tell her. It was painful to realize that his memories of her were slowly fading away.

 

“You can’t know all those things. You can’t know what Rose Tyler really felt about me. No one knew. Not even you. Not even me. I didn’t want to see it. Who are you to pretend to know what she and I felt for each other?”

 

His anger went on and he clenched his fists harder. His body was shaking and didn’t like being in such a weak position. He hated that waitress. He hated what she had just done to him. If he wasn’t who he was, if he didn’t control himself, he would have slapped her. But he couldn’t ignore what she said. He could just stand still there, trying to hold back his anger. Who was that girl pretending to know everything about the bound Rose and him had shared?

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

He kept his voice very calm but he knew she could feel the anger he was holding back. He hoped she would be afraid. He left, hoping she wouldn’t follow him. She emptied the cup of coffee and got the ring back. Then, she stormed after him, frowning deeply and threw it to him. The ring hit his back. The Doctor stopped. He turned around, shot her a dirty look and picked up the ring. He froze when he realized he knew that ring. A simple ring with Gallifreyan symbols. A ring his mom had given him before he married his first wife. A ring he had retrieved on the dead body of his wife before leaving Gallifrey. A ring he had kept with him for years before giving it to the woman he loved more than his own life. He pressed the ring in his hand, holding back the tears that were filling his eyes. The pain was overwhelming him and he was too broken, too weak to reject it.

 

“I know what I’m talking about because that’s who I am! I am the one who loved you more than anything in the world! I am the one who would have given my life to save yours! I am the first one to have ever seen how broken, desperate, mad and lost you were after losing your planet and your people! I have searched for you for many years, I have followed you, I have desperately tried to get your attention but you never saw me!”

 

She was truly angry but most of all she was hurt. How could he not see that she was right in front of him? How could he not see all she’d done to get back to him?

 

“It’s not… You can’t be…”

 

And yet, while looking at her, memories went through his mind. It was all blurred at first but it became clearer and clearer. Rose’s face came back to his mind as clearly as if it was yesterday. And the blonde girl, the waitress that was following him looked exactly like the girl he had loved with the bottom of his hearts. He took a step back, astounded, and almost fell on the TARDIS.

 

“I can’t believe it.” _He whispered_.

 

He thought he had gone mad, that something was wrong with his mind. She hadn’t aged a bit. That was impossible. His Rose Tyler was just a little human. She could not have lived so long. That was beyond logic and the Doctor couldn’t believe that was really her in front of him, not after all these years, not after he had lost everything and everyone. Someone was probably tricking him. He stared at her as she watched him sadly, hugging herself.

 

“I’ve desperately tried to get you to look at me” _she said with a softer voice, a voice in which he could hear her pain and her sadness._ “I missed you so much.”

“I’m-I’m sorry. It’s just… I spent so much time mourning you, so much time convincing myself that it was all over, that I would never see you again except in my memories, memories that are fading away more and more every day. It frightens me because I don’t want to forget you, Rose Tyler. All this time, I fought hallucinations. I was seeing your face everywhere I go, in every dream I had. I was always trying to catch your hand but you always disappeared. And now, you just came out of nowhere? That’s just unbelievable.”

 

He took his head into his hands and sat on the floor, his back against the TARDIS. He was overwhelmed by his emotions, pretty certain that that was all a dream or an hallucination, a trick from his broken mind. Or maybe it was all over for him and someone was sending him the only person he needed to see in the world before he died for good. She stepped closer to him, taking his hands.

 

“Please. See me, Doctor. Let me back into your life like we both desperately need. I miss you more than anything in the whole world, my Doctor.”

 

Her touch surprised him to say the least. He was convinced she was just a product from his imagination but it looked like she was not. Was he mad? Was he hallucinating? Sick? On the edge of death? Her hands were as real as he was, as the TARDIS in his back was, and it was hard to believe for him. He took her hands in his, enjoying her touch. He would have recognized it anywhere; he had held those hands so many times before.

 

“I have loved you with all my hearts and soul. When you disappeared, my being had been torn apart. I’ve never been able to put the pieces back together. Look at me, Rose. I’m not the Doctor you used to know anymore. Why would you come back to the man I’ve become? Why now? Is there something I should know?”

 

His words were full of pain and despair and he knew she could feel how desperately he needed her in his life again. She rubbed his hands with her thumbs.

 

“Because now is when we need each other. Now and forever.” _She moved one of her hands, lightly cupping his cheek_. “Please, let me come back. Let’s live the forever we promised each other so long ago.”

“How could I ever say no when I’ve been waiting for this day to come?” _He said, giving her a small smile._

 

She smiled in relief, kissing his cheek. The move surprised him. He was not used to those kind of displays. He was pretty sure he was glowing.

 

“I’ve missed you so much, Doctor.”

 

She pulled him into a tight hug, burrowing her face into his chest. It felt weird having Rose Tyler in his arms again. He wasn’t a hugging type of guy but having Rose in his arms felt right. That’s why he hugged her back and closed his eyes, enjoying a moment he thought would never happen. He didn’t even care if he was daydreaming, hallucinating or anything. Rose Tyler was all he needed, whether she was real or not.

 

“So, you’re ready to fly through time and space with the old daft and grumpy guy I am?” _he whispered in her ear._

“Of course! I’m always ready to travel with my favourite Time Lord.” _She replied, nodding softly and smiling as brightly as lovingly_.

“Fantastic! Allons-y!” _He said with a bright smile, remembering the words he used when he travelled with her._

 

He took her hand and got into the TARDIS with her, ready for a brand new adventure. Now that she was there, life would not be as bitter as before. She smiled, gripping his hand tight as she followed him.

 

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do this again. To be with you again.”

“I can try.” _He simply said._

 

Then, he launched the TARDIS to a fix point in space and time they both used to love. His broken hearts were healing slowly thanks to the come back of his long lost love. Nothing could make him happier than travel with his beloved Rose again. She closed her eyes, hugging him and resting her head against his back as he was sliding the ring back where it belonged: on her finger.

 

“You’re not much different than when we first met, you know.”

“I’m so much more broken than the day we met, Rose. But, at least, I now know that my planet hasn’t been destroyed. Gallifrey is still here, somewhere, and I’m on my way back home. And there’s nothing better than going home with the woman you love.”

 

Rose was the only person who could hug him without it to be uncomfortable and unpleasant for him. With her, he definitely felt home and loved and that’s something he hadn’t feel in a long time. She smiled softly, looking up at him sweetly.

 

“I get to see the place you lived?”

 

She couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect it was to be with him and how perfect it would be if they settled down on Gallifrey to live happily like they both deserved to.

 

“Unless you wanna go back on Earth… Which won’t happen since I won’t let you go, Rose Tyler. You won’t go anywhere without me; I hope you know that.”

She nodded and giggled. “I want to stay with you forever. No point in going back there.”

“Then, let’s go where we both belong: space.”

 

He had said that with a smile as he pressed some button on the console. She nodded and smiled happily, kissing his cheek gently.

 

“Doctor, I have a very serious question that I feel is important to ask.”

“You’re not gonna put one knee down, aren’t you?”

 

He was half-joking but his face was now serious. The question got him worried. She smiled weakly, shaking his head.

 

“I know how uncomfortable that would make you. I only want to know… Have there been others? And not just companions, I mean people who have loved you. Whom you loved.”

 

The question caught him off-guard. He hadn’t expected it and yet, he should have. He remembered that one time they’d met Sarah Jane. Rose had been jealous but also angry and hurt. She had thought he would abandon her and all he could answer at the moment was that it was his curse. Nothing to reassure her. And he did abandon her in the end. And he did travel with other people he had loved, but not the way he had loved her.

 

“I travelled alone for some time before a new companion came. I loved them in a way. Not like I love you. They were friends, very good friends. And I’ve lost all of them. They left, they forgot me, they got lost in time and space. Losing them always reminded me of your loss. But I’ve never let anyone know how much I was in pain. You would have loved them. They were clever, sassy, funny. But they never took your place. No one can do that.”

She smiled, very relieved. “If I were able to stay here and never leave you again… Would-would you love me forever?”

“Does it need saying?”

 

The answer was obvious to him. He didn’t need to be saying. She smiled brightly, biting down her lip. She was about to say something that would definitively change their relationship.

 

“Good, because… Because I’m unable to die, Doctor. I’ve lived multiple centuries now.”

“Good thing I can’t die either.” _He said but Rose’s answer raised a question_. “Is the Bad Wolf involved in this miracle?”

She nodded softly, still biting her lip. “It gave me life. Much more life than I was expecting to have.”

“I was afraid this would happen. I didn’t want you to live with that burden, to see your friends and family die while you keep living.” _He hugged her to comfort her. It must have been hard for her._ “But I will forever be there for you. I promise to never leave you whatever happens.”

She hugged onto him, a few tears sliding down her cheeks. “I had a child, Doctor. She looked so much like you.” _She smiled weakly_. “Once I lost her, I knew I needed to find you again.”

“Sorry to hear that.” _He said as he wiped away her tears_. “I know how hard it is. I’m glad that you found a way to come back to me. We’ll deal with that together. Better with two, right? I bet your little girl was as beautiful and clever as her mother.”

“She was lovely.”

 

Rose closed her eyes to hide the tears coming. She would never forget her little girl. She had asked so many questions about her mother. Rose was a mystery to other people. She often had to move because people were wondering why she wasn’t aging. She had had to watch her mother, her father, Tony, Mickey, Tentoo and her daughter grow old and die until she had nothing left. She had told her daughter everything about her and the Doctor. The girl had wanted to meet him and died with all her dreams. Rose still couldn’t bear the sad smile her daughter had when she passed away. She had promised her to find the Doctor, to get back to him and to tell him about her. She had promised to get back to him and to take her to the stars. Fate had decided to grant their wishes.

 

“It’s-It’s against the laws of Time but if you want we could go back in time and-and save her. We could travel with her, be a family.”

 

A family with Rose, that was what he wanted the most. They could have that. They could have their own family and they’d all live on Gallifrey. They’d be happy together. Rose shook her head weakly.

 

“Even though she had dreamt of meeting you, she had a good, long life. I… I think we should have a family of our own.”

“Having little Time Lords? With me? I guess you love challenges!” _He said, laughing_. “I want a family with you too. I never thought this dream would come true.”

She giggled and hugged him tighter. “I never thought it would happen either.”

“And here we are, about to build a brighter future. If I were told that a few years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

“I’m so happy to have you in my life again.” _She said, smiling sweetly, gently cupping his cheek._

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Rose Tyler. I’d be lost if I didn’t have you. See what I’ve become when you were gone.”

 

She smiled sweetly but the sadness of those past years were visible in his eyes. He would have given up if it wasn’t for her. How did he manage to go that far after she got stuck in that universe? Who helped him through the solitude of his life of last Time Lord?

 

“Perhaps a kiss would make you feel better.”

 

It was a shy offer. She didn’t know how he would respond to that. He still was the Doctor she knew but she didn’t know that regeneration that well. What if he wasn’t a demonstrative kind of guy? He put his hand on her cheek, looking at her tenderly.

 

“We won’t know if we don’t try.”

 

And he kissed her on the lips with all the love he had for her and even more. She kissed him back, deeply, pretty close. Never had she felt so at home before than when she was with him at that moment. The Doctor enjoyed the kiss. He was happy. There was no other word for how he was feeling right now. Everything he had wished for all those years became real. And there was nothing better to him than living the rest of his very long life with the only woman he had truly loved.

 

“I will always love you, Rose.” _He whispered_.

“I love you too.” _She whispered, kissing his cheek gently_. “And I will always be there for you.”

“So will I.”

 

He kissed her again. Everything felt right. He was finally home in the arms of the woman he loved. She kissed him, smiling adoringly.

 

“My handsome Doctor.”

“My beautiful Rose.” _He simply said, holding her tighter._ “We’re finally both home.”

 

She kept on smiling and giggled shyly. He kissed her forehead and smiled as the TARDIS landed where their new story was about to start. She kissed him softly.

 

“We have so much catching up to do.”

“We better start now before troubles knock on our door like they always do.”

 

They both know that it would happen. Troubles followed the Doctor everywhere he was going. He hadn’t spent a normal Christmas for years. However, he would never forget the one he had spent with Rose’s family. He had just regenerated to his tenth form and was still wondering what kind of man he was. The best Christmas he ever had on Earth. The best Christmas he ever had at all. Rose nodded and smiled, kissing his cheek once again.  

 

“How about we catching up over a nice picnic?”

“I’m in! Only if there are chips! Oh, and bananas! And fish fingers with custard!” _He said with excitement._

“Fish fingers with custard?” _She asked, raising an eyebrow_. “Doctor, what kind of things have you gotten yourself into?”

 

The Doctor didn’t answer immediately. Fish fingers and custard were something he used to share with two of his previous companions. Amelia and Rory. Nobody had understood their weird love for two things that just didn’t belong together. But he loved it and still did.

 

“My past self loved this and somehow, I do too. People always think that it’s a joke. Amy didn’t. She’s the one who gave me fish fingers and custard in the first place.” _He finally said with a sad smile._

“Who’s Amy?” _She asked gently, biting down her lip_.

“After I last saw you on Bad Wolf Bay, a lot of things happened. I had to erase Donna’s memories to save her life. But I was involved in last mission including the Master, an old friend of mine who was supposed to be dead, and Wilf, Donna’s grandfather. Remember that night, January 1st 2005?”

 

He’d been decades since that day. It was the last time he saw her and the first time she ever saw him. He was in pain, could barely walk or talk but he had felt the need to say one last goodbye to the girl he loved before dying, before becoming a whole new man. Rose nodded and smiled softly. She would always remember the day she had met the Doctor. Well, he was just a drunk and weird stranger to her at that time.

 

“The first day I ever saw you.”

“I was about to regenerate but I needed to see you one last time though I was in a lot of pain. That regeneration was the worst I ever had and when I finally got my new face, my TARDIS crashed down in little Amy’s garden. I wanted an apple for some reason. She let me get into her house and gave me food. The only thing I could eat was fish fingers with custard.” _He had a small laugh._ “After that, I got to the TARDIS and said I’d be back in a few minutes. It happened to be years. She had waited for me and hated me for disappearing that way. I travelled with her and Rory, her husband, somehow ended up married to their daughter, River who died to save me. That part of my life is a mess, I might admit.”

“Married?” _She frowned, looking a little upset_. “I thought you said there was no one else.”

“There wasn’t. Timey wimey thing. She was raised to kill me actually. Marrying her was a way to keep me alive.”

“I don’t understand.” _She said as she frowned deeply and crossed her arms_.

“River’s name is Melody Pond. Amy and Rory conceived her in the TARDIS” _he explained with a funny face_. “That’s why she’s half human, half Time Lady and knows how to drive this sexy girl.” _He added, tenderly hitting the console._ “She was taken away from her parents when she was just a little girl by the Silence. They raised her with one aim: killing me. I tried to prevent her from doing so but that was impossible. I was meant to die that day. And I died. Not a pleasant experience.”

 

“I’m sorry” was the only thing she could reply to that explanation. The Doctor’s life had always been weird. She thought she had seen everything but she had still some things to learn about him. She smiled weakly and hugged him to remind herself that she was his. She always had been his. From the beginning to the end.

 

“She got married to a double of myself created by the Telesecta team. Long story. When River and I kissed, time went back to his normal flux. The Silence thought I was dead while I kept on travelling. River’s timeline is different from mine. She’s my future, I’m her past. It wasn’t love, just some kind of admiration.”

“Okay”, _she sighed, shutting her eyes_.

“You’ve always been the one. No matter how many companions I’ve had after. I-I didn’t want to talk about you because that was painful but every time I did, they all understood what you meant to me. Even the TARDIS knows it. In dark times, she was always sending me your image. You don’t have to worry.”

 

He knew that she was hurt by the fact he had had other companions. Being alone wasn’t something he was able to do. He always needed someone by his side. But, even when there were others, he had always been thinking about her. He could never forget his Rose, the pink and yellow girl who gave him hope, who fixed the broken mess he was when she had met him in that shop. He felt her hugging him tight and listened to her breathing slowly.

 

“I’m not going to leave you ever again. I promise you.”

“Hold on to me, Rose Tyler.”

 

He had whispered those few words afraid of losing her again and hugged her back. His mind was somewhere else, lost in dull memories he had involuntary reawakened. She clung onto him tightly, shaking. She whispered an “I love you” in his ear but he didn’t answer because he knew she could feel how strong his feelings for her were.

 

“We were talking about a picnic, weren’t we? We have a lot to talk about. Good thing I’m the master of Time, right?”

She nodded softly. “And I’m the Bad Wolf.”

“My Bad Wolf to be exact.”

 

He smiled at her. She kissed his nose, smiling sweetly. They were both so happy right now. Only Death would have been able to pull them apart and they had already proved that they could cheat with the Grim Reaper. He hummed something in her ear, making her smile. He was still holding her, not wanting to let her go. Then, he took her hand and led her outside.

 

“Let’s eat something. We gotta be fighting fit to find Gallifrey and start our lovely family.”

“Eating sounds really nice, actually. Now that you mention it.” _She grinned at him_.

“I know where we can get the best chips in all the universe. You gotta taste them.”

 

He walked in the streets of the planet they had landed on. Holding Rose’s hand felt so right. She smiled softly, following him happily. It reminded her of all the past adventured they had lived together.

 

“Oh?”

 

He took her to a little shop and ordered two meals. Chips weren’t such a great thing but they both loved it and reminded them of a past life. They ate chips for their first “date”. He had taken her far away in the future to show her the planet she had always lived on burn. He didn’t even know why he had done that. At that time, he was still a broken and bitter man. Maybe he had wanted her to feel his pain. Maybe he had wanted her to understand what he had lived. Later, he had realized how selfish it had been and had been totally astounded by the way she had put up with it. Rose Tyler was truly fantastic.

 

“I must do better than chips for our next date.”

“You can’t possibly do better.”

“Don’t bet on it. I can do better.” _He said with a bright smile as chips were put in front of them._

“You’re ridiculous.”

 

She was joking. She loved how her Doctor was still the same, how he was always looking for a way to be a better man for her, to offer her the best he could. He pretended to be offended by her words.

 

“Not ridiculous, impressive.”

“Whatever you say my dear” _she granted, smiling_.

 

He remained silent and ate a chip, enjoying the taste on his tongue. He spent a few minutes looking at his beautiful Rose who wasn’t quite the same as before.

 

“Tell me everything my beloved, what happened to you? Was the half-me treating you right? How did you find me?”

 

He was curious about how his lovely girl had gone through all those years they were apart, how was her life with metacrisis Doctor, how she had found a way to come back in that universe without ripping everything.

 

“Everything was fine.” _She said quietly, leaning on him and eating chips._ “We lived happily, until he joined the war effort. Then things changed and… Well, I had nothing until I found you. I got through the portal.”

“Never heard about a portal. I would have come sooner if I had known. I wouldn’t have let you on your own.”

“That’s okay. I found you.”

“You were in a lot of pain because of me”

 

And he wasn’t able to forgive himself for ruining her life. Maybe he should have erased her memories just like Donna’s. But then, how would have she been able to find again?

 

“I’m fine.” _She softly said_.

“And I can’t be more thankful for that.”

 

He put his arm around her shoulders to get her closer to him. He would never let her go again. He’d rather die than live that situation again. He knew he wouldn’t be strong enough to bear her absence again. She kissed his cheek and he smiled.

 

“To have you again is a miracle.”

“I think the same. Looks like fate decided to reunite the two of us after all. How are we gonna take revenge on this bitch? Almost killed me with all those bad news, and losses, and solitude.

 

He pretended to be thinking about a possible revenge while eating Rose’s chips. She raised an eyebrow and hit his hand.

 

“What are you talking about?”

“Time to show to this freaking bitch that we were meant to be together from the beginning, time to show it how happy we can be, don’t you think?”

“Okay then” _she replied, laughing_.

“My last companion, Clara, used to tod me I wasn’t a warrior but somehow, I feel like I am. I chose to be the Doctor because it felt right, because I wanted to help people but… Since the war, since I’ve lost you and the other companions, I’m full of rage, and pain. I have felt like I had to get a revenge on life. But now that you’re back, I just don’t know what to do with all those feelings consuming me for decades.” _He admitted, playing with a strand of her hair._

“We’ll find a way to channel it.”

“Any people would be afraid of all the darkness I have. Not you. You’re wonderful, you know? Have I ever told you that?”

“In various forms…”

“You were fantastic, absolutely fantastic!” I remember that one. It was a hard time.”

“And it will never happen again. It’s going to be me and you forever.” _She promised, hugging his torso_.

“Don’t let me die then. I’m living my last life. I can’t regenerate anymore. And you know how much I love flirting with Death.” _He confessed._

“Oh God…” _she said, biting her lip._ “I can’t lose you.”

“I’ve warned you travelling with me was dangerous. I’ve never been able to take care of myself. Too much running to do, too many threats to defeat.”

“Too many women to love and protect.” _She teased, nuzzling him._

“I also travelled with men!” _He said, pretending to be hurt again by her words._

 

She snorted and kissed him. She knew it. They both travelled with Captain Jack Harkness because she had insisted to save him. The Doctor didn’t like the guy that much at first but had to admit he had been a _fantastic_ companion too and someone he could always trust. He laughed, remembering all the good moments he had when he used to travel with Jack and Rose. It felt good. He was starting to feel nostalgic when something caught his attention. The silence. Everything was loud and agitated when they came in. Why was everything so silently all of a sudden? The Doctor raised an eyebrow. Rose nuzzled him gently and closed her eyes.

 

“I’m exhausted, love.”

“Something’s strange.”

 

He didn’t really hear what she said focused on the sudden silence. Nothing had changed around him. Everything seemed normal. But why was everything so silent suddenly?

 

“Don’t you notice it?”

“No” _she replied, shaking her head a bit_.

“I must be paranoid. Been running for too long. Always thinking there’s some danger here and there.”

“We’ll be okay.” _She reassured him, kissing his cheek_.

“You should have met my eleventh form. He was the optimistic one. I’m the grumpy paranoid one.”

“This form is my favourite.” _She said gently._

“Oh, don’t tell Jack I’ve lost the bet. I said your favourite form was the tenth. You know, the foxy one.”

 

She giggled but was surprised to hear about Jack. She knew the Bad Wolf had saved him from Death but the Doctor let her know that he was still alive. Was it possible that the Bad Wolf actually gave more life than necessary to him too? Were they both unable to die?

 

“He was lovely, but you’re the one I have now.”

“Somehow I have the feeling that my final hour has come and that you’re just an hallucination here to help me accept my final death. Whether it’s true or not, I don’t care. I have you and that’s all that matters.” _He said as he held her tighter in his arms._

“I’m real. I promise.”

 

She leaned against his torso and closed her eyes. She was finally home. Nothing ever felt so right for a long time. She had finally found her way back to the Doctor after so many years of false hopes, after losing everyone. It was about time they both met each other again. She knew the Doctor thought the same. They didn’t see each other in ages but nothing seemed to have changed between them. They still loved each other and that was the only thing that mattered. She finally fell asleep, happy to be in his arms again. He smiled at her.

 

“She’s right. She’s real. But I’ve never seen someone so discerning before you, Doctor. You’ve immediately sensed that something was wrong.”

 

The Doctor’s smile disappeared as a plump guy sat down across from him. The embers of his rage reawakened when he realised that he knew the guy. Someone from his past. Someone he never wanted to see again. When he was around, it meant that something really bad was gonna happen. The Doctor held Rose tighter. Whatever was going to happen now, he would not lose her again. That would never happen again. Even if he had to die for good.


	10. Better with two (PART II - Twelve/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was his choice to make and that wasn't an easy one...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original idea comes from a roleplay I did with dxctors.queen on Instagram. Most of the first part is the work we did together. The second part was enterely written by me.  
> When we worked on that roleplay, I didn't see the episodes with Twelve yet so I may have personalised the Twelfth Doctor a little bit.

The Doctor remained silent as the guy stole some of the chips left. The anger was burning in the pit of his stomach and he tried his best not to attack the man in from of him. He was just an envoy. He never did the things by himself. He just delivered the message of the disaster or the good thing to come and disappeared as if nothing had happened. That guy wasn’t a Time Lord but he was related to them, somehow. The envoys came from a planet near Gallifrey and were all assigned to a Time Lord to deliver messages from everyone about everything. That one was the Doctor’s one. The Doctor had only seen him a few times before. The guy had well-chosen his name. He only told him about disasters. He never had good news for him. What was he gonna say now? That wouldn’t please him. That was a certitude. He told him about Gallifrey but the Doctor had never believed him until it happened.

 

“Psycho. Long time no see.”

“Did you miss me?”

“Not at all.”

 

The Doctor’s voice was really calm but inside down, he was boiling with rage. He looked down at Rose who was sleeping on his shoulder. The silence hit him once again. It was unreal.

 

“Oh, Doctor. We don’t see each other that much.”

“It’s already too much.”

“You’ve always been so rude!”

“What have you done to her?” _He asked, showing Rose_.

“Nothing. I have no control on the Bad Wolf. She came here on her own.”

“She’s not…”

“She’s here as the Bad Wolf, not as Rose Tyler. I can feel it.”

 

The Doctor looked at her again and swallowed. He hadn’t sensed it. For him, she was just Rose Tyler. She had done everything to make him believe she was her. The Bad Wolf had been a part of Rose a long time ago. Maybe she had just taken her appearance to get close to him. He could hardly believe it after all that had happened those last few hours. If the Bad Wolf was really there, that couldn’t be a good sign. Psycho being there too was definitively not a good sign. What was happening? A major crisis must have happened but he didn’t know about it and the TARDIS hadn’t told him anything. He hated not knowing. He hated the feeling that was appearing in his stomach. A feeling of fear. Something big was coming up and he hadn’t seen it coming. Something was wrong with him. How come he couldn’t sense the Bad Wolf, but the envoy could? Why his TARDIS suddenly felt unreachable in his mind?

 

“The last time I saw you, you told me I would burn Gallifrey.”

“You didn’t believe me.”

“How could I?”

“But you did it.”

“And I hated you.”

“You’ve hated yourself more.”

“Why are you here? And don’t bother lying to me. The Bad Wolf and you, must be something really bad.”

 

The envoy didn’t answer him. He drew the plate full of chips to him and began eating it. How could he say the thing as clearly as possible? Actually, he didn’t care about how to tell the thing. He just had to make the Doctor understand what was really going on. And that wasn’t going to please him. Every time he had met the Doctor, Psycho had been surprised by his incredible cleverness but also by the way his behaviour was changing. Though the man was still the same, his character always changed. It never got better. The Doctor always got bitter. Living a very long life sometimes wasn’t the best thing to do. Things and people always ended up reaching you in the best or in the worst way. And when you lived forever, you never truly forgot everything that had happened to you, every people you’ve lost. No wonder why Time Lords were such awful persons to talk to.

 

“You don’t remember anything of what had happened, heh?”

 

The Doctor was more and more confused. He really didn’t know what Psycho was talking about. Something had happened. He had guessed it by now. But what had exactly happened? He was trying to remember but, strangely, nothing came to his mind. All his past adventures, all the people he had known in his very long life were still in his mind, he knew it but he couldn’t access it. It was all blurry, unreachable just like his TARDIS was. It was weird and very scary. And the Doctor had to admit he was afraid. Something that didn’t happen much often.

 

“What am I supposed to remember?” _He asked, not showing his fear_.

“Your mind is really an interesting piece. Your memory is selective, Doctor. It’s trying to avoid a very bad thing.”

“What if you told me instead of playing around?”

“I would rather have you remembering it by yourself.”

 

Oh how irritating the guy was! If he wasn’t such preoccupied by the reason of his presence, he would have smashed Psycho’s head on the table. There was nothing worse than someone playing around with something he was dying to say anyway. And the Doctor, though his Time Lord condition, wasn’t someone really patient.

 

“You obviously know something I don’t. Tell me. I won’t wait any longer.”

“Someone gave me a message for you, a strange message I have to admit. And I usually don’t get my message from people…”

“Get straight to the point or I smash your head in that plate.”

“Easy, Time Boy!” _Said Psycho, raising his hands to calm him down_. “The message was: _“You don’t be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.”_ Does this ring a bell?”

 

The words hit something inside him. A voice. The same words with that voice. But he couldn’t remember whose voice it was, he couldn’t remember who told him those words. They were obviously addressed to him. He was the only Doctor, the Doctor, in all the universes. Someone asked him not to be a warrior. That someone probably died for him and asked him not to take revenge for what had happened.

 

“I can remember the voice.”

“That’s a good start. It means your memories are still here somewhere. You just have to wake them up”

“It’s never a good thing to wake some memories up. If I forgot them, there was a reason. Probably a good one.”

“Not my business. I’m here to force you to get those memories back so you can understand the reason of my presence here.”

“As you know the whole story, it’ll be easier if you said it all to me.”

 

He knew he couldn’t do that. The envoy could just give the message and be sure that it was well understood but he could not interfere in the process of that understanding. The Time Lords had to do it on their own.

 

“You remember every single of your companions, Doctor. Why is it so hard to remember which one had asked you to be a Doctor and not a warrior?”

 

This could only be one of his most recent companions. He remembered a short brown girl. His eleventh self kept calling her “impossible girl”. What was her name already? He could see her face, her smile. He could see them travelling together but the name didn’t come. He frowned. He had never forgotten the name of any of his companions. Why was it so difficult suddenly?

 

“Maybe because she’s linked to a story I don’t wanna remember?”

“You never forgot Rose Tyler. She was your soulmate and you’ve lost her. You still remember your best friend Donna Noble, though it destroyed you to erase her memory. Amy and Rory are still in there” _he pointed a finger to the Doctor’s head_ , “and they both died. Why is it so hard to remember Clara Oswald who also gave her life for you?”

 

Clara Oswald. The name definitively rang a bell. Clara Oswald, the impossible girl born to save him all those centuries ago. Clara Oswald, the girl that wasn’t supposed to be able to die but who died anyway. Clara Oswald who asked him to let her be brave. She sacrificed herself for him, to get rid of the raven that was threatening everyone. How could he even forget her name? She should never be forgotten, just like all the other people he had lost. They all deserved a better life than the one he had given them. He had taken them away from their friends and family and had led them all to a very unpleasant end. Except for Martha Jones who got to live a life he was proud of.

 

\- Flashback -

 

_“Listen, if this is the last I ever see of you, please, not like this.” said Clara to the Doctor. “Is there anything you can do?” She then asked to Ashildr._

_“I’m sorry, I’m truly sorry, I…”_

_“Time’s short. Yes or no?”_

_“No.”_

_The Doctor breathed heavily. He couldn’t believe what was happening. Clara, his Clara, was about to give her life to save his. They were both aware of the danger but they had committed a mistake and that mistake was about to cost Clara’s life. It was hard to swallow. He just couldn’t let her do that._

_“Well, if Danny Pink can do it, I can do it too.”_

_“Do what?” asked the Doctor, afraid of her answer._

_“Die right. Die like I mean it. Face the Raven.”_

_“No. This, this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.”_

_“Maybe this is what I wanted. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is why I kept running. Maybe this is why I kept taking all those stupid risks. Keep pushing it.”_

_“This is my fault.”_

_“This is my choice.”_

_“I let you get reckless.”_

_He had always been a reckless guy, full of energy, ready to take all the risks needed to save the whole universe and all his companions had tried to be like him. Every single of them. And he had lost them all. Now, he was about to lose Clara and he just couldn’t accept it._

_“Why? Why shouldn’t I be so reckless? You’re reckless all the bloody time. Why can’t I be like you?”_

_She was angry at him and he perfectly understood why. It was all his fault. He made that to her. He led her to her end._

_“Clara, there’s nothing special about me. I am nothing but I’m less breakable than you. I should have taken care of you.”_

_“I never asked you to.”_

_“You shouldn’t have to ask.”_

_The raven cawed as it flew around along the winding street and the people scattered terrified. The time was almost done. If they didn’t do anything, the damages would be terrible._

_“Clara, if I’d known, I’d…” said Rigsy._

_“Don’t. Shut up.”_

_“But…”_

_“Really, Rigsy, shut up. If you feel guilty about this, even for one minute, I…” They heard the Raven. She turned to the Doctor. “You. Now, listen to me. You’re going to be alone now, and you’re very bad at that. You’re going to be furious and you’re going to be sad, but listen to me. Don’t let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next, wherever she is sending you, I know what you’re capable of. You don’t be warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.”_

_“What the point of being a Doctor if I can’t cure you?”_

_“Heal yourself. You have to. You can’t let this turn you into a monster. So, I’m not asking you for a promise, I’m giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else, here and anywhere, will suffer.”_

_“What about me?”_

_“If there was something I could do about that, I would. I guess we’re both just going to have to be brave.”_

_“Clara.”_

_She hugged him. He had never been a hugging person. Clara was the only one who could hug him. But he didn’t like that hug. That was a goodbye hug and it hurt more than any other hug they had ever had. He hugged her back, holding the tears back._

_“Everything you are about to say, I already know. Don’t do it now. We’ve already had enough bad timing.”_

_The Raven cawed close by. The death was slowly getting close to them. There was no time to waste anymore. She had to go face her death._

_“Don’t run. Stay with me.” He begged her._

_“Nah. You stay here. In the end, everybody does this alone.”_

_“Clara.”_

_“This is as brave as I know how to be. I know it’s going to hurt you, but, please, be a little proud of me.”_

_She touched his cheek to try to comfort him. He took her hand and slowly kissed it. This would be the last time they would see each other and he realised how hard it’d be. Those were her final words._

_“Goodbye, Doctor.” She whispered softly._

_Clara stepped out into the deserted street. The Raven landed on a nearby stall and cawed. She walked towards it as other passers-by ran away. The Doctor stepped out of the doorway._

_“Let me be brave. Let me be brave.” She kept repeating to herself, hoping the Doctor would do as she had told him._

_The Raven launched itself from its perch. Clara opened her arms wide and it flew into her stomach. She opened her mouth wide in a silent scream of agony. The Doctor didn’t move. He let her do but the pain was tearing him apart. Clara relaxed and the Quantum Shade smoke came out of her mouth as the fell to the ground._

 

\- End -

 

The memory left him totally astonished. He remembered now. He remembered Clara’s sacrifice for him. He remembered her last words but the rest of the memory was all blurred. Did he obey? Or did he look for revenge? He had saved Ashildr and she had betrayed him. It was partly her fault if Clara died that day. How could he have forgotten such a thing?

 

“I remember. I remember her. I remember her words.”

“Good.”

“What now?”

“Do you remember what had happened after she died?”

“No. I just remembered her falling to the ground.”

“I guess, you can’t quite remember that part. The feelings of rage and grief were tearing you apart.”

“What did I do?”

“What do you think you did?”

“I obeyed. That seemed the right thing to do.”

“In an alternative timeline, you did. You were supposed to follow that timeline but you didn’t.”

“You’re not supposed to see the different timelines. Only Time Lords can do that.”

“I can’t. This is a part of the message. I have been told what was supposed to happen and what you’ve actually done.”

“And I’ve not done the right thing.”

“Depends on what you think is the right thing.”

“For you, the right thing to do is always the most horrible one.”

“The bad news are always more fun than the good ones. I once gave good news but I got bored. I asked to be transferred to the bad news. And I got assigned to you.”

“What an honour!” _Said the Doctor, ironically._

 

Psycho finished the chips and pushed the plate away. He slowly dried his hands and threw the paper towel in the empty plate. The Doctor was staring at him, waiting not so patiently for him.

 

“Well, still no memories of what you’ve done?”

“I was waiting for you to tell me.”

“Aren’t you a bit lazy?”

“No. Just pissed off.”

“As usual.”

“I’m going to strangle you.”

“Not something the Doctor would do.”

“Said the guy who told me I would commit a genocide.”

“Extenuated circumstances?”

“Get to the real point of all of this, Psycho.”

“ _Run you clever boy and remember me._ ”

“Stop quoting her!”

“Start remembering, Doctor.”

 

The Doctor was boiling with rage. That guy was truly pissing him off. He was gonna hit him if he kept playing with his nerves. Next to him, Rose – or was it really the Bad Wolf? – started to move and slowly woke up. She gave a dirty look to Psycho. She didn’t like him either.

 

“You missed the entire fun Bad Wolf girl.”

“I told you not to come.”

“You were supposed to give the message instead of cuddling lovingly and everything.”

 

The Bad Wolf girl blushed a little. There was still some Rose in there. The Bad Wolf was pretty indifferent to any kind of emotions. The idea of Rose rushing to him while he was about to learn something terrible made his hearts beat a little bit faster. She had fought all those years to come back to him. Somehow she did manage to get to him but not in the form of the girl he used to love more than life itself. Now, he could really see the Bad Wolf. It was there, using Rose’s body like it had always done.

 

“That doesn’t really matter at this point.”

“It does.”

“He needed to trust me.”

“He always has.”

“Needed to be sure.”

“Are the both of you explaining me what’s happening or are you just gonna fight over your freaking ways of working?” _Said the Doctor bitterly._

 

He couldn’t quite believe the Bad Wolf and the envoy had seen each other to choose who would tell him what was supposed to happen. He had no clue at all and their little fight wasn’t helping his anger.

 

“I can’t definitively take it as a good sign.”

“It’s not, my Doctor.”

“So, what am I supposed to have done after losing Clara?”

 

The Bad Wolf bit her lip a few seconds. How could she say something as harsh as the thing she had to tell him? It wasn’t an easy one but they had to. That was their mission. He had a choice to make and he wouldn’t be able to if they didn’t tell him what was going on.

 

“It’s better if I show you.” _She simply said._

 

She slowly stroked her face with a sad look. Then, she pressed her fingers on his temple and closed her eyes. He was surprised to see that she could reach his mind so easily but couldn’t say anything because memories flowed in his mind.

 

\- Flashback -

 

_His hearts broke as she fell to the ground. He was supposed to close the door, to let her die alone just like she asked and not to hurt Ashildr. But he was hurt. He was deeply hurt and totally mad. He couldn’t tell whose fault it was. Was it his because he did a mistake that caused the dilemma? Was it Ashildr’s who tricked them? Was it just the fate telling him he was meant to lose everyone and everything?_

_“I’m sorry, Doctor. I truly am.” Tried to apologize Ashildr._

_“What Clara said about not taking revenge. Do you know why she said that?” He replied._

 

_He was mad at her and she could easily feel it. The Doctor’s anger was not to take lightly. That was something people who knew him had learnt over the past centuries._

_“She was saving you.”_

_That seemed pretty legit to think. The Doctor had never been a warrior. He was a pacifist. He had done wrong choices, wrong things but it was always for saving people. If he decided to take any revenge now, his personality would be highly corrupted. He was a saviour, a Doctor. He wasn’t a warrior and couldn’t go on that path. Not now that he was so close of coming back to his home planet._

_‘She was saving **you**_. _”_

_Clara knew how he would react to her death. She knew he would blame Ashildr and hurt her and she gave him the order not to touch the girl. She knew what he would have done to her and she gave him the order not to do anything. At least, against her._

_“I was lost a long time ago. She was saving you. I’ll do my best, but I strongly advise you to keep out of my way. You’ll find that it’s a very small universe when I’m angry with you._

_Ashildr nodded, afraid and shocked. The teleport bracelet the Doctor was wearing beeped and he was gently beamed in purple and white light while Ashildr turned her back. The bracelet dropped to the floor. The Doctor had disappeared._

_He found himself back in the TARDIS. When he got out of it, he realised his blue box had been painted with flowers and a portrait of Clara. It was absolutely beautiful and reminded him of how much hurt and mad he was. He obeyed by not doing any harm to Ashildr but she didn’t say anything about the others. That would not be revenge, just a way to deal with his pain. So he threw himself in all the shady streets he met. He threw himself in troubles. He picked fights with a lot of bad people and every time he was punched, kicked, thrown to the ground, the physical pain made him forget about his real pain. People didn’t understand where he was coming from and why he was so much angry. They just knew he was attacking them and that they had to protect themselves from him. By the end of the night, he found himself laying down on the ground, in a lame state._

_He was pretty sure all those fights had broken him a few bones and created a few other problems in his body but he just didn’t care and enjoyed the pain, the blood and the violence of it all. Someone kicked him in the ribs and he just laughed. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing except that pain in his whole body._

_“You must be high to enjoy such a pain and still laugh at me grandpa.”_

_“You must be stupid for hitting a poor guy who can’t get up anymore.”_

_He was provoking the guy. He wanted to make him as mad as he was. He wanted him to end his pain even if he knew nothing would actually end it. He had lost too many people. Clara was the last of them and he couldn’t handle it anymore. The guy hit him a few more times for him to stop laughing and then, ran away when he heard footsteps. The Doctor heard them as well and suddenly someone was knelt next to him. That could have been anyone but the big brown eyes got him really surprised._

_“What have you done, my Doctor?”_

_That was her only question before he lost his grip on the reality and fell into a black hole…_

 

\- End -

 

Rose took her hands off of his face and watched him as the memories got back into his mind. Psycho looked annoyed. He was tapping on the table with his fingers, waiting for the conclusion of all of that. The Doctor looked at Rose.

 

“You came to pick me up before someone else found me.”

“This would have been a very wrong thing.”

“Where am I now?”

“I brought you back to the TARDIS. We’re both in there. She’s protecting us.”

“And you took my mind exactly where you wanted to.”

“I needed you to remember me, to trust me before you got to this point.”

“But who are you for real?”

 

The situation was really pissing him off. Yes, he had done a bad move. Yes, he was paying the price of his acts. But why in the world did his envoy and the Bad Wolf came here? Why did they use such a staging to force him to remember, to tell him all of that?

 

“All I said to you in the TARDIS was true. I’m Rose. I’m your Rose Tyler, the only one you’ve ever known.”

“And the Bad Wolf?”

“She didn’t really leave my body all those years ago. A part of her stayed in me and no one knew it.”

“How did you find it?”

“The first time, I couldn’t quite believe it. I had just lost my human Doctor and it was hard to deal with. I got killed by a car because I was too drunk to be careful.”

 

The revelation left him surprised. She was telling him what had happened with a detached tone. There were no emotions as if she was talking about something that didn’t matter. In her eyes though, he could see the whirl of it all. It was still torturing her in a part of her mind.

 

“The first time?”

“I woke up in my bedroom as if nothing happened. There was only my daughter at home and she was looking at me with wide open eyes. She told me that they had called her after the accident to tell her I was dead, that they was nothing else to do for me, except unplugging the machines that kept me partially alive. She was watching over me, trying to decide what to do when she saw the golden glow of my hand. I had told her about you, about the regenerations, about the Bad Wolf but she had always thought it was only stories. Until that day.”

“You regenerated?”

“I was in a coma. I didn’t know what had happened until she told me. And indeed, I was feeling a bit different. I physically changed a bit. My daughter told me she had stolen my body from the morgue before they did anything to me and brought me back home. I didn’t understand how that could have happened. I used my Torchwood access to get an explanation. Looks like the Bad Wolf never really left my body. It changed my DNA, something almost unnoticeable and yet. Here I am.”

“It did not happen just once.”

“I provoked the second one. That was risky but I had to know. And it worked again. The third time, I got shot. Every time, I regenerated. The energy the Bad Wolf had left in me healed my body and changed it a little so people wouldn’t get suspicious.”

“You look exactly the same to me.”

“The portal I’ve told you about. It was pretty unstable but I went through. My body couldn’t handle it. I controlled the regeneration to look the same I was when I travelled with you. But that wasn’t enough.”

“It was. I was just too busy mourning Clara to really look around me and see what was going on. Looks like you’ve found me just in time.”

“She found me first.”

“And he told me about what was going on with you. I decided to be the one to tell you what will happen now.”

 

There was a silence. Rose was slightly biting her lip. She was nervous. Whatever was going to happen now would not be something pleasant. Psycho was still tapping on the table with his fingers.

 

“Well, I guess my mission is over now.”

“You can go.” _She nodded._

 

She didn’t need to tell him twice. He disappeared immediately. Rose didn’t look at her beloved Doctor right away. She stared at the empty seat left by Psycho for a moment.

 

“So… What’s now? Since we’re in my head, there’s a way to get out of here, isn’t it?”

“That’s more complicated than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re dying, Doctor.”

 

There was another silence. She was still avoiding his look. She bit her bottom lip. He had no idea what he was going through right now but she knew. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him.

 

“That’s not possible.”

“Unfortunately, it is. Your body can’t regenerate anymore and it’s not healing itself. You’re blocking it.”

“Why would I?”

“Because you lost everyone and everything.”

 

She was talking about an emotional block from his mind. That was why his body wasn’t healing. That was why he was slowly dying while they were talking. The restaurant suddenly disappeared. Everything that was around disappeared too. There was only Rose and him, now standing on the edge of a cliff.

 

“What does that mean?”

“Here where you really are. On the edge of life or death. That’s what Psycho had to tell you.”

“He came to tell me I was dying, I got it.”

 

He was still confused though. One second, he was fighting fit and the second after, he learnt that he was about to die. He looked down. He couldn’t see where the cliff ended. He swallowed. It was terrifying but he couldn’t admit it. He couldn’t admit he was terrified. But he didn’t have to. Rose was in his head. She knew. She could feel everything and see everything. She had maybe saved his life until now.

 

“He came here to tell you you have the choice, Doctor.” _She said, taking his hand in hers._

“What choice?”

“Right now, I’m keeping your mind and body alive but it’s not my decision to take.”

“You gotta stop playing around and tell me what’s going on like right now!”

 

The fear made him angry. She didn’t react at him yelling at her. She just held his hand a bit tighter. She faced him, some tears in her eyes.

 

“You are the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, Doctor. You opened to me the doors of a brand new life. A life full of danger but a life where I could do what was right, what was fair. I will never be truly able to thank you for showing me how wonderful the universe can be, how good it feels to take a stand and defend those who need to.”

“Rose, you sound like you’re doing a farewell.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“Because whatever you’ll choose, it’ll be the last time we see each other. If you survive, you’ll find Gallifrey and I can’t follow you there. I’ll have to stay on Earth. If you don’t, we’ll die together. I have nothing left to lose now.”

 

He looked down once again, holding her hand. The wind was blowing all around them, threatening to make them fall. The decision had to be taken quickly. There would be no second chance.

 

“I remember the first time I ever caught your hand in that basement. If someone had told me you would change my life that way, I wouldn’t have believed it. I wouldn’t have believed it either if someone had told me I would fall in love with a young human girl who’d risk everything for me.”

 

She didn’t say anything and quietly listened to him, the eyes closed not to see the truth under her feet. That new version of her Doctor looked so much like the first she knew. Dark, hurt, angry and yet, almost human.

 

“I never forgot that day either.”

“I can’t lose you a second time. I can’t keep living if that means losing you again.”

“Doctor…”

 

She knew. Hearing the tone of his voice, she knew he had taken his decision. Her heart broke. That was not what she had wanted for him. She wanted him to live even if it meant being apart from him.

 

“You had to go through so many things because of me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to protect you, for letting you down. It’s never gonna happen again. I’m never gonna let anything pull us apart again. Gallifrey, the Time Lords, the TARDIS, the universe… It doesn’t matter anymore if you’re not there with me.”

“That’s your choice, Doctor. You step back or you jump. You live or you die.”

“If living means losing you, then I jump.”

 

He turned his back to the cliff and closed his eyes still holding her hand very tight. He was afraid but he knew that was the right choice.

 

“Don’t make your choice because of me. The universe needs you.”

“I dedicated all my thirteen lives to the universe and what did I get in return? Nothing. I lost everything and everyone. The universe took everything away from me. It broke me. And I remember now…”

“What do you remember?”

“I wanted them to kill me.” _He admitted_.

 

He was weird, saying it out loud. He didn’t even clearly think about it when he had walked through the streets and provoked the guys. He just wanted the pain to stop and that was the only way for him. He didn’t want to live another century with all that pain, with all the weight of his lost people. The other Time Lords could take care of the universe. The Doctor was done.

 

“They did.”

 

Rose faced him and gently stroked his cheek. It was a bit selfish of him to give up on everything that way, to choose Rose and the death instead of the universe and the life. Her words meant everything at that point. She knew he had chosen death, she knew he would jump. The Doctor opened his eyes and looked into hers.

 

“The question is: are you jumping with me?”

“Together or not at all.” _She replied softly, squeezing his hand_.

 

He kissed her, deeply, passionately, lovingly. They were on the edge of their eternity, an eternity of peace and of love. While kissing her, he had flashes of their life together. He even saw his TARDIS, parked in the Powell Estate. It would forever remain there now, just like he wanted it to be when they faced the Daleks on the Satellite 5. She deepened the kiss with as much passion and love.

 

“Together or not at all.” _He repeated_.

 

They both turned their back on the cliff and closed their eyes. They were holding hands tight. They had faced life and its difficulties together, they were now about to face death. He murmured an ‘I love you’ and they both took a step back, jumping from the cliff and falling into the depths of death…


	11. If no one will listen (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was that damn nightmare again. The damn same nightmare that got him waking up screaming at the top of his lungs, crying, trembling, all his wounds bleeding out as he laid there in his bed, out of breath, and realised once again how much lonely and hurt he was.

It was that damn nightmare again. The damn nightmare that kept him awake for days because he was too afraid to sleep. The damn nightmare that haunted him every time he closed his eyes. The damn nightmare that reminded him every day the terrible things he had done. The damn same nightmare that got him waking up screaming at the top of his lungs, crying, trembling, all his wounds bleeding out as he laid there in his bed, out of breath, and realised once again how much lonely and hurt he was.

 

All the day he had been off, really exhausted because he hadn’t slept in days, and Rose was really concerned about him. Every time she had asked him if he was alright, he had eluded the question and kept going, showing her all the wonderful places of Dashaporido, a planet best known as Dash in the universe with a fantastic History. It was one of the many planets that had been destroyed in an umpteenth war between species, and was also inhabited by one of the few species that had learned from their mistakes. Their ruins had been well preserved and turned into touristic places. A guide was taking them from one site to another, telling them the story of the planet, in which Rose had been very interested in.

Later, he had offered her a dinner into a small and local restaurant and they had taken a walk on the deserted streets of the small city they had landed in. He hadn’t been talking much which was very unusual of him. He had just been trying to keep his exhaustion for himself, but when she had asked for the umpteenth time if he was alright, she had made it clear that she would not accept the simple excuse he was always giving her, the excuse that she was talking for two, which she kept saying was wrong since he loved hearing the sound of his own voice.

They were standing in front of the ruins of an old theatre when he took her hand and started looking at the horizon. He told her about the Time War and the terrible things he’d done with a slow and trembling voice. He’d never talked about it with anyone before. It was easy to talk with Rose, she was a good listener and he trusted her. He had almost broken down but, as usual, he had given her a smile and they had walked back to the TARDIS. And to end the day on a good note, they had gotten settled on a couch into the library to watch a movie together. He was so exhausted he had fallen asleep while watching it, and soon as his guard was down, the nightmare had come to him.

It was that damn nightmare again. The damn nightmare that kept him awake for days because he was too afraid to sleep. The damn nightmare that haunted him every time he closed his eyes. The damn nightmare that reminded him every day the terrible things he had done. The damn same nightmare that got him waking up screaming at the top of his lungs, crying, trembling, all his wounds bleeding out as he laid there in his bed, out of breath, and realised once again how much lonely and hurt he was.

 

Except tonight, Rose was there, holding him tight in her arms, rubbing his back and whispering soft and comforting words into his ear. Rose Tyler, the little human he had picked up on Earth months ago, was holding him and he climbed on to her as if his life depended on her while he sobbed uncontrollably.

Tonight, the Doctor wasn’t alone anymore. He had a friend he could count on every time the nightmare hit, and even if that friend was a tiny little human, he would talk over and over again to her because she had stood by his side in his darkest time, because she had listened to him and still looked at him with compassion and admiration, because she was there to comfort him.

Because Rose Tyler, the tiny little human, was helping his wound to heal. And that’s why, for the first time in a very long time, he could sleep peacefully, because she was holding him and keeping his monsters away. 


	12. His story (Nine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay. That’s what I’ll do: I’ll tell you a story, the story of a man born from war."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This text is the introduction to my new blog dedicated to the fantastic Ninth Doctor: The FANTASTIC Brèves Of Nine (http://thefantasticbrevesofnine.tumblr.com/). Christopher Eccleston was absolutely amazing as the Ninth Doctor and I think he’s underrated and needs more respect.

“Okay. That’s what I’ll do: I’ll tell you a story, the story of a man born from war. He was born from the fires, the pain, the blood, the screams and the tears of his lost people and had to live on with their deaths, their screams resounding in his head, their faces in pain hunting his dreams, their blood colouring his hands. He had to live on with the weight of his acts.

His eight first lives were pretty fun. He was still a young boy. All he wanted to do was having fun and discovering the world outside Gallifrey. His first-self stole a TARDIS and travelled with people, mostly humans. He liked that and the tradition went on. He wasn’t supposed to interfere but couldn’t help getting in trouble. He was having fun and was discovering the world. That’s all he wanted to do and everything went well until the war. Until he had to commit a massive slaughter.

The war was over for him. He burnt everything down and ran away. Covered with blood, tears and soot, burnt, the ears whistling, he collapsed in the console room and woke up as a new man. That’s how the Ninth Doctor was born from war, from the painful murder of his own kind to win a war he hadn’t wanted to get into.

Full of shame, pain and rage, he travelled alone for a while, leaving messages in case someone would have survived. But there were no answers to his messages. No one ever answered to him and he felt more and more guilty, knowing he was the only one to blame for that. His guilt was growing with the solitude. He wasn’t able to take a companion with him. No one could ever treat his wound, or understand what he was feeling inside down.

He was as full of grief as full of rage. He couldn’t be the Doctor anymore because he had become a murderer. To push out his rage, he took part in a lot of fights he shouldn’t have to. To push out his guilt, he stood up for the weak people. But he never was able to forget how lonely, how guilty he was. He never forgot that he should have died that day.

He fought his thoughts, his will of dying because he had to stay alive, he had to live with what he’d done. He couldn’t forget, he couldn’t die. He had to pay the price and it was harder and harder to bear it, to bear the pain of his loss. And he was still fighting though his hearts were bleeding, his eyes were burning, his mind was exploding. He had to do that to honour their memory, to never forget.

He became the Doctor with depression, the Doctor with no companions. He deserved that solitude since he had killed all his people. He didn’t allow himself to have friends. But he couldn’t do it anymore. That’s when his hand met another one. That’s when he told her to run. That’s when she entered into his life and gave him an opportunity to become a better man.

 

He was just a man totally broken by the acts he had to commit to win the Time War. He had perpetrated monstrosities. He had destroyed the Daleks’ race but also destroyed his. If his enemies kept on coming back for a reason he ignored, his people were definitively gone because of him. This act had irreversibly darkened his soul.

He never tried to look for forgiveness, nor tried to forgive himself. He was guilty all down the line for being a coward and for leading his people to death. This darkness was gaining ground every day. It wouldn’t leave him alone. He didn’t want to forget but he didn’t want to become that monster again either. Yet he was drowning little by little in the darkness of his soul and that was frightening him more and more. He was about to let go when Rose Tyler came into his life. His behaviour might have seemed strange to her but he didn’t understand how someone like her, how someone as bright as she was could travel with a man as dark as him. Every day, every adventure, she was showing him that he could be a better man. One day, he found out that she had broken his solitude, that she had given him hope again.

She saw the darkness that was eating him up and chose to stay with him anyway, to never let him down. She almost abandoned her family for him. She wanted to help him. She wanted to be there for him every time he would need it and she’d done it. Even when she couldn’t do anything, her presence was enough. He wasn’t alone anymore and his darkness was disappearing at her contact. She learnt to him who he really was. He was not a monster. He was only a man who did mistakes, mistakes he would never be able to forgive himself for. She knew how to love him when he couldn’t love himself, when nobody else could have loved the man he was.

 

His story, like all others, had to come to an end. He chose to die as a coward, to be exterminated by the Daleks than to commit another massive slaughter. The coward stopped running away and faced death, and faced his fate. He never thought she would come back. He never thought she was the Bad Wolf they were all looking for. Better than dying as a coward, he chose to die for the love of a little human girl who lighted up his world. He pushed away the pain and faced his death, smiling, as the hero he had chosen to be the day she told him he wouldn’t be alone anymore.

 

That was the story of the Ninth Doctor, the Doctor with depression, who was sarcastic to hide his pain, who was so happy because “just this once everybody lived”, the coward who died as a hero. But that’s okay. We’re all stories in the end. He made a _fantastic_ one, heh?”


	13. Bring me to life (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Rose saved him from the Daleks, the Doctor discovered the terrible secret she had been hiding from him all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is the second part of 'Astronaut' (Chapter 5). It takes place right after the Bad wolf events.

The events of the Satellite 5 were still running through his head now that he was back on Earth. Just like he had promised so many times, he had brought Rose back to her mother. Her mother who had helped her going back to him though the Doctor was pretty sure Jackie hated him. And now, she was going hate him even more because of a decision he hadn’t even taken. He had sent Rose back on Earth when the Daleks threat became out of control, when he knew for sure that he was going to die that day. He had fulfilled his promise. He had protected her and sent her back to her mother when things went deadly dangerous. However, Rose had come back. Rose had absorbed the whole Vortex and had come back to save him because she couldn’t bear the idea of losing him when he had sent her away so she wouldn’t die in a war that wasn’t hers.

She had become the Bad Wolf, a goddess of time and space, an entity more powerful than the Time Lords all together. He hadn’t known that seeing the heart of the TARDIS being ripped open by Margaret Blaine would give Rose the idea of doing so. Hadn’t he warned her how dangerous it was to look into the Vortex? Hadn’t he told her that she would burn if she did so? Why his companions never listened to what he was saying? She had done it whatever he could have said about it and the power of the Vortex had slowly burned through her veins and brain. Oh, she had been so beautiful and so powerful his Rose. Her action had been so pure, so selfless. A simple human sacrificing her life for him. He had wanted to return the favour, to pull the Vortex out of her body but before he could do a thing, she had let go. The Vortex had gone back in the TARDIS’ heart and Rose had lost consciousness.

The Daleks were gone; people were dead and he got to get out of the situation. Alive, once again. The Time War had ended a second time and he was alive because a human he loved dearly had given everything for him to stay alive. He had gathered her in his arms and had carried her back into the TARDIS, carefully laying her down on the grating. He had entered the coordinates of planet Earth, 2005. He had needed to bring Rose back to Jackie, leaving Jack behind them because he was now a mistake, something that shouldn’t exist. And the Doctor had been there, sat next to her, holding her hand and waiting for her to wake up. They had just landed on Earth when he found out that something was wrong, that Rose wasn’t waking up. He had brought her back to Jackie’s flat and accepted all the anger Jackie had for him, especially he had told her that Rose Tyler was slowly dying and he didn’t know why.

 

“I promise to do anything in my power to help her!” _He cried out in pain after Jackie had slapped him_.

“She wouldn’t be dying if he wasn’t for you!”

“I brought her home before anything could happen. She’s the one who came back!”

“She wanted to save you! She loves you for God’s sake!”

 

The words cracked in the air and hit the Doctor straight in the hearts who beat a bit faster than usual. He didn’t reply though. He already knew it was true. He had seen it. He had seen all the signals she tried to hide the best she could. She hadn’t wanted him to know about it, had been afraid of him sending her back on Earth if he knew. So she had bottled them up and kept them secret. Except he had known it all along. He hadn’t wanted that to happen at all and Jackie could go away with all her insinuations like he was the one responsible for turning her head. Rose had wanted to see the stars. She had told him so the first time they talked together. He had promised her he would take her to the stars and when he did, she had wanted to stay and he had accepted because he liked her. Rose Tyler was strong and sassy, and compassionate. She had helped him heal and didn’t even know it.

But then again, those feelings she had for him had made her flout the laws he had given her the first time she stepped in the TARDIS. He had kept his word, sending Rose back home to her mother, safe and sound, but she had chosen to look into the TARDIS’ heart and absorbed the whole Vortex just to save him while he had told her and Jack that they should never do such a thing, that even him couldn’t do it without dying. She had just wanted to save him, and now she was dying. All because of him.

 

“I’ll do everything I can to heal her. I promise.”

“You better do that!”

“When it’ll be done, I’ll disappear from your lives. You’ll tell her whatever you want, that I’m dead or anything. She must never know what she really had done. She must never remember what she had seen.”

 

That was his last words before he left Jackie’s flat to go back to the TARDIS. He sat for a long moment staring at the console, not really knowing where to go and what to do. He had promised Jackie he would do something to help Rose but he actually had no idea what he could possibly do. He suddenly got up and entered coordinates. Satellite 5. Where everything had gone wrong. Maybe there were some answers back there. The TARDIS landed to the exact same place she was when Rose had come back for him. The Doctor walked out and looked around. Everything was so peaceful now. The Satellite had been abandoned after the mess they had left there. No one had come here in ages. The weapon he’d created was still there. No one had touched it. No one had stripped it down. In a move of pure anger, he destroyed the whole thing. If he hadn’t been a coward, Rose would have been perfectly fine.

He sat down on the ground and took his head in his hands. He was living the last few hours once again, as the memories flowed into his mind. He stayed that way for a long moment. The place was a total no man’s land. No one would disturb him there. That’s why he had come there in the first place. But now, his thoughts were driving him crazy. How was he supposed to heal Rose from the disease killing her? She had had so many months and years to live and the Vortex had burned all those chances for her to have a decent life. He sighed deeply. He was guilty for this all down the line. The calm around him was helping him thinking but that didn’t bring him any answers. It was insane! How did all of this happen? How could he have let this happen? He was focused on his questions but clearly heard some noise which caught his attention. He raised his head. He was supposed to be alone there.

 

“Who’s there?” _He asked_.

 

No one showed up but the Doctor knew someone was there. He could sense it. Plus, that someone wasn’t very quiet. Whoever it was, he probably thought he was alone and maybe deaf, considering the fact that the Doctor calling him hadn’t made him stop whatever he was doing. Or she. The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and went to check the surroundings. Something was weird. His mind, usually full of emptiness and loneliness, had now some voice speaking in his back, just like it was when Time Lords were still alive. He tried not to hope too much. That couldn’t be possible. No Time Lords had survived the Time War. He had tried and tried to contact them but none had ever answered. He was alone. The presence he was feeling in his mind at the present moment couldn’t be a Time Lord one. It was some other telepathic species for sure.

The Satellite was desert. There was no sign of life anywhere. The sonic didn’t seem to find anything either, but the Doctor was convinced there was something or someone with him, something or someone who was filling the emptiness of his mind. When he realised there was nothing around, he got confused and was about to give up when he heard the noise again. His eyes caught the outline of someone running away. A thin brown haired guy with a long coat. The Doctor immediately ran after him. He had to catch him and to ask him why he was around that no man’s land and why he was watching him. No one was supposed to be there. He had chosen that specific date so no one would come and disturb him while he was trying to find a solution for Rose. He ran until he could catch the guy who had no chance to run away with him. That other man raised his hands when the Doctor pinned him to the wall, showing him that he wouldn’t flee from him.

 

“Who are you?”

“You’re not supposed to see me, nor talk to me.” _Replied the thin brown-haired guy._

 

He was speaking with a strong Eastern accent and the Doctor had to hold back a smile. When she had learned that he was an alien, Rose, had asked how it was possible that he sounded like he’d come from the North. _“Lots of planets have a North”_ he had replied offended. Obviously, lots of planets did also have an East, because that guy he was holding was clearly not human, according to the signals he was producing. The signals were confusing though. The man seemed to be a strong telepathic since he could get in the Doctor’s head but everything else was blurred. As if he was trying to hide who he really was with a perception filter. The filter would have prevented the Doctor from seeing the guy though. So, who was he? And what was he doing there, on a no man’s land where no one was even allowed to come?

The Doctor looked closely at the strange man. He was wearing a brown pinstriped suit, white shirt and a tie with blue patterns. With that suit, he was wearing beige Converses – Converses with a suit, wherever that man came from, he had no sense of fashion! – and a brown trench coat. His hair was a real mess, defying the gravity – he was probably using some hair gel or something, thinking it made him look cool – and his face was one of the most expressive the Doctor had ever seen. The guy was clearly showing that he wasn’t happy that the Doctor had found him there. It looked like it wasn’t a good thing for them to be there together at the same time, as if they weren’t supposed to see each other, nor to talk to each other. Even though that feeling of forbidden, the Doctor didn’t let him go. He had the feeling in his guts that the guy knew something about his Rose.

 

“You’re not supposed to be here. This is a sealed place. No one can come in.”

“You did. I did.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“If you told you, I would be force to erase your memories right after.”

 

The Doctor started to become impatient and his anger was burning through his veins. He had no time to waste with some idiot who was traveling to places he shouldn’t be. He had to find a solution for Rose and if that guy did have answer, he would give them to him. But who was he to threaten him? Didn’t his travels teach him that he was the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness? Didn’t he ever hear about the Time War and how he was the only survivor? Better not mess up with him. If he kept speaking to him that way, someone would be hurt and the Doctor knew it wouldn’t be him for sure.

 

“Who do you think you are to threaten me that way? You obviously don’t know me. I could kill you right now.”

“I know what you’re capable of more than anyone. You don’t kill people, you save them. You’re the Doctor.”

“…”

“Never cruel or cowardly. Never give up, never give in.”

“It was before the War. Everything changed with the War.”

 

His tone was bitter. The guy obviously knew who he was and why he had chosen this name. He certainly knew about the Time War too but that didn’t explain why he was here and now. His icy blue eyes locked with the hazel brown ones. So much sadness, so much despair in there. It was like looking in the mirror, except they were both different. The Doctor was a warrior, a survivor and that pretty guy probably was the popular guy on his planet, somewhere in the galaxy. He probably had no reason to feel so much pain. But who was he to judge anyway?

 

“I came here to help you with Rose. I came here to help you saving her before it’s too late, but you weren’t supposed to see me.”

 

While saying that, he pulled out a paper from his pocket and gave it to the Doctor. The Doctor took it, not understanding what that meant. He let go of the guy but kept him in his sight. He unfolded the paper and started reading the small letter. His eyes kept going between the written words and the guy. He couldn’t believe what was written. It was unbelievable. He would have known. He would have known if something so big had been happening right under his nose.

 

“How do you know all of this?”

“How do you know all the things you know?”

“Don’t answer me with another question!”

“I forgot how full of rage I was!”

“Don’ push me!”

“Rose was already sick when she started travelling with you.”

 

That was the second time in a few hours that words cracked in the air and smacked him across the face, and clutched his hearts. A silence followed the sentence. The man was just repeating what he had written in the letter. Was it true? If it was, why Jackie would blame him for it? He felt guilty, but what if it wasn’t his fault? What if Rose had really been sick before he even met her? And how could he have not noticed it in any way? The letter was saying she had been suffering from that disease ever since she was seven, that Jackie had given everything they had to have her treated, that she had given a chance to every single cure the doctors had told her about, but none ever worked. Rose had been fighting for her life for almost thirteen years now, and the Doctor couldn’t believe that was even true, that she would have been sick all along and that he wouldn’t have seen a thing.

 

“Is that even possible?”

“Yes. Remember that time she answered your message? She has just gotten home after a few days at the hospital where she almost died. You gave her as much hope as she has given you. When it felt hard for her, she held on to the hope of meeting you someday. And it happened. You travelled together and she never felt so alive.”

 

The Doctor listened to the words of the other man. He didn’t cut him off. He thought quickly. That guy wasn’t supposed to know all those things. There was only one way for him to know those things and that was explaining why he didn’t want to be seen.

 

“That’s why she absorbed the Time Vortex.” _The Doctor suddenly said._ “She knew that she could die, but that didn’t matter because she was already dying. She thought her life wasn’t worth it and chose to save mine.”

“She did the only thing she thought was right. She decided to give her life to save the one of the man who was everything to her eyes. Dying to save you was her way to thank you for everything you’ve done for her.”

“Why would Jackie put the blame on me?”

“She likes you more than she would ever admit it. She thinks you’re the only one able to save her daughter.”

“But I don’t know what to do!”

 

That was the truth. He had absolutely no idea of how he was going to help the woman he loved, even if he could never admit it. After all, he was a nine hundred years old alien who had seen and done things she couldn’t even imagine and she was just a tiny little human, a human who had jumped into his box, into his life and who had healed him from the wounds he had had when they met. He still had them but they had started to heal thanks to her love and compassion and smiles. She would never know what she’d done for him, because he never had never told her how he felt for her, how much she had helped him. And that was destroying him inside down. He couldn’t let her die, not after everything they’d lived together. He had to save her, even if that meant disappearing from her life forever without telling her how he felt and how fantastic she was.

 

“Actually, you do. I’m the future you, you have guessed it by now.”

“What happened?”

“You gave her your life. Enough regenerative energy to heal her and kill you. You struggled until you learned that she was going to live. Then, you left and allowed the regeneration.”

“Where is she now?”

 

The future Doctor didn’t answer his question. That was part of the future, of his own future. He had already crossed his own timeline and created a real mess by making himself seen by his old self. He would have to erase their memories to heal the wound in their timeline. His old self couldn’t remember that day, the day they would save Rose Tyler from a certain death. The tenth bit his lower lip. He had to say it, but what he had to say would certainly not please the ninth.

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

 

That simple sentence meant everything. The Doctor knew and it made his hearts sink into his chest. By the sad look on his future self, by the sad tone of his voice, by the apologies he had made, the Doctor knew that his life hadn’t been enough.

 

“How?”

“I respected your promise and left their lives. I erased Rose’s memories of us but not Jackie’s. She has kept me updated, told me everything about Rose, about her new life, about her health. Everything was good. She was fine and living the life we wanted her to live but… About a year later, Jackie told me Rose did a violent relapse. She was at the hospital when I came back. I overheard the doctors about her health. They said… They said it was over. And I held Jackie against me when Rose left.”

 

He wanted to add something but the violence of the memory left him speechless and he couldn’t prevent the tears from falling as the pain crushed his hearts once again. The ninth felt his own throat being knotted. He didn’t want this to happen. Was Rose timeline set or could he rewrite her history?

 

– Flashback –

_The tenth was on his way back to the TARDIS after defeating a whole army of Cybermen once again when the bad feeling hit, clutching his hearts and taking away his breath with a sudden unbearable pain. He stumbled back to his box, threw his coat on a coral strut and let himself fall on the jump seat. That was when the TARDIS’ phone rang. He looked at it, not moving because he knew that if he picked up the phone the news he would get would be an awful one. Only one person had that number and if she was calling it, that meant something had happened. And that also explained why he had that bad feeling ruining him. The symptoms were telling him that he was kinda having a panic attack, because he knew what it meant. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before picking up the phone. Jackie was hysterical. More than usual._

_“You need to come back now! She yelled at him through the phone._

_“What’s going on?”_

_He couldn’t prevent his voice from trembling. The question was stupid. He_ **knew** _. It was about Rose. It was always about Rose. If It hadn’t been for Rose, Jackie would never have called him. She once again got into a long and hysterical speech. He didn’t even understand a word coming from her, but he could clearly hear the tears, the pain and the despair in her voice. Something had happened to Rose._

_“Stop, Jackie! I know it’s about Rose! Just tell me what happened to her!”_

_His voice was still trembling and the pain in hers was echoing the one he was feeling. He knew that was something serious, something serious enough for Jackie to lose her calm. Only one thing. Only one thing could make her go hysterical. But that couldn’t be. He had made sure of it, but what if that hadn’t been enough? What if the disease had come back?_

_“She looked tired this morning. She looked peaky. She just said that she must have caught some cold, what else could it be anyway? She was cured, Doctor! You cured her and now, everything is starting all over again!”_

_“What?”_

_He had given his ninth life for her. He used all the regenerative energy of his past body to heal her. The disease was gone. Fully gone. It shouldn’t have come back, not ever._

_“Her boss called me a few hours after she started working. Said she was having troubles breathing, that she was coughing blood. They called an ambulance. She was admitted into intensive care unit before I could be there. They told me she did a relapse.”_

_She took a break and the Doctor could tell she was crying. He himself had some troubles breathing. He couldn’t believe that was true. How a relapse could have happened? With his regenerative energy running in her veins – even with a very small amount of it – it shouldn’t have happened._

_“She is in the coma, Doctor. They don’t know if she’s gonna wake up.”_ _She sniffled._ _“I need you here._ **She** _needs you here.”_

_“On my way.” He managed to mutter though his throat was knotted._

_It only took a few minutes before the TARDIS landed in a small closet of the hospital, close to Rose’s room. The Doctor came out quietly, being careful not to be seen by anyone, and walked to the room. He hadn’t needed to ask where the room was. The TARDIS always knew how to bring him close to Rose. The Doctor saw Jackie. She was outside the room and speaking with a black woman with a white smock. He stopped and listened to the conversation._

_“We did a PET scan and further exams to be sure. There’s no doubt. It’s back, and it’s everywhere.”_

_“Can’t you do something?”_

_“No.” The doctor shook her head lightly. “I’m sorry. It’s over. The only thing we can do is ease her pain until she let go. It won’t take very long. You should say goodbye to your daughter.”_

_The doctor was truly sorry for Jackie. She put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sad look. The tenth felt his hearts sink in his chest. It was over. His life hadn’t been enough to save her, and Rose was dying right there, behind the door of that sad hospital room. He was shaking when he walked to the room and opened it without a word for Jackie. He was unable to speak anyway. He swallowed thickly. Rose looked so small and so pale in that bed. There were too many tubs linked to her body. Pain medicine, liquid food, oxygen. Rose couldn’t breathe by herself anymore. A machine was doing it for her. Another one was showing her regular heartbeats, the blood oxygen saturation and the frequency of her breathing. The two machines were the producing the only noise in the room. It was quiet, too quiet. The absence of life was unbearable._

_The Doctor sat down on the edge of the bed and slowly stroked her face, tucking her hair between her ear. Tears were running down his cheeks. She was cold already. He knew it was because of the under oxygenation of her body and he also knew that was because her death was dangerously close. He pressed his lips against her forehead softly. His hearts were hurting so much right now. He would have given them to her if he had been able to, but he couldn’t give her new lungs. His regenerative energy wouldn’t be enough to cure her this time. What she needed was a new body. If only she could regenerate. After all she had had the Vortex in her once. She also had had his energy in her once. It could have been possible, but it wasn’t. The disease had eroded the energy as well as her immune system so suddenly. It didn’t give her any chance of survival, and that hurt._

_“You overheard?” Asked the teary voice of Jackie behind him._

_“Yeah.” He replied, his voice not sounding better._

_He didn’t want to believe that it was over, that it was the last time he would see Rose. He remembered her being so full of life when she was travelling with him, when he was secretly watching over her during the last year. Of course he had promised Jackie to disappear from their lives and he had been thankful for Jackie giving him news but he hadn’t been able to stay away. He had to see it with his own eyes. It was only a matter of minutes and Rose had never seen him, and it had always warmed his hearts to see her so full of life. She was living a normal life day after day, and she was happy. That was all that mattered. Even though she had no memories of him at all, she was happy. None of them had ever thought that this would happen, that the disease would come back and kill her in a few hours. That was so unfair._

_“Thank you. For coming.”_

_“I couldn’t let her go without saying goodbye.”_

_But he hated endings. Oh, he really hated endings and that was why he always ripped the last page of a book when he was reading one. That was why it hurt so much to be here, ready to say goodbye to the love of his life without her even knowing about his feelings. He took her hand and kissed it softly. He looked at Jackie. She needed to say goodbye too. He stood up and withdrew, looking by the window. A rainy day. The sky was matching his emotions. He put his hands in his pockets. He overheard Jackie’s words and the amount of his tears doubled._

_“You can let go now, Rose. It’s okay sweetheart.” Said Jackie, stroking her head softly. “You won’t have to fight anymore. You’ll be free.”_

_That was the truth. When she would let go, when she would give up on life, she wouldn’t have to fight anymore. She would be free from the disease, from the pain, from everything. The Doctor leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes. It shouldn’t be happening. He had looked into Rose’s future. She shouldn’t have died that way. Her death wasn’t a fixed point. He could change it. A hint of hope pierced through the deep sadness clutching his hearts. He could go back in time and save her. He couldn’t leave now. He would stay until the end to never forget why he was doing so._

_“Doctor?”_

_“Hm?” He said turning back to face Jackie._

_“There’s something you can do.”_

_“To save her?”_

_“No.” Jackie shook her head. “I want her to go peacefully.”_

_“You want me to…” He asked incredulous._

_“Give her her memories back, Doctor. Make her remember everything you’ve lived together.”_

_The Doctor nodded. This was something he could do. He walked to the bed and sat down next to Jackie. He placed his hands on Rose’s temples and closed his eyes. He created a bound between their two minds and walked into hers. He slowly unlocked the memories he had locked one year ago. He watched the memories as they flooded into her mind again, as the happiness invaded her thoughts, and slowly pulled out of her mind. He could have sworn he had seen a smile on her face. He quietly took Jackie in his arms. They were both holding Rose’s hand, and none of them let it go until it was over for real. The Doctor held Jackie tight against him while she was sobbing. He was crying too. He didn’t move for a long moment. He was unable to move anyway. They stayed in each other’s arms until the Doctor found the courage to stand up._

_“Where are you going?”_

_“Find a way to save her before it’s too late.”_

_“But…”_

_“I’ll find it!”_

_That’s when he left. He travelled far in the future, making stops to see where the science where concerning Rose’s disease. He knew someone had found the cure but he didn’t remember the year or the planet. That’s why it took him so much time to find it, but when he did find it, when he was sure Rose would be totally cured, that the disease wouldn’t come back if he gave her that cure, he went back in time, crossing his own timeline even though the TARDIS didn’t really like it. However, she wanted to save Rose as much as he wanted it and brought him back to Satellite 5 where he remembered going after learning that Rose was dying, and before he took the decision of giving his life for her._

 

– End –

 

“Could we… Could we change all of this?” _The tenth heard his old self asking him_.

 

The tenth pushed away the memory and simply nodded. That was why he was there. Once again, he put his hand in the pocket of his trench coat. Bigger on the inside pocket of course. He pulled out a little bottle filled with a green fluid. The cure. A cure which would be created in a certain number of years.

 

“That’s why I’m here. I spent a lot of time looking for a cure and I finally ended up finding one. This is from a far future but this is the only thing that would save her. And you. Give this to her and never, never leave her.”

 

The ninth took the bottle he was given and put it in his own pocket, sealing it with the sonic so it wouldn’t fall until he was back to the Powell Estate to give it to Rose. The tenth erased the memories of their meeting from the ninth’s memory and just let him know that he had the cure in his pocket and that he had to go back to Rose. The tenth quickly disappeared while the ninth took his own TARDIS and flew back to the Jackie’s. He didn’t say anything to Jackie and just rushed to Rose’s side. He pulled the green fluid out of his pocket. He didn’t remember where he had gotten it but he knew that would save Rose. He made her drink it. The most difficult part now would be waiting.

 

“Are you really gonna disappear from our lives?” _Asked Jackie behind him._

“That’s what you want.” _He simply replied, not taking his eyes off of Rose._

“No. Of course, not. I said it because I was mad but you’re the best thing that ever happened to Rose. You can’t just leave her.”

“…”

“I don’t know who you are for real, but I know you do a lot of good to her and that’s all I could ever ask for.”

 

Jackie kept on talking to him, on telling him how Rose was before she met him, how she was after their first meeting. She told him about the hope he had created in Rose’s life after that message she heard on the radio. Jackie had overheard some of their talks but never said a thing about how weird he sounded. She had just listened to Rose being happy and curious, getting interesting in something in life instead of just living as much as she could before the disease hit again and forced her back to the hospital. She wasn’t supposed to live so long and it was a miracle for her to have survived until now, but for a mother, it was never enough. As tough as he was, the Doctor couldn’t help but cry. He didn’t push Jackie away when she took him in her arms. That was more because she needed comfort than to comfort him. She had fought with Rose for so many years now and she was exhausted. That’s why he didn’t push her away. That’s why he comforted her. That’s why he stayed with her as long as she needed him around.

 

The wait was unbearable and the Doctor thought that the cure wasn’t working at all, that he had been fooled by whoever had given it to him. He didn’t remember how he had gotten it but that didn’t matter. He just wanted it to work, but he had to be patient, really patient, and watched as the time went. Two weeks passed by that way. He lived like a freaking little human for two weeks and that was making him go mad. However he couldn’t leave his Rose, his precious Rose, who didn’t wake up though her face wasn’t deathly pale anymore. Colours were coming back on her cheeks. But she wasn’t coming back to them. It took her some more days to finally open her eyes and a few more days to remember who was who and what had happened. She was happy that the Doctor was still there, that he had been waiting for her to feel better.

He told her that she was healed for good, that the disease would never come back, that he had made sure of it. He also told her that he would never leave her because she was the most precious thing he had in life. Oh she cried when he heard those words she had dreamt about for so long. It was relief and happiness, and she just couldn’t ask for more. The Doctor promised her that he would wait until she felt better and then, he would take her back into the stars and she thanked him with a smile he would die for every day…


	14. Echo (Ten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'm going to die. Some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This text is the introduction to my new blog dedicated to the brilliant Tenth Doctor: The BRILLIANT Brèves Of Nine (http://thebrilliantbrevesoften.tumblr.com/). It's inspired from the video "Echo", a tribute to Ten (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JlV_nJjaLY).

_“I'm going to die. Some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead.”_

 

He knew he was gonna die, and that was hard to accept. He had liked this form, this character. Even if that tenth version of him had lost everything, he still liked that version, and didn't want to regenerate, to become another man again. However, the prophecy was real. Four knocks. The day he would hear four knocks would be the day he would die. And he had heard them. Now, he was feeling powerless, watching the memories of these three years of time in this body passing before his eyes.

He surely was the Doctor who regretted. The Doctor who lost the most in the battle of life. Now, he was alone again, and he would die alone. This time, there was no Rose Tyler to watch over him after his regeneration, no Donna Noble to get him back on the right track if he was doing something wrong. The new him was gonna have to get through all of this alone. To find someone worth the running. To find his own way to deal with the pain of the constant loss. He was so done with all that pain, with all those lost people, and yet, he didn’t want to go.

 

_“I could do so much more. So much more! But this is what I get. My reward. Well, it's not fair!”_

 

He was a Time Lord, a master of Time. He was part of the most powerful species in the universes, and he could create, erase and modify time lines. He could twist them and play with them like a kid would play with a puppet. He was in control of almost everyone’s life, and yet, he couldn’t change, couldn’t rewrite, the time lines of the people he loved, of all the people he had lost. Sure, he could still go back and convince Martha to come back with him but it wouldn’t be unfair of him to do so. However, he could never see Rose again, and Donna would never remember the adventures they had had together. And there was the Master. The only Time Lord to have survived apart from him. A friend of his who had chosen to die in his arms instead of regenerating in a new form. His unexpected return though sounded the death knell for him. He had lived for too long. Now was his time to go, and to save Wilf’s life.

 

_“I'm not just a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords.”_

 

The words sounded bitter on his tongue and he wished he could take them back, wished that War never happened. He was a Time Lord. The last of them. He was the master of Time, but he couldn't do anything to change the fixed point that was the Time War, to fix all the death and disappearances he had been the cause. Maybe he really had lived for too long now. He had seen too many people dying because of him, and regretted ever crossing their paths. They all had accomplished great things together, but in the end, he was meant to be alone, meant to lose a part of him with every death occurring because of him. He was tired of all of this, tired of watching everything turning into dust when he touched it. He was a Doctor, he was supposed to heal, and he was only creating wounds, only causing pain and death. And it hated this.

 

_“I don't wanna go.”_

 

There would be no new destinations, no running anymore. His trainers and pinstriped suits would forever be lost into the immensity of the TARDIS’ wardrobe. There wouldn’t be any more _‘Allons-y!’_ , no more adventures. Despite all the loss and despair and powerlessness, he still liked the Doctor he had been. He still liked that version of him, the skinny foxy Doctor with sticky-up hair, the funny-clever-but-rude combination he had been.

The running was stopping here for him. His trainers were tired of running and so was he. Now was the time to change. There would be no friends to help him through the regeneration this time. He was alone. More alone than he had ever been. More destroyed than he had ever been. He had gone through a lot of pain, through a lot of loss but there were also good times. He would always remember them. He would cherish them. He didn’t want to go, but he had no choice. After all, he still had some brilliant things to live, some brilliant things to tell. _Allons-y!_


	15. Need you now (Ten/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "However, as time was passing by, he had started to grow really worried about her. First, it had been hours. It was annoying for him, but he couldn’t do much against it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox).
> 
> So, this one was an entry from badwolfinthetxrdis (Tumblr).
> 
> Doctor: Tenth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: Hurt/comfort with Rose being sick and not wanting to admit it.
> 
> Time/Location: The TARDIS. Present time.
> 
> AU or not AU: Not AU. 

It had been days since he saw Rose for the last time. After their last trip to Ketarah Tri, she had locked herself in her room, saying she needed some rest and that she didn’t want her sleep to be disturbed. At first, he had frowned because their trip on Ketarah Tri had been pretty quiet – they had just stopped there to do some picnic, some sort of a break after all the running they had done – but then, he had remembered that she was only human and needed much more rest and sleep than he did. So, he had just let her get the rest she wanted, and while she was sleeping, he had been tinkering and reading and making a list of the places he wanted to take her when she would feel fully rested. It had taken him no more than a few hours, not enough time for her to have slept enough, and he had started to feel really bored, but he couldn’t disturb her sleep. She would strangle him if he did without a good reason.

However, as time was passing by, he had started to grow really worried about her. First, it had been hours. It was annoying for him, but he couldn’t do much against it. She was human, and humans did need a lot of sleep. They needed eight hours night sleep, sometimes more and that was why they were taking naps. But when Rose didn’t come out of the room after more than twelve hours, he had started thinking that it wasn’t normal at all and had tried to get in her room. He had found the door locked though, and it had worried him even more. Especially because the sonic couldn’t unlock it. She was keeping him away from her room, from her, and he hated it. He had paced up and down in front of her room and only gotten a note saying that he better get away from here before she kicked him out of that corridor. He did get away, but had come back less than an hour later to try and get into her room again.

He had done so for the next following days, but never got another note or another word from Rose. She had just remained silently locked into her room, and the TARDIS wasn’t telling him what was going on. Rose had never answered either, and that was worrying him as much as it was driving him mad. On the fourth day, he gave up and went back to his tinkering under the console, but his mind was so distracted by his worries that he couldn’t focus on what he was doing. The TARDIS hated it and sent him a warning in the form of an electrical discharge that shook him badly.

 

“Are you out of your mind?!”

 

He shot her a dirty look and the TARDIS explicitly expressed her displeasure of him being so distracted while tinkering. He needed to stop being so worried. She had kept a close eye on Rose and she was perfectly okay. She had just needed a lot of rest.

 

“I can’t help but be worried when my companion, my _friend_ , locks herself into her room for days and refuses to talk to me. She didn’t even come out of that room to eat. How am I supposed to not be worried?”

 

The TARDIS simply made him understand how idiot he was for thinking that she wouldn’t take care her of his pink and yellow girl all this time she had kept him away. She had just needed some time off without him coming around and babbling about some alien thing he would have thought of.

 

“I can’t stop being worried. I’m sure you’ve noticed how good I am at bringing back luck to people travelling with me. And I don’t want it to happen to my Rose.”

“So, I’m your Rose now?”

 

He was so busy arguing with his old girl that he hadn’t heard Rose coming into the console room. He heard her slumping on the pilot before he was even out of his hidden spot. He blushed, embarrassed that she had heard this. He only referred her as his Rose in his thoughts. He hadn’t known that she was around or he wouldn’t have said it out loud.

 

“Well, you’re my friend. So, you’re mine in a way.”

 

Nice way to retrieve the situation. Her chuckle was enough for him to feel better and for his worries to fly away. She was laughing at him being incredibly awkward in her presence. Which was pretty embarrassing in the end.

 

“She’s right. Stop worrying about me. She gave me everything I needed, but I’ve slept most of the time.”

 

He could hear the smile in her voice and that made his hearts flutter uncontrollably. Damn it! She was driving him crazy in every possible way. He came out of his hidden spot, being careful not to hit his head or get another discharge. One was enough.

 

“So, you’re telling me you’ve slept most of the time? You’ve slept for days, Rose.”

“No, it’s just been a few hours. You’ve worn me out lately.”

 

She laughed lightly. She had just needed a couple hours to rest and that was all. She had been feeling really tired when they had come home from their picnic and had just needed to sleep. She wouldn’t tell him that she might have caught a cold, and that she was still feeling a bit weak and dizzy. He would never stop saying how vulnerable she was as a human being.

 

“It’s been four days and…”

 

He had turned around and finally put his eyes on Rose. He couldn’t end his sentence. What had just been a couple of hours in her opinion had actually been four days of sleeping, but if she had slept all along those four days, why was she looking so exhausted? He could tell that she had taken a shower before coming out of her room just by the familiar scent of her shampoo and soap, and because her hair was still wet, but she didn’t look good and his worries came back clutching his hearts again. He walked to her quickly.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

She didn’t look alright at all, and his all face was showing the worry he was feeling right now. She just smiled at him and scratched her forehead lightly.

 

“I’m perfectly fine. ‘S just a headache from the oversleeping.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Stop worrying, Doctor. I’m good.”

“You’re not good. What’s going on?”

“Told you. Just a headache from oversleeping.”

 

Deep down, he knew there was something more. Something she was refusing to tell him and he hated the fact she was keeping things secret from him. They were friends, she wasn’t supposed to keep things hidden from him. He took her hand in his and gently rubbed her temple. She was burning hot. He bit his lip lightly.

 

“You’re not good.” _He repeated_. “Let me scan you.”

“No.”

“Rose.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve been sleeping four days and still look exhausted as hell, and you’ve got some fever. You’re not fine. Let me scan you.”

 

He made his voice sound a bit more authoritarian and she sighed softly. He wouldn’t let her go so easily but she had to try. She didn’t want him to think that she was weak or anything. She would be fine in a couple of days. It was just a cold. Nothing to worry about, really.

 

“Doctor, it’s useless. I’m good. Have you thought about our next travel?”

 

The Doctor didn’t reply and just looked at her with concern. He would not give in so easily. Whether she wanted it or not, she would tell him what was wrong. He wouldn’t take her anywhere until she felt better.

 

“How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Doctor, it’s just a cold. Nothing more than just a cold. I won’t die from it. It’ll be away in a few days. The TARDIS took great care of me, I swear.”

 

The Doctor mentally told the TARDIS that they needed to have a talk later together. He was pretty angry at her for keeping him away, but he was more concerned about Rose’s condition. Rose sighed softly again and closed her eyes.

 

“Have you got some more aspirin? I’ve taken some before sleeping hours ago, but they didn’t work much.”

 

The Doctor didn’t reply and put the hand in the pocket of his brown pinstriped pants to pull out his sonic screwdriver. She felt that his idea of scanning her hadn’t left his mind and she just caught his hand before he could pull out the sonic. She opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes were full of concern when hers were just vacant. She didn’t have that spark of life and excitement he loved so much anymore.

 

“I said it was useless.”

 

He kept silent once again and looked at the hand weakly holding his own hand. That’s when he noticed something. He quickly but gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her sleeve up. There, he observed the spot on her arm. It was as big as the tip of his thumb and highly infected. It was dark purple and badly swollen. A few tentacles of the same colour were surrounding the spot and were spreading on all her arm.

 

“You shouldn’t have kept this hidden from me.”

“It’s not a cold.” _She finally admitted._

“No, it’s blood poisoning. When did you get it?”

“It was just a spot.”

“It’s not just a spot anymore.”

 

His voice was showing that he was angry at her for hiding this from him, but he was more concerned than angry actually. He would not accept any more refusals from her though. She would answer his questions.

 

“When?”

“When we were picnicking on Ketarah Tri. A bee stung me. It was no big deal, but then, I started growing really tired and feeling very dizzy and sick.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to worry you for something as unimportant as a bee sting.”

“You should have. Ketarahian bees secrete a very particular poison. Some species can resist it, but are going through a hard time for days before the poison gets out of their blood system. Humans immune system isn’t strong enough to do so. It’s deadly for them.”

“I’m gonna die?”

 

Her voice was weak, and the fear was present in it. She finally realised that it had been a mistake to keep that sting hidden from the Doctor. She could have died from it and he wouldn’t have known. What a stupid death. Sometimes being stubborn and standing up to him wasn’t a very good idea.

 

“No. I know exactly what I need to do to save you. You’ll just feel miserable for the next couple days.”

 

He gathered her in his arms since she was too weak to walk on her own and carried her to her room. He laid her down on her bed and quickly walked to the infirmary. He picked up everything he needed and went back to Rose’s room. He sat down beside her and grabbed her arm carefully. The first step was to remove the stinger. It took him around ten minutes to finally pull it off, and that wasn’t painless. He hated hearing Rose’s whimpers but he had no choice to take it off. She knew it and that was why she was biting her lip instead of crying out in pain. Though there were tears of pain in her eyes. The second step was to clean the wound. Once the stinger was removed, the spot was less big and less painful. He put a bandage around it and forbid Rose from even try to scratch it. The last step was the antidote.

 

“Drink down in one go.” _He told her, giving her a small cup of a yellowish fluid_.

 

She did as told and choked a bit on it. He put the cup away and gave her some water to make the taste disappear. Now, she would need a lot of rest. She would be sick as hell in the next few days. The good thing was he wasn’t gonna let her go through this all alone. He tucked the covers all around her and laid down next to her, wrapping his arms around her body. She immediately curled up against him, nuzzling her head in his chest, and fell asleep in no time. She would always be fine, as long as he was watching over the tiny little human she was.


	16. Howling of the Wolf (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I remember the wolf’s golden eyes glowing in the dark, and when I looked back at the girl, she was having that hint of the wolf in her eyes. Her look was piercing through me and I could see the wolf howling in her soul, and the laws of Time itself seemed to flow in the golden river of her veins.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox).
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [impossible.wolf](https://www.instagram.com/impossible.wolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: The Doctor heard about a girl stuck in the forest for quite a long time, but a wolf, called Bad Wolf, was protecting her and wouldn't let her leave the forest.
> 
> Time/Location: No specific time.
> 
> AU or not AU: Not AU. 

The words _‘run for your life’_ never had such a powerful meaning than right now while he was indeed running for his life through the thick forest he was lost in. He had long lost of sight the trail he was following at first and was now running through the mess of trees so tall it was impossible to see where they were stopping, of bushes, brambles and roots, jumping above the obstacles he was meeting. He was running so fast he had the feeling that he was flying – which was scientifically impossible. Brambles and branches were gripping his leather jacket, jumper and pants, were staying stuck in his short-cropped hair and were scratching his face and hands, but he didn’t stop to take them off or wipe the small drops of blood running down his cheeks and fingers. He kept running, trying to go as fast as he could to escape from the threat that was chasing him down the woods.

He was a Time Lord and had a very good physical health. He wasn’t even out of breath while he had been running for a long moment now. He jumped above a small bush and tripped over a root but he never slowed down. He couldn’t. He was fast, but the threat was faster. No matter how fast he was running, he could still hear the steps of it running after him, the feet hitting the ground with an almost dull sound. The threat was fast, but it was also discreet while the Doctor could hear the sound of his own steps resonating loudly in the desert forest and pointing him out as the target to slaughter. But there was nothing around. No animals. No birds, no rabbits, no foxes. Nothing, but a huge deserted and silent forest. Only the howling of a wolf was audible from time to time, a howling as beautiful as frightening that sent shivers down the Doctor’s spine. And that wolf was currently chasing him.

Oh, it was his fault without a doubt. Entirely his fault. His curiosity was to blame, and he was cursing himself for being so curious. That was a default that always led him head first into troubles. Now was another demonstration of this statement. He was quietly traveling through the Vortex wondering where to stop and reading a very fascinating book about a wolf named Bad Wolf just hours ago. The book was telling the whole story behind the legend – because the Bad Wolf had never existed, it was just legends based on hearsay from people who’d gotten lost in the forest and heard the cry of a wolf – and the testimonies of some people had been written down to feed the legends. One of them had caught the Doctor’s attention though – the others were just making him laugh – and had gotten him really curious to know if it was real or not.

The tale was from a certain Donat, an old French guy who had been hunting the Bad Wolf in that exact same forest around the eighteenth century. He had been walking through that labyrinth of trees, and wild vegetation and had found something quite interesting while he was tracking the wolf: a small wooden house where was living a young woman around twenty years old. His tale was saying that the girl looked scared when he had found her. He had asked her to come with him, to trust him because he wouldn’t hurt her and would just bring her to the real world, but soon as she had grabbed his hand to run away with him, the Wolf had appeared and attacked him. Donat had to run away alone, and pretty badly wounded. His story was ending on words that definitely caught the Doctor’s attention: _“I remember the wolf’s golden eyes glowing in the dark, and when I looked back at the girl, she was having that hint of the wolf in her eyes. Her look was piercing through me and I could see the wolf howling in her soul, and the laws of Time itself seemed to flow in the golden river of her veins.”_ Something definitely interesting for the Time Lord the Doctor was.

A drawing had been added next to the page of the story. It was representing the girl of the woods, standing in that wooden house, in a simple nightgown dress from the eighteenth century. Her hands were pressed on her heart, and the silhouette of a wolf was drawn into her eyes. Golden eyes and the dark silhouette of a real wolf was drawn behind her. The Doctor had to see it by himself so he had entered the coordinates of the time and location of that wooden house just like it was said in the tale, but as usual, the TARDIS hadn’t taken him to the right place – it was the right time though – and instead of facing the girl, he had been facing the Wolf. He just had had the time to observe it for a few seconds before his life was threatened. The Wolf was nothing like the drawing. It was much more beautiful, and much more impressive.

The Wolf was sat in the middle of a small clearing, illuminated by the light of the moon. Its muzzle was raised to the night sky and it was howling at the moon. Its voice was deep and melodious, and the Doctor had had the feeling that it was speaking straight to his soul. A shiver ran down his spine as he observed the slightly golden fur of the Wolf. It was so beautiful. He had seen a lot of things in his life, but never something as beautiful as that Wolf howling at the moon, howling a song that almost moved him to tears. He had been so amazed by that sight that he hadn’t noticed the Wolf had stopped howling. He hadn’t noticed that it was looking at him. That was the growl who had drawn him out of his amazed condition. As beautiful as the Wolf is, it was also particularly dangerous and it was now threatening him. And that was why the Doctor was running faster than ever, the Wolf on his heels.

But suddenly, nothing anymore. No sound, no paws hitting the ground being him. Just the deathly silence of the forest. The only noise coming to the Doctor’s ears were his own heartbeats and breath. He stopped and looked around him. Nothing and no one around. His Time Lords senses were all on alert though. Something was coming, something incredibly strong and dangerous. Something he couldn’t face alone. He better go back to the TARDIS and get the hell out of here. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, using his senses to find his box. It was miles and miles away from his position. He cursed and started walking back in the direction of his hub. He felt observed and looked around to see who was there, but there was no one. He felt a shiver running down his spine when his eyes caught the golden eyes observing him. Right before the Wolf jumped out of the bush he was hiding in.

The Doctor took no time to think and started running again to save himself from the terrible fate that was awaiting him if the Wolf managed to catch him, but everything was going wrong. While running, he tripped over a root on the surface and brutally fell to the ground. He tried to catch something to stop his fall but his body was hurtling down a steep slope, causing him to curse even more in his natural language. His fall ended in a small stream of cold water. He got out of it quickly and sat on the muddy bank.

 

“I was expecting you, my Doctor.”

 

The Doctor quickly looked up at the voice speaking to him. The girl from the book was standing there, next to him, in the same outfit shown in the drawing, and the Doctor knew just by looking into her eyes he knew that Donat was right. The laws of Time were flowing in her veins. The girl wasn’t related to Time, she was Time itself. She held a hand out to him but he didn’t take it, too amazed by her sudden appearance, by the beauty of this girl with blonde hair, pink cheeks and a hint of golden in her brown eyes.

 

“So, the legend was true. The Wolf is holding a young girl as a hostage.” _He simply said._

 

And in answer to his statement, she just laughed. Just like her voice, her laugh sounded melodious, as melodious as the howling of the Wolf earlier. He realised how much he liked it, and how much he would like to hear it again. As strange as it sounds.

 

“Who says I’m a hostage of the Wolf?”

“The book I was reading.”

 

He finally caught her hand and she helped him up. As soon as their skin touched, something awoke in him and his Time Lord senses turned themselves off. There was no threat anymore.

 

“What is that book saying?”

“It was telling the legend of a girl living under the threat of a wolf called Bad Wolf in a forest of the eighteenth century. I got pretty curious to see if this was right.”

“Is there more to that legend?”

“It says that the girl can’t escape. No matter how many times she tried, the Wolf always found her, and brought her back here.”

“That’s quite an interesting story, but it’s not exactly true.”

 

She was still holding his hand and was showing no sign of letting it go. He wouldn’t run away though. He couldn’t. It was as if his body had taken root in the muddy ground for him to stay around the girl. Or was she the one forcing him to stay so still?

 

“So, what’s the real story?”

“I can see in your mind, my Doctor. You’ve already answered that question. At least, partially.”

“You are Time itself.”

“True.”

“And the Wolf is your keeper.”

“Also true.”

 

She smiled at him. A soft smile. A smile a mother would give to a kid she was proud of. In a way, the Doctor was a child of Time, and right now, Time itself was proud of him for a reason he didn’t even know.

 

“The book doesn’t exist. Neither is the story. I created them to draw your attention to me. The Wolf had the mission to bring you to me. This is why your TARDIS landed close to it, instead of me.”

“Why?”

 

She smiled at him once again, and her free hand went to cup his cheek. The contact was warm and he leaned on it. He had never realised how much he needed comfort.

 

“You’ve done terrible things to keep me safe from the War, my Doctor, and you’ll keep on protecting me all your life.”

 

She was still calling him _‘my Doctor’_ and inside down, he liked it. He belonged to the Time. It was his mother, and for her, he had been fighting in a war that took all his strengths and hopes and people away. A war that let him alone in the universes. Alone with the high responsibility of healing the wounds in Time and Space and keeping everyone’s safe. He had made that promise when he took his name, and he was still respecting that promise.

 

“But now is the time for you to start forgiving yourself for what has happened.”

“But I can’t.”

“Not on your own, I know.”

“I’ve got no one else. I’m on my own. Forever. I’ve killed everyone.”

“Time Lords never really cared about you, my Doctor.”

“That wasn’t a reason to exterminate them all.”

“They would never have helped you if you’ve just exterminated the Daleks.”

“I would’ve been a hero.”

“But that’s not what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Not yet, but you’ll know soon enough.”

 

She lightly stroked his cheekbone and he closed his eyes, leaning a bit more in her comforting touch. He shouldn’t let himself go into Her touch. He was nothing next to her, and yet, she had chosen him. Among the very large number of people who were living around since the beginning of Time, she had chosen to show herself to him.

 

“Your mind is a full mess of guilt and self-hatred and solitude, my Doctor, but there’s one person, one shining person, who’s gonna help you through this. One loving person who’s gonna change your hearts and mind.” _She let go of his hand and placed her over his hearts._ “She’s gonna make you better.”

“Who?”

“You already know who.”

 

Another smile to him. He opened his eyes and looked into her brown golden eyes. A warm look that almost make him forget about all those negative feelings about himself. A ‘she’. The person who was supposed to help him was a woman. And thinking about it, the Time had taken a form vaguely familiar to him.

 

“The War is not over yet, my Doctor, but the path to forgiveness and light is right in front of you now. This is my gift to you. Just give it a chance.”

“How can I?”

“We will meet again very soon and when that day will come, the weight in your chest will be less heavy.”

 

The Wolf joined them and sat next to the girl, observing them. It didn’t look so threatening now. The Doctor could swear he heard the Wolf laugh lightly in the back of his mind, as if all of this had just been a game. The Wolf had never intended to harm him in any way. Its only mission had been to lead him there, but it had wanted to have some fun. Much to the Doctor’s displeasure.

 

“Now is the time to wake up, my Doctor.”

 

The girl softly kissed his forehead and his eyes fluttered shut. He fell himself fall into a black hole and expected to hit the muddy ground but, instead, he woke up with a sudden start. He looked around him. He was in the TARDIS. He had fallen asleep on the pilot seat and the book he was reading had slid to the ground, but someone had picked it up. He looked up and his eyes fell on the blonde girl who had accepted to come with him just minutes earlier. She had covered him with a blanket and was holding the book against her chest. She realised that he was awake and blushed lightly.

 

“I-I’m sorry. You fell asleep so…”

“It’s okay. Happens to the best.”

 

He looked at the book. A Gallifreyan book he didn’t even remember picking him in the library. The girl of the dream was right. The book – _Howling of the Wolf_ – had never existed. It was just a fake thing from his mind. The Doctor rubbed his eyes. The dream was a blur now, but certain details were stuck in his mind, like the disturbing resemblance between the personalisation of Time and Rose Tyler, his new companion. Maybe there was more than a sign to interpret there.

 

“Right then, Rose Tyler, you tell me: where do you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time? What it’s going to be?”

“Forwards.”

 

The Doctor grinned at her, got on his feet and left the blanket on the pilot seat. He pressed a few buttons on the console, programming a new trip through time and space. A new adventure was going to start, and this time, he wouldn’t be alone to live it. He would have the chance to share it with someone, someone who could change his life forever.


	17. Mistletoe (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, she had tried and tried, but she had never found anything stable. Since she had no A-levels, she was never good enough for any boss and they all had exploited her before throwing her away with so little money she couldn’t afford much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox).
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [claraswolf](https://www.instagram.com/claraswolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: Rose is a homeless and single mother of a little boy, unable to find a stable job or a decent home. 
> 
> Time/Location: No specific time.
> 
> AU or not AU: AU. 

It was Christmas again, and Rose Tyler felt like the most terrible woman and mother around once again. Last year, she had promised herself to be a better mother for her little boy, to find a permanent job and to find a permanent home, but she still hadn’t fulfilled that promise to herself and she was disappointed of herself. Oh, she had tried and tried, but she had never found anything stable. Since she had no A-levels, she was never good enough for any boss and they all had exploited her before throwing her away with so little money she couldn’t afford much. She had never used that money for herself and had always bought anything her little boy needed instead. He would always be her first priority. She was sacrificing herself for him to have a good life, just like her mother and father had done for her when times were hard on them. They had managed to give her a life worth fighting for until she was sixteen.

They had died into a car crash on a winter night. The car had slid on the frozen road and had left the road to crash in a tree. They hadn’t suffered and had both died instantly. Rose had hated the winter season ever since that day. She hadn’t been in the car though. That night, she had been sleeping at her boyfriend’s flat. Jimmy Stone was older than her. He was twenty when she was just sixteen, but he was all gentle and polite and charming. Well, that’s how he had been when they met. She was just sixteen back then, and she had been naïve. So naïve. First, he had made her give up her studies. Much to the displeasure of Rose’s parents. Then, it had just been small things, but he was still trying to control her life, and she had realised it only when it was too late, when he had forced her to stay inside the unhealthy flat they were living in.

She had been stuck with Jimmy Stone for years. It had been years of bad treatments, of violence, of sexual assaults and humiliation, but she had never said anything. Until she found out that she was pregnant. She was only twenty-four at the time. She had no A-levels, no job, no family left. She had nothing, but a small baby growing up in her belly, and a violent alcoholic boyfriend. Jimmy Stone was sleeping off the alcohol he had drunk in a party he had gone without her when she had decided it was time to leave. She had taken her belongings and left the flat. She had never come back and never regretted her decision, even though it was really hard for her. She was pregnant and she had no one to help her through the pregnancy. She couldn’t afford any medical exam or doctor so she had just done her best to stay alive and keep her baby safe. Even if Jimmy was the biological father, she had wanted to keep him.

The first year after she had left Jimmy, she lived in the streets, hiding in shelters for homeless people and going to free clinics when she needed to. She knew Jimmy was looking for her and didn’t want him to find her. If he had found her, he would have known that she was pregnant and would have kept her forever locked into his flat. But he never did thankfully. Rose gave birth to her little boy alone, in the streets. Oh, she had been so scared when her water broke, when the labour started. She had wished her mother to be there in that hard time, but she wasn’t. She would never meet her grandchild. She would never know what her daughter had become. Maybe that was for the best. If she had known what Jimmy Stone had done to her, it would have broken her mother’s heart. And Jimmy Stone would most likely have regretted ever messing with the Tyler family.

After she gave birth to the most handsome and wonderful little boy, she had promised herself to give him a good life. It was hard. It was really hard to keep that word when she was barely surviving thanks to the help she could get from the shelters and the soup kitchens and stealing in the malls when it wasn’t enough. She was starving and freezing most of the time, but as long as her little Elliot was fine and had everything he could need, she didn’t care. She had lost a lot of weight, but she wasn’t sick as hell like most of the homeless people she had met. That’s how her life had been for the last six years. She had thought her problems were about to be resolved, that she was gonna see the end of that dark tunnel soon when she had gotten a job and a small flat a few months ago, but that morning, her boss – who was also her landlord – had thrown her out for a professional misconduct she hadn’t even done and refused to pay her.

That’s how Rose Tyler had ended up in the streets again with her very few possessions and her little boy on the morning of Christmas Eve. She had worked so hard to give him the best of Christmas this year and she had failed again, and that was too much for her. She wandered in the London’s streets, a backpack full with their belongings on her back, holding firmly Elliot’s hands so he wouldn’t get lost in the crowd of happy people running around to get their Christmas errands done in time. No one paid attention to the woman walking down the same streets as them with her stooped back, her sad face, holding her boy’s hand and thinking sadly this year again, she wouldn’t be able to afford a gift for him. She felt like the worst mother ever for not being able to make her little boy happy on a day like this. She felt even worse when they passed in front of a small shop selling teddy bears, the same teddy bears he had dreamed of having one day.

Elliot looked up at his mother, still holding her hand tightly. He knew she was sad that she couldn’t buy him any gift for Christmas, and he was sad too but he knew that their life was harder than anyone’s life and that his mummy was doing the best she could. While only six years old, he already knew that being with her, being loved by her was enough to be happy, no matter how hard they had to fight to have a decent life.

 

“It’s okay, mummy. As long as we are together, we will be fine.” _He tried to reassure her_.

 

Rose looked down at him and smiled sadly. He was so handsome with his green eyes and his light brown hair. His nose was a bit red because of the cold. He smiled back at her and there was so much warmth in this smile that Rose felt her heart melt and she almost broke down. How could he show her so much love and happiness when she was the worst mother he could ever have? She stopped walking and knelt down, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight. She kissed his head softly.

 

“I love you.” _She murmured into his ear._

“To the moon and back.” _He completed._

 

Snow was starting to fall all around them and the cold was really getting them now, but Elliot was looking at the small flakes falling from the sky with amazement. He liked the snow. He found it very beautiful, but he never knew why his mother looked so sad whenever it was snowing. She hadn’t told him yet about his grandparents, and she didn’t tell him how close of breaking down she was right now. The snow almost made her cry and she blinked back a few tears while pain clutched her heart. Elliot shivered when a flake fell on his neck and laughed a bit at it. Christmas was a magical holiday. Something good was gonna happen to them. He had prayed long enough for it to happen. He wanted his mother to be happy. He hated seeing her so sad.

Rose saw him shiver and immediately put the backpack down. She took off her patched coat she had gotten onto a stand of the Red Cross a few months ago and wrapped it around him. She zipped it and lightly tapped Elliot’s nose with a small smile. She put the backpack back on her back and caught her son’s hand before walking again. She entered a shopping centre. They would be protected from the cold in there. She made Elliot sit down on a bench close to a food store and put the backpack next to him. She stroked his face gently.

 

“I gonna go and buy some food for you. I won’t be long. You just wait for me here, and you don’t follow or talk to anyone, okay?”

 

She hated herself for doing so. She wasn’t gonna buy anything. She was gonna steal it, and she didn’t want him to see her acting that way. She had no choice but to steal to make sure he would eat something because she couldn’t afford it. And she hated leaving him here while she was gonna commit a crime. Elliot nodded.

 

“I’m waiting for you. I don’t move. I don’t follow or talk to anyone.”

 

That was a lesson she had taught him over the years. When she said she was gonna get some food, he had to wait at a special spot – usually somewhere no one would bother him, somewhere he would be safe for a few minutes – and it was forbidden for him to talk or follow any stranger. She was keeping him safe while she was taking all the possible risks for him to be able to eat something. Rose kissed his head softly and murmured again how much she loved him before walking into the food store.

 

Elliot Tyler was a very obedient child. He had learned very quickly that it was useless to try and fight his mother for something. The idea had never come to him though. His mother was so tender, and loving, and protective of him that he couldn’t ask for more. Of course, their life was very hard, and he was trying his best not to be a naughty boy for life to be easier on them. So, when his mother was asking him to wait for her and not to talk to stranger or follow them, he obeyed her. No one ever came up to him to ask him what he was doing all alone anyway. It was as if people knew he was the child of a homeless woman and were avoiding him the best they could. They also were asking their children to stay away from him, as if he was contagious. It hurt him inside down, but a hug from his mother and everything was forgotten. She was the only person he cared about, and the only person who cared about him.

He pulled the backpack close to him and wrapped his arms around it, watching at all the people around him. They all looked in a hurry of getting something done really quick, in a hurry of being somewhere else. None of them seemed really happy to be running around like they were doing. They probably all had a better life than he did but none of them looked happy and Elliot realised that if that was what a “normal life” looked like, he didn’t want it. He would rather just live in the streets with his gentle and loving mother who would give you anything he needed, whatever she would have to do to have it. Elliot kept looking at the people around him, while no one actually gave him a single look. He was used to it. It was easy to obey his mother in such a situation. He hadn’t expected that someone would actually stop close to him and talk to him.

 

“What are you doing here on your own?”

 

The voice was quiet and definitely masculine. Elliot looked up at the man who was standing close to him. He was very tall and his eyes were the clearest blue eyes he had ever seen in his short life. The man was wearing a white shirt, and black jeans with a long coat. Everything about him was saying he was one of the rich people. Someone with a big house and a lot of useless things. Someone who was never starving or freezing. Someone who usually never stopped to talk to a homeless boy. Elliot looked down and didn’t answer the question. That was one of the rules. The man didn’t leave though. He sat down on the bench, leaving a small distance between them.

 

“Where is your mummy? And your daddy?”

 

Once again, Elliot remained silent. The rules were the rules. He couldn’t break them because someone had finally lay their eyes on him. His mother would be back soon. He just had to wait a little bit longer and ignore the man the best he could.

 

“Oh, the ‘don’t talk to strangers’ rule. Your mummy is probably close. I’m Maxence, but everyone calls me Max. I saw you sitting there alone, and it looks strange to me. I don’t like lonely kids. Especially on Christmas Eve day. Everyone should be happy today.”

“They don’t look happy.”

 

The words had escaped him while he was watching at the people running everywhere. The man looked kind although he was a bit insistent, and Elliot had a certain advantage. The man had given a name, whether it was his real one or not.

 

“They will be. Eventually. Tonight, they will all share a family meal, and open gifts.”

 

Elliot wouldn’t, because his mother was his only family and they couldn’t do all the things people usually do on Christmas Eve. They would look for a new shelter so they wouldn’t stay in the cold winter and snowing night while all those people would gather around a table and share a hot meal and gifts.

 

“My mummy is buying food.”

 

Buying was a big word. He didn’t exactly know how his mother was getting all this food she was giving him while she was barely eating or eating things she was finding in a dustbin most of the time.

 

“Let me go! Leave me alone! You stupid assholes! Let me go!”

 

Elliot turned around when he heard her mother yell. Two men were firmly holding her and trying to pull her out of the food store while she was struggling to get away from them. Maxence followed his move and looked at the blonde girl struggling against the two minders.

 

“That’s my mummy!”

 

Maxence raised an eyebrow. Elliot immediately jumped on his feet and rushed in the store. He tried to push away the men holding his mother and hurting her, but they easily pushed him aside.

 

“Let her go!”

 

He tried to help his mother but was once again shoved aside a bit more brutally this time. Elliot fell to the ground, causing Rose to be even more furious.

 

“Don’t touch him! I swear to God!”

“Hey!” _Intervened Maxence who’d followed Elliot in the store._ “You were never told to be nice with kids, weren’t you?”

 

Maxence picked up the little boy and put him back on his feet. He checked if he was alright, if he hadn’t been hurt in his fall. Elliot was perfectly fine. He just wanted to protect his mother from those men who were being rude and brutalising her. Something he couldn’t accept. Something should accept. Maxence looked at the two men who stopped moving when he had intervened.

 

“Why are you brutalising that poor woman?”

“We caught her stealing food and trying to run away.”

“Is that a way of treating people? Let her go.”

“Sir…”

“Let her go.”

“Yes, sir.”

 

The two minders let Rose go and she immediately ran to Elliot. She knelt down and wrapped her arms around him, making sure he was alright though the man who was taking her defence had already checked if her little boy was fine. She looked at him as he took his wallet out of his pocket and pulled some money out of it.

 

“Whatever she’s taken, give it back to her. This should be enough for the indemnification.”

 

He slipped the money into the chest pocket of one of the men and put his wallet back into the pocket of his long coat. The other man disappeared and came back with a few things. He put them in a bag and gave it to Rose. Maxence noticed that it was only food, and he realised that the blonde woman wasn’t stealing that food for her – she was so thin that she probably hadn’t eaten a real meal in a while – but for her son, and according to their cheap clothes, and their rough appearance they probably had been living in the streets for a while. He found her beautiful though, in her wild appearance. She took the bag of food and quickly left the store with her son, almost running out of the shopping centre. Maxence watched her leave until she was out of his sight. Then, he left the store. He needed to find her. He couldn’t let her spend Christmas in the streets with her son.

 

Rose was almost running towards the exit of the shopping centre, holding the bag of food, the backpack and her son’s hand all at once. She wanted to be out of here quickly before anyone could catch her and prevent her from giving food to her son. There was a weight on her chest causing her to be out of breath, to be in pain. This wasn’t the first time she had to run away from someone, but it was the first time someone helped her. Probably the last too. And today, Rose Tyler had enough of this life. She couldn’t keep on that way. She wanted it all to stop. And suddenly, she broke down, in the middle of the snow-covered street. She let everything go and fell to her knees. Tears were already rolling down her cheeks while she was running. Now, she was sobbing, and the only person who dared looking at her and trying to comfort her was her little boy.

 

“No one should be crying today.”

 

Rose recognised the voice as belonging to the man who had helped her in the store. It was already humiliating enough to have been caught while she was trying to get some food for Elliot and to have everyone be a witness of her degradation, no need to add another humiliation on the list. He knelt down next to her and gave her some tissues. Rose took them and thanked him, trying to calm herself down, but she had had this weight on his chest for so long that it wasn’t easy to calm down now that she had broken down. The man gently rubbed her back and waited until she felt better. She looked up at him and her eyes met his icy blue ones. Eyes she could swear she had already seen somewhere.

 

“You’re…”

“Maxence Spitz.”

“Spitz, like…”

“From the Spitz family, yeah.”

“What would you do with someone like me, Mr Spitz?”

“Helping. It’s what I’m best at. Helping people.”

 

She probably looked miserable now with her puffy eyes, her red face wet with tears, her patched and dirty clothes. She was soaked and cold because of the snow that was still falling, but she didn’t need help from this man. She always had managed to live his life without any help. Today wasn’t gonna change.

 

“I…”

“I’m just offering you bed and board for the night. You’re not forced to stay if you don’t want to.”

“…”

“My family is giving a small reception for Christmas up there, in the manor. It’s gonna be boring, but there will be food, and I can easily find a spare room for you and your lovely boy.”

 

Rose was still looking at him in the eyes. She seemed fascinated by them. She was about to refuse once again. She swallowed the lump in her throat and finally nodded. Just for tonight. It would be okay, just for tonight. She could do that, she could accept his help and give Elliot a real Christmas. Maxence smiled at her and helped her up. He picked up all her belongings while she picked up Elliot and he led them to his car. They all got into the back of it, and the driver drove back to the Spitz manor.

 

×

 

Maxence Spitz was supposed to help his family with the decorations of the manor, and with the preparation of the reception room. Instead, he spent the whole afternoon running into the manor with Elliot Tyler, playing with him, and showing him how to slide down a handrail. They both had a lot of fun together and Rose was happy to see her little boy laughing and having fun after all the hard times they had both gone through. While they were both having fun, Rose enjoyed a long and hot shower – she surprisingly trusted Maxence with Elliot – and when she came out of the bathroom, she found clean clothes on the bed with a small note saying that they were for her. She pulled them on enjoying the feeling of clean and new clothes after months of wearing the same outfit. She managed to get her son back and to give him a bath – something he hadn’t had in months; his last bath had been in the Hyde Park lake. He too got new and clean clothes.

Elliot immediately ran off the room to find Maxence when she was done washing and dressing him. Rose used that time to get some rest. She inexplicably felt safe in that huge manor and knowing her little boy was having fun for the first time in a very long time was helping her to stay relaxed. She slept for a few hours, until someone knocked on the door. She opened it up and someone gave her a dress and a small suit and tie in a protective cover. She was surprised by the gesture.

 

“What is this for?”

“Mister Spitz asked me to bring you the dress and the suit and tie for your son.”

“But…”

“It’s for the reception, miss.”

“I was wondering if you would accept to be my partner for the night.”

 

Maxence suddenly appeared behind the woman. Elliot was happily perched on his back. Rose smiled at her son’s happiness and leaned against the doorway, her cheeks lightly red from the embarrassment of Maxence’s demands.

 

“I’m sure there’s plenty of women out there waiting for you to ask them to be their partner, mister Spitz.”

“Maybe, but they’re not as fascinating as you are.”

 

Maxence took the protective cover with the clothes from the woman’s hands and thanked her before she went away. He came into the room and put both the clothes and the boy down on the bed. He looked back at Rose whose cheeks were redder than earlier, and smiled shyly at her.

 

“I’m not that interesting as a person, really.” _She mumbled._

“Oh, I’m sure you have plenty of things to tell. Not like me. My life is boring. Your story looks much more interesting, but once again, I’m not forcing you to do something you don’t want.”

 

He was nervous, even if he was hiding it very well, and it made her smile. She was as nervous as he was, if it wasn’t more. The man was lovely, and handsome. Maybe she could give him a try. Just for tonight.

 

“How can you be sure this dress will fit me?”

“Oh, errr….” _He scratched the back of his head._ “Someone took your measures while you were sleeping. Elliot has been a very nice boy and didn’t move while I measured him.”

“Oh.” _Replied Rose, embarrassed that someone had measured her skinny body while she was sleeping._ “Well, it would be unfair of me to turn down your invitation after everything you’ve done for me today.”

“I’m glad you’re accepting.” _He took her hand and lightly pressed his lips on it_. “I’ll pick you up around seven.”

 

He bumped fists with Elliot and they both laughed before Maxence left the room. Rose smiled at this and kissed her little boy’s head.

 

“Seems like you made yourself a friend.”

“Max is so cool!”

“So this is Max now?”

“He told me not to call him Mister Spitz. He’d rather be called Max.”

“If he’s the one telling you to, then, I have nothing to say about it.”

 

She smiled again and Elliot told her how cool his new friend was and what they had been doing all afternoon. The boy had sparks in his eyes. Rose had never seen him so happy before and she was glad to have accepted Maxence’s help, but she wouldn’t abuse his hospitality for too long. So, they would probably leave as soon as Christmas was over. Rose unzipped the protective cover and pulled out the small suit and tie. Elliot was gonna be handsome in it. She looked at the dress and was amazed by it. It was absolutely beautiful. Deep blue, the dress was covering her shoulders and half of her arms, and was falling down on her knees. It was tight – but not too tight so it wouldn’t accentuate her thinness – on her hips and a bit more loose around her pelvis and legs. She never wore something this beautiful in her entire life. Heels the same colours as the dress – and not too high for her not to fall – were given to her, and formal shoes for Elliot. She got them ready quickly when the time was almost there. She watched her son. He was absolutely handsome in his little suit with his little tie.

 

“You are handsome.” _She said, gently tapping his nose._

 

He smiled, replying that she was just as beautiful as he was. She felt a bit embarrassed in those clothes she wasn’t used to wear. She had taken a little time to do some make up and find a hairstyle. It was simple, and light. She let her hair fall on her shoulders, and only used a hair slide to tie two strands of hair on the back of her head. She wasn’t wearing any jewel. She didn’t own any. There was a knock on the door. She walked to it and opened it. Maxence was standing there, looking absolutely handsome in his three-pieces suit. He wasn’t wearing a tie, but had a small white flower on the chest pocket of his jacket.

 

“You are absolutely beautiful.” _He whispered, really amazed_.

“Thank you.” _She murmured back, blushing._ “You’re not bad either.”

“I’ve got a little something for you.”

“Isn’t all of this enough?”

 

He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small box. He opened it and showed her. It was a thin golden necklace with a small shining sapphire pendant. Her eyes grew big.

 

“I can’t accept this gift.”

“It would make me really happy if you did.”

“This is too much, Mister Spitz. You don’t have to…”

 

He took the necklace between his long and thin fingers and gently fastened it around her neck before she could say anything else. He was stubborn, he wouldn’t let her refuse his gift to her.

 

“Now, if you don’t mind following me.”

 

He offered his arm to her and she hooked her own arm around his. Her free hand held Elliot’s hand while they were walking to the reception room. She smiled shyly when they entered the room full of people as they all tried to talk to Maxence but he was all eyes for her.

The reception was boring, just like he had told her but he got her to dance a few times and she felt like she was in a dream. Nothing could compare to the night she was having with the caring and gentle Maxence Spitz. She found herself very embarrassed though when their steps led them under some mistletoe. They watched each other both blushing, knowing that now they had to kiss just like the custom was asking. Maxence slowly leaned and closed his eyes as he pressed his lips to Rose’s lips. The kiss was short, but long enough to take away Rose’s breath. She had never been kissed so softly by a man, and it almost made her cry to know that would be the only time it would happen, but Maxence smiled at her and took her to the buffet before they went back to dancing. Although there was a lot of women asking for him, he never left her. Much to her pleasure, and relief. She knew no one but him here.

After midnight had rang and after people had shared their vows of happiness and health for this Christmas, Maxence sneaked out of the reception, taking Rose and Elliot with him, saying that now was the time for the real fun. He made them visit the whole manor, learning her how to slide down a handrail without ruining her clothes. She was laughing a lot in his presence. She didn’t remember laughing so much in her entire life. When Elliot started showing signs of fatigue, she decided that the night was over for them and that they had to go to bed. Maxence took them back to their room where a teddy bear with a huge bow was waiting on the bed. Elliot ran to it and picked it up.

 

“Merry Christmas, Elliot.”

 

Elliot turned around to look at Maxence. So did Rose. He explained himself just by saying that every little boy should have a teddy bear, and that he had made an express order to Father Christmas, hoping to have it in time. Elliot jumped in Maxence’s arms and went back to hugging the teddy bear. Rose looked up at Maxence. It was useless to tell him that he shouldn’t have done this. He was stubborn, and wouldn’t accept any refusal.

 

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“It all feels like a dream.”

“Let’s hope it wasn’t one. I’d be disappointed.” _He smiled softly, his blue eyes staring at her._ “Goodnight, miss Tyler.”

 

He softly kissed her forehead and left the room, closing the door. Rose changed herself into the pyjamas she found on the bed, and changed Elliot too. Her son refused to let go of the teddy bear and insisted on sleeping with it. She saw no reason of refusing, and that night, for the first time ever, both mother and son fell asleep very happy, and full of hope that all the tomorrows would get better.


	18. Losing your memory (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All those things he had lost looked really pointless now, because he had lost some other things that were far more important than those little things."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox).
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [impossible.wolf](https://www.instagram.com/impossible.wolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: The Doctor thinks he's lost his wife, Rose Tyler, in the Time War, but, in reality, she too ran away from Gallifrey and found a way onto Earth. They soon run into eachother, but will they recognize each other right away after the Doctor makes her his new companion?
> 
> Time/Location: 2005.
> 
> AU or not AU: Not AU. 

The Doctor had lost a lot of things in the Time War. He had lost his pride, his principles, his mental health and two of his lives, but that wasn’t what was hurting him the most actually. He had had to sit on his pride a long time ago to become the Time Lord he was now. He had wanted people to stop rejecting him and had done some reprehensible things to earn their love and respect, even humiliating himself for this. His principles had never been the same as everyone. He had always been an outsider, someone willing to help people instead of just staying there and watching like he was supposed to do. His mental health… Well, they were saying he was one hell of stupid useless child. He had heard it for over two hundred years, and he had comforted them in the fact that he was some crazy wild guy who needed to be locked away from ‘healthy people’. And his two lives, well, he was lucky enough to be able to regenerate in the middle of this War. A lot of Time Lords and Ladies hadn’t had the chance of.

All those things he had lost looked really pointless now, because he had lost some other things that were far more important than those little things. First, he had lost all his people. He had made a choice that had killed them all and the weight of it on his shoulders was unbearable. Second, something that was much more painful to him – after all the Time Lords had never cared about him, except when they had wanted to kick him out of Gallifrey, saying he was being the biggest trouble around, giving bad ideas to the younger Time Lords and Ladies – and something he would never forgive himself for: the loss of the Wolf, his lovely wife. Her official name was Delta Iota, but she had chosen a quite uncommon name, even for Gallifrey: the Wolf. He had given her the ‘Wolfie’ nickname, and he had been the only one allowed to use that name. She hadn’t let anyone else but him use it.

Her loss was hurting him much more than any other death that had occurred on that terrible day. One of the reasons was because of his guilt. He had left her on Gallifrey and just left with the Moment. He had destroyed them all, Daleks and Time Lords. He had exterminated his wife, his other half, and her absence was a pain he couldn’t handle. He remembered that, at first, he hadn’t been very happy to be forced to be paired with a Time Lady he barely knew, but as time passed by, he had realised that she was just like him, just as adventurous and crazy as him and they had decided to take another step into their relationship and to complete the ultimate bound, a bound that would forever exist between the two of them, allowing them to always sense each other, to have a full access to their minds without the need of creating a physical connection, to feel each other emotions at any time.

It was the most powerful bound on Gallifrey, and only the Time Lords and Ladies who were truly in love with each other chose to complete the bound that were first initiated during the wedding ceremony. At least, it was something they had the choice to do or not. As beautiful and wonderful that bound was, it was also a curse when your loved one was hurt or killed because you could feel everything he/she was going through without knowing what was going on, but the Doctor knew. He had felt the life of his Wolfie leaving her body the minute he had activated the Moment, the minute Gallifrey had been erased from Space to a War that would have destroyed everything in the universes. And ever since that day, the Doctor had felt really empty. The void in his mind and hearts was driving him crazy and he had tried many and many times to make the pain disappear, to remove, with his bare hands, the tattoo with her name that had formed itself over his hearts when the bound had been completed, the bound that was now killing him.

After the fall of Gallifrey, after he had _caused_ the fall of Gallifrey, the Doctor had run away as fast and as far as he could and had tried to hide himself from the rest of the universes. He had remained hidden for years, barely travelling, barely answering the calls of the Time and Space. All he had done in all those years was pondering, crying, remembering and cherishing the memories of his lost wife. The pain was so unbearable that he had tried to kill himself a few times, but the TARDIS had always kept him alive. The old girl wasn’t able to do anything for all the scars he had created on his own body though. To hide them even from himself, he had chosen to wear a jumper with long sleeves but they were always there and he couldn’t just ignore them when he was taking a shower. The worst scar he had though was the mental one. He could hide it more easily, and the bleeding had stopped but the scar was still painful as hell.

Today was one of those bad days. A day where he could only stay in bed, his mental pain and solitude so throbbing that it was unbearable. A day where all he could do was hurting himself and cry. A day where the void of her absence was making him suffocate. He took off his jumper and looked at his arms full of scars. Then, his hand found her way back on his chest and he brushed lightly the tattoo over his hearts. Her name in circular Gallifreyan. The only thing about her that he had been able to keep after her loss, because even his memories of her were fading. He couldn’t remember her face, the colour of her eyes or even her smile. Those details usually didn’t count since everything could change after a regeneration, but she would never regenerate again, she would never live forever beside him, and it was destroying him inside down that he couldn’t remember those little details from the last day he had seen her.

He laid on his back and closed his eyes, his hand still over his hearts, still brushing over the tattoo. He tried to remember the last perfect day they had had together, their last day before the War hit Gallifrey and forced them apart. He tried to remember her face, her laugh, her touch, but the more he was trying to remember, the more the memory was running away from him, and soon enough nothing remained and he found himself chasing a transparent and fleeting ghost. And the pain hurt him so much that he chose to create another deep slit on his arm, resisting to the envy of engraving her name into his skin to be sure to never forget it just in case the tattoo would disappear.

 

Meeting Rose Tyler was probably the best to have ever happened in his life after the Time War. The girl was brilliant, lovely, compassionate, curious and full of life – for someone as dead as him in the inside, it was hard to understand – but she was also so _human_. And yet, as time was passing, he had realised that she was what he had needed the most in this dark period of his life. There was something about her, something intriguing and undeniably attractive. He had just wanted to show her that he was _impressive_ , that he could travel through Time and Space and show her all the marvels of the universes, but those reasons just vanished in the air when he had realised that Rose Tyler was more than a simple companion to him. She was much more than that, and he hadn’t understood it soon enough, even though he had started having suspicions of their feelings after they met with the surviving Dalek.

That meeting had left him particularly enraged and deeply broken. After all, the Daleks were responsible for everything he was going through. He hadn’t showed his pain, only his anger but Rose had seen through it, and she had managed to bring some sense into him. She had even refused to leave him alone – even though Adam was on board – the night that followed this encounter and she had stayed up all night just to make he would be fine. He had almost broken down that night, almost showed her the scars of his arms, almost told her about his dead wife, but he had managed to keep it all for himself and to hold back his tears. Rose had sensed that something was wrong with him but he had kept it all for himself. She was too human, too young to even understand what he was going through, but he had appreciated her compassion, her help through the night.

However, there was another big mystery around Rose Tyler. The Bad Wolf mystery. Everywhere he was taking her, the words were appearing. The words were following them and he had absolutely no idea of what they could possibly mean. That was frightening, but, most of all, it was painful because he only knew one Wolf, and that Wolf was long dead and gone. Even his memories of her were a blur. He had had a little hope that she could have survived that she was sending him a message, that she was trying to reach him, but he quickly realised that it couldn’t be her, because he would have felt it if she had still been alive. The bound would have told him. He would have felt her presence whenever and wherever she would have been hiding, and he hadn’t felt anything coming from her. The hope had vanished as well of the memories of her, and he only had had Rose to keep him going.

The Satellite 5 events had almost been the end for him. Everything had seemed to go wrong there. He hadn’t even been able to find Rose in time, and when he did, it was only to see her being exterminated by a stupid android. Seeing her being reduced to a simple and small heap of ashes had definitely broken him down and made him reached the point of no return. Two women. The two women he loved had been killed by the Daleks, and that had been something he couldn’t forget or forgive. He hadn’t told Rose how he was feeling because it felt inappropriate, because she was human, because he was an old daft man who didn’t deserve love, and she had died without knowing how much he was loving her. The fate was being mean on him, and once again, the words “Bad Wolf” were here, following them, but he didn’t care anymore. Everything was over, he didn’t have the strength to fight anymore.

That was Jack who brought him back to his senses and forced him to fight in the name of Rose, to show her – even if she wasn’t there anymore – that he could still save the worlds for her. Jack didn’t know the full story, but he certainly knew how to entertain someone, and how to bring them hope again, because captain Jack Harkness was the person who proved him that Rose was still alive and waiting for him. And he jumped in the danger head first just to get her back close to him. His hug was maybe tighter than usual, but he needed to know that she was really there, that she was still alive, that he hadn’t lost her. For now. He would lose her at some point, because she was _human_ , even if he tended to forget it sometimes, but he’d rather not think about it now. Rose Tyler was his anchor to the reality, the reason why he kept fighting when he had all the reasons to give up on everything.

He hadn’t expected things to happen this way though. He hadn’t seen it coming. Was it a good or a bad thing, he didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that Rose Tyler had chosen to sacrifice her life to help him not to turn into a killer again, to save his life from his oldest enemies. The only thing he knew was that Rose Tyler was the Bad Wolf, and the moment he had kissed her, he had seen that she was not just the Bad Wolf. The minute their lips collide, the void he had been feeling for years filled itself with love, and that simple fact had taken him aback. Nothing could make him happier than learning that his wife was still alive, that he had found her again. And it hurt to know that she didn’t remember him when his memories were coming back to his mind. All along she had been there and he hadn’t been able to see her, too busy that he was to catch a hold on his memories of her.

It was too late now though, because he was dying and he was gonna change, and maybe she wouldn’t recognise him at all. After all, it had been years… But he had travelled with her while she was human. How could she be human anyway? It had no importance now, because he was dying, but at least, he had seen her again. The regeneration wouldn’t be as bad as usual with her near. He would figure out a way to turn her back to her Time Lady self later, when he would feel better. If she still wanted him around. He gasped as the pain became more intense. His hands tightened on the console and he clenched his teeth. The regeneration process was slowly working. Every cell of his body was dying and if he didn’t let go soon, the pain would be unbearable, but he didn’t want to regenerate. He didn’t want to be another man than the one Rose Tyler – the human Rose Tyler – had known.

And when she woke up and looked at him perfectly confused, he couldn’t help but joking around as if nothing was reaching him. He tried to explain to her human brain that he was gonna regenerate, that she wouldn’t see him ever again like this. He didn’t feel the void anymore, because he knew she was there, even if she didn’t know who she really was in the end. Or did she? Her look wasn’t that confused anymore, and she was watching him closely, _painfully_ , lovingly, and he knew that she could feel him through their bound, a bound she couldn’t fully understand yet.

 

“Before I go, I just want to tell you were fantastic.”

 

He smiled at her, hiding his pain, both mental and physical behind that grin of his, and she still looked at him, silently with that hint of pain and love in her eyes and he definitely didn’t know what was going on in her mind.

 

“Absolutely fantastic.”

 

He was keeping up the appearances, as if she was the human he had thought for was for months when she wasn’t. It was his wife he was saying goodbye to right now, and that hurt. That hurt so much. He wanted to take her in his arms, to kiss her again, and see that so special smile she was always giving him, but it was too late and his ninth form was already fading away.

 

“And do you know what?” _She shook her head and he grinned again._ “So was I.”

“So were you.” _She murmured, smiling sadly_.

 

She could see that he was still holding on, that he didn’t want to let go and to leave her so she reduced the distance between them. It was dangerous to do so. She knew it deep down. At any time, he could regenerate, and she knew the process was dangerous for anyone around, but she didn’t care. She faced him and cupped his cheek.

 

“I am your Wolf, my Doctor.”

 

He was surprised to say the least and his regeneration seemed to slow down for a little bit. He wasn’t in so much pain right now and could hold on a bit longer, until she was done saying what she wanted to say to him. Whatever it was, he just wanted to hear her voice, but her words surprised him.

 

“I’m your Wolfie. The one you’ve always known. I didn’t remember it until you kissed me.”

 

The Time Vortex and the Doctor’s kiss had woken up something in her mind and memories and voices had started filling her mind. She had felt a familiar warmth in her chest when the bound started to reform itself on her, and his mental presence had sneaked into her mind. It had taken a few minutes for her to remember who she was, but now, she knew.

 

“And I don’t want my Doctor to regenerate.”

 

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips into his. He hadn’t removed it all, she was still the Bad Wolf and she used that incredible power to stop his regeneration. She felt all that energy leaving his body and passing into hers. She felt all her memories coming back to her, and when the Doctor pulled her close to deepen the kiss, she felt all her identity coming back to her, she felt her second heart starting to beat again, she felt her Time Lady senses coming back to her and she felt his love and relief and desperate need of touching her filling her body and mind. She knew she was finally _home_.

 

When they found themselves in bed later, she told him everything. She had run away from Gallifrey the day the War had hit, the day she knew she would lose him in that terrible fight. She had been badly hurt before she managed to reach her own TARDIS, and before she could regenerate into another woman he wouldn’t recognise, she had left a message through all of time and space for him to find her if he ever managed to survive. She had crashed down on Earth when she was done and her regeneration and her loss of him made her so upset that she had decided to use the Chameleon Arch to turn herself into a human. She knew she wouldn’t need any rubbish thing to hide her true identity because he was her anchor. If he did find her and kiss her, everything would come back to her. It had taken time only because they were both broken by time itself who had made them forget about each other, but the fate had decided they should be back together, so what could the Time possibly say to this?

And when he knew it all about the truth, he told her how desperate he had been without her, how many times he had tried to kill himself because he wasn’t able to live with her absence. He showed her all the scars on his arms and on his chest. They weren’t hurting anymore now that she was back by his side. He had to tell her about Gallifrey, about what he had done, and when he was done talking, she just comforted him and gave him the absolution he so needed to keep going. She just hugged him tight as he sobbed in her arms, as he got rid of all the weight on his shoulders. Now they were back together and that was what mattered the most. Gallifrey was gone, but they could start it all together. The Doctor, and the Wolf. Just the two of them, like it had always been before.

 

“I love you.” _He murmured, pressing his lips on hers._

 

And she showed him how much she loved him in return, brushing her fingers all over his scars and kissing them so softly. Her hands seemed to never have forgotten his body even if he had changed since the last time she had seen him as her husband, and that new body was just as beautiful as the other ones he had had before. His hands were exploring her body too, a body that had also changed but his touch was still the same, so soft, so loving and she shivered under his calloused hands before his lips started kissing her expertly, before they merged into a physical and passionate embrace to strengthen their bound even more.


	19. Better off dead (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They were both happy and laughing about that new adventure, about the strange woman Harriet Jones was, but she had made a mistake. She had totally forgotten about her arms and her sleeve had slipped a bit when she had put a strand of hair behind her ear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox).
> 
> So, this one was an entry from an Anonymous. (Tumblr).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: Pulling her sleeves over her arms, she ran away from him, hiding away in the TARDIS and pleading with the old girl to not let him find her.
> 
> Time/Location: TARDIS.
> 
> AU or not AU: Not AU. 
> 
> WARNING: This one is a bit darker than the others so I have to put a warning about it. It's about depression, anxiety, and cutting/self-harming, and it might hurt the sensitivity of some people. I needed to let you know before you could read it.

Pulling her sleeves over her arms, Rose ran away from the Doctor and hid away in the TARDIS. She pleaded with the old girl not to let him find her, wherever she would be hiding in the infinite possibilities given by the space ship. She could feel her hesitation of taking her away from the Doctor, of hiding her in the depths of her infinity, and yet, a door opened right in front of Rose. She rushed into the room, silently thanking her for helping her. She could hear the Doctor’s step running after her, but she didn’t want him to find her so she slammed the door behind her and hoped that the old girl would kept her word and make the Doctor go round and round without finding her. She didn’t want to see him right now. She didn’t even want to hear what he had to say. Even if he wanted to apologise. She was gonna ignore him as much as she could.

She leaned against the door and closed her eyes, sighing deeply. She didn’t hear the Doctor’s steps anymore. Actually, she didn’t hear anything coming from this outside of the room she was locked in. It was a real relief. She opened her eyes again and looked around her, expecting to be in some kind of cupboard, but she wasn’t. The room was huge, and it was full of mess. All the gadgets the Doctor had retrieved from all their travels around Time and Space – and, according to the huge amounts of things, he’d probably start long before he met her – were stored here, long forgotten by their owner, or was it the place the Doctor was hiding when she couldn’t find him? Whatever, as long as the TARDIS was helping her, Rose would be safe here. He wouldn’t come in here as long as the TARDIS would keep her hidden.

She slumped on a half burned out armchair – the Doctor must be doing some testing in there, he always tended to made things explode – and wiped away the last tears on her face. Her hands were trembling because of the strong feelings that she had gone through in the last hour. They were enjoying a nice time off after the Slitheens affair, and he had taken her to take some chips. They were both happy and laughing about that new adventure, about the strange woman Harriet Jones was, but she had made a mistake. She had totally forgotten about her arms and her sleeve had slipped a bit when she had put a strand of hair behind her ear. She had caught his look on her, but he didn’t say a thing. She had been relieved, thinking that he hadn’t seen her skin, or that he had chosen not to talk about it, but it was not knowing the Doctor much to think so.

Soon as they were alone, soon as he was sure no one would come around them, the Doctor had caught her arms. The move had been so quick and so sudden that she remembered startling. Her face was twisted with a grimace of pain. She should have known. The Doctor saw everything, and he wanted to know everything. There was a mystery about her, a mystery he had just found out about, and now he wanted to know. He had pulled her sleeve up. His moves were very soft and caring, but she had stopped breathing, and her body had tensed up. She had shivered when his fingers brushed over the scars. She had swallowed as he kept silent about it. There was a lot of scars, some old, some recent, and she had felt ashamed that he had found her dark secret. He hadn’t let go of her and had pulled up her other sleeve. The same scars were on her other arm, their redness contrasting with her pale skin.

 _‘Why’_ had been his only question and she hadn’t given him any answer. He had insisted, but she had remained silent. When he had loosened his grip on her, she had pulled down her sleeves and run away from him to hide in the TARDIS. She had thought she could trust him, that he would never stick his nose into her business, and he had proved her wrong. But it was her fault, she hadn’t been careful enough. For a second, she had let her guard down and he had seen her biggest and most terrible secret. She hadn’t wanted him to know about it, and now he knew, and she hated herself for this. She pulled her knees against his chest and wrapped her arms them. She pressed her forehead against them and sighed deeply, trying not to break down again. She couldn’t. She had to hold back of those useless tears. She had cried enough, but the only thing stronger than the mental pain was the physical one.

She had to cut herself again, to see her arm bleeding, to feel the pain rushing through her brain to feel better. She hated that part of her, she hated what she had to do to herself to stop suffering so much, but she couldn’t help but do it. It was more powerful than her. She needed it to feel better. She was often thinking that it would be better if she failed, if she killed herself instead, but then, the Doctor made her realise that there were a lot of things still left to see in the universe, and her curiosity won over her dark thoughts. She knew why she was suffering so much and she didn’t understand how she could still be affected by it when she was with such a wonderful man like the Doctor, a man who was giving her the universes, a man who was taking care of her and worrying about her. Cutting herself when she was under his roof felt like betraying him, betraying his trust.

She got up and walked to a desk. There probably would be scissors, or a Stanley knife or anything that cut enough to make herself bleed. She looked into all the cupboards and opened the drawers but there was nothing. The TARDIS was hiding all the possible weapons she could have found. Just like the Doctor, she was trying to protect the blonde girl. In a move of rage, Rose closed a drawer brutally and heard a strange noise. She got curious and opened the drawer again. Her violence had caused the drawer to break a little and she realised that there was a false bottom. Why would the Doctor have a drawer with a false bottom in a room no one but him had access to? She looked into the drawer and found a small and partially damaged little notebook. She got even more curious and started browsing through it. It was pages and pages and pages of the Doctor’s handwriting, but some pages were stained by blood, and what looked like tears.

Rose looked around her. There was no one around. She bit her lip, wondering if it was a good idea to even read this. She was breaking into his privacy by doing so. It was what she was reproaching him. She couldn’t read it. It was none of her business. On the other hand, why would the TARDIS leave this in plain view? The old girl probably had had a purpose in mind to show her this. Rose was about to put it back down in the drawer and kept looking for a thing that cut but her eyes caught the sight of her name, and her curiosity got stronger than her will to cut herself. She sat back down on the armchair and started reading the Doctor’s prose, wondering why he had felt the need to write so much, why he had felt the need to write about her.

First, she just read the pages where her name was mentioned and she was highly surprised to see how much the Doctor cared and worried about her. He was writing about every little thing he liked about her, about the things that were upsetting him when they were arguing, about the things he wanted to do for her if only she accepted his help, and tears were rolling down her cheeks when she realised how awful she had been to him when the man only wanted to make her happy and to give her things no other ‘normal’ man couldn’t have given her. She realised that he knew some parts of her past, parts she had never talked about to him – which meant that he had gone into her past at some point – but he never talked about the scars before. He had never seen them before today, but he had always been worried about that look of pain in her eyes, and wondering what she had been hiding from him.

Then, she started getting really curious about the things the Doctor had written, things that weren’t about her. She hesitated once again, wondering if it was right to read this, after all it was the thoughts of the Doctor. It was his privacy, things he wasn’t telling her, things he couldn’t tell her – and it wasn’t a question of trust according to the things he had written on her – so, was she really allowed to read all of this? Why the TARDIS was letting her read all of this? She didn’t know, she felt guilty and yet, she started reading everything. She didn’t notice how fast the time was going while she was reading those lines. The Doctor was an exceptional writer, but his story was one of the darkest she had ever read. He had told her that he was the last one of his kind, but he had never told her how it all happened. And now, she knew. She knew about the Time War, about Gallifrey, about his guilt.

She knew all the deep thoughts of the Doctor. She was reading his pain, his guilt, his dark thoughts, his will of killing himself. The blood stains were all the times he had tried to. The tears stains were all the times he had cried over what he had lost. He had never showed her any of this. For her, he was always the smiling goofy Time Lord, and when he was alone, he was writing everything that was making his soul bleed. And right now, Rose hated herself. She hated herself more than usual, because she just realised how much pain the Doctor was going through, she realised that his problems were much more important than hers, and that she had no right to suffer so much over something so pointless in the end. She pulled her knees back to her chest, wedging the notebook between her chest and legs, and wrapped her arms around them. She pressed her forehead to her knees and sobbed for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Rose jumped when she heard his voice and when she felt his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, her face covered in tears. He was watching her with his icy blue eyes full of concern and she had to take a few minutes to understand what he had just told her.

 

“No.” _She protested weakly._ “This is me. I am sorry. I didn’t know.”

 

The Doctor knelt down in front of her and wiped her tears away gently. She could see how much he hated seeing her in such a condition. She was no stupid ape to him, she had read it in his notebook. He liked her, he really liked her a lot and she was ruining everything with her pointless human troubles.

 

“I told the TARDIS to show the notebook to you when she finally told me that you were here.”

 

She thought that the TARDIS probably told him so hours ago and yet, he hadn’t come sooner. The TARDIS had kept the door locked and prevented him from coming in, or he had respectfully waited for calm down and to be able to face him again. But she couldn’t face him. Not with what she now knew. She would never be able to look at him in the eyes now. She looked away from him and he gently took her hands in his.

 

“I haven’t thought she would let you read the whole thing though, but maybe it’s not a bad thing.”

“I’m sorry.” _She repeated._

“You’ve already said that.”

“I really am. Everything looks so pointless now. I didn’t realise…”

“Your pain is not pointless. I understand why you did this. And yes, I did go into your past to understand why you were in so much pain. What he’s done to you…” _He swallowed._ “What he’s done to you is not right, Rose, and you are allowed to suffer, to try and numb the pain.”

 

She looked back at him. His eyes were still full of concern. He wasn’t angry against her at all for running away and hiding and not telling him what was going on in her mind. He had been really worried about her, and now he knew, and she knew too. He let go of her hands and took off his leather jacket. He rolled up the sleeves of his jumper and showed her his arms. They were full of scars too. The same as her. Scars showing how badly he had tried to take that pain away from him. Scars that explained the blood on the pages.

 

“I couldn’t deal with my guilt, my pain, my self-hatred and my solitude, so I started cutting myself hoping it would make the pain go away, but I was only adding more pain to the one I already had.”

 

She sniffled as new tears rolled down her cheeks. He was opening up to her. It was something he had never done before. He was opening up to her and showing her his scars to help her, to show her that she wasn’t alone in this, that he knew that she was going through to an extent. She held a hand out and slowly brushed over his scars. He didn’t move and just let her touch them.

 

“What I’ve done is not right, but it was necessary. I’ll never be able to forgive myself but you, Rose Tyler, you showed me that I wasn’t alone anymore. You stuck by my side even after I tried to scare you, to make you feel that pain I was feeling inside down. You showed me that there could be light in the darkness. Your presence filled the hole in my hearts and mind, made my solitude disappear. Your smile and laugh numbed my pain with some joy I thought I would never feel again. You showed me the path of redemption, and I feel better when you’re by my side.”

“Doctor…”

“I stopped cutting myself when you came on board.”

 

He had tears in his eyes, and Rose couldn’t remember ever seeing him so vulnerable. Her heart broke and she left her current position to hug him tight against her, to comfort him. She apologised once again and he promised her that he was gonna help her as much as she had helped him so far. Deep down, she knew it was a promise he was gonna keep, and she felt a bit better to know this. Now, they would be closer than before, and they would watch over each other like true friends were supposed to do. Rose promised herself that she would talk to him whenever she would feel bad and that she would try her best to take care of that strange alien man that she really liked too in the end.


	20. Just hold on (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He felt like he was in a damn movie. One of those where the dark alleyway was full of monsters waiting to get their hands on him. No one knew what the darkness was hiding, and that was why so many people were afraid of the dark."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox). I don't take prompts anymore.
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [impossible.wolf](https://www.instagram.com/impossible.wolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: The human Doctor finds Rose in an alleyway, beaten badly by her boyfriend, Mickey. Knocked out and dried tears on her cheeks, he carefully takes Rose to his home and cleans her up. Soon, they fall in love as the Doctor shows Rose how a man should treat her. 
> 
> Time/Location: 2016.
> 
> AU or not AU: AU. 

It was late that night and Maxence Spitz had just stopped working. He was working as a home nurse and had been visiting his patients all day. Now he was exhausted and really wanted to go back home. Maybe he would find some pizzeria or fast food open all night to eat something before going straight to his bed. Today had been a long day, but he wasn’t complaining. He loved his job and he loved people, he loved hearing their stories about their everyday life. He was a good listener and people often talked to him about everything, saying that he always knew what to say to them. There were things he didn’t know though, some questions he couldn’t answer and that always left him a bit sad but he couldn’t do much about it except learning, and learning was also something he was good at. But sometimes the theory wasn’t enough to face the reality of things. He was gonna learn it just now.

He was walking to his car, passing close to a small dark alleyway when he heard a small cry. He stopped, surprised, and listened. It could just have been a cat, but if it wasn’t, he had to make sure of it. His instinct was telling him it wasn’t just a stray cat, and if someone needed him, he had to go and see. There was another small cry. It was definitely human. Maxence pulled out his phone and switched on the torch. He started walking in the alleyway, calling out for whoever was there. The whimpers stopped as soon as the person heard him. He kept looking though. Someone needed help and he was surely one of the right persons for this job. He listened closely to everything around him, trying to find where the whimpers had come from. He was leading the small light of his phone around the dark alleyway that was stinking with long forgotten rubbish.

His phone beeped and when he looked at it, he realised his battery was low. His phone was gonna shut off and he would be left in the dark. He cursed under his breath and started looking his pockets and into his medical bag if he had any torch. Why would he when he had a phone? He was muttering at how stupid he was not to have taken his pocket charger when anyone could need him and call him at any time. He finally managed to find a small torch in the bottom of his medical bag and pulled it out. He switched off the phone light and put it in his pocket. He was left in the dark for a few seconds, and in that few seconds, he heard noises. Like someone trying to get up and run away, but slumping back on the floor instead. His professional instinct was already on the alert. He knew someone needed his help. So, he switched on his torch and kept walking in the alleyway.

He felt like he was in a damn movie. One of those where the dark alleyway was full of monsters waiting to get their hands on him. No one knew what the darkness was hiding, and that was why so many people were afraid of the dark. Maxence had been one of those people when he was younger, but now it wasn’t bothering him anymore. Even if the dark alleyway was currently sending shivers down his spine as if some threat was really hiding in the shadows. He took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of himself. He knew how to defend himself. If anything came out of the shadows, he would be able to fight it. At least a little. He wasn’t really a fighter. He just knew how to defend himself if he was attacked. His mother had insisted for him to take some self-defence lessons since he was always going home so late. Until now nothing had happened to him, but it was reassuring to know how to react if anything happened.

He sank more into the darkness of the alleyway. His small torch was just giving him enough light to see where he was going but it was barely lightning the darkness. They were too deep. As he was walking further into the darkness of the alleyway, the smell of rubbish became stronger and unbearable, but there was another smell. A smell he knew too well. A smell of sweet metallic pungency. A smell of blood. He walked a bit faster, pushing away the smell of rubbish to focus on the smell of blood. Someone was hurt, and as he walked past two huge wheelie bins, he heard the whimpers again. He stopped and pointed around the two bins. The whimpers were more audible now, and there were whimpers of pain for sure. The light of his torch caught the tip of a foot. He steered up to find the body of a small woman hunched up there, between the bins, hiding in the darkness not to be found.

Maxence immediately kneeled down close to the woman and looked for a pulse. There was one. A strong one. Good. It meant she was still alive. His professional side took over him, and he started examining her with the small beam of his torch. He stuck it between his teeth and carefully turned the woman over so she would be facing him. He almost dropped his torch when her face came into the light. Her face was swollen in most places and bruises were already forming. Her bottom lip was cut, her nose was bleeding and there were dried tears on her cheeks. An earring must have been ripped off her ear considering the wound he could see. He continued his exam, looking for fractures, more important wounds, and he found more bruises and even old scars. This woman had been beaten badly, and that wasn’t the first time it happened. She needed to be taken in charge quickly.

He pulled out his phone. It wasn’t off yet. He could still call the emergency services for them to give him some help. He was dialling the number when the woman weakly grabbed his hand and looked at him with pleading eyes. He had thought she was unconscious, but she was still clinging to the consciousness and when he looked into her eyes – at least, the one she would keep open a bit – he saw a look of pure terror. She tried to talk, to plead with him to do something, or not to do anything. Her voice was so weak. _“Please”_ she begged him, _“please, don’t.”_ She didn’t want him to call the emergency services, and he didn’t understand why, because she obviously needed help. _“I don’t want him to find me”_ she added, her lips barely moving. He didn’t know what to do at the present moment, and before he could take a decision, his phone shit itself off. The battery was dead.

He quickly thought and realised that the only way to help her was to do it by himself. He had everything he needed and even more in his car to do the first aid, and he would have more light in his car. He put his phone back in his pocket and tried to gather the woman in his arms but she struggled weakly against him for him to let her go and not to touch her. She tried to scratch his skin, to hit him, to make him go away from her. He backed off immediately and raised his hands to show her he wouldn’t hurt her.

 

“It’s okay,” _he said quietly, the torch lightly preventing him from speaking_. “I’m a nurse. I just want to help you.”

 

Maxence detached the badge that was hanging to his medical bag and showed it to her. She took the badge in her trembling hands and looked at it in the weak beam of the light. ‘Maxence Spitz. Home nurse.’ The man was the same as the one on the picture. She held the badge tight in her hands and looked at him. Could she really trust him? She was so tired now, and her eyes were slowly closing.

 

“I have to take you to take you to my car. There’ll be more light, and I’ll be able to help you there.”

 

Before she could give him an answer, she fainted, still holding his badge tight. He picked her up and carried her to his car. According to her reaction when he tried to help her, he could tell she was in a state of shock, and that it was better for her not to see too much people when she would wake up. He decided to bring her back to his flat and to take care of her there. He would think later about what to tell her when she would wake up. One thing at a time. The first thing to do was heal her.

 

×

 

When the woman opened her eyes later, she was highly confused. She whimpered because of the pain her body was feeling and looked around her. She didn’t know the room she was in. She didn’t know where she was and she was unable to move. Her body hurt too much. Where was she? Her breath became heavy as she started to panic. She noticed that she was holding something really tight in her hand. A badge. She looked at it, confused. Who was this Maxence Spitz? She would remember if she had met a man with such blue eyes. She lightly turned her head to see the man in question sat on the ground, the head down on his chest. He was most likely sleeping, but why was he on the floor? Had he watched over her for all the time she was out? There was an open medical bag on the floor close to him, and a lot of things were out.

Maxence Spitz – if it was really him – didn’t seem very dangerous or mean. Well, he was deeply asleep so she couldn’t really tell. The position wasn’t comfy to him. She moved a bit and let out a small cry of pain when she lightly got on his side. She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t stay in the home of a man she didn’t know. Not after what she had lived. After a few efforts, groans and whimpers, she managed to sit up. The man never moved. His sleep was so deep that he wasn’t bothered by the noises she was making. She was about to get up when a phone rang. Maxence woke up with a start and got up, rushing to another room. She heard him pick up the phone and apologised for him being late and told the person that he would ask his colleague to come so he/she wouldn’t have to wait for too long. After that, he called that colleague, rushed to his bathroom and she heard the shower running.

She was surprised to say the least. He was reacting fast for a man who had spent the night sleeping on the ground, and he seemed to have totally forgotten that she was even there. It was good in a way. She could get away from here before he was out of the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. Moving was really difficult. It would take ages before she could reach the front door, and she didn’t even know where it was. She noticed that her hands and arms had been healed and bandaged. There was a somehow cold bandage over her ribs. She raised a trembling hand to her face and brushed her fingers over her wounds. Her face was less swollen, and it was a bit cold. Probably ice. She looked at the badge once again. A nurse. A nurse had saved her from spending the night in the cold and brought her here to take care of her. Here probably being his home.

She looked around. She knew she wouldn’t be able to run away from here. Where would she go anyway? She had nowhere to go. She had no home anymore, and she couldn’t go back to her mother in that condition. She had to stay hidden for a while but she had nowhere to go. Tears started pouring down her cheeks. She was alone in this. She had no one left who could help her. No one she could trust. She only had that guy, Maxence, who had saved her while she was in that alleyway, but she didn’t know if she could trust him. She looked at the badge once again and put it down on the bedside table. More tears rolled down on her cheeks. She wanted to cry over the failure that was her life, but her ribs were too painful. If she cried for real, it would be worse. Her pain was less intense than usually though. Maybe meeting that nurse was a sign of fate in the end. Someone had sent him to her to fix her.

She closed her eyes briefly and her stomach growled reminding her that she hadn’t eaten for days because she had been deprived from food. Her stomach hurt because of it but it was the last of her troubles right now. The water had stopped running. Maxence Spitz would soon be back to take his things, and he would see that she was awake. She heard him leaving the bathroom and getting ready in another room. She didn’t move. She couldn’t. She waited for him, trying to wipe away her tears. She didn’t want him to see her like this. She looked miserable enough already. She didn’t feel ready for the questions he would have for her. She wasn’t ready to tell him what had happened, how she had gotten in that alleyway, who did this to her.

 

“Oh, you’re awake.”

 

His voice was soft and gentle. He kept his tone quiet so she wouldn’t be afraid of him. He was in the doorway. She noticed that he was keeping a distance between them. Maybe he knew. Maybe he had found out. Maybe he had just suspicions and wanted to make her feel safe and protected. He wouldn’t hurt her. Somehow, she knew it. If he had wanted to, he wouldn’t have spent the night healing her and watching over her, right?

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

She was feeling like shit, really, and she remained silent. She didn’t know what to answer him. She didn’t know if she could trust him, even if he had stayed up all night to take care of her. At least, he didn’t get too close to her. He was keeping a respectful distance, and she was thankful for it. She didn’t look at him either. Her eyes were locked on the tip of her feet. Thanks God, he hadn’t undressed her and had managed to heal her without looking her small and unhealthy thin body. She closed her eyes, tears still rolling down her cheeks. How was it possible that a man she didn’t even know was her saviour? He had saved her from the threat and brought her to his place, where the violent man she had fled from wouldn’t find her and finish her off. Even if she didn’t know Maxence Spitz, she couldn’t deny that he had saved her life, and that he was keeping her safe.

 

“You shouldn’t be up quite yet. You’ve been badly injured. You need a lot of rest now.”

“I’m Rose.”

 

Her voice was croaked and a bit muffled by the sobs she was holding back. She still refused to look at him or to make any move towards him. As safe as she knew she could be there in a place her boyfriend wouldn’t find her, she couldn’t stay here. Maxence Spitz surely had a life with friends, family and maybe a girlfriend. Now that she was awake, he would send her away. She was still a bit weak though. More tears ran down her cheeks.

 

“That’s a nice name. I’m Maxence, but you already know. You’ve never wanted to give my badge back. You’ve kept it in your hand all night.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to… You need it to work, I guess.”

 

She grabbed the badge and tried to get up to give it to him. Her eyes were still locked on her feet. She felt very weak and her body was still trembling. The pain rushed through her body when she tried to walk and her legs gave way. She was too weak, in too much pain to even move. Maxence caught her before she fell to the ground. His reaction had been really quick. He had nice reflexes. Rose flinched when he touched her and her body tensed, but he was very soft, very gentle with her when he sat her back down on the bed.

 

“I’m sorry.” _She apologised._

“It’s okay. You don’t have any fracture or real major damages, but you’ve been badly hurt. Your body reached its limits. It needs time to heal now.”

“Why did you save me?”

 

Her voice was no better than earlier, it was even worse. Now, he was close to her. He had crossed the distance between them for her not to hurt herself more in her fall. She was thankful for him to have saved her, to be so gentle to her, but she was pointless. She was nothing and no one. He shouldn’t have lost his time saving someone that would die anyway.

 

“This is my duty. I committed to helping the people and saving their lives when I could do it. You needed my help.”

“You could just have dropped me into a hospital.”

“You told me not to. Not explicitly, but you did.”

 

He remembered her words. She had begged him not to call the emergency services. She was afraid of someone, of a man. She hadn’t wanted him to find her, and she knew that if she was brought to an hospital, he would find her there. Her reaction of fear when he had tried to help her was enough for him to understand what had possibly happened, but he didn’t ask. He wouldn’t ask. She would tell him if she wanted to. He usually had to call the police when such a case was coming to him, but he needed her agreement to do so.

 

“So, you brought me to your place.”

“I have more equipment here than in my medical bag. If I have suspected that you have any fracture or internal damages, I would have had to bring you to the hospital. I watched over you all night, I know you’re okay. Just a few bruises and some cracked ribs. All you need is some rest to heal faster. And some food and warmth too.”

“Thanks.”

 

Rest, food and warmth. Everything she needed to get better, and she didn’t have any of that. She couldn’t even get back to her flat. Mickey would finish her off if she did, and she didn’t want to go back there. Not anymore. She was done. She was just so exhausted of it all. Maxence’s next question surprised her and she felt her heart beating faster because of the fear.

 

“Do you have any family or friend I could call? Someone who could watch over you for the next few days and call me or any other doctor if you need something?”

 

The first person she was thinking about was her mother, Jackie, but she couldn’t go back to her mom’s flat, not in this condition. She wouldn’t be as gentle as Maxence and would call the cops as soon as she would see her face. They would all ask her questions she didn’t feel ready to answer to. She obviously wouldn’t go back to the flat she was sharing with Mickey, and she couldn’t go to Shireen either.

 

“N-No.” _She stuttered, swallowing her tears._ “I have no one.”

“Well, I guess you can stay here.” _He offered._ “If that’s okay for you. I’ll watch over you.”

 

She bit her lip and finally looked at him in the eyes. Hers were puffy and bloody, the left one was swollen, and tears were still pouring down her cheeks silently. His were the same exact deep blue she had seen on the picture of his badge, and they were also full of concern and gentleness. She sniffled.

 

“What would you do that?”

“It doesn’t bother me.” _He shrugged lightly._ “Most of the time, I’m working and there’s no one here so you would be alone, but I can call my colleague and ask him if he can replace me for a few days until you feel better.”

“You’d do all of that… For me?”

“Yes, I would.”

 

A small wave of warmth filled her heart to his words and she stopped holding back her tears. She started sobbing, even if it was painful for her. He sat down next to her on the bed and slowly took her against him, gently rubbing her back until she was done crying. When she felt better, he helped her to lay back down in the bed and tucked her in. He called his colleague while making breakfast, and managed to get a few days off to take care of Rose. She was thankful for him to be so gentle and caring with her, and it almost made her cry when he brought her a full breakfast. She ate with a big appetite while he was putting all the things back into his medical bag, hung his badge back on it and put it close to the front door to take it when he would have to go back to work. He was a very organised man. He was also very respectful of her.

After she ate, he offered her to take a bath and she chose to trust him enough to allow him to see her naked even if that was embarrassing. Without his help, she wouldn’t be there and she wouldn’t be able to do anything. When she was all clean and relaxed, she called him – he hadn’t stayed in the bathroom with her – and he helped her getting out of the tub and drying herself off. He gave her a T-shirt and shorts of his and checked her wounds and took care of them again before she got dressed. He brought her back to the room and turned the TV on, leaving the remote control close to her while he was going back to the kitchen to cook a meal for when she would be hungry again. They both ate in the bedroom, and when she decided to take a nap later, she asked him something she would never have dared asking to any other stranger: she asked him if he could lay down close to her and hold her while she slept.

She had expected a refusal to be honest, and she had felt really embarrassed to ask him such a thing but Maxence Spitz was spreading warmth and safety and comfort around him, and she needed all of this to protect herself from the nightmares she knew would haunt her mind. He accepted though, and slowly got into bed. He had been surprised by her demands but if she needed him to do so, he didn’t see any reason to refuse. He got under the blankets and, after a hesitation, Rose cuddled close to him and closed her eyes. Maxence gently wrapped his arms around her and held her while she slept against him, her warm breath brushing over his chest. He fell asleep too at some point, but he never let her go and comforted her when the nightmares hit. Physically, she would be better in a few days. Psychologically, it would take weeks, or months, or even years.

 

Rose stayed at Maxence’s for the few days her body needed to be better. Those few days were the best she had ever had in her whole life. Maxence was very gentle and caring and he took great care of her during those days. He never asked her any question about what had happened and just helped her to get better. He was absolutely amazing. Rose had never thought that such a man could exist. She had thought many times that it was a dream, that he didn’t exist for real, that her nightmares were actually her reality, but he proved her wrong every time. He was totally real, and he was fully dedicated to her until she felt better. Which was scaring her because the day she would feel better would the day he would get rid of her. She didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to leave the man who had saved her and taken care of her so well.

The day when she finally felt better came, and it made her sad that she had to leave and get back to her sad life. She picked up his landline phone while he was in the bathroom and started dialling the phone number of her mother. She was the only person she had left. She would be the only person able to protect her from Mickey. She didn’t want to go back there because she knew how her mother was, and she knew that Mickey would easily find her. She swallowed, about to call her mother, when Maxence came out of the bathroom.

 

“What are you doing?”

“Calling someone to pick me up.”

“Do you need anything? I can drive you.”

“No.” _She shook her head._ “I just… I just don’t want to abuse your hospitality. Now that I’m feeling better, I have to leave.”

 

Even if she didn’t want to, she had to. She couldn’t abuse her hospitality, couldn’t keep on taking all his attention and time. She had to leave and go back to her small sad life. She had been pampered for days by an amazing man and now, she had to leave it all behind her. He looked a bit sad to hear that from her though.

 

“Oh, you’re not bothering me at all. I like having someone at home with me… Well, errr…”

 

He blushed, very embarrassed by what he had just admitted. Rose blushed just as much as him when she heard his words. She hadn’t expected him to want her to stay around in his flat. They barely knew each other after all. Just a few days together didn’t even make them friends. But he wanted her to stay. That’s what he was saying, right?

 

“I thought you didn’t have anyone.”

“I lied.” _She admitted, hoping he wouldn’t get mad._ “I-I have my mom but…”

“You didn’t want her to see you in the condition you were.”

“Yeah.”

 

She was surprised to hear that his voice was still quiet. He wasn’t angry at all. She looked at him in the eyes. No anger at all. He was just surprised, but he wasn’t angry. She was so used to have been beaten for so many things like this that she had almost expected Maxence to yell at her for lying. But he didn’t.

 

“I understand. She would have gotten too worried.”

“She would have asked a lot of questions, and called the cops, and…” _She looked down._ “He would have found me.” _She muttered._

“You know who he is, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“And he knows where your mother lives.”

“Yes, he does.”

“It’s not safe to go back there, then.”

“But I can’t stay at your place. I have to leave and go back to my family.”

“Or you can call your mother and tell her you’re fine and safe, and stay here until the right time comes.”

 

He looked down to the ground, his face still red because of the embarrassment of what he was implicitly asking her to do. He wanted her to stay. He really liked the few days they had spent together in his flat. Rose was quite an interesting person and he didn’t want her to get hurt again by whoever did this to her.

 

“You really want me to stay?”

“I want you to be safe.”

“…”

“And like I said, I won’t be there much because of work so it will be as if you were alone.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“I never want to find you so hurt in an alleyway ever again.”

 

His words surprised her and her heart started beating a bit fast. She didn’t know why she was reacting this way. She never wanted to be dumped into an alleyway after her boyfriend thought he had killed her, but she was sure that he now knew that she was alive and hiding somewhere. He had probably come back in the alleyway to ‘find’ her and make himself the hero of the story, but he hadn’t found her body and no one had talked about a dead body found in an alleyway. He would be mad the day he would find her, and she wouldn’t survive that day if it ever came.

 

“Mickey…” _She started, swallowing the knot in her throat._ “Mickey’s my boyfriend. He did this to me.”

 

Her hands were trembling on the phone she was still holding. Her bottom lip quivered as she was trying to hold back her tears. She had been here for days. She felt like he had to know the truth, to know who she was running away from, and why she didn’t want to go back to her mother’s flat.

 

“At first, he was gentle and loving and caring, and soon, he started being violent. Every time… Every time something was frustrating him, he took it out on me. I was thinking it was my fault, that I’ve done something wrong and I tried and tried to get something right done, to please him, but there was always something wrong, and he always felt the need to beat me. He thought I was dead the night you’ve found me. That’s why he abandoned me there. But, he knows that I’m still alive now, I guess.”

 

She was crying now and she refused to look at Maxence in the eyes. She didn’t want to see what he was thinking of her – even if he had never judged her during the few days she spent in his flat – now that he knew the truth about why she was in that alleyway that night. But he didn’t say a thing. She heard him move and soon, he was close to her again. His arms were wrapped around her waist and she griped his shirt, sobbing at the memories she had brought back. Maxence was smelling of mint, and aftershave, and it was somehow comforting.

 

“No one should treat a woman this way.”

 

There was a hint of anger in his voice and she flinched when she heard it. He felt the sudden tension in her body and slowly rubbed her back. He pushed his anger towards Mickey away and kept her close to him until she stopped crying. That wasn’t a good idea to let her go back to her mother if that guy knew where to find her. He wanted her to be safe, and if it meant that she had to stay here, if it meant that he would be the one watching over her, then be it.

 

“Call your mom and tell her you’re safe and fine. The decision of staying here or going back to her belongs to you.”

 

He didn’t let her go until she felt better, until she decided to call her mom to tell her that she was safe. She chose to stay in the end, but asked Maxence if he was really okay with this because after all, he didn’t know her, and he repeated that he would be glad if she stayed here, that he would always make sure that she was okay and safe. She still was deeply shocked by what had happened to her and she needed someone to talk, a friend. And he wanted to be her friend.

 

It took months for Rose to get better in the end. She started going outside a month after she had been found in that alleyway, but she never went alone. She was always with Maxence, almost clinging to him, and looking around to be sure Mickey wasn’t there. When Maxence was working, she was taking care of his home, keeping it clean, filling the fridge – she was always hiding herself under a hoodie when she had to go out – and giving some money to help him with the bills. Maxence was the one cooking and bringing her small gifts when he came back home. He was a good friend, and was taking good care of her. He was showing her how a man should be treating a woman, even if he didn’t notice his way of acting with her, and she slowly fell in love with that man who had saved her one day when she had thought it was the end of everything.

She never told him about her feelings. She didn’t want to ruin their beautiful friendship. She didn’t want to ruin the weak balance she had finally gotten in her life. Mickey had never found her and she never heard of him ever again. She didn’t know where he was, nor what he was doing, but she kept looking over her shoulder to be sure he wasn’t around. He never was, and Rose kept clinging to Maxence. He was her safety, her best friend. He was the sweetest, and the most caring and gentle person she had ever known. She couldn’t help but falling in love with him, with the amazing man he was, and she never gave him any hint of what he was feeling though he was asking her questions about why she was looking so distraught sometimes when she was cuddling into him in front of a movie, but when she was smiling, he always forgot his questions.

She was still sleeping in his arms. It never changed. She felt protected when he was holding her this way, and with the time passing by, the nightmares disappeared slowly. They came back from time to time, but Maxence was always there to comfort her and make her feel safe again. She was calling her mom almost every day to reassure her and talk to her about how amazing Maxence was with her. When she wanted to see her, Maxence drove her there in the morning and picked her up after his work. Jackie had never met him, but she really wanted to meet the man who had saved her only daughter from a certain death, the man who was keeping her safe every day and taking care of her like Mickey should have taken care of her. Jackie was as thankful as Rose for what Maxence had done for her daughter, and she wanted to thank him for this.

They decided that Christmas Eve would be the perfect day for that first meeting between Jackie and Maxence. The three of them would celebrate this Christmas together, and Maxence was really anxious at the idea of meeting Jackie. Rose had talked a lot about her mother to him and she seemed impressive. He chose to wear a white shirt with black jeans and a red tie. Rose was wearing a simple black dress with two golden lines around her waist. Maxence had bought it for her a few days ago. He had bought most of the clothes she owned in his flat. Since she couldn’t go back to her flat, he offered to buy her everything she needed until she could buy them by herself. They had gone to her flat when she was sure Mickey wasn’t there and she had picked up most of her stuff back. It wasn’t much, but there were things her mother had offered her that she wanted to have back, like the golden necklace with the small rose she never left since she had gotten it back.

It was snowing when they left for Jackie’s flat and Maxence was very careful on the road. They might not be able to go back home after the Christmas dinner, but it wasn’t a trouble. They would sleep together in Rose’s single person bed if needed. Rose knew her mother had kept her room intact for when she was coming back. They got to the Powell Estate safely, and Maxence grabbed Rose’s hand while they were climbing stairs to Jackie’s flat. His other hand was carrying a bag with some food and drinks. It was his participation for the dinner. Rose gently stroked his hand with her thumb. She knew he was anxious, but everything would be fine. She knocked on the door instead of just coming into the flat. Jackie opened the door quickly and let them in.

 

“Mom, this is Maxence, my saviour. Maxence, my mom.”

“This is a real pleasure, ma’am.”

“Same for me. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Lots of good, I hope.” _He joked._

“Never a bad word, I swear.”

“She told me a lot about you, too. I was being really nervous to meet the mom of such a wonderful girl.”

 

Rose blushed lightly and smiled. She took the bag from Maxence’s hand and brought it into the kitchen while her mother and Maxence were talking. She didn’t see Jackie hugging Maxence and thanking him for taking care of her little girl so well. His anxiety vanished as the evening went on. They had a great Christmas Eve together, and it was all perfect. When midnight came, they opened their gifts – there wasn’t much, but they all had a little something for each other – and Maxence and Rose ended up under some mistletoe that Jackie had discreetly placed there earlier. She knew for Rose’s feelings, Maxence just needed a little help to see them, and Jackie was sure that he wasn’t indifferent to Rose. She watched them as they blushed, and almost cursed when they both hesitated, and tried to avoid this tradition. Maxence finally chose to softly kiss Rose’s cheek.

 

“I can’t hide them anymore, Maxence.” _She murmured._

“I’ve known them all along.” _He murmured back._ “I just didn’t want to push you into something you didn’t want.”

“I want it now.”

 

Maxence smiled at her, but she was the one kissing him first. She leaned towards him and pressed her lips against his, shyly. She closed her eyes and relief filled her mind and heart when he replied to that kiss. He caught her bottom lip between his and she parted her lips. He slipped his tongue in her mouth and played with hers as he wrapped her into his arms. Her hands were tightly gripped on his shirt. Rose Tyler had never been so certain of anything before: Maxence Spitz was the man she needed, a man she could love without fear, a man who would take care of her as if she was a princess, and that’s all she could ever ask for after what she had gone through.


	21. The Unforgiven (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There were a lot of legends about that forest, and one of them was saying that it was inhabited by a wolf whose fur was as dark as a night without stars, whose eyes were as blue as the clearest sky. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox). I don't take prompts anymore.
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [claraswolf](https://www.instagram.com/claraswolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: Rose is traveling through the woods, looking similar to what Little Red Riding Hood would look like and runs into a wolf, who happens to be the Doctor. Scared, Rose tries to run away and ends up rolling down a hill, ultimately being knocked out from the fall and roll. 
> 
> Time/Location: 2016.
> 
> AU or not AU: AU. 

Once upon a time, there was a young woman whose name was Rose Tyler. She was small, but she was strong. She was clever, and she was the nicest person on Earth. She was a volunteer in a lot of charity organisations to help the most penniless people around. She was living in a small village, close to a huge forest, and she was the most beautiful woman on Earth. Her mother was crazy about her, and all the boys wanted her to take them as her boyfriend. Whenever she was asked by a suitor, she just smiled and went on her way. She didn’t feel ready to have a boyfriend, and even if she was flattered with those demands and compliments, she refused to be anything more than just a friend to them. One of them, a guy she had known since forever called Mickey Smith, offered her a wonderful red hood she was wearing all the time when she had to go out. She was given the name of Little Red Riding Hood.

One day, her mother did some cooking for the penniless people Rose was taking care of and put it into plastic boxes. Rose was in charge of bringing them to another village while it was still pretty hot, but the shortest way to reach that village was to cross the forest. There were a lot of legends about that forest, and one of them was saying that it was inhabited by a wolf whose fur was as dark as a night without stars, whose eyes were as blue as the clearest sky. That wolf was the keeper of the forest and was keeping everyone out of it. Its howl to the moon was as beautiful as sorrowful when it resounded in the silence of the night. Some people were saying that this wolf used to be a human being centuries ago who had been cursed after he committed the worst crime a human could commit: the murder of another human being.

Rose didn’t believe any of those stories so she wasn’t scared at the idea of crossing the forest. She put all the boxes in her backpack, put her red hood on and kissed her mother goodbye after she told her to be careful. Rose simply smiled, promised to be careful in the forest and left the small flat. She quickly walked to the forest and walked through it quietly. She wandered through the woods, following the ground trail. The forest was quiet and beautiful with its flowers and vegetation and huge trees. There was something magical in the air, and the birds were singing a nice song. However, the more she was sinking into the forest, the more silent it became. The birds were stopping their sing and it was darker as if the light of the sun couldn’t get through the thick foliage of the trees. Rose kept walking, maybe a bit quicker than earlier. The atmosphere was becoming oppressive.

Rose didn’t notice it at first. She was following the ground trail, softly humming to herself, reading the directions on the signs. She frowned when there was no sign anymore. It meant that she was lost in the middle of that forest. She kept following the trail. There wasn’t any fork or crossroad so it was easy but if she met one, she wouldn’t know what direction she should take. It wasn’t really important at the moment. She heard a crack and turned around. That’s when she noticed that the forest was very silent, abnormally silent, and that she was alone. There was no one around. Her heart started racing, thinking that the legends might be true in the end. Maybe there was a wolf somewhere, and that wolf was maybe looking at her right now. Maybe was he waiting for the good moment to jump out of his hidden spot and eat her up.

That silence and the fact that Rose felt like she was observed started making her feel uncomfortable. She walked faster, almost running to get out of that forest quickly, but she tripped over a rock and fell to the ground. She scratched her hands in the fall. She shook her head lightly to get rid of the dizziness of the fall and sat up. She froze when she heard a growl, and when she looked up, she found herself facing the wolf of the legend. It was as beautiful as the legend was saying, but they were quite far from the truth. No word could describe the beauty of this wild creature. Rose was fascinated by its fur that seemed as silky as shiny. Its eyes were indeed the blue of the clearest sky and sparks of gold were shining into them. It was huge for a wolf, almost as big as she was tall, and its slimy chops were very, very close of her face. She could even see its nose moving lightly as it smelled her.

Rose reacted pretty quickly. She jumped on her feet and started running the other way. She didn’t dare looking if it was chasing her and just ran as fast as she could. She didn’t look where she was going. She was just focused on the fact that she had to run away as fast as she could before the wolf could lay paws on her. She realised too late that was running on a hill. She lost her balance on the top of it and fell on its other side. She rolled down the hill, getting cut by rocks, scratched by branches, and ended up in a small basin. She was covered in fallen leaves and the fall had left her even more dizzy. Her heart was beating so fast it was being painful, and she was out of breath because of the running and fall. She had to get up and keep running. She had to get out of that forest quickly, but she couldn’t move and her eyelids were so heavy… She fainted knowing that if the wolf found her, it would be her end.

 

×

 

“Miss? Miss, do you hear me?”

 

Rose slowly opened her eyes when she heard someone calling for her, when she felt someone shaking her lightly. It took her a few seconds to remember what had happened. The walk through the woods, the wolf, the fall. She sat up immediately, suddenly aware of where she was, and looked around. No wolf. Just a man. A hunter according to the clothes he was wearing and the gun in his back. She hadn’t been unconscious for too long. It was still the day. Probably just a few minutes.

 

“The wolf…” _She mumbled._

“I didn’t see any wolf, miss.”

 

She was surprised that the wolf hadn’t followed her when she ran away. Maybe it had sensed that she was just afraid. Maybe he had decided to spare her. It had a look of cleverness when she was facing it, and the legends were saying it had been human before. They were right on the wolf part, it was real; so why couldn’t they be right on the fact it had been a human once? And maybe that was it had spared her.

 

“I saw you running and then, you rolled down that hill. I came to help you.”

“Thanks.”

“What are you doing here all alone, miss? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I was walking to the village after the forest. I’m a volunteer. I’m bringing free meals to the penniless.”

 

She grabbed her backpack and opened it. She almost sighed in relief when she saw that all the boxes were still hermetically closed. None of them had been opened in her fall. The food was a bit shaken but it was still good. She zipped it back and got up.

 

“I have a car. It’s not far. I’m gonna drive you. It’s wiser.”

 

Rose nodded. She dusted her clothes and followed the hunter. He helped her to climb the hill. It was surprisingly high and it was unbelievable that she hadn’t broken some bones in her fall. She would just have a few bruises in addition to the cuts.

 

“I’m Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Henry. Henry Van Statten. I’m hunting in this forest. There usually isn’t anyone in that part.”

“What are you hunting in that forest, Mr Van Statten?”

“Rabbits, guinea fowls, game. I sell them on the marketplace of the village you’re going to. Local products.”

“You’ve never met a wolf while you were hunting?”

“You’re talking a lot about that wolf, miss.”

“It was quite impressive.”

“The wolf of the legends?”

“Itself.”

“I’ve been hunting it for years but I never saw him. It’s a chance you’re still alive. Lots of people can’t say the same.”

“Maybe.”

 

That adventure was still intriguing her and she wondered why the wolf hadn’t chased her down in the forest. Why had he spared her when people were saying he slaughtered hundreds before? Did she have anything special that made it decide to leave her alive?

 

“Stop.”

 

Rose came out of her thoughts when Henry told her to stop. She noticed that he was tensed and that he had his gun in his hands. Something had drawn his attention and it wasn’t some small game. It was something bigger, something more dangerous.

 

“It looks like today’s the day I’ll meet the wolf.”

 

There was a hint of excitement and of something else in his voice. Rose couldn’t tell what it was, but she felt a shiver running down her spine at the sound of it, and the look Henry gave her didn’t help her to relax. The wolf was still around. Maybe it was looking for her, ignoring what was gonna happen to him if it ever got closer. Henry pushed Rose against a tree and hid behind it with her.

 

“It’s prowling.” _Murmured Van Statten._ “I can hear it. It’s looking for something. We gotta be really careful from now on.”

 

They didn’t move from their hidden spot for a few minutes. Rose had the feeling that the only thing breaking the silence was her breath and the sound of her heartbeats as they were faster because of the fear. She now could hear the wolf too. It was close. She could hear its paws on the ground, its groans. Henry took up a position and looked through the gun sights, looking for the wolf. Rose looked over his shoulder. They stayed still for a moment before the wolf finally came in sight. Henry stroked the trigger, ready to fire soon as he would have a good angle.

 

“What are you doing?” _Rose asked, whispering so low she was afraid he hadn’t heard her._

“Shooting it. That beast is responsible for multiple slaughters. It can’t be left alive.”

 

Rose knew he was right. She knew that dangerous animals were always killed, but she didn’t agree with it. That wolf had something special she could feel it. Deep down, she knew that she couldn’t let Van Statten kill the wolf. She had to prevent him from firing.

 

“There. Just a little bit farther on the right.”

 

He was focused. His finger was about to press the trigger when he finally got the angle but when he did, Rose managed to divert the gun. Van Statten cursed, but there was a distinct whimper of pain. The wolf had been touched. Bullet injury to the left thigh.

 

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“You can’t kill it!”

“It’s a beast!”

“It didn’t kill me!”

 

The wolf was trying to get up but kept slumping back on the ground with whimpers of pain that were breaking Rose’s heart. She came out of her hiding place and walked quickly to the wolf despite what Van Statten was telling her. She knelt down close to the huge beast and put a trembling hand on his fur. The wolf weakly growled at her but she didn’t step back. It slumped back to the ground and Rose looked at its wound. It was ugly, and really painful because the wolf was still whimpering. Rose gently stroked its fur.

 

“Shh. It was just an accident. We’re gonna help you. I promise.”

 

The wolf only cried because of the pain and Rose felt a strange buzzing in her head. She shook her head lightly to make it disappear. She looked at Van Statten who hadn’t moved from his spot. He was watching her as she was talking to the wolf. He was pretty amazed that it hadn’t tried to attack her, that it was actually so calm.

 

“Come and help! It’s not gonna hurt you!”

_‘He’s been hunting me for years. He wants my death.’_

 

The voice came out of nowhere and Rose looked around, unsure of who was talking. It wasn’t Van Statten. That wasn’t his voice. Plus, he was walking towards her, pretty much angry about what she had done to his target, a target she now wanted to save. She looked back at the wolf. Her hand was still on its back. Its fur was really soft.

 

“Is that you?”

_‘Maybe it’s time for me to die after all.’_

“No. No, of course not. You’re not gonna die.”

_‘You hear me?’_

 

The wolf raised its head to look at Rose. Surprise was whirling into its eyes. That was the first time in centuries that someone ever heard him, that someone ever showed him gentleness. That girl was special. She had been scared earlier, and yet, there she was.

 

“Yeah, I do hear you, and it’s okay. You’ll be just fine.”

“It should be dead.”

“But it won’t die because we will help it.”

“Why would I help a beast?”

“Because it’s a human in the first place!”

“That legend is bullshit.”

 

Van Statten gave a small kick into the bleeding injured leg of the wolf muttering that they should let it die and a loud whimper of pain escaped from the wolf’s mouth. Rose felt the pain as if it was hers, and winced slightly. It was as if the wolf was connected to her mind so she could hear its thoughts and feel its pain. She looked back at Van Statten.

 

“It’s in pain, Henry. I can feel it. It just wants to live its life peacefully.”

“How can you know that?”

“It’s talking to me.”

“It’s talking to you?”

“Yes.”

 

Rose looked back at the wolf, lightly stroking its fur to help him to relax while she was arguing with Henry Van Statten. She didn’t notice the spark that suddenly appeared in his eyes, spark that made him change his mind. He picked up the wolf the best he could, ignoring his whimpers of pain and its weak attempts to get away from that dangerous man.

 

“My pick-up isn’t very far anymore now. Come on. There’s a shelter for wild animals. Let’s drive it there. They will help him.”

“Thank you.”

 

Now that Rose wasn’t touching it anymore, the connection between her and the wolf was broken. She followed Van Statten to his pick-up and got into it while he was dropping the wolf off on the back of the car. He then drove to the refuge and the wolf was taken in charge there – according to Van Statten words at least. He took Rose to the village she needed to go to and went back to his business.

 

Rose walked to the area where the penniless people were all gathered. Most of the charity organisations were already there. She gave the boxes full of food to the person responsible of the food stand and accepted to stay and help for the food distribution. Her mind was elsewhere though. She kept thinking about the wolf, about that strange connection they had both shared for a few minutes, and how it had been able to communicate with her. She remembered Van Statten’s will of killing it, and wondered if it had been a good idea to leave the wolf alone with such a threat. He had seemed pretty eager to help the wolf after she had told him that it could talk. The thought tormented her all day and she decided to go back to the shelter and make sure the wolf was fine. She needed to be sure of it before going back home.

As soon as she was free from her duty, she refused people’s help to go back home, people saying it would be dangerous to cross the woods while it was getting late and dark, and just rushed to the forest to find the shelter again. She realised that it was just a small wooden house that was half falling down. It was really dark and there was no one around. She decided to come in. She called out for someone but no one answered, and there wasn’t any electricity in that house. A trap. That’s all it had been. Henry Van Statten had just made her believe that he was dropping the wolf to a shelter when he was abandoning him in such a dilapidated place. She cursed and used the light of her phone to see something. No one could live in there. It was impossible, but she had the feeling that the wolf was there. She looked around and finally found a hatchway in the ground.

She looked around her and listened closely. Nothing and no one around. She lifted up the hatchway. No sound came from the basement and it was very dark. Not even the smallest ray of light. Maybe she could just go down and see if the wolf was there. She couldn’t go back before she knew if it was safe and fine.

 

“Are you in there?”

 

Her voice was barely a whisper but wolves had a really good hearing so it wouldn’t have any difficulties to hear her if it was there. She waited for a possible answer. Maybe it was sleeping, or knocked out? Or maybe it wasn’t there? Maybe it was dead? She refused that option though. She refused to think that the beautiful wolf could be dead. A small whimper came to her ears. Hope immediately filled her mind and she started going down the ladder, using the light of her phone to know where she was going. She closed the hatchway behind her so no one would get suspicions that she was in there. She followed the whimpers – the wolf obviously had recognised her and was calling her – and finally managed to reach a small and very cold room. She shivered when she came in. She found some candles and matches and lighted them up.

The room soon was enlightened with a soft orangey glow and Rose could see that she was into some sort of bare cell. Walls and ground were made of brutalism, and it was so cold here. Rose turned around and her heart broke when she saw the wolf laying on the ground, heavily enchained. His leg had been taken care of, it was wrapped into a bloody bandage. The wolf didn’t move when she sat down close to him and placed her hand over its side. She felt the buzzing in her head again, and a feeling of safety and relief filled her mind. They weren’t her feelings, they were the wolf’s ones and she was surprised of its reaction to her. At least, it wasn’t gonna be aggressive. It relaxed to her small strokes and closed its eyes. It was exhausted and in pain, but it felt better now that she was here. It knew that Rose wouldn’t hurt him, that he could get some rest while she was here.

 

“Can you hear me?”

_‘Yes.’_

“So, the legends were true?”

_‘All legends have some truth in it.’_

“You were human?”

_‘I still am. I’ve just been cursed.’_

“When was it?”

_‘I can’t remember exactly. There was a war. My only fault was to take up arms and to lead the opposition and protect my family from the enemies. It was us or them. I decided to go against them. I won, but I had to kill a lot of people to keep my family and my entire village safe.’_

 

There was remorse and pain in its words. Rose was listening quietly to his story. His accent and his way of talking were telling her that it hadn’t been a war of this century, and there had been too many wars in the History for her to guess which one it was.

 

 _‘When I came home, my family barely recognised me because I was covered with the blood of our enemies, and they said I now had the look of a killer. They’ve rejected me, thrown me out of the house. The inhabitants of the village chased me down with torches and forks. I had to hide in the forest.’_ He swallowed _. ‘A witch found me, and when I told her my story, she said that I was unforgivable. She turned me into a wolf and told me that people would see me my true nature this way. She added that I would forever feel the thirst of blood, feel the need of slaughtering people, and that no one would ever love the monster I was.’_

“But that’s unfair. You just wanted to protect your family. You were the bravest man of the whole lot.”

_‘That’s not what they thought back then.’_

“The legend said you were the unforgiven. Forever stuck into a wolf’s body for your crime.”

_‘I was condemned to a life of solitude, to always remember what I’ve done, to always feel the guilt and pain. I was condemned to be hunted by men just like I’ve hunted them before. And no one ever showed me mercy.’_

“They said you slaughtered hundreds of lives… But you’ve spared mine.”

_‘I never attacked anyone. Never. Not once since I’m in that body.’_

“The real monsters are not always the ones we think.”

 

She could feel that it was weak and tired and yet, it stayed awake and kept talking to her. She didn’t know why it was telling her its story, why she felt so much trust coming from it.

 

_‘I never meant to scare you earlier. I just wanted to make you go away before Van Statten found you. He’s a terrible guy. He locked me down here and took care of my leg. I don’t know what he’s going to do to me.’_

“I have to get you out of here quickly, before he comes back.”

_‘It’s already too late.’_

 

Its enhanced hearing had heard the motor of the car. Van Statten was back, and he was gonna be there in a matter of minutes. He couldn’t find Rose. She had to hide. The wolf didn’t want her to get into troubles for trying to help him, but she was stubborn and refused to go. Whatever he had in mind, they would face it together. And she couldn’t run away, Van Statten was already in the basement.

 

“I should have known you would come back for that beast.”

“I wonder who’s the true beast in the story.”

 

She didn’t move. Neither did the wolf. It was so heavily shackled that he wouldn’t have been able to move anyway. A heavy ring of metal was closed around its neck and its paws were all chained. It had no chance of going out of here. Van Statten had made sure of that.

 

“I gotta thank you though. That beast kept running away from me for years. You came around, and I had the chance to finally capture it.”

“What for? Now that you have him, what are you going to do with him?”

“Nothing for now. I’m much more interested in your person.”

 

He eyed her up. His gaze stopped a few times over the curves of her breasts and the curves of her bum. She could only imagine what he had in mind right now. The wolf growled and Van Statten just laughed. The beast was powerless against him. A spark of disgusting lust sparkled in his eyes and before anyone could make a move, he grabbed Rose and pinned her to the closest wall. He buried his face in her neck while his hands were firmly holding her against the wall. She struggled, making it difficult for him to do anything. The wolf kept growling at him. It refused to be a witness of such a scene. He wouldn’t let that monster hurt the girl with the red hood. It struggled against his own shackles and tried to forget the pain to get up. It took him several minutes before he could manage to get on its four legs. It was trembling, but it could do it, for the girl that showed him so much gentleness.

Since it was bigger than a normal wolf, it could reach Van Statten more easily. It pulled on its chains the best he could and lunged forward. With a lot of efforts, he managed to bite Van Statten’s calf before he could do any harm to Rose. Van Statten screamed loudly and kicked the wolf who slumped back on the floor whimpering because of the pain. A discharge of a Taser gun shook its body and left him unable to move while its body was agitated with small convulsions.

 

“Don’t touch him!”

 

Rose took advantage of the distraction to punch him in the face and to kick his groin. Van Statten collapsed to the ground, knocked out, and Rose knelt back down close to the wolf. It didn’t seem alright. It would die if she left him here. She started looking for the keys of the chains in Van Statten’s pockets. The room was suddenly enlightened by a bright blue light who disappeared as fast as it appeared. Rose turned around to see from where it had come from and frowned. The wolf wasn’t there anymore. The silhouette of a tall and thin man had replaced it. He was hunched up in the ground, tangled in the chains that were still holding him. He was completely naked and Rose blushed at that sight. She turned her head away and kept looking for the key. She heard the man moving, trying to remember how a human body was working, and finally found the keys.

She tried not to stare at his naked body but she couldn’t help but notice the goose bumps on his skin and how badly he was trembling. She couldn’t tell if it was just the cold, or the fear of being back to a human being in a century he didn’t know anything about. She got rid of all the chains and helped him to get up. The wound was still there, and it was bleeding but they had no time to take care of this now. They had to run away from here before Van Statten woke up. Rose grabbed the man’s hand and pulled him out of the room. After centuries in the body of a wolf, the man had a lot of difficulties to walk on his two legs, and the fact that one of them was wounded didn’t help, but he didn’t complain and followed Rose the best he could. Climbing the ladder was a real difficulty but he managed to reach the top of it. Only to collapse on the ground because of the pain.

His first reaction was to curl up and try to get himself warm, which wasn’t easy now that he didn’t have fur anymore. It felt so weird to be back into a human body and he was having a lot of difficulties to get used to it again. Rose looked at him as he was shaking from the cold and the shock of the sudden change. She ran outside the small house and found what she was looking for: the pick-up. She opened the door and stole a blanket. She brought it back into the house and covered the man’s body with it for him to get warm quicker. She helped him to get up once again and helped him to walk to the car. She had stolen Van Statten’s keys. She made the man sit on the passenger seat and buckled him up. He curled up under the blanket and looked around him. He didn’t know what a car was or how it was working and got scared when she started the car. She put a hand on his arm.

 

“It’s okay. It’s a modern means of transport. It’s quicker than horses, but it’s not dangerous. I swear. I’m driving you to my home. My mom and I are gonna take care of you.”

 

She locked the doors though to be sure he wouldn’t have the idea of jumping outside the car while she was driving. She drove out of the forest, turning on the heat so he wouldn’t be so cold anymore. He remained curled up on the seat looking at all the strange things around him.

 

“You saved me.”

 

His voice was croaked, and the words were hard to pronounce. He hadn’t used his mouth in centuries. It was weird, really weird but he was too busy looking around him to get a proper look on his body.

 

“I did.”

“You broke the curse.”

“I did nothing, really.”

“You saw past my killer nature, and stood up for me. You broke the curse.”

“Good thing I was there then.”

“But I don’t belong this century. I-I don’t have anyone left. No family, no friends.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t leave you alone in this. I’ll help you.”

“Thanks.”

 

Now, she just had to find a really good explanation to give her mother when she would be back home. She was late and she was with a totally naked guy that clearly wasn’t from the century. Well, Jackie wasn’t gonna care about the century because he was a naked man and because he was close to her only daughter.

 

“You know the tale of the Little Red Riding Hood?”

“My mom was telling it to me when I was younger. A friend of mine gave me the red hood and people started calling me that way.” _She smiled at him._ “It’s not a bad nickname.”

“You are wiser than the original Little Red Riding Hood.”

“Because I saved the wolf?”

“You saw the real monster, and didn’t let him do any harm. Little Red Riding Hood got her grandmother to be eaten and she was eaten up to in the end.”

“That’s not the end my mom was telling me.”

“The real fairy tales aren’t for kids.”

 

But he was right though. The original story, the one Charles Perrault had written in January 1697, ended in a tragic way and the moral of the story was that cute little girls always were eaten up by the wolf because they were getting fooled by its words. They didn’t see where the true danger was, but Rose hadn’t been one of those stupid little girls. She had seen the danger and come back to help the true victim of the story before it was too late. And the man who lived in the body of a wolf for centuries would never be able to thank her enough for breaking his curse.


	22. Animal I have become (Ten/Rose/Clara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She was the Bad Wolf, the Goddess of Time, and the infinite power of Time had burned every single cell in her body. The Doctor hadn’t been quick enough when he had tried to saved her. It was already too late by the time he kissed her to remove the Time Vortex from her brain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox). I don't take prompts anymore.
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [claraswolf](https://www.instagram.com/claraswolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Tenth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose/Clara.
> 
> Prompt: The Doctor finds out that Rose is the Bad Wolf while they're taking a break on Earth. Rose's best friend, Clara, helps the doctor try to figure out how to get the Bad Wolf out of Rose or at least try to tame it. Clara gets bitten by the wolf and has to try and keep it secret from the Doctor. 
> 
> Time/Location: 2006.
> 
> AU or not AU: Not AU. 

A monster. That was all she was now. A real monster, and she couldn’t do much about it. Oh, she hated the Doctor right now. She really hated him with all her heart and soul, because everything was his fault in the end. He was the one who had taken her away from her little quiet life with her mother. He was the one who had opened her mind, who had showed her a better way to live her life. And it had been wonderful, really. She had never regretted travelling with him. It had been amazing to find out that her human life was just a tiny little detail in the infinity of the universe, that there was so much more to life than she would have ever imagined. Her human troubles were so pointless compared to the Doctor’s high responsibilities, and she had underestimated those responsibilities, laughing when he had said that the worlds were revolving around him. And now his responsibilities were consuming her.

When the Doctor had sent her back on Earth to protect her from the Daleks, her only will had been to go back to him. She couldn’t accept his death – Daleks knew about regeneration, they would have shot him dead the minute the process would have started – couldn’t live without him anymore so she had disobeyed and watched into the TARDIS’ heart to save him from a certain death. She should have known there would have been consequences. He had explicitly told her and Jack that no one could look into the TARDIS and get away unharmed, but she hadn’t thought twice. The power of the TARDIS had been her only way to save the man she loved. Oh, she did love that daft old man who now looked younger and foxy, and that was why she could hate him with such force. She had taken all the possible risks ever to save him from the Daleks, and now her life had changed forever.

The power had been burning in her veins for a few minutes when she finally met again with him on Satellite 5, but there was already nothing left of Rose Tyler when the TARDIS’ doors opened. She was the Bad Wolf, the Goddess of Time, and the infinite power of Time had burned every single cell in her body. The Doctor hadn’t been quick enough when he had tried to saved her. It was already too late by the time he kissed her to remove the Time Vortex from her brain. The harm had already been done, and she was now a fixed point in Time and Space. They couldn’t go backwards, they couldn’t save Rose Tyler from the Bad Wolf power. Now, Rose Tyler was barely more than just a small conscience into her own body that had been stolen by the Goddess of Time. They should have seen it coming. _He_ should have seen it coming, because it hadn’t been immediate. Maybe they could have reversed before, but now, it was too late.

She was herself when she woke up minutes later in the TARDIS, and the Doctor was himself too, though he was joking around while he was dying. He never told her what had happened. She just remembered looking the TARDIS’ heart. She just remembered the song. And then, she woke up in the TARDIS with a headache and a hole in her memory. She never asked because she was too worried about him, about the regeneration thing. He had changed, and she wasn’t sure if it was still him, if he would still want her, and all her hopes were rewarded when he spent Christmas with them, when she showed her the next star they were gonna visit. But she was already showing some signs of fatigue – she had tried very hard to hide them so he wouldn’t say a thing about the humans and their fragile biology – and he had decided that it was for the best if they spent a few days on Earth for them to rest.

Her troubles had started that very night. After the Doctor left her in front of her room, she had changed into her pyjamas and slipped into her bed. She had fallen asleep immediately, but her sleep was disturbed by a lot of nightmares. Nightmares full of Daleks, nightmares where her Doctor didn’t save her in time, and when she had woken up, it was to find out that her hands were glowing with a golden glow, and the song was back in her head. She couldn’t find sleep again after that, and she hadn’t said anything to the Doctor. It was useless to bother him with what was probably just an illusion, but she was feeling more and more tired, and he was growing worried. She could see it. She could _feel_ it in the back of her mind as if she was sharing a telepathic bond with the Doctor. Which she wasn’t. She would know if she had such abilities. She was human, she didn’t have that kind of ability.

The Doctor had wanted to do some shopping, and Rose had lied to go with him. She was walking hand in hand with him in the streets and the Doctor was babbling about something when it all went wrong. She had suddenly felt a violent pain in her head. She had realised that she was screaming only when he had taken her against him, until her scream was muffled by his brown coat. He hadn’t understood what was going on, but soon as he saw the gold glow of her hands and eyes, he had brought her back to the TARDIS. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as the pain increased in her head. She was now able to read all the Doctor’s thoughts, and most of them were questions about what was happening to _his_ Rose, and once he had scanned her, only two words filled his mind and hers: Bad Wolf. The Bad Wolf was still in there. It was still in her head, and it was slowly killing her.

There was that voice in her head, a voice that was scaring her. The words it was saying, the images it was showing her had made her scream even more. She had pushed the Doctor away when the voice had started to tell her to hurt him and she had run away in the TARDIS, hoping that the old girl would help her to hide in a place the Doctor wouldn’t be able to come in. She had wished for it just to protect the Doctor, and the TARDIS had given her the perfect room for it. A cell. She couldn’t get away from it and the Doctor couldn’t get in it. Rose had spent the last few hours in that room, screaming because of the pain, scratching her own skin with her nails, hitting the walls and ground, struggling against the thing taking over her mind and body, but she was so weak, and her mind was burning with the golden threads of Time. And it had consumed her mind until there was nothing left of Rose Tyler.

She had become the Bad Wolf. Literally. Her human body had turned into a golden wolf’s body after hours of endless pain and what was left of her human mind had been pushed away into some distant part of the Wolf mind. She was just a bubble. Nothing more than just a fragile bubble surrounded by evil thoughts of torture and blood and slaughter and manipulation, and she couldn’t do anything to get in control again. She was terrified. Beyond terrified. Her fragile bubble could be shattered in a few seconds and it would be the end of Rose Tyler. She couldn’t let that happen though. She had to fight, to take the control of her body and mind, but she was so tired. All her energy had been drained by the Wolf who was now pacing around in the cell, thinking about a way to get out of that room and lay her paw on that damn Doctor.

 

×

 

The Doctor was pacing in the console room, his hands ruffling his hair as he was thinking about what had just happened. Rose, _his_ Rose, was in trouble. It was a really big trouble, and he was cursing himself for not being able to see it earlier. He should have seen it. He should have felt it. But he was still trying to adjust to his new body, and he hadn’t been aware of the signals. And now, Rose was in serious trouble. He knew where she was locked. The TARDIS had told him, and she was also telling him what was going on in that cell Rose had locked herself in. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t good at all and he had no idea of what he should do to help her. A wolf. She had become a wolf. Literally. He had thought he had removed it all, but it was still there clinging to her mind and there was nothing he could do to take it out of her right now because she wouldn’t let him in. Because Rose Tyler probably didn’t exist anymore.

He slumped on the pilot seat and sighed deeply. He rubbed his face with his hands. What could he do now to help Rose? How could he bring her back if she was still there? There must be a way. He couldn’t just stay there and do nothing. He had to help her, he had to bring her back. He wouldn’t be able to keep going without her. He _needed_ her. Why would he have done all of this if it wasn’t for her? He couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not like this. Not because of him. He looked up at the ceiling.

 

“Why did you let her do this?”

 

The TARDIS made a small sound of complaint because of the accusation in his voice. He was blaming her for what had happened to her, but she was for nothing in this. She had resisted when Rose tried to open her heart, but she couldn’t do much against the truck breaking her open. She couldn’t be held responsible for everything that had happened. Neither could he. He wasn’t responsible for what Rose had done. It had been her decision. Only hers. Plus, Bad Wolf had been written in Time and Space long before she took her decision. It was a fixed point. No one would have been able to change what had happened. Changing History was never a good thing, and Rose Tyler as the Bad Wolf was a part of History.

 

“But I just can’t let this happen!” _The Doctor argued pointing a finger towards the corridor._

 

His Rose was locked somewhere in the infinity of the TARDIS, in a room he couldn’t get in, and she was alone. Alone, and stuck in the body of the Bad Wolf who used her weak human constitution to take over. Thankfully, the TARDIS had locked the entity in a room where she would be unable to do any harm, and when the old girl told him it was Rose who had asked for it, the Doctor couldn’t help but have a small smile. His precious girl had thought about it before she got overwhelmed by the Wolf. He closed his eyes and sank into his own mind, looking for a particular timeline – not his, he was never allowed to see his own future. He was looking for Rose’s one. He wasn’t very surprised to see how tangled her timeline was with his, but he was surprised to find out that a third timeline was tangling with theirs. The Wolf one. And everything became fuzzy when the three timelines met each other and tangled themselves so tight it was impossible to distinguish them.

 

“Doctor?”

 

There was a knock on the door, but the Doctor was too deep in his mind to even hear it. The TARDIS opened her door and let a small young brunette came in. She looked around, looking for the Doctor or Rose but couldn’t see any of them around.

 

“Doctor? Rose? Are you in there?”

 

The brunette walked up to the console. She spotted the Doctor slumped on the pilot seat, his eyes closed. She smiled thinking that he was sleeping there. Rose was probably not far. Probably finding a way to bring the sleeping Doctor into his room or looking for a blanket. They were always taking care of each other that way. It was cute. The small woman walked close to the Doctor and put a hand on his shoulder. She shook him lightly, but got no immediate reaction from him. The Doctor frowned though. The woman sudden touch on him had frozen the time and every timeline around him became a blur. Everything became grey. Time was in flux, a decision needed to be made, and that decision, whatever it was, would decide the fate of Rose Tyler. And that fate, better be a good one. The Doctor opened his eyes and jumped on his feet, making the brunette start. He looked at her, half confused, half in a hurry.

 

“Clara?”

 

Clara Oswald was Rose’s best friend. She was working as a teacher in Coal Hill school. The Doctor had met her when Rose and him had to chase an alien that was hiding in the school. Clara had helped a lot to catch the alien and send him back to his planet, but she had refused to come for a trip or two, saying that people needed her on Earth. And that she would be their eyes there. If anything happened she would call them.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. I’ve come to see if Rose was ready for our post-Christmas shopping.”

“Clara Oswald.”

“Are you still suffering from that regeneration thing or have you just gone insane?”

 

The Doctor tried to see the timelines again. They were twisting, changing, and everything was definitely grey. They weren’t just minutes ago. Everything changed when Clara came around. Which meant she had a link with it all. Which meant she could change it all. He suddenly hugged her tight.

 

“Clara Oswald, you are one brilliant girl!”

 

She looked at him, confused, but she didn’t have the time to ask any question before he grabbed her hand and started running through the TARDIS’ corridors. Clara had no choice but to follow him, to run with him, wondering where the hell was Rose, and what was happening with that daft alien. He stopped in front of a metallic door full of locks, a door that seemed as thick as heavy. Whatever was behind, it was something dangerous and Clara felt a shiver run down her spine. She couldn’t tell if it was fear or excitation.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” _She asked him when she could breathe again._ “Where’s Rose? Why are you taking me there?”

“I have a problem, Clara Oswald. A real big problem. And it’s about Rose.”

“Get straight to the point.”

“Rose is the Bad Wolf. She looked into the TARDIS’ heart and absorbed the Time Vortex. She became the Goddess of Time for a few minutes only to save me.”

“And you removed it from her before the power could kill her which caused you to regenerate, I know. I’ve heard the story.”

“No. That’s what we all thought.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Bad Wolf had already settled its claws deep in Rose’s body when I managed to take it out. I could only remove a small part of it. The Bad Wolf was still in her and I didn’t see it in time.”

 

He clenched his fists and jaw, angry against himself to have been so blind, to have thought that the Wolf was definitely gone. She had showed signs. Fatigue, headache, dizziness, sparks of gold in her eyes, nightmares. He had felt the timelines being indistinct around his precious girl, and he hadn’t put two and two together.

 

“What does that mean, Doctor?”

 

The Doctor noticed the frown on her face, the pain in her eyes. She was starting to understand, and she was blaming him. The TARDIS could say everything she wanted, it was _his_ fault. If he had never met Rose, she would never have been in such a situation. And the TARDIS told him once again that the Bad Wolf was a fixed point of Time, that it would have happened anyway. He swallowed the knot in his throat.

 

“It means that the Bad Wolf has taken over Rose, but… Since she’s human, it could kill her.”

“You, damn alien!”

 

She slapped him across the face and he didn’t even try to stop her. He knew he was to blame. That’s always how it was. Death was his constant companion. Everyone touching him even for just a second were dying in terrible ways. Maybe he should start traveling alone again, just like it was after the war. Maybe that would be for the best. Could he really get rid of Rose Tyler though? The question wouldn’t be a problem anymore if he wasn’t doing anything now.

 

“You better find a solution to save her or Jackie won’t be your only trouble!”

“You are the solution.”

“What?” _She asked, taken aback._

“I was looking for a solution, watching the timelines to see if there was any answer, but there wasn’t any until you came in. You touched me and everything became grey! Grey!”

“And that’s supposed to be good news?”

“It means that you’re the only one able to bring Rose back. There’s a big question mark on that very moment, and only you have the answer to our problem.”

“But…”

“Listen. The TARDIS is keeping me out of the room, but she knows as well as me that you’re the only person who can do something. Whatever it is. You’re the only one able to save Rose.”

“Okay. So how do I come in?”

 

If she was the only one able to save Rose, then, be it. She would come in, but the Doctor would hear from her for a long time after this event. She should be afraid, she knew it, but she wasn’t, because it was Rose. And Rose had run across the universes to save the planets, to save the Earth, more than anyone would ever know. Clara could do this. She could save her best friend.

 

“The TARDIS will open the door for you when you’ll be ready. There will be a force field. You can go through it without any trouble but the Bad Wolf won’t be able to come out. It disappears soon as the door is closed, but if the Wolf becomes aggressive, it will be up again to protect you.”

“Why can’t you…”

“That wasn’t how it was written.”

 

Clara shrugged lightly and faced the door. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She opened them again, determined to save her best friend from the Wolf’s claws. Like the Doctor had told her, the door unlocked itself when the TARDIS felt that she was ready. She walked through it and felt the presence of the force field right behind. She went through it, feeling like she was sinking into cold water. She could hear the door locking itself again behind her.

 

“I knew you wouldn’t resist the envy of facing me, Doctor.”

 

The voice was definitely not Rose’s. Clara was out of the field now and she was in the small bare room. It was almost like an isolation room from a mental institute. White. All white. The Wolf was laid in a corner, perfectly still, perfectly calm. Clara remained silent looking at the golden wolf who used to be her best friend before and she had to fight back tears coming at the corner of her eyes.

 

“I’m not the Doctor.”

 

The Wolf opened its eyes and raised its head. It looked at Clara curiously. Thanks to Rose’s memories that were still there, it could know who she was, and what she meant to its host. It almost laughed. The coward didn’t come himself of course.

 

“Coward.”

“He can’t get in. The TARDIS is keeping him away.”

“So he chose to send another human to slaughter. Very Time Lord.”

“He says I’m the only one who can save Rose.”

“Rose… Oh, the blonde human, right? It was already too late for her when she walked out of the TARDIS back on Satellite 5.”

“What have you done to her?”

“I needed a host. She was there.”

“Can’t you just get back into the TARDIS’ heart?”

“Why would I?”

“Of course, why would you go back to your harmless little cocoon when you could be out and messing with timelines?”

“Clever girl.”

“Find another host.”

 

Clara could have sworn that the Wolf was laughing at her. As if the Wolf could find another host. No, it couldn’t. It needed a child of Time, someone who had already travel through the Vortex, and Rose Tyler was the perfect host. She was strong. She was still resisting there, in her little fragile bubble, and the Wolf could feel her fear. It was almost unbearable. Humans and their feelings.

 

“What do you from the Doctor anyway? Kill him. We’re three.”

“No. Killing the Doctor wouldn’t be a good thing.”

“So what?”

“I just need to get a hold on his mind, to settle into it.”

“What for?”

“He’s the last of the Time Lords. He’s the only person in the whole universe to have control of me, and I don’t want that to happen.”

“Oh God, ruler of the world complex. Can’t you bad guys have something more original in mind?”

“Humans and their so narrow minds.” _Sighed the Wolf._

“Bring her back.”

 

Clara didn’t care about the Wolf’s intentions. She didn’t care what it wanted to do with the Doctor. She just knew that she had to get Rose back before it was too late. Rose might be strong, such an entity couldn’t stay for long in her mind and body without causing any harm.

 

“I still need her.”

“Bring.her.back.”

“Or what?”

 

Clara was getting really pissed off by the Wolf and its attitude. The Wolf was just mocking her, and playing around to get what it wanted. The Doctor’s sonic screwdriver appeared in Clara’s hand, much to her surprise. The Wolf laughed again – well, it’s was a groan that looked like a laugh.

 

“I really don’t know what this thing is doing, but I suppose you’d rather not know it.”

 

If the TARDIS was giving that to her, it meant that she could use it against the Wolf one way or another, and maybe take advantage of the situation. Talking to the wolf was useless, but maybe she could reach Rose and help her to take the control back. The Wolf didn’t seem impressed at all though.

 

“The Doctor never carries any weapon. This thing can’t do me any harm, but I can erase it from Time.”

“No. No, you can’t. The TARDIS made sure of that. You can’t use any of your powers here. Whatever they are.”

“Doesn’t change much the fact that this screwdriver won’t hurt me.”

“Wanna bet on your life?”

“I’m immortal.”

“I don’t care. Just give Rose back to me, or I press that button.” _Threatened Clara pointing the screwdriver on the Wolf._

 

Once again, the Wolf just laughed, and Clara pressed the button. The tip of the screwdriver had a blue light on which meant it was working though nothing seemed to happen. Clara got disappointed. Why would the TARDIS give that screwdriver to her if it was defective? But then, she realised that it was doing something to the Wolf who was trying to escape from something that was attacking it, that was weakening it, and Clara understood that it was ultrasounds. She couldn’t hear them, but the Wolf could.

 

“Brilliant!” _She murmured for herself._ “Now listen to me: Rose, I know you still in there, and I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to fight. The Doctor is trying to find a solution to bring you back but he needs you to be strong, stronger than the Wolf. It’s easy to say but I know you can do it. The Doctor knows it too. He trusts you. He needs you. And you were right, Rose, that daft alien loves you, even if he will always find a way to deny it.”

 

Since Clara was weakened the Wolf, it was easier for Rose to listen to her best friend. Clara was right. She had to be strong, she had to go back to her dear daft alien. She hated him, but she loved him even more. And he needed her. She was his light in his darkness. He would sink back into his wrong feelings if she didn’t come back to him. So, she fought against the Wolf, but the ultrasounds were making it very angry. It found enough strengths to jump on Clara and bite the hand that was holding the screwdriver. Surprised, Clara let go of the screwdriver which rolled on the ground too far from her reach. She fell on her back and the Wolf kept her pinned down to the ground.

 

“You are nothing less than a stupid pointless human!” _Roared the Wolf._

 

But that human won. That tiny stupid human won against the entity of Time. First, she had weakened it with the ultrasounds. Second, she had talked to the human that still was inside the Wolf and touched her heart. If Clara hadn’t been so surprised, it would have thought that the attack was part of the plan – and why in the world the force field hadn’t worked? – because it gave Rose another reason to fight. And she managed to get the control back. Clara could observe the struggle through the Wolf’s eyes and she could clearly see the moment Rose took over. The Wolf disappeared in a flash of golden light and Rose collapsed on the ground next to Clara. The Wolf was still there, in her mind, ready to come back but she had full control for now thanks to Clara.

 

“You did it.” _She murmured._

 

The struggle had left her weak and exhausted but Rose was back and she was relieved. Clara hugged her tight, almost crying to have her back. Rose looked miserable but she was there again. Clara called for the Doctor. Now that the threat was tamed, he would be able to come into the room. The door indeed unlocked itself again and the Doctor rushed into the room. He picked the sonic up and used it on Rose.

 

“It’s still there, but she has full control again. I’m bringing her to the infirmary.”

 

He lifted Rose up and carried her to the infirmary. Clara followed him. She looked at her hand. The bite looked awful, and it was really painful. There were golden sparks around it, but she decided not to show it to the Doctor. He had enough to do with Rose. She slipped her hand into her pocket and sat down close to the bed the Doctor had laid Rose down on. He was running some tests on her, mumbling something about locking the Wolf away until he found a definitive way to get rid of it. Rose had fainted on the way to the infirmary but the Doctor was taking great care of her. He was really worried about what had happened to his Rose, and his feelings were spreading all around them. Clara smiled a bit. It was so obvious but none of them would make the first step into that new relationship. Even after he almost lost her, the Doctor wouldn’t admit his feelings. It was dreadful.

 

“Okay. In a few hours, she’ll be just fine. Perfect.” _He looked over at Clara who had her eyes closed, her free hand holding one of Rose’s hand._ “Clara Oswald, you’ve been brilliant!”

“She’s cold though.”

“Yeah, that’s… That’s because of the Wolf. It might have changed her a bit because of how long it stayed in her body.”

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

“All fine.”

 

She opened her eyes and looked at him. She looked tired, but no one could handle the responsibility he had given her and going out perfectly fine, but there was something else about Clara that left him a bit sceptical. The timelines weren’t right around her. Rose’s one was back to normal, even if the Wolf’s one was still very tangled with hers. They apparently would share a long future together, but as long as the Wolf didn’t take over Rose once again, the Doctor didn’t see any problem of this happening. However, around Clara, everything was confused. That was weird, but he was too focused on his precious girl to actually care about someone else.

 

It took hours before Rose woke up again, feeling a bit better than earlier. She still was weak and couldn’t move much but she was herself at least. She could feel the Wolf pacing in her mind and hitting a barrier that definitely wasn’t there earlier. The Doctor had come into her mind. She looked around and found Clara still sitting by her side, still holding her hand. Rose smiled a bit. Clara was sleeping and the Doctor – or most likely the TARDIS – had covered her with a blanket. The Doctor wasn’t around for now. He had left the two of them alone in there, but Rose was sure that he had asked the TARDIS to keep an eye on her. He would never leave her alone in the condition she was in. She lightly squeezed Clara’s hand, and a flash of pain crossed her mind. She winced. She had a damn pounding headache. She closed her eyes again and focused on the silence around her.

There was something different about her though. Something she couldn’t define. She felt different in a way she wouldn’t be able to explain. Her mind was buzzing, and her thoughts were dispersed. She was unable to catch a proper one and there were some kind of interferences like a radio that didn’t manage a receive a channel. As if someone was trying to find the right one.

 

“That’s quite disturbing, isn’t it?”

 

Rose opened her eyes and looked at the Doctor who had come back without her hearing him. She smiled a bit at him and tried to sit up, but he ordered her to stay in that bed. His hand was gently placed on her shoulder, and suddenly, scraps of sentences that weren’t from her filled her mind. She realised that it was the Doctor’s thoughts and her look became really confused. He noticed it and took his hand away, with an apologetic look.

 

“What… What’s happening to me, Doctor?”

 

It was starting to scare her. She knew the Doctor had been in her mind, but as a human, she never had the telepathic bond. She shouldn’t be able to read his thoughts. Not even a small part of it. He took her hand in his and his lips brushed over her knuckles. He kept silent for a moment but she could still _feel_ how sorry he was.

 

“The Wolf changed you.”

“What?”

“Clara told me about the talk the Wolf had with her. It wanted to lay a hand of me because I’m the last of the Time Lords. It wanted to be sure I was good enough for the job. Get into my mind and have a certain control of it.”

“But the TARDIS never let you in because I refused to.”

“Yeah.”

“But she let Clara in.”

“And she brought you back.”

“Not completely. The Wolf is still there, even if you locked it away.”

“I had a small talk with it before. I can’t remove it from you anymore. Its claws are too deep into you. It would kill you if I did.”

“So, it will forever be… In my head.”

“Yep.”

“Isn’t that dangerous? I mean, I’m human.”

 

Deep down, she could feel that it wasn’t exactly true anymore. She was convinced of it. Something had changed within her and she was certain that if she was to take a DNA test, it wouldn’t be human. She wasn’t a 100% human anymore, and the Doctor knew it.

 

“Not anymore.”

“What am I?”

“Hybrid I’d say. Half human, half Time Lady.”

“But…”

“The Wolf needed a strong physical sheath, and your human constitution wasn’t enough, even if you’ve travelled through the Vortex. It started changing you the minute you looked into the TARDIS’ heart, but I removed a large part of it before it could turn you into a total Time Lady.”

“Meaning it doesn’t have that much power left.”

“Enough to take over you though, enough to give you more life than you could have ever imagined.”

“So…”

“No, you can’t regenerate. The Wolf will protect your body and heal it if you get hurt, but if the wound is bad enough, you’ll die.”

 

Her headache was worse now and she was trying to process all the information the Doctor was giving her. She wasn’t a full human anymore. The Wolf had given her more life than she could have dreamed of having, but she couldn’t regenerate.

 

“But this means I can stay with you.”

 

The idea was filling her mind with joy and relief because she didn’t want to leave him alone and the Wolf had given her the chance of staying with him longer than a normal human would have been able to. Plus, she would need a teacher, because if the Doctor was right, she was half Time Lady, and she absolutely had no idea of what she was supposed to do with that. The Doctor smiled, almost shyly.

 

“It means you can stay with me. As long as you want to.”

 

Another flash of pain crossed Rose’s mind and she winced again. The Doctor felt it too. He looked over at Clara who was still sleeping. The pain was coming from her. Something was wrong with her and he didn’t know what. She didn’t say anything to him.

 

“Something’s wrong with Clara.” _He told Rose._ “This is her pain you’re feeling.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. She said she was fine when I asked her. And I was too busy worrying about you to even check if it was true.”

 

The Doctor reluctantly let go of Rose’s hand and got close to Clara. He scanned her with his sonic quickly and found the origin of the problem. He took the blanket off her body and pulled her hand out of her pocket. He examined the bite silently. Rose couldn’t see what he had found because he was hiding it from her.

 

“Doctor, what’s going on?”

“The Wolf bit her, and she refused to tell me because she wanted me to focus on you.”

“But… What is it doing to her?”

“It’s not just a normal bite. I can’t do anything to heal it.”

 

He showed Clara’s hand to Rose who took it between hers and watched the golden sparks around the wound. A memory crossed her mind. She remembered the Wolf attacking Clara because she was hurting it with the sonic screwdriver. But the Wolf wasn’t a normal wolf so the damages were much bigger.

 

“There must be a solution.”

 

The Doctor shook his head. If he hadn’t been able to help Rose, how could he help Clara? The only thing he could do was clean the wound and bandage it, but Rose couldn’t accept that answer. She couldn’t let her best friend die because she hadn’t been able to control the Wolf inside her. That same Wolf gave her the answer. It seemed to know that there was a huge mystery around Clara and that she wasn’t supposed to die now.

 

“You’ve got to connect her to the TARDIS telepathic interface.”

“What?”

“The TARDIS will recognise the energy and pull it away from her. It will get back into her heart, and save Clara. Do it, Doctor.”

“How…”

“Just do it already!”

 

The Doctor started at her sudden anger, but the golden sparks in her eyes was telling him that it was both Rose and the Wolf talking to him and that they must be right. So, he took Clara to the console room and connected her to the TARDIS telepathic interface. He was surprised to see that it was working, that the TARDIS was taking the energy back. He took Clara back to the infirmary when it was done, and cleaned and bandaged her wound. Rose watched him doing so. He should have known earlier. Maybe Rose would have stayed the human he had always know. Maybe she would be safe now. Because now that the Wolf and her had merged, he had absolutely no idea of what was going to happen. One part of him was feeling guilty, but the other part was feeling happy because Rose would get to stay with him. There would less risk of him losing her, and maybe, just maybe, something would be possible between the two of them.


	23. Perfect day (Nine/Amy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He needed to change his mind, to go somewhere /fantastic/ where troubles wouldn’t follow him just for once."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox). I don't take prompts anymore.
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [brianmayfanatic39](http://brianmayfanatic39.tumblr.com/). (Tumblr).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Amy.
> 
> Prompt: Set sometime after "Dalek." AU where Amy is Nine's companion, not Rose. May or may not include Jack and/or Rory. As for the prompt you can choose the following: [Perfect Day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYEC4TZsy-Y) by Lou Reed or "There's a kind of magic in the air" Invencible.
> 
> Time/Location: July 13th, 1985. Wembley Stadium, London.
> 
> AU or not AU: AU. 

The Doctor was tinkering under the console as usual. He had a new companion on board, Amelia Pond, a redhead woman with a strong character and whose sarcasm was as good as his. That’s maybe why they were getting on with each other so well. They were the same on so many points. They had met months ago when he had accidentally landed into her childhood house. This was not when he had wanted to land though. He was following some alien signal that had kept appearing and disappearing whenever he got close to it. When he had come out of his TARDIS with his screwdriver in hand – though there was no distinct signal around – he had had to avoid the bat that was threatening to hit his head. The bat had hit the TARDIS instead and the old girl, already quite annoyed because of his driving, had decided that it was enough and had chosen to disappear and leave him alone with the crazy woman.

He had cursed and called back his box, avoided the bat that was still threatening to hit his head, and finally, the signal had come back and he had run after it. He hadn’t expected Amelia Pond to follow him and to yell at him all along to know who he was, where he had come from and what was that magic trick he had done with his box. She had made the alien run away once again and he had gotten so irked with her for ruining all his efforts! But she wouldn’t let him go until he answered her questions so he had mumbled a few answers, being as elusive as possible. Then, he had gotten back to his hunt and dumped her there, thinking he had gotten rid of her. But the truth was that Amelia Pond had been really intrigued by that strange man pretending he was an alien. She had found him struggling with a shopping dummy she had knocked down with her bat before he grabbed her hand and started running as fast as he could.

That was how she first had ended up into the TARDIS, how she had fought her first alien – the Nestene Consciousness right under the London Eye – and she had been surprised to realise that there was more to life than she could have ever imagined, and that was why she had accepted to follow him when he had asked her if she wanted to see all of time and space, if she wanted to travel with the weird man he was. She hadn’t hesitated in jumping into the adventurous life, and leaving the boring one behind her. The Doctor was a man really interesting – desperately trying to look impressive though – and she wanted to see the marvels of the universe he had been talking about to her with her own eyes. And she had seen more than she could ever tell. Their last adventure had almost ended in a bad way and she could see that the Doctor was still a bit shaken from his encounter with the not-anymore-survivor of the Dalek race.

Since that meeting with the remaining member of the species that had exterminated his race, the Doctor had been really off, not really smiling anymore, and lost in his thoughts. He slept even less than usual. He needed to change his mind, to go somewhere _fantastic_ where troubles wouldn’t follow him just for once. He was tinkering under the console more to keep his mind busy than to fix something. He was humming a song to himself, a song the TARDIS had played not so long ago because she knew how much Amy loved it, and how much it bothered the Doctor because it always stayed stuck in his head for hours before he could get rid of it. He got out of his hidden spot and started fiddling with the controls to check if everything was working, and hit the console with a hammer when it didn’t.

 

“No need to wonder why she’s not taking you where you want to if you’re so brutal with her.”

 

The TARDIS made a noise of agreement and the Doctor turned around to see Amy joining him in the console room. She slumped on the pilot seat and looked at him, smiling. He gave her a small smile in return, leaned on the console and folded his arms over his chest.

 

“That’s how we both work. She gets grumpy, but that’s all.”

“And then, you get grumpy too.”

“I’m never grumpy!” _He protested, offended._

“You are! You are the grumpiest man of the universe!”

“Oi!”

 

A grin finally crossed the Doctor’s face and he clapped his hands together. It usually meant that he was ready for another adventure, and after the intense one they had had a few days ago, it better be a happier one.

 

“Where are we going now, Amelia Pond? To the future? Back in the past? Your choice!”

“My choice?”

 

The Doctor hadn’t given her much of a choice before. He was simply trying to impress her or chasing some alien signal that he was receiving on that thing he called psychic paper. Sometimes, it was even the TARDIS which chose their destination. Just like she had done when they landed in Van Statten’s museum.

 

“Your choice. Pick a date, a place. Whenever and wherever you want.”

“Can we go and take Rory on board first?”

“Oi! ‘M not a taxi!”

“You’ve been awful to him last time.”

“He said I had big ears.”

“But you’ve got big ears.”

“Oi!”

 

She was right of course but he hated the fact that a human pointed out the conspicuous flaw – as they all seemed to think because he didn’t see why his ears were such a problem for them – of his body when that human also had a very conspicuous flaw in the middle of his face.

 

“We’re not taking your boyfriend.”

“You’re being unfair to him.”

“Amy Pond, you are a magnificent and brilliant…”

“Thank you.”

“Why would you spend the rest of your life with some human like Rory Williams?”

“Because that’s what humans do when they love each other. You should try someday.”

 

He made a noise to show his disapproval. Love wasn’t a Time Lord thing, and it certainly wasn’t his thing. Better leave that to the humans and their pointless little lives. He liked living new adventures, but love wasn’t one that was particularly interesting him. He turned around the console, pressing buttons, pulling on levers. The machine purred, almost thrilled for that new adventure we were gonna live.

 

“So, where are we going  now? Choose wisely, Amelia Pond.”

“Well, there might be a thing.”

“Tell me.”

“There was this show in 1985…”

“There were a lot of shows in 1985.”

“July, 13th 1985\. Wembley Stadium.”

 

The Doctor looked at her, surprised by the choice of her date. 1985. Four years before she was born. July, 13th. Something had happened on the 13th of July. A show. Well, that could only be that one. He grinned at her and set the coordinates.

 

“Alright. July, 13th 1985\. Wembley Stadium. Here we go.”

 

She smiled back at him, surprised that he had actually accepted to go there. He didn’t seem much of his type to go to that kind of events, but after the Dalek’s episode, they needed to do a break, and that could be the perfect adventure to forget about it all.

 

“We better get there before it all starts.”

“Are you doubting me?”

“We were supposed to go to Naples, not Cardiff.”

“Right.” _He grinned again._ “Meeting Charles Dickens was much better than going to Naples.”

“You were a complete fanboy.”

“I don’t even know what that’s meaning, but I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 

He grinned at her as the TARDIS landed with a small thud. He didn’t check the scanner – only amateurs were doing so, the adventures were better if you didn’t know where you had just landed – and pulled two keys with a string necklace out of his pocket. He put one around his neck and gave the other one to Amy.

 

“What is it?”

“Your own key to the TARDIS. Congrats.”

“Why now?”

“It has a perception filter on. No one will see us. If they look into our direction, they won’t see anything, and just look away.”

 

And Amy understood better when the Doctor grabbed her hand and pulled her outside the TARDIS. The time machine had landed on the roof of the Wembley Stadium, close enough to the stage to see all the show perfectly. Amy looked at the Doctor and smiled. He had made it. And in time since the _Coldstream Guards_ were opening that impressive show with the _Royal Salute_ and _God Save the Queen_. She was just like a little girl while watching the artists – nothing more impressive than _Status Quo_ , _Queen_ , _U2_ , David Bowie, Elvis Costello, _The Who_ , Paul McCartney, Bob Geldof, Phil Collins, _Sting_ and much more reunited on the same stage to sing their hits for the good cause – perform and the Doctor kept telling her small anecdotes about the show, about the singers, or just about how this whole show had had an impact on the whole world.

He was also being a real gentleman – which was quite a change in his attitude – by bringing her food, drinks and even a blanket when she needed it. He remained sat down next to her for the whole concert, actually being really patient for once, and Amy was suspecting a little bit magic in the air to force him to stay so still for around fourteen hours. He never even tried to vanish just a few minutes to go and solve some alien troubles. She noticed that his usual anxiety and the wrong feelings he had been feeling since the encounter with the Dalek were considerably going away. She saw the frown on his face when John Hurt announced Freddie Mercury and Brian May on stage, but it disappeared so quickly that she couldn’t tell if he had really frowned or not. She chose not to ask any questions. And when the show finally ended, she had stars in her eyes.

 

“Come on, Amy Pond. Let’s make your boyfriend jealous now.”

 

Amy rolled her eyes and caught the hand the Doctor was holding out to her. He helped her up and they both walked back into the TARDIS. He dropped Amy back to her home in 2005, reminding her to take the key of her neck if she wanted Rory to be able to see her. She smiled at him, and thanked him for this magical day.

 

“Goodnight,” _she told him, kissing his cheek_.

“Goodnight, Amy Pond.”

 

That night, the Doctor was totally relaxed and knew he would finally get some rest. As he was heading to his bedroom, feeling lighter than ever, the song came back to his mind: _“Oh, it’s such a perfect day. I’m glad I spent it with you. Oh, such a perfect day.”_ But for once, it wasn’t bothering him because it really had been a perfect day, and he was glad to have spent it with his best friend, Amelia Pond.


	24. Night changes (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Her Maxence was quite a big child, and he could get excited for such little things. That was one of the many things she loved the most about him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is part of the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge I'm actually doing. You can find the 'rules' to enter [here](http://shadowsprodpresent.tumblr.com/post/154098832942/hey-fellow-whovians-so-like-ive-said-a-few-days) or on my Instagram (@theoncomingpolicebox). I don't take prompts anymore.
> 
> So, this one was an entry from [impossible.wolf](https://www.instagram.com/impossible.wolf/). (Instagram).
> 
> Doctor: Ninth.
> 
> Pairing: Doctor/Rose.
> 
> Prompt: Rose finds out she's pregnant and tells the Doctor in a cool way as a birthday present to him from her.
> 
> Time/Location: 2016.
> 
> AU or not AU: AU. 

Rose Tyler was quite excited today. It was February, 12th. In other words, it was her Maxence’s birthday today and she had planned plenty of things for this special day. She had been working on them for the whole week, and really hoped that he wouldn’t be disappointed in any of the things she had for him. She was gonna take him to treasure hunting. Well, it wasn’t an actual treasure hunt, but that was how she was calling it, and she was sure that he would love it. Her Maxence was quite a big child, and he could get excited for such little things. That was one of the many things she loved the most about him. Thankfully, he had managed to get a day off for his birthday, even if he didn’t know what she had in mind to celebrate it. She had kept really quiet about the things she was slowly organising for everything to be perfect.

The first step was the breakfast in bed. Rose woke up early on purpose and slipped out of bed without waking him. It was pretty difficult this morning because of how tangled their bodies were. She always loved sleeping in his arms, and since he loved having her close to him, he always wrapped his arms and legs around her, and buried his face into her neck. He protested sleepily but didn’t wake up, much to Rose’s relief. She walked out of the bedroom, closing the door as quietly as possible, and walked to the kitchen. Maxence loved a full breakfast with jam toasts, scrambled eggs, fried bacon and sausages, baked beans and banana pancakes. He was a big eater and could eat it all and still feel hungry after. They were always spending a lot of money into food so he could have everything he liked and more, but he was doing enough sports not to put on too much weight.

Rose started cooking, making sure Maxence wouldn’t get up before she was done. She loved cooking him breakfast – plus he was such a disaster in the kitchen that it was better if he didn’t try to cook anything – and she loved it more today. Even if the smell of it all made her nauseous. She threw up quietly in the bin and rinsed her mouth, getting back to cooking right after. It was nothing. She would be fine into a few minutes. When everything was ready, she put the plates of food, cutlery and cup of tea on a tray. Then, she walked to their bedroom, making sure not to knock over anything, and opened the door. She came in very quietly and smiled when she saw that Maxence was still sleeping. He moved when the smell of food reached his nose and smiled sleepily. Waking up to breakfast being brought in bed was something that only happened on his birthday. Or when he was sick. Rose sat the tray on the bedside table and leaned to kiss Maxence on the lips.

 

“Happy birthday, love,” _she murmured against his lips._

“You always know how to make them even better every year. What’s in your mind this year?”

“Something just as special as the other years.”

“Can’t wait.”

 

He smiled at her and kissed her once again. She crawled back into bed and watched him as he sat up and started eating the breakfast she made for him. The first step was done. It was the easier one. Now would start the most difficult part of the plan, but she knew he would follow her with no hesitation.

 

The second step started as soon as they were showered and dressed. She took him to the place they first met: the tattoo parlour she used to be working in a few years ago. He had hesitated for a long time when he had wanted that first tattoo, but when he had come in and met Rose Tyler for the first time, he had known that he had taken the right decision. She had created his first tattoo, and all the others he had. He had been so enchanted, so admirative of her work that he had come back a few other times to have more tattoos. He had a full arm now and she was the one who fully created it. She had left a blank space though, and now was the time to fill it. He had no idea of what she was gonna draw on his skin, but he trusted her. He knew it was gonna be perfect. She obviously had planned it all for this special day as he could see when they were welcomed into the parlour.

It felt so familiar to be back here, and he could remember the day he had asked her for a date the very first time. He was sat on that exact same chair, with Rose tattooing his left arm and chatting over literally everything when he cut her in the middle of a sentence by asking – well, stammering – if she would accept to take a coffee or even a snack with him some day. She had given him that tongue touching smile that always made his heart beat faster and accepted immediately. She had admitted later that if he hadn’t asked her, she would have done it. He looked at her as she was tattooing the last piece of his left arm. The last piece of the puzzle. And he watched her hands as she was indeed tattooing a small puzzle piece with the birth of a star pattern on it – because he loved the stars and space – which fitted in perfectly with the rest of his tattooed arm.

 

“It’s a very nice choice once again, miss Tyler.”

“The final piece of your arm needed to be perfect, Mr Spitz.”

“It truly is.”

 

They both smiled at each other, and Rose finished the tattoo. She cleaned it and applied some cream on it before she put some shrink wrap around it for the reject of the ink surplus that would follow. He had now a full tattooed arm, and Rose Tyler’s signature was hidden somewhere in this masterpiece. The only signature he would even want to wear.

 

The third step was to take him to the place they had their first date. It was already around noon. Her timing was absolutely perfect. A small shop of chips. That was where he had taken her for their first date. He could have chosen something better but she was craving for chips so he had taken her there. And he had apologised for days for this cheapy date. He had done better for the second one, even if she had told him that that first one had been really perfect in her eyes. Maxence was so shy, and clumsy, and cute back then. He still was in a way, but not as clumsy as before thankfully. He could, but she was always around to save the day. He smiled when he saw the small shop, even more when she ordered the exact same thing than that day, but was surprised when she chose to have a glass of milk instead of a good cold beer just like the one they had shared years ago.

The fourth step was the place where he first kissed her. She knew he was starting to wonder why she was taking him to all those places all of a sudden, but he never asked and just followed the move. They were walking hand in hand in the streets as she took him back to the Powell Estate where she used to live when they first met. Her mother was still living around. She hadn’t liked him at all at first, and she had made him go through hell but she had finally seen that he was a good guy that was taking care of his daughter so perfectly they sometimes wondered if he was real. Rose led him to the building, to the flat she used to live in. There, in font of that exact same door, he had leaned down and softly kissed her lips with a very shy kiss. And there, in front of that exact same door, she wrapped her arms around him and tip-toed to press her lips against his. She felt him smile against her lips as he kissed her back, less shyly than the first time.

Those four steps happened in the first year of their relationship. In the four years that followed their first kiss, their relationship had known a lot of ups and downs – the downs were mostly because Jackie was making him go through hell, but they both had some flaws and things to reproach to each other – and they had broken up at some point but realised that they couldn’t live without each other anymore. Those ups and downs had made their relationship stronger, and when they had made everything clear, they had been happier than ever. They had moved in together in a cute little house in a very calm area of the town, and took the time to know each other even better. Mentally, and physically. When they had gotten back together, they had had a lot of sex. So much sex that they were barely going out of their little house. Rose had gotten pregnant, but she had had a miscarriage, which had broken her down. Thankfully, Maxence had remained by her side until she felt better, and promised her that it was okay, that they would try again later.

So, the natural next step in their relationship for him had been to propose her. They’d been together for almost six years now and he had felt like it was the right time to propose. And that was the fifth step of their small treasure hunt. She blindfolded his eyes, just like he had done to him when he had taken her to the place where he had done his proposal, and led him to Hyde Park. She remembered the day as if it was still yesterday. It was spring. All the vegetation was waking up from their winter sleep, and it was really beautiful. They had had a picnic, and when they were done eating, he had started telling her how much he loved her. She hadn’t suspected anything. He was always telling her how much he loved her, and what he loved the most about her. She hadn’t expected him to kneel down and pull out a magnificent ring from his pocket to propose her. She had said yes immediately.

She took him there, right under that same tree they had shared their picnic, where he had proposed her. It was still cold outside, but they were enough covered up not to be too cold. She helped him to sit down under the tree and she sat next to him. He couldn’t see her from behind his hat and scarf that she had used to blindfold him as she opened her purse and pulled out a small box for him to open. She allowed him to look when she was done.

 

“Is that a proposal? I’m sure I did mine just right here.”

“Don’t be silly,” _she told him, laughing a bit._

 

He opened the box she was giving him. It wasn’t really easy with the gloves but he managed to open it. He took the small cake and smiled at Rose. No birthday without a cake. And she knew how much he loved cakes. She pulled out a unique candle from her bag and lighted it. He smiled even more.

 

“Make a wish.”

“I don’t know what I could possibly wish for. I already have everything I could have dreamed of having.”

“Then, just wish for it to stay the way it is.”

 

He took her hand and kissed it softly. He closed his eyes and made a wish, keeping it secret otherwise it wouldn’t work, before he blew on the candle to put it out. They shared the small cake under the tree before she took him to their last, but not least destination: the place they had finally said yes to each other three years ago. He really didn’t see the point of it all but he didn’t care. Those places were full of good memories. They were full of _their_ good memories, full of their love for each other. There was a baptism in the church so they couldn’t get in, but Rose took him to the small garden behind it. There, she smiled at him, and picked up a violet, a red rose, a daffodil and a white carnation. She gave them to him, smiling even more to the confusion on his face, and the embarrassment he was having watching her picking up flowers in the garden of a church. But she didn’t explain her move.

They came back to their little house after they greeted the priest that had married them and told him how much they were happy together. Maxence was all smiles when they came home and so was Rose. She still had something for him. He filled a vase with water and added the flowers into it. He put it on the table of the living room and Rose forced him to sit down on the couch. She put his favourite Disney on – which surprisingly was _Lady and the Tramp_ – and kissed his head. She took care of the dinner and when it was done, she cuddled into Maxence to watch the end of the movie with him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head softly. He liked the small quiet moments they were sharing together. The time where they were always arguing and throwing things at each other was done. They had gotten over it.

When the movie was done, they ate the birthday dinner Rose had cooked, and they shared the cake – the real one this time – his mother had done while they were away from the house after he had blown his thirty-three candles. This was probably one of the best birthdays he ever had. If not the best. He smiled at his Rose and kissed her lovingly while they were cuddling in the couch once again. She kissed him back with just as much love and looked up at him, smiling.

 

“This was a fantastic day. You surpassed yourself this year.”

“I still have one gift left for you.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t move.”

 

She got up and walked to their bedroom. She came back with a small wrapped box with a bow on it. She sat on the couch cross-legged on the couch and gave it to him with a shy smile. This was the climax of the day, the real gift she wanted to give him. He opened it, pretty curious, and smiled widely when he found the baby trainers from his favourite brand. He picked one shoe up.

 

“My favourite shoes. They’re a bit too small though.”

“I know. I did on purpose.”

 

She knew he wouldn’t get it immediately, and that was why she had added something under the shoes. He removed them from the box and pulled the paper underneath them away. There, in the bottom of the box, he found a pregnancy test. He frowned lightly and picked it up to read it. Positive. He looked at Rose and back at the pregnancy test. He finally understood and found how to talk again.

 

“You’re…?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God.”

 

He put the shoes, the box and the test away and hugged her tight. She was pregnant. His wife was pregnant with their first child, and nothing could make him even happier than to know this. They had tried over and over again after they had gotten married, but it never worked and the doctors were all saying that the miscarriage had caused damages, that Rose would maybe never be able to get pregnant again, but they had never given in. He broke the hug, kept his hands on her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes. He was crying, but they were tears of joy.

 

“Is it sure? 100% sure?”

“I saw the doctor last week. He said it was 100% sure. They will have to keep a close watch on the pregnancy, but it will all be fine.”

“Last week?”

“I wanted it to wait until your birthday to make it your best gift.”

“And that’s why we revived all the steps of our relationship?”

“I wanted it to be perfect. I gave you a hint to every step. I’m surprised you didn’t notice what I was doing.”

“I had absolutely no idea, but I really loved it.”

 

He hugged her once again and she cuddled into him, hugging him just as tight. She was smiling through her own tears and he wiped them away, even if it was useless. That baby was a miracle to them, the proof that all the doctors had been wrong. That baby was the fruit of their love, and he or she would be pampered and loved like no other child.

 

“I hid the first hint in your breakfast. Strawberry jam. I was playing with the cliché. The second is in your new tattoo. The puzzle piece fitting in with the pieces representing us together. The pattern of the birth of a star. The third was the milk glass.”

“I don’t see the hint in the fourth step.”

“There wasn’t. I didn’t want to ruin the chronology of our relationship. And I really liked reviving our first kiss.”

“Naughty girl,” _he murmured, kissing her lips._

“’M not,” _she replied, kissing him back._ “The fifth hint, the small cake with just one candle.”

“Because it’s our first kid.”

“The flowers were the sixth. They all mean something. The violet is for people who were born on February. The red rose represents our love. The daffodil means happiness for the little one. The white carnation is usually given to a mother on Mothers’ day.”

“You’ve thought about it all.”

“I wanted this day to be perfect for the future daddy.”

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had so far, and the best gift I could ever have.”

 

They remained cuddled in each other, silently but happily crying for that miracle. It truly was the best birthday he had ever had in thirty-three years, and she was giving him the best birthday present ever. He had so wanted to give her a child, to fill that part of her that had been left empty after the miscarriage, and now they were having it. They were expecting, and nothing could fill them with more joy right now. Maxence slipped his hand under Rose’s shirt and placed it over her still flat stomach. Rose joined her hand to his and intertwined their fingers together. She looked up at him and smiled, her eyes still gleaming with tears. He was no better than her because he couldn’t stop his tears from falling but he smiled back at her and murmured an ‘I love you’ in her ear. They were happy, and nothing would be able to destroy that happiness they were feeling right now.


	25. Forget me not (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She often thought about his smile, a smile that was as warm as kindly, about his eyes as blue as the bluest sky, about his soft hands on her arms, about his lips on hers when he had kissed her under the mistletoe that night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot is the second part of "Mistletoe" that I've written during the #DoctorWhoChristmasChallenge. I've had a few comments from people asking for a second part. So, here it is.

It was the first day of the New Year and Rose Tyler was cursing herself once again. She had left Maxence Spitz’s manor right after Christmas day. She had stayed with him all day on the twenty-fifth of December just like he had asked her, but when he had left her in her room in the evening, she had known that it was all over and that she had to leave. When she had been sure that Maxence wouldn’t hear anything, she had explained Elliot that they would leave in the night, when everyone would be asleep. Of course, the little boy hadn’t understood why she so wanted to leave when Maxence had told her that they could stay as long as they wanted. It didn’t bother him, but Rose hadn’t wanted to outstay his welcome and so, when everyone had been asleep, she had left, leaving all the clothes and things Maxence had given her – except for the necklace and the Teddy bear – and taking back her old and used clothes and stuff. She had just left a small note for Maxence to find when he would come the next morning.

It had been one week since she had left the manor and Rose hadn’t heard about Maxence again. She had been from one shelter to another, but they were all full and couldn’t keep them for more than one night. She should have known that it would be that way. Shelters were always full around Christmas because it was colder and people couldn’t stay outside when they could have a roof and at least one hot meal. So, once again, Rose was left in the streets with Elliot. She had sold almost everything she had in her possession to buy food to her son. She hadn’t eaten anything since Christmas, but she didn’t care as long as Elliot could eat. She wished she could find him a shelter so he wouldn’t be so cold. It was still snowing and the temperatures were colder and colder. It was becoming unbearable. She always found herself shaking from the cold and losing feelings of her body, but she couldn’t help it. It was how her life was.

However, she felt like this winter was colder than any other winter she had gone through those last six years. Somehow, Maxence Spitz had had a certain effect on her. She often thought about his smile, a smile that was as warm as kindly, about his eyes as blue as the bluest sky, about his soft hands on her arms, about his lips on hers when he had kissed her under the mistletoe that night. She was cherishing those memories and they warmed her heart and mind when she was feeling so cold. But right now, it wasn’t enough. She had gone into a small deserted street that was protecting them from the cold wind that was blowing on London that day. And they hadn’t moved from here. She was sat in the snow and trembling rather violently but there was nothing she could do about it. She was cold and couldn’t get warm. And she couldn’t go back to the mall. She never wanted to go back there ever again. Now they knew her too well. She would be arrested before she even had the idea of stealing anything.

She was holding Elliot tight against her for him not to be cold like she was. She was surprised that he didn’t hate her for leaving the Spitz’s manor and going back into an unstable and cold life. She had seen how happy he was when they were at Maxence’s, and she hated herself for taking him away from that happiness but they couldn’t stay at his home, in his family while he barely knew them both. He had trusted them unconditionally when he had invited them over for Christmas and they hadn’t betrayed his trust. Maybe he would feel betrayed since he had more or less tried to make her promise that she wouldn’t disappear in the night. She hadn’t promised such a thing, so maybe he had known, inside down, that she wouldn’t stay. Or she was just imagining things. He probably had forgotten her soon after she was gone. After all, she was just a homeless person with a little boy. He had wanted to be gentle for Christmas. That was all.

A shiver ran down her body and made her lose the trail of her thoughts about Maxence. For the better, because she was starting to hate on Maxence Spitz for showing her a bright and warm life, for making her touch it with the tip of her fingers while she could never have it. Now, she was sat in an empty street, just wearing a T-shirt and old ripped jeans because she had given her jumper and her coat to Elliot. The cold wind rushed into the small street and hit her suddenly. Rose held Elliot tighter against her but the wind pierced through her clothes, and gave her goose pimples. She trembled, her lips slowly becoming blue. She couldn’t feel much of her body anymore, and her teeth were chattering with cold. She closed her eyes. She knew it wasn’t a good idea. She had to struggle, but she was so tired right now. Terribly exhausted. She hadn’t slept in days. She just needed some sleep.

She felt asleep before she could even try and struggle against it. Her body went limp and slumped into her son’s arms. At first, Elliot didn’t notice that his mother had fallen asleep in his arms. He was sad that she had forced them to leave Maxence’s manor when he had told them that they could stay. He liked the man very much, and had seen how good he was to them. Of course, his mother had always explained him that he shouldn’t trust strangers. But she had trusted him first. She had showed him that Maxence Spitz could be trusted, and he had been so nice and generous and welcoming with them that it was hard to understand why his mummy had decided not to let him help them a bit longer, and why she had chosen to go back to that life that was slowly killing her. He could see how cold she was, and he was cold too, but not as cold as she was. And her lips were so blue, and she was so still now.

Elliot realised that something was wrong, that his mother was not feeling good at all. She was too still, and she didn’t seem like he was breathing at all, or so barely that he couldn’t see the steam in the air. He broke the hug suddenly, and noticed the frozen tracks of tears on Rose’s face. He shook her to wake her up. First, he did it lightly, but since she wasn’t waking up, she shook her harder, which wasn’t much. He was just a six years old boy. He couldn’t do much to shake or move the grown-up woman his mummy was. But he couldn’t leave her there either. She was so cold, and so still. He hated that.

 

“Mummy?” he called, shaking her again _._ “Mummy, please, wake up. Wake up! Mummy! Please!”

 

But nothing seemed to work. He was shaking her, calling her, hugging her to give her a bit of his warmth, but she wasn’t waking up. He took off the coat she had given him days earlier and wrapped her into it, but Rose just didn’t open her eyes. His yells ended up drawing the attention of a man that walked quickly in the small street and met with them. Elliot looked up at him. He was disappointed to see that it wasn’t Maxence. He had hoped deep down that the man with the blue eyes would be the one saving them once again, but instead, it was a man with dark eyes. Elliot immediately felt that the man couldn’t be trusted, but he was ready to accept anyone’s help if it was saving his mother. The man leaned down and gathered Rose in his arms. With just a nod, he told Elliot to follow him and walked until he reached a building that wasn’t very welcoming. Elliot was almost running to keep up the pace.

Once they were in the flat – which was so dirty and bare and dark that it was scary – the man laid Rose down on the sagging couch and covered her with a patch blanket that didn’t seem very warm. The flat wasn’t very warm, as if all the radiators were off, and Elliot wondered how his mother was supposed to get warmer and wake up in such a place. He didn’t complain though. At least, they weren’t in the small snowy street and they were protected from the cold wind. Maybe it would help Rose, but it wouldn’t do much. And Elliot really didn’t trust the man. But what could he do now? He couldn’t drag his mother outside. He wasn’t strong enough, and the man was scaring him. None of them said a word to the other. The man was even ignoring the kid, and just disappeared both of them alone in the flat. Strange, and very scary. But Elliot stayed close to his mother who didn’t seem so cold anymore.

Hours passed by, and the night fell on the city and the flat seemed scarier now that it was plunged into total darkness. Rose still hadn’t woken up and Elliot never left her side, except for peeing. But now that it was all dark everywhere, Elliot didn’t leave his mother for a second. He was scared. He couldn’t explain why – maybe that was because his mother wasn’t waking up, though she was breathing much better now, and her lips weren’t so blue anymore; or was it because of the place that made him feel uneasy; or because of the man he didn’t know and that had abandoned them there: what for? – but the feeling was getting to him more and more. He wanted his mummy to wake up, and to take him away from here. He wanted Maxence to find them before anything happened, but Elliot knew Maxence wouldn’t come. Why would he? He didn’t know where they were.

Finally, Rose stirred and her eyes fluttered open. She still felt very cold, but it was less cold than earlier. She moved again and the blanket slipped from her body. She suddenly was very aware that she wasn’t in the street anymore. She sat up immediately and looked around. Her eyes grew big when she recognised the flat she was in. How did she get here? Who had brought her here? Where was Elliot? She had to find her little boy and to run away from here before _he_ found her. But he had already found her when she was in the streets. Why had he brought her here? What did he have in mind? Rose didn’t know and she really didn’t want to find out. She got up quickly and looked around once again. Elliot was curled up on the ground, and he was sleeping pretty lightly. She woke him up.

 

“Elliot, come on, boy,” she said quietly but urgently. “We gotta go from here.”

 

Elliot woke up almost immediately when she shook him and jumped into the arms of his mother, relieved that she was finally awake. He agreed with her on the fact that they had to leave before the man came back. He really didn’t trust him, and according to his mother’s reaction, she knew him and she clearly didn’t trust him. He grabbed her hand and followed her as she quickly walked to the front door of the flat, but it opened before they could reach it.

 

“Where do ya think yer going, Rose?”

 

The man came in the flat and closed the door. He locked it behind him, making sure they wouldn’t run away so soon. He made a few steps towards Rose who stepped back. She didn’t want to be close to him. Just the sight of him was making her sick.

 

“Back to where I was: away from you.”

“Ya can’t run away from me. I’ve found ya.”

 

His voice was giving her cold sweats. He was speaking very quietly but she felt the threat in his words. He wanted her to explain why she had left him six years ago, and she was afraid that he might ask why she hadn’t told him that she was pregnant with his child. Elliot was obviously his, and the boy certainly didn’t know anything about his father. It was finally time for the truth.

 

“It’s never gonna happen again.”

“Right, ‘cause yer niver gonna leave this place ever again!”

 

Rose still felt cold and weak. So, when Jimmy Stone, her ex boyfriend she had tried so hard to run away from, grabbed her throat and pinned her against the closest wall, she couldn’t do anything. Jimmy was just like when she had left him six years ago. Except he was much more destroyed. He obviously hadn’t stopped the drugs and alcohol and right now, he was going through a withdrawal because he had no money. Rose knew it. She had lived that situation over and over again before she decided to leave. And when Jimmy was facing a withdrawal, he was capable of anything. Rose was truly afraid right now. Not for her life, but for her son’s life, because if Jimmy decided to get rid of her, he could easily ask for the custody of Elliot and it could be accepted. She was a homeless mother with no job, when he had a flat, and most likely a lousy job to pay for his dependences.

 

“I ran away once. I’ll do it again,” she provoked him.

 

Elliot didn’t know what to do. He was afraid. He had known that the man couldn’t be trusted and now he was threatening his mother, and the little boy couldn’t do anything. He was terrified, and he knew his mother was too. So, Elliot didn’t move. He remained very still and just watched his mummy struggling against Jimmy. He wanted to run away when they started yelling at each other, but he couldn’t abandon his mother. And then, he heard one thing. One thing that disgusted him. That man was his father. That man was the reason why his mummy was living in the streets, why she kept looking over her shoulder, why she kept running away, why she didn’t trust anyone. That man had left her broken, and he was doing it again. And when he started beating her, Elliot could do nothing but watch and pray for it to stop very soon.

His prayer seemed to be fulfilled, because soon after, Jimmy Stone ripped the necklace Maxence had offered Rose from her neck and left the flat. He slammed the door and locked it behind him to be sure they wouldn’t go anywhere. Rose’s broken body slumped to the ground as she sobbed loudly. Elliot wanted to hug her so bad but was afraid to hurt more. So, he prayed, once again, that Maxence, the only nice person he knew in the world would come and save them from the violent man who had abducted them and who was keeping them prisoners in that scary flat.

 

×

 

Maxence Spitz was pretty sad on this first day of the New Year. He had felt this way ever since he had woken up on the day that had followed Christmas. He had known when he had opened his eyes that morning that she was gone. So, he hadn’t taken the time of taking the shower and had just pulled on some clothes before running to the room she had been in. He had knocked on the door, but there had been no answer. He had put his hand on the door handle, but hadn’t dared opening the door. He had waited this way, his hand on the door handle, the forehead pressed against the wooden door, for a few minutes. Or a few hours, he didn’t really remember. He just knew that at some point, he had opened the door and felt his heart sinking into his chest: the room was empty. Rose and Elliot were gone and they had left everything he had given them.

He had found the little note on the heap of clothes, a note written with a very bad handwriting as if the person hadn’t held a pen for a very long time – which was most likely the case – and written only for him. He could tell that note word for word now, because he had read it so many times: “Maxence, I’m sorry for leaving that way without saying goodbye, but you wouldn’t have let me go if I did say goodbye to you. Those two days I spent in your company were the best days I ever had in my whole life, and I can only thank you for your welcoming and gentleness towards Elliot and me. It was highly appreciated, but I couldn’t outstay your welcome. You’ve been good enough to us for those two days, and I will never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve done. It’s just words, and they’ll never be able to really express how much thankful I am for your help but thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Rose.”

He had kept the note on his pocket since he had found it. He didn’t know why he was so sad that she had left, when he had known that it would happen, that she would leave. She didn’t know him after all. Why would have she stayed around in his family’s manor when she didn’t know him at all? He could have been a serial killer for all she knew. But he wasn’t. He was truly just a guy that had wanted to help a mother and her child to have a nice Christmas. Well, that’s what he was telling himself. Actually, he had seen her a few times in the streets before; but had never dared talking to her. He usually was standing in the shadows watching her as she was struggling against life itself. She was a very fascinating woman who had caught his eye once when he was running an errand in town. And she’d never left his mind ever since. He was always trying to see her whenever he was in town.

However, he never had the courage to talk to her before that day. He had recognised Elliot, her little boy, sitting on that bench in the mall, and had decided that it was time to break the ice. The boy had been very mistrustful at first. His only will was to protect his mummy, and Maxence could easily understand that since she was the only thing he had in life. And he had _really_ wanted to help them both. That was why he had followed the boy into the story, and when he had seen that she was at her wits’ end, when he had seen how desperate she was, he had known that he had to do something for her. That was why he had paid for her things, why he had run after her in the streets, why he had offered her to come over to his family’s Christmas party. He had never been so happy than the moment she had accepted, and that Christmas had been the best Christmas he had ever had.

He was still blushing whenever he was thinking about the kiss they had had under the mistletoe. He had liked it, and had wanted to do it for a while now. He knew she had liked it too, and he had so wanted to do it again, but never dared to. He was cherishing every single second he had spent with her and Elliot those two days, and now that she was gone in the streets again, he felt very empty, very sad. He was almost _desperate_ to see her again, so desperate that he felt like he had a hole in his heart. He didn’t understand why the woman had such an effect on him, but he knew he wanted her. He wanted to see her smile again, to see her strong but shy eyes, to touch her soft and pale skin, to kiss her sensual lips again, and… And he couldn’t think properly anymore. He wanted that woman more than he had ever wanted anything.

His family had tried to find him some lovely woman with as much prestige as his name was forcing him to have. The curse of the Spitz family. Being a part of such a recognised family was forcing to find someone from his rank, but he had never been interested in any of the women who had been presented to him. They were all boring, and power-hungry, and superficial. They were all flirting with him because he had been designated like the best match in that society he was a part of, but it would be some sort of an arranged marriage, and Maxence Spitz was no man to get married with someone he wouldn’t love. He wasn’t a man to get trapped into a relationship with a cold and boring woman. He was much more interested in Rose Tyler, which seemed so vulnerable but so strong, so simple but so complicated, so intriguing and so loveable. They would laugh at him if he told them that he had fallen in love with that blonde woman living in the streets. A blonde woman who’d broken his heart the day she left.

He had come back to his flat – he wasn’t living in the manor, but had a flat in town – with that state of mind, with the idea that the woman he was in love with had preferred going back into the streets instead of staying with him. He should have told her what he was feeling, but he had been afraid. He would have looked like a stalker, a creeper, and he hadn’t wanted to scare her. He would have to tell her at some point. If he ever saw her again, he would tell her. He just had to find her. But the town was huge and she could be anywhere now. Anywhere, in the cold winter streets. And he hated that. He hated to know that she was somewhere outside, exposed to the cold wind and to the snow. He hated thinking about her freezing to death and starving because she was giving everything she had to Elliot. Honourable, but dangerous. One day, she might not be able to face that life anymore, and she was dangerously close to that line.

Maxence was standing in front of one of the huge windows of his flat and staring at the town that was slowly being covered with the small white flakes. It hadn’t stopped snowing since Christmas, and it had gotten colder and colder outside. And Maxence was feeling colder and colder inside down. The only things that warming him were the memories of the two days he had spent with Rose, a warmth that disappeared as soon as he remembered that Rose was outside with Elliot with nothing but patched clothes – and she was covering her son with most of it – and nothing else. She hadn’t taken any of the clothes he had bought for them. A detail suddenly hit him. She had left all the clothes behind her, he knew for sure because he had checked and brought everything back in his flat, but Elliot had kept the Teddy bear, and Rose had kept the necklace. Probably to pawn it. If she did so, it meant that he could find her.

He didn’t waste any time and slipped his shoes on. He grabbed his coat and left his flat. He quickly locked it and almost ran to his car. Hope was taking over his sadness. He could find her. If she did pawn the necklace, there would be someone who would have seen her, and Maxence would just have to look around the area. It would make the researches so much easier. There were a lot of pawnbrokers in town, but he would visit them all. He had nothing better to do, and no better reason than finding Rose Tyler. He would bring Elliot and his mother back to his flat and tell her everything. And he really hoped she wouldn’t run away when he would tell her the truth about his sudden help on Christmas Eve. But as he was going to one pawnbroker to another, as no one seemed to have seen her, he started to feel very cold inside, and very sad again. His hope was giving up on him. Until he entered that one shop.

The shop was almost empty, except for the shopkeeper and another man pretty underdressed for the cold since he was wearing dirty and ripped jeans and T-shirt. They were in the middle of a talk when Maxence came in, and didn’t stop talking when they heard the small bell ringing. The shop was pretty dark, and the atmosphere was oppressive. Almost like _Borgin and Burkes_. Maxence walked to the counter and waited until the two men were done with their deal. He looked around, not really listening to them. A sparkle of gold caught his eye though. He turned his head to see the man holding out a necklace to the shopkeeper. A necklace Maxence knew very well because that was the one he had offered to Rose last week. His heart leapt. He was on the right path. But if that man had the necklace, it meant that Rose… An idea he didn’t like was forming itself in his mind.

 

“Where did you get that?” he asked suddenly, grabbing the man’s wrist.

 

The man glared at him and tried to get free from his hold but Maxence was holding him too tight. The man had a cheap appearance. Probably a junky according to the injections’ marks on his arms, and the damaged face. He just needed money for his next dose, and had found Rose. He had stolen the necklace from her. But what had he done to her before? Maxence’s heart ached at the thought that he might have hurt her badly. He _really_ needed to find her, to save her.

 

“It’s none of yer business.”

“It is. Because I’ve bought that necklace and offered it to a friend of mine. So, where is she and what have you done to her?”

 

Rage was inflating in his chest as he was looking at that man. He was convinced, while looking into those dark eyes, that the man had seen Rose and hurt her to get the necklace. The shopkeeper was looking at the two of them, not knowing what was going on. Maxence kept his hold tight around the man’s wrist and pulled out the purchase certificate and his ID. He forced the man to let go of the necklace that fell on the counter with a small noise.

 

“This is the proof. You can check the serial number. It’s the same. There’s only once necklace like this one, and I’m the one who bought it.”

 

The shopkeeper took a close look to the purchase certificate and checked the serial number and Maxence’s ID. Those were not fake documents. Maxence was right. He was the legal owner of that necklace.

 

“He’s right, sir. He’s got all the proofs. I can’t give you anything for this. It’s his property.”

“Ya’all, ya think yer better than everyone ‘cause you’re full of dosh, ‘cause yer known, but that doesn’t work on meh. And I’ll tell ya what? Ya can’t do anything against meh.”

“I can send you in jail for attack and theft of someone’s property. You seem to know something about me, sir. So you must know who I am, right?”

“Da Spitz guy,” he spat.

“ ‘Da Spitz guy’,” said Maxence, using the same turn of phrase, “is a lawyer, and he’s asking you two questions: where is she and what have you done to her?”

The man snorted, “I don’t know who yar talking ‘bout.”

“Don’t lie to me. Don’t fucking dare lying to me!”

 

The bubble of rage was inflating more and more in his chest and threatened to blow up, but Maxence was trying to hold it back. If he didn’t, he would destroy the man. And he couldn’t do such a thing. It wouldn’t be a good thing. He had to find Rose, and that man, whoever he was, was gonna tell him where she was. He wasn’t gonna attack first. If the man did, Maxence would only defend himself. If he was eaten up by the withdrawal of whatever he was destroying himself with, it would make him unstable, and he would want to get rid of him quickly to go and get some money elsewhere. They were glaring at each other, defying each other to see who would be the one to make the first move. Maxence loosened his grip on the man’s wrist, and the latter immediately took advantage to try and attack him, but Maxence reacted quickly. He overpowered him with an armlock in the back and pinned in on the counter under the eyes of a pretty scared shopkeeper.

 

“Now, can we talk?”

 

The man was still struggling against his strong and painful hold, but he couldn’t do nothing and he felt humiliated to be controlled so easily by that ‘Spitz guy’ he hated more and more.

 

“I don’t know what yer talkin’ ‘bout!”

“I’m talking about the short blonde girl I offered that necklace to last week, and her little boy. You’ve obviously seen them if you managed to get your dirty hands on the necklace.”

“She’s mah gurl! What do ya want to do with her?” the man groaned, still struggling.

“Your girl?”

 

Maxence was sceptical. Rose was alone when he had found her, and she had never talked about a guy. The only possible explanation – the only one his heart wanted to accept – was that Rose was living in the streets because she had left that guy. Years ago. And that guy was most likely Elliot’s father. No wonder why she had run away. That guy was a real wreck, and he was violent. Maxence knew by experience, because he had seen a lot of those guys in the court, that they were real cowards who submitted whenever they were facing someone stronger than them. He strengthened his hold. The shopkeeper was observing them but didn’t say a thing.

 

“Where. Is. She?”

“I foun’ her in da’ street! She was cold and I brought her to mah flat!”

“Where?”

 

Jimmy Stone knew that he had lost. He had no chance to win, or to have the upper hand over Maxence Spitz. He better give him what he wanted before he broke his arm. He told him his address and when Maxence was sure he was lying anymore, he grabbed the necklace, and his papers and let go of the man. He rushed outside the shop and ran to the building in which Rose was locked. It was in such a lame state that he could enter the property easily. He ran up the stairs and kicked the door down. The wooden door didn’t resist and slammed opened against the wall. Maxence came in the dark cold flat and looked for Rose.

 

×

 

Elliot was desperate. His mummy had gone unconscious a few minutes after the man left, and she kept whimpering in pain. The man had probably broken some bones, and large bruises were forming themselves on her pale cold skin. She was trembling badly again, and tears were still flowing on her cheeks. The little boy was heartbroken by his mother’s current situation, and didn’t know what to do. So, he had just taken the patched worn blanket and had covered her up with it. Then, he had just curled up against her, hoping that his warmth would help her, and he had kept praying, praying again and again that the only man he could trust in the world, the only man that could help him would come and find them, and save his mummy. Maxence Spitz, the tall man with incredible blue eyes, the man who had saved them once, would save them once again.

The little boy didn’t know how much time had passed by when the door slammed against the wall. It could have been seconds, or minutes, or even hours. Except the flat was still very cold and very dark. The position wasn’t comfy, but Elliot wouldn’t move. He wouldn’t let go of his mummy. He flinched when the door slammed and curled up even more against his mother who hadn’t moved. He gripped her T-shirt and hid into her chest, hoping that if it was the man again, his little body would be enough to protect her. He heard the footsteps coming close to them. First, they were almost hesitant, as if the person was looking for something or someone, and the bubble of hope inflated in his chest. He didn’t move though, and just listened to the footsteps which hurried up to stop next to them. Elliot heard someone falling on his knees, and the whisper he heard definitely confirm that his prayers had been fulfilled.

He raised his head when a hand was put on his shoulder. His green eyes met icy blue ones full of concern, and hurt, and his heart leapt with some joy and a huge relief. He immediately jumped on Maxence’s lap and clang on him as tears of relief ran down his cheeks. He sobbed into his chest, and snuggled closer to him when Maxence wrapped his arms around him and rocked him slowly, trying to comfort the little boy who was thanking him and whoever had made him come and find them here.

 

“It’s gonna be alright now,” he promised. “I’ve found you. I’m gonna take care of you.”

 

And the most urgent now was to take Rose away from that unhealthy and unwelcoming flat, and to take care of her wounds. Elliot understood it clearly when Maxence explained it to him. They broke the hug and he quickly took a look at Rose. When he was sure she could be moved, Maxence took off his coat and wrapped her in it. Then, he lifted her and carried her bridal style. He looked at the young boy.

 

“Do you trust me, Elliot?”

“Yes,” he replied with no hesitation.

“I’m taking you home,” added Maxence with a light smile.

 

Elliot smiled back at him and grabbed the old backpack which contained the rest of their belongings. Which wasn’t much: only a Teddy bear – Rose couldn’t sell it, she never had had the heart of taking it away from her son, just like she couldn’t sell the necklace which was the reminder of the good man Maxence had been to her – and maybe some paper towels. He followed Maxence to his car. He was walking quickly but Elliot noticed that he was being careful not to lose him from sight. And soon, they were all in the car with the heating on. Elliot was surprised to see that Maxence wasn’t driving to the manor he had taken them for Christmas, but Maxence explained him that he wasn’t living in the manor. He had a flat, and only went to the manor for family’s duty and celebrations. The boy wasn’t afraid though. He knew Maxence could be trusted. He knew he was taking them to the place he called home.

 

An hour later, they were all in his bright and warm and welcoming flat. Maxence had laid Rose down in his bed and covered her up until only her head was out of the blankets. He had increased the heating for them all to get warm quicker. A doctor was already there when they had arrived – Maxence had called her in the car – and she had taken care of Rose immediately. She had said that she had been lucky, that her wounds were only superficial, that she would heal very quickly, but she had added that she was exhausted and that she was suffering from a bad pneumonia. The symptoms weren’t there already when the doctor had examined Rose but they would soon enough. So, she had given Maxence a long prescription with everything Rose needed on it, and had explicitly told him that she needed to be watched over because the next hours would be determining concerning her condition.

After Rose had been well taken care of, Maxence had showed the spare room of his flat to Elliot. It was more a room where he was having some fun times in because it was full of video games, and books and puzzles and things Elliot had never seen in his little life; but there was a comfortable sofa-bed and Elliot would sleep in there while Maxence would sleep in the couch of the living. After the little boy had looked around curiously, Maxence had offered him to take a bath. He had filled the tub with warm water and soap and called someone to take care of Rose’s medication and to bring him food because he wouldn’t leave his flat for a second in the next days. He was glad that Elliot showed absolutely no sign of mistrust towards him, and took care of the little boy as if he was his own. When he was all clean, Maxence just sat down on the bathroom ground to play with Elliot while he was in the bath.

He sometimes got up to check on Rose, but was never out of the room for more than five minutes. And when he came back, he always sat back down and kept playing with Elliot as if nothing had happened. But on his fifth or sixth check-up on Rose – she was getting a bit too warm in his taste – the boy looked at him straight in the eyes and asked him a question that caught him off-guard and left him perfectly unable to lie.

 

“You like my mummy?”

“Yes.”

 

The little boy got back to his game and didn’t say another word but the relief was clear on his face and Maxence wondered how such a young innocent boy could have seen through him so easily. Or maybe that was just a simple question. Maxence would never know. He would never ask either.

He took the boy out of the water he started getting cold, and dried him off gently. He helped him to pull on the pyjamas he had bought for him on Christmas Eve. He had kept all the clothes, and he was now glad he did. They both watched over Rose until dinner time. She was growing feverish. Just like the doctor had said. So, Maxence lowered the heating, setting it back to normal, and filled a bowl with cold water. He grabbed a rag and walked back to the room. Elliot was sat down next to his mummy, looking concerned. Maxence plunged the rag in the cold water and wringed it before he carefully placed it on her forehead. She shivered, and her eyes fluttered open. She started panicking when she didn’t recognise the place she was in, but Maxence put a gentle hand on her shoulder and forced her to stay in bed. He cupped her cheek carefully. She was still very warm.

 

“Shh. It’s alright. You’re safe now.”

“Elliot…” she mumbled weakly.

“He’s here. I’m taking good care of him.” He wasn’t sure she really understood what he was saying. She seemed in a feverish delirium more than anything else. “You just need to rest and you will get better.” He pressed a soft kiss on her head. “You have nothing to worry about anymore.”

 

She relaxed at the kiss, and finally she fell back into a light sleep. Maxence gave Elliot the mission of watching over his mummy while he was greeting his friend. The little boy accepted, and Maxence could see how tired and worried he was. He ruffled his hair softly and walked out of the room. He opened the door to his friend and thanked him for doing this for him. He refused to explain what all of this meant. Not yet. He didn’t feel like being mocked again. He closed the door and locked it when his friend was gone and put everything down on the table. He read the prescription and prepared the medication Rose had to take. He took a bottle of water and walked back to the room. He sat Rose up a bit and made her swallow the meds. He laid her back down when he was sure she had swallowed it well, and he tucked the covers around her again.

 

“Come on, let’s eat a bit.”

 

Elliot nodded. He was starving. He hadn’t eaten in two days because Rose had nothing else to sell and she couldn’t take the risk of stealing something. She had taken a look into the outside bins and had found some edible food, but it wasn’t much. She had given it all to him and hadn’t eaten anything since Christmas. Elliot knew, though, that it would change now. Maxence wouldn’t let them go once again. He would keep them safe and take good care of them. The young boy followed Maxence into the kitchen. There were two pizza boxes on the table and it smelled absolutely good. He washed his hand just like Maxence asked him and sat down at the table.

 

“I didn’t feel like cooking so I hope you like pizza.”

“I ate pizza once. It didn’t smell that good.”

“Yeah, of course, it didn’t,” mumbled Maxence, almost cursing himself for that comment. The boy had probably never eaten a real good meal in all his life. “You’ll see. It’s amazing.”

 

Maxence opened a box and grabbed a slice of pizza. He placed it into a plate and gave it to Elliot. He put a larger slice in another plate for him. Elliot seemed pretty confused in front of that food that smelled amazing. He really wanted to bite in it and enjoyed it but he wasn’t sure if eating with his fingers was a good thing. He looked at Maxence uncertain.

 

“You can eat with your fingers,” laughed Maxence. “Look.”

 

He grabbed his slice and bit in it. He let out a loud moan because of how good it was. Elliot was just a young boy. Nobody would blame him for eating with his fingers, or for having food all over his face. That was normal for a kid. But Elliot was not like every other kids. He had had to grow up a bit faster, to become more mature than a six years old kid should be because of the life he was having. But it was over now. He was gonna have a stable life with his mother. Maxence would offer them that. Even if she didn’t accept his feelings, he would give her the best, because this woman and her son deserved the best after all they’d been through.

Elliot laughed and did the same as Maxence. He bit in the pizza and closed his eyes enjoying the taste of it on his tongue. That was just as wonderful as Maxence had told him it would be. Elliot didn’t remember eating something so good in his entire life. He forced himself not to eat too much though it was very good. His stomach wasn’t used to so much food and he knew he would get sick if he ever ate too much. When they were done, Maxence put the remaining slices of pizza in the same box and put it in the fridge. He checked on Rose once again. The fever hadn’t lowered, but it hadn’t gotten worse either. It was good, and she was sleeping good. He would watch over her all night if needed. That way, Elliot could get some sleep, knowing that someone was taking care of her. Maxence knew the little boy wouldn’t last very long. He was exhausted.

He spent some more time with Elliot in the spare room. They played cards while watching cartoons and when it started being really late, Maxence gave a new toothbrush and showed him how to use it. Then, he tucked him into bed with his Teddy bear and read him a bedtime story to help him sleeping. And for the very first time ever, Elliot felt like he had a daddy. A good daddy. And that thought made him fall into a deep and happy sleep. Maxence smiled at his sleeping form and kissed his forehead softly.

 

“Goodnight, buddy,” he whispered.

 

He walked out of the room silently and left the door ajar for the boy not to be in total darkness and to hear him if he needed something. He checked on Rose one last time and took off the wet rag. She was still warm, but it seemed okay. Maybe it wouldn’t go any worse in the night. He would stay awake most of the night to check on her as often as he could. He changed into his pyjamas and grabbed the book he was reading – well, he was actually revising his penal code. He laid down on the couch – he was still too tall for it but he wouldn’t have let Rose or Elliot sleep on it – and covered himself with a blanket. Then, he started reading in the silence of the flat.

It was around three or four in the morning – he had fallen asleep while reading and didn’t know how much time had passed by – when he felt shaken and when he heard someone calling him. He moaned, not wanting to move or to wake up, but the voice was insisting.

 

“Max! Wake up! Please! Mummy’s not good!”

 

When he recognised Elliot’s voice, Maxence immediately sat up and his book fell to the ground. The little boy was standing in front of him, sick with worry and tears rolling down on his cheeks, and desperately tried to get his attention. He had gotten up in the night to use the loo, and had gone to see his mother who wasn’t feeling good at all. He took Maxence’s hand and forced him to get up. He dragged him into the room Rose was sleeping in. Indeed, the blonde woman wasn’t feeling good. The fever was obviously worse and she was breathing heavily. He knew it was useless to send Elliot back to sleep now. He turned on the light and grabbed the meds in the kitchen before going back to Rose. The doctor had explained it all to him. He had known that this would happen, and Maxence now knew what he had to do.

The first step was to make the fever lower. He checked it with a thermometer and sighed. Higher and he would have had to take her to the casualty service. But he could handle this. He knew how. He asked Elliot to cool his mummy down with the rag just he had done earlier while he was getting the meds ready. Rose was half awake, but she was babbling incoherently. It was hard to get her attention, but she seemed to understand what he was telling her and drank the medication without protesting. Maxence woke her up every two hours to force her to drink so she would stay hydrated. When Elliot was too tired to stay awake, Maxence sent him back to bed and promised him that he would stay awake all night to help his mummy. Elliot trusted him. He knew Maxence would do anything for his mummy to get better. He didn’t sleep much though because of the nightmares, but Maxence was always there to comfort him.

Like he had promised, he stayed awake all night to keep Rose hydrated and to make the fever lower. She was suffering from coughing fits too, but he had everything by hand to help her the best he could. It took two full days and nights for the fever to finally come down, and Maxence stayed awake all along, taking care of Rose, taking care of Elliot. When he woke her up on the third morning to make her drink some more water, she recognised him and seemed very surprised to see him. Her first reaction though was to try and sit up and look for her son, but she was too weak and could only stay lying.

 

“You?” she asked weakly. “Where am I? Where is Elliot?”

“I’ll tell you the whole story later. All you need to know is that you’re safe from him now, and your little boy has been the bravest and nicest boy I’ve ever seen.”

 

He pointed a finger and she followed the move. Elliot was deeply asleep close to her, his hands gripping her shirt, making sure she was still here with him. She couldn’t help but have a small smile when she saw him. Her son must have prayed really hard for Maxence to find them. She knew how much he loved the guy, and how he had wanted to stay with him. She looked back at Maxence.

 

“Thanks.”

 

She couldn’t say much more and he just nodded. He told her to rest as much as she could and to call him if she needed anything else. She closed her eyes when he softly kissed her forehead. She could get used to that man, to his gentleness. She could hear him leaving the room and taking a shower before she fell asleep again wondering what she had done to deserve such a wonderful man.

Another couple of days passed by before she was strong enough to leave the room, and Maxence was really present for her. He helped her for absolutely everything, and she was often the silent witness of how good he was taking care of Elliot. She felt bad for invading his life, his flat and sending him on the couch where he was sleeping poorly – he didn’t say a thing but she could see how much tired he was and how much his body was sore – and didn’t know how to thank him for all he’d done. She got up one afternoon when she felt strong enough to and walked around the flat. She found him sleeping deeply in the couch while Elliot was sat on the ground, watching cartoons and drawing. There were papers and coloured pencils and felt tip all over the coffee table. She covered Maxence up with the blanket and sat down close to her son, wrapping him in her arms.

 

“Mummy!” exclaimed the boy very happy to see her up.

“Shh,” she told him, showing him that Maxence was sleeping. “Let’s not wake him up, alright?”

Elliot looked up at her, suddenly worried, “We’re not gonna run away again, huh, mummy?”

 

Rose bit her bottom lip lightly. The boy’s worry was clear on his face, and she knew why he was asking the question. He liked Maxence. He really liked him. He was good to them, and Elliot didn’t want them to run away like they did the first time. It would hurt him. Elliot wouldn’t be happy with his mummy if she chose to go away from Maxence once again. Couldn’t she see how good he was to her and for her?

 

“No, love, we’re not running away again. I just don’t want to wake him up. He’s very tired.”

 

Elliot nodded. He was relieved to know they wouldn’t run away again. He didn’t want to leave this place. Never. He felt very good here. Rose observed him as he kept drawing, assuming that Maxence had given him all of this for him to draw loads of drawings for her to get better soon. She kissed her son’s head and went to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, enjoying the warm water and relaxing completely. She felt much better. She looked at her old ripped dirty clothes while she was drying herself off. She couldn’t put them back on. They were good to burn now. But she couldn’t go around the flat naked either. She found a T-shirt and shorts of Maxence and hesitated. Would he be angry if she put them on? It would only be temporary of course. It seemed like he had bought some clothes and other things for Elliot. She put his clothes on. She would explain to him why later.

Then, she walked to the bedroom she had slept in for days and opened the curtains. She opened the window for the room to air. She found clean sheets in a cupboard and changed the dirty ones, which she tossed in the laundry when she was done. When she came back, Maxence was still asleep and Elliot hadn’t moved from his spot. He was focused on his drawings. She opened the fridge, hesitantly – she was hungry but wouldn’t dare stealing food from Maxence – and some of the cupboards. She decided to cook a dinner to thank him. He didn’t seem like a good cook according to the ready-prepared dish and pizza boxes she had seen, and she was quite a good one. She hadn’t cooked anything in a long time, but it wasn’t something she could forget. She had watched her mother cooking so many times it was engraved in her memory.

She wasn’t aware that the smell of food woke him up – he was quite a huge eater – and that he was sleepily smiling like an idiot when he saw her cooking in his kitchen and wearing his clothes. He didn’t move and didn’t talk. He just watched her as she cooked, occasionally looking at Elliot who was still drawing. He showed the boy not to make a sound and to act as if he was still asleep. Elliot took it as a game and he played it all along. It was Maxence’s stomach who betrayed though because it growled loudly. Both Rose and Elliot laughed.

 

“Hey!” he complained, pretending to be offended. “It’s never smelled so amazing in my flat before.”

 

It was useless to pretend he was still asleep now. He sat up and walked to the kitchen. He looked around to see what she was cooking, what was smelling so amazing. He stopped when he realised that she was looking at him and chewing her bottom lip. Oh, how much he wanted to kiss those lips again. He held the envy back though. She was nervous enough.

 

“I… I just wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for Elliot and me. I hope you don’t mind that I… I took your clothes and invaded your flat.”

“Are you gonna leave again without saying goodbye?”

 

His voice was serious and chewed her lip again. It would break his heart once again if she chose to leave. And he wasn’t sure if he would be fine ever again, if she decided to leave him. She looked over at Elliot, and shook her head lightly. Hope and relief made his heart leap in his chest.

 

“I’m gonna stay. As long as you will want me to.”

 

He bit his tongue not to say that he would keep her by his side forever. He would scare her. She needed to hear the full story first, and he would tell her when Elliot would be asleep. He just grinned at her and she smiled back him, more shyly. She went back to cooking while Maxence was taking his own shower and talking and drawing with Elliot. They all shared the dinner together and Rose couldn’t help herself but think that they looked like a small family. She laughed – a real laugh, and it felt so weird to be laughing again when she hadn’t done that in years – when Maxence started eating. He was moaning at how good the food was and ate three full plates of it. When they were done eating, he let Elliot have a moment with his mummy and took care of the dishes. He found them in the spare room – Elliot’s room now – playing cards, the young boy explaining his mother how to play.

He played with them for a few games, and when it was time for Elliot to sleep – Maxence had taught him how to read the hour on the small clock next to the TV – Rose watched her son going to the bathroom, changing into his pyjamas and brushing his teeth on his own before laying down in his bed. She watched Maxence tucking her son into bed, giving him his Teddy bear and grabbing a book. She politely refused to intervene in their ritual and let him read the new chapter of the story they had started just yesterday. She had tears in her eyes when she kissed her son goodnight. Elliot had fallen asleep almost after the end of the chapter. She rushed to the living room and sat down on the couch. She was crying when Maxence joined her there. It broke his heart. Had he done anything wrong? He sat down close to her and wrapped his arms around her to comfort her.

 

“Have I done something wrong?”

“No,” she replied, her voice muffled by her sobs. “You’re just so gentle with us, and I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve to be saved by you.”

 

Maxence didn’t reply immediately. She ignored that she was the one who had saved him from the lonely and cold-hearted life his parents wanted for him. She ignored that he had been inspired by her bravery, by her strength, by her bright personality. She ignored that he had slowly fallen in love with the homeless person he had so many times observed. He just let her sob into his chest, and when she started telling him her so sad story, he listened to her quietly, rubbing her back, rocking her slowly, comforting her.

And tonight, while he was holding her in his arms, he chose to be honest and to tell her everything. He told her his story, his so boring story, and told her how he had seen her once in the streets and how she had changed his life forever. She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. She couldn’t accept that this man so gentle and so warm could have been raised in a family so harsh and so cold-hearted where only arranged marriages with no feelings were allowed. She couldn’t accept that he had been so hurt by his family mocking him and bullying him for being so different from them. And when he started telling her about his feelings, she felt the familiar warmth of her memories slipping into her mind. She had loved that kiss, but she had ignored how much time he had expected it to happen and how much he had loved it.

 

“I should have come to you earlier,” he finally admitted, wiping away her tears.

“S’ alright,” she shrugged.

 

She was still cuddling into him, and he hadn’t let go of her. He hadn’t even loosened his embrace. She closed her eyes, not quite sure that everything was real, and just focused on his heartbeats, on his breathing, on his voice.

 

“No. He wouldn’t have found you again if I had come earlier.”

“How did you find me?”

“Oh, pretty easily actually.”

 

He let go of her and kissed her head. She shivered at the sudden loss of his warmth and brought her knees to her chest. She watched him as he got up and walked to his coat. He put his hand in his pocket and grabbed something she couldn’t see until he came back to her. Her necklace. She pressed a hand on her throat suddenly realising she wasn’t wearing it anymore.

 

“I saw that you had kept it and thought that you might try to sell it get some money for food.”

“No. I couldn’t… I couldn’t bring myself to sell it.”

“But he tried. Unfortunately for him I was there, and he couldn’t sell it because it didn’t belong to him. I had all the proofs. It didn’t take long before he told me where you were.”

 

He fastened the necklace back around her neck and they watched it for a moment. It was late and they were both tired now. Rose refused to see Maxence sleep on the couch once more, and ordered him to get his room back. She would take the couch for tonight. He was stubborn and refused, and the only deal he offered her was them sharing the same bed. She hesitated, not feeling quite ready yet to get involved with someone again, but ended up accepting. He showed her that he had kept the pyjamas and clothes he had bought for her on Christmas but she chose to keep his T-shirt and shorts for the night. Later, they found themselves laying in bed, a bit embarrassed but really not wanting to see the other sleep on the couch, and when Maxence kissed her head and told her goodnight, she chose to stop being afraid and giving him a chance. She pressed her lips against his, enjoying this kiss just as much as the first one they’d shared, and curled up against him. She fell asleep while he was wrapping his arms around her, ignoring how happy she had left him, and feeling better than ever. The fate was finally holding a hand out to her, and it felt good to be protected and loved by a man like Maxence Spitz.


	26. Can I have this dance? (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Doctor hadn’t expected it when he had taken Rose’s hand into his."

The Doctor hadn’t expected it when he had taken Rose’s hand into his. She had teased him all day about dancing, and he just couldn’t get his mind into it because he was much more interested in the gas mask kid mystery, but he had been very annoyed when they had found themselves stuck in a room after they had been chased by the gas mask people. The captain was gone, and he had left the Doctor alone with Rose to do whatever he had said he would do. The Doctor hadn’t listened. He was alone with Rose, and captain Playboy was away. This was the only thing his brain had recorded. He had been so jealous when he had seen Rose with that pretty boy, but he had had no time to do any sarcastic comment because their lives were on the line once again. And then, he had been alone with the woman who made him feel like a teenager, and the only thing he had done was trying to find a way out of that room.

He should have known she wouldn’t let him alone, that she would insist on him giving her a dance, to show her his moves he was so proud of, and to be honest, he couldn’t say no to that woman. She was always catching him off guard, and bringing the best out of him when he was like nothing more than just a damaged soul who didn’t deserve forgiveness for what he had done. She totally trusted him when she knew _who_ he was, and how _guilty_ he was. He couldn’t understand this. He couldn’t understand how that woman so human, so bright, so alive could have reached him and pulled him out of his hole of misery. With her, it was easier to enjoy the little things of life, to see the good things and not always the bad things. So, when she had asked for a dance, he had stopped sonicking the room and grabbed her hand to show her he could move.

He had been boasting around of course. When she had told him about the Captain and his cloaked ship, and their dance in front of Big Ben, he had felt the jealous burn in the pit of his stomach, and felt the irrepressible need to prove that he was just as good as the Captain, if not better. So, he had danced with her, and a Glenn Miller’s song in the background. There was a threat coming for them, and they had been dancing slowly. The moment had almost been too perfect. He was aware that he had been ruining it all with his questions and visible jealousy, and she had kept teasing about him being a lame dancer because he hadn’t seemed to be able to see that his feet were at the end of his legs and that he needed to _move_ them to be truly dancing. She hadn’t noticed anything. Maybe the pretty boy had turned her head, and the Doctor knew he didn’t stand a chance with his big ears and nose, and grumpy attitude.

She was really making him feel like a bloody teenager, and he had been completely absorbed in her hazel eyes. The room was dark, but his Time Lord senses had been making him very aware of her presence so close to him. Her warm and soft skin had been sending shivers down his spine, and butterflies had been tickling his stomach uncontrollably. He had barely been listening to her, too focused on the move of her plump lips, but her voice was music to his ears. He had been able to feel her heart pounding furiously in the veins of her wrist, and had just assumed that he was just intimating her – was she finally finding him impressive now? – that she hadn’t thought he would ever accept to give her a dance. And his hearts had been beating just as furiously in his chest. He had wanted this moment to never end. He had wanted this moment to keep going forever, and he had almost yelled in frustration when they had been transmatted into Jack’s ship.

He hadn’t had much time to think about it after that. The events had sped up, and things had come to a wonderful end. Everybody lived. He had saved everybody and there wasn’t any better victory than that one. He had celebrating that victory with Rose in the TARDIS until she brought the Captain up. The Captain who had been ready to sacrifice himself for everybody to be able to live. So, the Doctor had saved the Captain, and then, he had tried to dance with Rose again, but he was perfectly unable to focus. All the feelings he had experienced when they had been dancing earlier were coming back to him now, and he was getting flustered which was making her angry at him and his inability of dancing properly. And then, the Captain had come on board and Rose had gone to welcome him on board. The jealousy had burned in his stomach, and his brain had finally decided to make him remember how to dance.

He had been all smile and she had been too as he was spinning her, as they danced around the console, and the butterflies were back in his stomach, and her touch had sent him away in a world where only him and her existed, where that moment would never stop, where Rose Tyler would be _his_. He had forgotten everything as Rose grinned at him, and danced with him, and looked at him as if he was the only thing in this world. And suddenly, he had thrown her backwards over his arm and the whoop of delight that had escaped her lips had sent a jolt of pure happiness through his veins, and his hearts had been beating faster than they should have been able to. Then, she had pulled herself up and sagged onto his shoulder. She was giggling, and the sound of it was so beautiful he wanted to hear it every day for the rest of his life. The moment had been too short and he would give almost everything to live it all over again.

Now, the Doctor was laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. Rose was in her own bedroom. He supposed she had led Jack to his. After their little dance, the Doctor had been too overwhelmed with different feelings, and it had taken him all his will to resist the temptation to hug Rose tight in his arms and bring her to his room. His head was still spinning now, and he was grinning like an idiot in the dark. He wished they would have had the time for another dance, but the day had been long and they all needed some sleep, and now that the Doctor was left alone in his room, he couldn’t find the sleep because his thoughts were all focused on a certain blonde girl and her so bright smile with her tongue poking out. He hadn’t expected that to happen, but the Doctor had realised it when he had danced with her. That had been fast, but it was deep and beautiful and almost painful. He had never been so sure of something in his entire life, but he could say this with a complete certitude: he had _fallen in love_ with Rose Tyler.


	27. Killing in the name (Eleven/OC)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That was when he found her. He almost walked on her, and just tripped over her body. She was laying there among grass and gravel, completely still."

The Doctor picked her up in the middle of nowhere. He was travelling in the TARDIS for days with no purpose when the old girl landed on that no man’s land. It was dark and there was nothing but gravel, wrecked wire fences and tufts of grass. He could hear people yelling in the dark but couldn’t understand what they were saying. It wasn’t a matter of language or accent. They were just too far to be understood. It was just yells. Angry yells. He didn’t want to know what those angry people wanting. He didn’t face to face them. He didn’t want to be the target of some crazy humans once again. Why the TARDIS had landed here then? The old girl always had a reason for her unplanned landings. She never took him where he wanted to go, but always where he needed to be. So, why did he need to be here? Who needed his help so badly for the TARDIS to land in the middle of nowhere, possibly in the middle of a battlefield?

He took a few steps outside the TARDIS, looking around. The voices were getting closer, but they were still far enough for him not to understand the reason of all that anger. He took a few more steps. Everything was still around him. There was nothing and no one around. That was when he found her. He almost walked on her, and just tripped over her body. She was laying there among grass and gravel, completely still. He thought for a moment that she was dead, but he realised she was still breathing when he knelt down to check on her. He didn’t have much time to think about what to do because the voices were getting nearer and nearer. Now, they were close enough for him to understand what they were saying. They didn’t sound like friends of the girl. They were looking for her. They wanted her dead. So, he gathered her in his arms and brought her into the TARDIS.

He carefully put the girl down on the console room floor and sent the time ship in the vortex to be as far as the unpleasant people as possible. She didn’t look hurt. There was no wound; nor blood on her. She just was unconscious for a reason or another, and the TARDIS seemed unable to run a scan on her. He had to wait until she was awake to have some answers, to know why he had to pick her up, to save her. So, he sat there, waiting for her to wake up and wondering why the TARDIS had wanted him to save her when he could have been anywhere in time and space. He observed her while she was still unconscious. She showed no sign of waking up anytime soon. That could be worrying, except her vital signs were all good. It was as if she was sleeping, but she wasn’t. The Doctor could feel it. There was something weird about her, and he couldn’t tell what. And he hated not knowing.

The girl was young. About twenty years old. She was wearing black from head to toes: black shirt, black pants, black boots, black gloves. She was even wearing a bulletproof vest and a weapon. Which left the Doctor thoughtful. Why would someone so young be dressed and armed like that? He had to admit he was intrigued by the mystery offered to him, but he was also feeling uneasy. He never liked being around weapons, and the fact that she was wearing one in his TARDIS made him nervous. He had to get rid of it. He slowly put his hand on it to pull it out of its holder, but as soon as he touched the butt of the gun, a hand brutally caught his wrist and didn’t let go when he tried to get free from the hold. Before he could even understand what was going on, he was down on the ground, his arm locked in his back, and someone was holding him so firmly he couldn’t move.

 

“Try to take that again and I’ll break your arm for good. Understood?”

“Oi!”

“I said, understood?”

“Yeah!”

“Who are you?”

 

She wasn’t going to let go of him no matter how hard he would struggle. She was only tightened her hold on his wrist whenever he moved and his position wasn’t comfy at all. For someone who were out of it just seconds ago, she was reacting really quickly. She was holding him tightly against the ground and he couldn’t do anything against her. She was way stronger than she seemed to be.

 

“Could you just free me? That’s a painful position.”

“Who.are.you?”

 

Her voice was harsh and threatening. It looked like she had no time to waste with his question or his lack of comfort. The Doctor heard a metallic noise and something cold was placed against his neck. He swallowed. The gun. She was pointing a gun on his neck. He knew he should have gotten rid of that thing earlier.

 

“I am the man who just saved your life!” he replied hurriedly. “You were laying there and they were approaching! I took you in my ship before they could see us!”

 

The cold pressure of the weapon against his neck suddenly disappeared. She was setting him free. She let go his wrist and stepped back from him. The Doctor got up, fixed his bow tie and faced the girl. She was still aiming her gun at him but she had taken some steps back. He raised his hands to show that he wasn’t gonna do anything. Last time a girl brought a gun on board, things had gone wrong.

 

“Why did you save me?” she asked him, distrustful.

“I’m the Doctor. That’s what I do. I save people.”

“Seriously.”

“I thought it was the right thing to do. Can you put that thing away from me?” He pointed at the gun in a careful move. “I-I don’t like guns. Especially when someone is threatening me with them. It’s very unpleasant.”

 

She watched him closely, and he knew she was gauging him. She wasn’t trusting him at all. Which was normal. He wouldn’t trust himself either on certain things. She seemed to decide that he wasn’t a threat though and she ended up putting her gun back in its holster.

 

“What’s your real name, Mr Coward?”

“I’m not… Oh, whatever. Like I said, I’m the Doctor.”

“Doctor who?”

“I’ll never get tired of this one,” he exclaimed with a bright smile.

 

However, she wasn’t smiling at all. Her lips didn’t even twitch. She was a hard one, or she had no humour at all. She was scary, but why in the world did he feel the need to save her? There was something wrong about this whole story, and the mystery to solve was making him all excited like a kid on Christmas morning. He was gonna find out who she was and why she was so important for the TARDIS to drive him straight to her. He looked at the console. The girl didn’t move. She was still looking at him as if he was crazy. Which he truly was if he had to be honest.

 

“You seem to be a weirdo.”

“I am.”

“Tell me your real name.”

 

He looked back at her. She suddenly appeared so small, so vulnerable, almost weak in those surroundings she didn’t know, and the Doctor felt sorry for her. Somehow, he felt that she was special, that she _had_ something special, and that he had to protect her at all costs. He wanted to come closer but stopped when she put her hand on her weapon. She didn’t trust him. At all.

 

“Look, my name is really Doctor. I don’t go by any other. What’s yours?”

“Not supposed to say it.”

“Not gonna tell it to anyone.”

“They call me Hunter.”

“Terrible.”

“Said the so-called Doctor.”

 

She put her hands in her pockets and seemed to be looking for something. She finally found what she was looking for and pulled it out of her pocket. It looked like a phone but the Doctor realised it wasn’t one when she used it to scan him just like he would have done with his sonic. Her poker face suddenly showed some surprise and maybe some fear as the results were displayed on the screen. She put the thing back in her pocket, checked out the watch she was wearing – which seemed similar to the wrist device Jack was always wearing – and then, she disappeared without a word or a look at him. It left him speechless and surprised beyond words. Who the hell was this girl? And how did she manage to teleport herself away from the TARDIS?

 

He had been wondering for days about what he had to do. The girl was acting like a special agent or someone from the human task forces. This was strange to him since she looked so young, but there was something about her. Something he couldn’t explain, something the TARDIS hadn’t even been able to identify. She wasn’t fully human. There was something, and he had to know. She had said they were calling her ‘Hunter’. Who were they? Why did they call her ‘Hunter’? What did that name mean? And the way she disappeared… She must have had a vortex manipulator or something. It meant she was using alien technology, and this was a subject he was really good about. She could have been from Torchwood, but everyone knew him in Torchwood, and he would have known. He was always checking on the agency since he had lost Rose Tyler because of their activities.

So, it was something else, but what? How many alien organisations there were now on Earth? And from which century was she from? He would say the twenty-first century, or somewhere around it. He had to find her, one way or another, and ask her who – or what – she was and who she was working for. How to find her though? She could be anywhere thanks to that wrist device. He had no idea where she had come from, and where to find her. He just knew that he had found her in a no man’s land, probably where she had been on a mission that had turned wrong. It had just been with a bit of luck, and a huge help from the TARDIS who had led him straight to her. _The TARDIS had led him to her_. The old girl had to do it.

 

“Hey, sexy, do you mind helping me? I need to find her again. I know you want me to do something for her. It’s better if she’s back on board, right?”

 

If the TARDIS had been able to, she would have sighed. He was finally asking for her help. After a few seconds, she purred. She knew how to find the girl. She knew how to find _anyone_ in time and space. She went through the vortex as soon as her thief asked for the girl. She was following the marks of her last passage in the galaxy. Every alien technology was leaving a mark when it was used and the TARDIS was trucking the one ‘Hunter’ had left when she disappeared from the ship. Even if the TARDIS never took him where he wanted to be, he knew that she was going to take him to the girl because that’s where he needed to be. She was where he wanted and needed to be. She was his new mission, the new mystery he had to solve, and he was as intrigued as excited by that new adventure to come.

That was why he jumped out of the TARDIS as soon as she landed. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and scanned the dark place. It looked like a basement and there was almost no light. He heard some noises and walked in their direction. He ended up in another dark room with a lot of computers. They were all on, and some were looking for information. Information about him he soon realised. There was nobody there though. He focused on the screens. There was nothing new about him there. For the internet, he was just a story, an imaginary friend, a myth. It was always funny to see and read but his smile stayed stuck and the Doctor froze when something cold touched his neck. He hadn’t heard anything or anyone coming. He flipped to face the girl who was aiming a gun at him. Once again.

 

“You shouldn’t have come back,” she told him in a cold tone before shooting him.

 

When the Doctor woke up, his head was pounding hard and his body was hurting so much that he thought for a second that he was regenerating. Which couldn’t happen since he was on his last incarnation. He remembered being shot. She had shot him in the chest. It burnt like hell. He groaned and tried to rub his chest, only to find out he was tied up a chair. He couldn’t move. ‘Hunter’ was sat in front of him and was playing with his sonic screwdriver.

 

“Why did you shoot me?” he mumbled, struggling to stay awake.

“I left your ship to keep you safe. Why did you come back?”

“I can’t stay away from troubles.”

“That’s what I’ve heard. How did you find me?”

“You’re using a vortex manipulator. It leaves marks. I just had to follow them.”

“I’ll know it for the next time.”

“My ship wants me to do something for you.”

“Your ship should have told you why they were calling me ‘Hunter’. It should have told you what’s going to happen now.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m gonna kill you, Mr Coward,” she retorted.

 

Her voice was emotionless, and he swallowed. She was serious. He didn’t know how but she was really gonna kill him, and he couldn’t regenerate anymore. How was he going to get out of here? She was gonna take things slow for sure. She would have killed him already otherwise. She wanted him to be awake and to feel anything she would do to him. Why would have she shot him with some sedative if it wasn’t to have him under control?

 

“I’d rather be a coward than to kill someone again.”

“I know your story, Doctor Coward. Open your ears. Gonna tell you mine. Only the dead can hear it.”

“Gonna tell me why they call you ‘Hunter’? And who they are?”

“My name is Dawn. Dawn Mysa. I’m part of the B.A.M. It stands for Brigade of intervention for Aliens Manifestations. Every time an alien is detected on Earth, we’re called to act.

“Just like Torchwood.”

“Oh, you wish.”

 

She got up and walked close to him. She caught a medical box and put it on a chair before opening it. He wondered what she was up to. She was choosing a slow death for him obviously. She turned around to face him, and he saw that she had two needles in hand. She grabbed his arm rather brutally – he noticed that he wasn’t wearing his jacket anymore and that the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up – and tied a rubber band on it. She did a taking of blood on him without a word and put it in a fridge behind him.

 

“What was that for?”

“My DNA had been modified when I was younger,” she continued, not answering his question. “I’m still human, but I have high developed senses. Hearing, sight, strength, sense of smell, speed. ‘Hunter’ is the diminutive for ‘hunting dog’. That’s what I am to them. They recruited me and trained me when I was twelve. Then, they put me on the field, and they asked me to track down every alien lifeform. I track them down, I catch them and bring them to my boss.”

“What happens to them?”

“They study them, and they die.”

“That’s murder!”

“That’s war. And you, Doctor, are the most important piece of their collection.”

 

The Doctor didn’t answer, quickly thinking about what to say to get out of this tricky situation. He was in a very bad situation. The girl was really willing to kill him. He had remarked that she was still wearing black from head to toes and he had seen the weapon that never seemed to leave her side. She put the box down on the ground and sat on the chair, waiting for him to react to her words. He was confused. She had said something about keeping him safe, and now she would just kill him. That just didn’t make any sense.

 

“They were looking for me.”

“They already have a Dalek and it told them you were its worst enemy. Actually, it said you were the worst enemy of all the living species out there. That’s how you’ve become the most wanted alien of the Brigade.”

“And your trusted a Dalek?” the Doctor asked with obvious scorn in his voice.

“They did. Not me. Actually, I’ve began doubting about the real intentions of the Brigade a while ago. That’s why I left when I found out you were _the_ Time Lord.”

“But…”

“That was a way to protect you. If they catch you, you’re dead. All those murders are not right.”

“And I screwed everything up.”

“Right.”

“There is something about you…”

 

He couldn’t finish his sentence because he was interrupted by an explosion that shook the whole room. He looked at Dawn. She was biting her lower lip. She was worried and this wasn’t a good sign. She knew who they were and didn’t plan on telling anything to him. Were they gonna run? Or getting caught?

 

“You gotta go,” she said urgently.

 

She released him from his ties and handed him the key of his ship. Then, she forced him on his feet without any effort – very strong indeed! – and pushed him out of the room. She rushed to the fridge and grabbed the blood samples she had taken from him. She caught a backpack and almost hit him in the dark because he hadn’t moved.

 

“You’re coming with me.”

“I said go! You’re the target! Not me!”

 

There was another explosion and everything trembled harder. Dawn took the Doctor’s wrist and forced him to run. If he was the target, why was she saving his life? Why were they attacked in what seemed to be her house or hidden place? He clearly wasn’t the only one they wanted to see dead. Maybe that was what the TARDDIS wanted him to find out. Maybe they were meant to save each other’s lives. Suddenly, Dawn pinned him to the ground as one last explosion resounded, destroying everything around them. It was critical. The room was falling down around them, hurting them with rocks and glass. The Doctor got up, caught Dawn and ran to the TARDIS. He launched the machine and waited until they disappeared into the vortex before turning to her. She was standing in the middle of the console room, confused, dizzy, covered with rocks dust.

 

“Basically, run.”

 

She had a small smile – the only one he could have gotten from her until now – but it was a smile anyway, and he smiled back at her. That’s when she collapsed on the ground, unable to say or do anything more.

 

When she opened her eyes, she was still confused and she was lost because she didn’t know where she was. The noises, the smell, the surroundings were unknown to her. The only thing she was sure of was that she wasn’t in the B.A.M. headquarters. Had she managed to run away in the end? Had she saved the Doctor? She didn’t remember anything after the last explosion. Her memory was a black hole after that. Where was she? She sat up slowly, though her body was incredibly sore, and looked around. She noticed the wounds on her body, wounds that had been taken care of. She felt too weak to stand so she just remained sat there. She knew she wasn’t in danger anymore. She could feel that she was safe but stayed on alert. Especially when she heard footsteps. She knew exactly who they belonged to.

 

“That’s the second time you’re saving my life.”

“How did you know it was me?” he asked, coming in the room.

“Your footsteps. And your smell. Told you I had high developed senses.”

“I owe you one.”

“And I owe you two.”

“They want you dead too.”

“I’ve been suspecting it for a while. They never tried so hard.”

“They poisoned you and destroyed your home. That’s hard enough.”

“What?”

“I did some tests. When I’ve found you, your blood had poison in it. Whoever was running after you, they would have succeeded in catching you if I hadn’t been here.”

 

It had taken the TARDIS more time than usual to find out what was wrong with the girl when they had found her since there was something weird about her, and that was blocking the scans. But now, he knew a part of the truth. Modified DNA. Quite interesting.

 

“Good thing that I’m immune to most of the known poisons,” she sighed “You know you can’t run away from them, right?”

“I’ve seen worse. I’ve survived worse.”

 

There was no explanation. There was no need of an explanation. That Brigade already knew his story by heart. If Dawn was their hunting dog like she had told him earlier, she obviously knew everything about him. That was creepy, but humans needed to know, to study and to archive everything that seemed new or weird to them. And occasionally, destroy what wasn’t in accordance with what they knew and were used to it.

 

He forced her to rest a few days while he was piloting the TARDIS in and there in time and space to stay hidden from whoever was wanting their deaths. Dawn had said they couldn’t run away from them, but he was the master when it came to run away from troubles. He could hide anywhere in time and space and erase himself from every possible database, but somehow, they always found a way to get to them and they always had to run away before getting caught or killed. When Dawn felt better, she spent her time on her laptop, one of the many things she was keeping in her backpack, a backpack she was always taking with her when she was on the run. One day, she even put her laptop on the console and did something with the sonic screwdriver she had never given back to him.

 

“That thing doesn’t have Wi-Fi. It only works in here.”

“You know, I was wondering…” he started, not saying a thing about the Wi-Fi she was talking about. “Since we’re stuck together because they’re tracking us down in time and space…”

“I’m not becoming your companion,” she cut him short.

“But why? People always say yes.”

“I’m not people. You’re gonna bring me back home.”

“Too dangerous. And you don’t have a home anymore.”

“Don’t care.”

“They want you dead.”

“Actually, they want _you_ but I’m not gonna let that happen. Which why they’re also running after me. So, you’re gonna scramble my memories, take me back on Earth and run while I’ll have your back.”

“I don’t like this.”

“I still don’t care.”

“Not gonna do this.”

“You’re gonna do this, whether you like it or not.”

 

This was her final word on the matter. That was her decision and he wouldn’t go against it. She left him with his mumbling about how he didn’t want to do such a thing and kept working on her laptop. She silently disappeared in the TARDIS when she was done. Later, he would understand that it was all part of a plan and that if he had understood it sooner, things would have ended up in a better way.

 

The Doctor was clearly furious that morning. Dawn had tricked him. She had forced him to blur her memories of him. She could easily remember everything about him but no one would be able to see their meeting and her plans to protect him. No one would be able to access the memories she had of him. Even if they used torture. He knew it was for the best, he knew she was saving his life but he couldn’t bear the way she had chosen to do it. She was becoming the target, and he didn’t want her to get killed for him. He wanted to protect her and travel with her but there was no way to run from the Brigade anymore, and that made him as furious as the fact Dawn would sacrifice herself to keep him safe from them. Now, he knew what would happen to them if they ever get caught. He understood why she wanted to quit, why she said it wasn’t right. But she couldn’t quit. She was too precious to them.

When she went away in the TARDIS after he had blurred her memories, he was so angry that he hit the console, much to the TARDIS’ displeasure. He didn’t know where his ship had just landed but he needed to walk, to run, to yell at the universe so he walked out without a word. He regretted that decision the second they all jumped on him, the second he found himself tied down and under the watch of half a dozen men in black. They were not leaving yet because they were looking for Dawn. The Doctor was hoping that she wouldn’t show up, but he knew it was useless. She was stubborn and the TARDIS would let her know he was out, and her high developed senses would tell her the danger there was, but she wouldn’t step back. She would jump in the trap, even if that meant them taking her back and do some things he’d rather not imagine to her.

The Doctor swore when he saw her coming out of nowhere and fought with the men of the Brigade to free him. Half a dozen men against just a woman. She was having the upper hand on them all surprisingly. She managed to knock them out long enough to free him. They were about to run away once again when a few other men came as backup. Dawn pushed him and fought against them to give him time, but she wasn’t as lucky as the first time. They were all against her and they knew all her weaknesses. The Doctor started running, but he couldn’t let her. He turned around and came back to try and help her. They had gotten her. They had pinned her down to the ground and they were firmly holding her and tying her up so tie she wouldn’t be able to run away from them anymore. She saw him before the men did. Her face turned angry and sad all at once.

 

“Run, you coward!” she yelled at him.

 

But he couldn’t move. A man was coming to him. He was about to surrender because he just didn’t want to let her alone in this. He never had any plan but he could always help. He could have gotten them out of the Brigade whatever it would take. No one could ever lock him up somewhere and hoped that he would just stay there. He always managed to find a way out. However, before he could understand what was going on, he found himself back in the TARDIS. He wanted to get back to Dawn, to give her some help with some tricks of his, but the hub was locked and he couldn’t stop the machine. This was an automatic travel, and the coordinates were locked. She had planned it all with the TARDIS, and while he was angrily hitting the doors, he noticed the vortex manipulator around his wrist. She had saved his life. Again. And he wasn’t able to do the same.

 

“I’ll come back,” he promised, more to himself than anyone else. “I swear. I will get you out of here.”

 

From now on, his only mission would be to try over and over again to get her out of the claws of the Brigade and to bring her to a safe place. He really hoped he would be able to do so.


	28. Comatose (Nine/Rose/Jack)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Both Jack and Rose were now focused on their next mission to achieve. That was what the Doctor loved the most about them. Even if they didn’t know anything about the emergency, they were ready to jump in the critical situation and to help anyone who needed them."

Jack had been travelling with them for a few weeks now and nothing could possibly be better for Rose and the Doctor. The three of them were having a lot of fun stopping off on new planets anywhere in time and space, playing tricks to people a bit too serious to their liking, getting them angry and running away when they started chasing them. They were now all laughing out loud in the TARDIS because of the last trick they had played on someone before running for their lives, and planning on the next one to play. The Doctor hadn’t laughed like that for what felt like centuries, and it felt good to be a part of those joyful moments he had never allowed himself to have since the Time War. He was glad that Rose and Jack had stood in his way. They were helping him to get better. They were helping him to heal his wounds. They probably didn’t even know how much good they were doing to him.

Everything was fine so far, and he almost couldn’t believe it. Nothing had ever been so fine in his life. Not even before the Time War. Troubles always found their way to him and he couldn’t enjoy a simple day of rest. Now, he was given weeks and that seemed too weird. Something was not right, and a storm was most likely on its way to ruin it all. Everything was too fine to last, but the Doctor couldn’t care less right now because those moments of pure happiness, those moments when the worries were off were too rare and he, and his companions, had to appreciate and enjoy them as long as they could. If he had been paying close attention, he would have noticed it though. He would have noticed the storm coming, but they were still laughing when the phone on the console rang. The Doctor picked it up and as he was listening to the caller, his face became more serious and worried.

 

“On my way.”

 

Jack and Rose were still laughing when the call ended. They seemed unable to stop themselves from laughing. The Doctor remained silent for a moment, just listening to them. He loved listening to Rose laughing. It was the most beautiful sound in the universe for him. It always warmed his hearts and after the dark times he had gone through, he wanted to hear that wonderful laugh forever.

 

“Doctor?”

 

He was so busy looking at her and thinking about how much he loved hearing her laughing that he hadn’t noticed that his two companions had stopped laughing and were now observing him. They seemed quite concerned by his sudden silence, and they could feel something was up.

 

“Sorry. We gotta keep that next joke for later. Our presence is required for an emergency.”

“What kind of emergency?”

 

Both Jack and Rose were now focused on their next mission to achieve. That was what the Doctor loved the most about them. Even if they didn’t know anything about the emergency, they were ready to jump in the critical situation and to help anyone who needed them. They were brave, and he was glad to have them around. They were two precious companions, but he would never tell them so.

 

“Some virus appeared a few days ago on a planet called Sixta Nashvada. It has already caused some deaths, and the medical staff seems to be unable to find a cure to heal their patients.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Don’t forget how brilliant I am!” the Doctor exclaimed. “I’m gonna find this cure in five minutes. Then, we’ll go back to our jokes.”

 

He grinned widely at his companions, but soon as Rose headed to her room to get changed, chatting with Jack, his smile faded away. From what he was told, it wasn’t something he knew, and that wasn’t good at all. He didn’t want to worry his companions though, and certainly not his loving and so sensitive Rose. He would solve that problem, like he always did, no matter what. For now, they just had to go to Sixta Nashvada and see what was really going on there without getting sick themselves. He had to identify the virus and find a cure for it before any of them could get infected by it. He really didn’t want any of his companions to catch that virus no one had a cure for.

He entered the coordinates of the planet and piloted the TARDIS through the Vortex. It wasn’t long before they landed with a small thud. Sixta Nashvada wasn’t a very interesting planet from a touristic view point, but it was nice enough for a few days of rest. When it wasn’t attacked by some unknown virus that was. Soon as his companions were back in the console room, the Doctor walked out of the TARDIS with them. He wasn’t surprised to see a German mastiff walking on two legs and dressed like a security officer welcoming them. He brought them straight to a small hospital where a lot of humans and canids were waiting in a crowded room. They didn’t look sick. They probably were there for a check-up. After the virus, they had had to test people and see who was infected and who wasn’t. A long work. A nurse came to them and asked them to follow her.

 

“No need to waste time,” she said as they were walking through the corridors and passing in front of sick patients’ rooms. “The virus appeared from nowhere a couple of days ago and it has already killed fifty people. The first sign of it is a simple cold. The patients sneeze and think it’s nothing serious. Until the virus deprives them from their senses. Sight, hearing, sense of smell, taste, touch. They’re all shutting down one by one. There’s no paralysis, no blood, no major symptoms. The patients just go mad, become unstable and violent and they die in a convulsion. We think the virus is attacking the brain but we can’t prove it.”

“How much time before the death occurs?”

“Less than twenty-four hours.”

 

As the words made their way to their minds and made them very aware of the emergency, the nurse unlocked a door. It was different from the other doors, and it was clearly written that it was a restricted area and that only some of the medical staff was allowed to come here.

 

“Nothing happened? No change? No new arrival?”

“Nothing. We don’t have many visitors here, Doctor. We’re not a touristic planet. It’s pretty quiet.”

 

The nurse opened the door. Screams resounded. Around ten patients were yelling and struggling against the straps that were keeping them down on their bed. If they hadn’t been tied down on their beds, they would have attacked them for sure. The nurse explained them that it was the last stage of the disease, that most of those patients would be dead in the next hour. The Doctor placed Rose behind him in a protective move when someone suddenly came out of nowhere and grabbed his throat.

At first, there was the shock. The situation looked frozen for a few seconds. Then, everyone started screaming all at once while the Doctor was trying to get rid of the hand strangling him. Though the guy was pretty small and thin, he managed to be stronger than the Doctor whose face was turning red from the lack of oxygen. He didn’t need as much oxygen as a human, but he still needed some. He would never forget the deep purple iris of the guy though. The nurse was trying to calm down the other patients whereas Rose and Jack were trying to help the Doctor, but the guy was too strong to be beaten down so easily.

 

“Sorry, mate, you leave me no choice,” muttered Jack before he knocked the man out.

 

The Doctor took a huge gasp of air when the hand released his throat. Rose helped him to breathe slowly and deeply while Jack caught the knocked-out guy and put him back in his bed. He firmly tied him down with the nurse’s help. The Doctor allowed Rose to take a look at his neck.

 

“You’re bleeding,” noticed Rose.

“Damn son of a bitch,” he replied angrily.

“We don’t know how the virus is spreading,” explained the nurse. “Let me do some tests on you.”

“Thanks, but no. I’m gonna do it myself in my ship. I’ve seen enough. I’m gonna make my own researches and tell you if I ever find something.”

“Sure?”

“They,” he started, pointing at Jack and Rose, “are the only people I trust with my life. Yes, I’m sure.”

 

Those were his final words on the matter. He walked quickly out of the room, followed by Jack and Rose. They went back to the TARDIS and found themselves in the infirmary the ship had opened for them. It was surprising that the Doctor was letting Rose take care of his little wounds. The guy had scratched him with his nails.

 

“You should have let her check on you.”

“I have all I need here. And I don’t trust anyone out there.”

“You don’t trust anyone at all.”

“Wrong! I trust the two of you.”

“Only when you want to. Here, it’s done.”

“Fantastic! Time for blood tests now!”

 

He grinned at them and clapped his hands together. He didn’t wait for their approval and did it anyway. Then, he told them that he had already seen that virus – well, a version of it, and it was a long time ago; that version was very different – and he knew the recipe of the cure they needed. He just needed to change it a bit to adapt it to the stronger stem, and to find the ingredients. He didn’t have them all on board. He gave a list to Jack and threw him and Rose out of the infirmary. He had some tests to do and he didn’t want them around.

It took hours before the results came. The Doctor was relieved to see that Rose was negative to the disease. Even more to see that she was immune to it. So was Jack. But him… His results came last and they weren’t good. He wasn’t immune to the virus and worst, he was positive. The guy infected him earlier. He had expected those result for him to be honest, but there had been some hope that maybe… Those hopes had been crushed when he had read the results. He had to prepare the cure quickly before someone realised he was sick too. A sneeze answered his worries. The first symptom. Usually, it wouldn’t have worried him, but with what he knew about the virus… The violence of that sudden sneeze left him dizzy and made him stumble. He almost fell when Rose came in.

 

“Are you alright?”

“Should have eaten after that blood test.”

“And you call yourself a Doctor,” she sighed. “Come on, let’s eat something. I’m starving too, and Jack is still out looking for the ingredients of the cure.”

 

The Doctor nodded and smiled at her. The process of the disease was on, but he wouldn’t tell her. Not until it was really necessary. They found a small restaurant in town where they ate some chips – to Rose’s delight, they always seemed to find some wherever they were going. The Doctor didn’t eat much. He was mostly playing with the food, and his thoughts were far away from the present moment. This was enough to worry Rose. He was acting too strangely. It meant he was bothered by something. He was barely listening to her, only nodding here and there to give her the illusion he was listening, and remained silent until they made their way back to the TARDIS. Jack was in the console room when they came in, and he had all the missing ingredients.

 

“Jack!” exclaimed Rose.

 

She let go of the Doctor’s arm to greet her friend who had just come back after hours of a difficult mission. It was amazing to observe that he hadn’t brought any trouble with him. Captain Jack Harkness seemed to always bring troubles with him. He was always flirting with people he shouldn’t flirt with, and they always had to run away when he did because they were chased by some husband or wife or whatever. The Captain was all smile and he hugged her. He then showed a little bottle to the Doctor. The latter nodded.

 

“That wasn’t simple, but I managed to get it thanks to a personal trick,” he told them putting the little bottle down on the console.

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes and regretted it immediately. He was still feeling dizzy and weak. He had told Rose it was just a hypoglycaemia caused by the blood test, but she would soon realise that he was lying, if she hadn’t realised it yet since he hadn’t eaten much. His condition was gonna get worse really quickly. He hoped he would have the time to create the cure before becoming perfectly incapable of doing anything. He remarked that Rose was observing him, a concerned look on her face. He gave her a grin and climbed the footbridge to the platform with his usual agility though he was far from feeling it. His sight was getting clouded and his muscles were answering with difficulty. That disease wasn’t provoking any paralysis but was depriving the person from all the touching feelings. It was disturbing not to feel the ground under his feet anymore.

 

“Fantastic! I’m gonna take care of it right now.”

 

He walked to the console to take the small bottle pretending to have a perfectly clear sight when his field of vision was more than limited. His foot tripped over the ground and he lost his balance. All his body dived forward. Before any of them could react, his head had violently hit the console and the Doctor flatted on his face.

 

“Doctor!” shouted Rose and Jack at the same time.

 

The Doctor was trying to get up when they knelt down close to him. They helped him to get up and forced him to sit up while he was grumbling insults about all the species he knew. Rose pressed a hand to her lips when she saw the cut on the Doctor’s forehead. It looked deep and was letting out a pretty impressive flood of blood. Jack immediately took off his shirt and used it to mop it up. He was asking questions to the Doctor but the latter was only replying vaguely and in an incomprehensible way. Jack looked up at Rose. She saw how worried he was and felt her heart tighten. The Captain wasn’t someone who was getting worried so easily. It really wasn’t a good sign.

 

“He’s gonna be sick,” he remarked.

 

In an instant, Jack had gotten a bucket and placed it in the Doctor’s lap. He indeed was sick. When he felt better, Jack forced him to drink a little bit of water. He was still conscious, it could only be a good sign.

 

“Doctor?” Rose called out.

 

He barely reacted to his name. He didn’t even seem to be feeling that they were touching him, as if the shock had completely disconnected him from the world.

 

“Did he eat something?”

“Not really, actually. He was having fun stealing my chips, but didn’t eat any of them.”

“We’re gonna take him to the infirmary.”

 

Rose agreed. Jack stood up and helped the Doctor to do the same. The two companions each put an arm of the Doctor on their shoulders and took him to the infirmary. It was easy as long as he was walking, even by dragging his feet, but, when he fainted, they had to drag him. Once they were in the infirmary, they took off his leather jacket and lay him down on a bed.

 

“Shouldn’t we…”

“No. I’d rather trust my meagre skills. He’d do the same.”

“True.”

 

Jack looked everywhere and found what he needed. Rose grimaced when she saw him stitching up the wound he had cleaned. Then, he put everything away, washed his hands and put a small and black wristband around the Doctor’s left wrist before he walked to the main computer of the room. Rose wasn’t moving from the Doctor’s side. She was holding his hand and talking to him softly.

 

“Love, I’m gonna need a complete scan on our dear friend,” Jack asked the TARDIS.

“ _The Doctor already did a scan on his whole person._

 

To justify her answer, the ship displayed the results of that scan on the screen Jack was looking at. The Captain’s face turned pale when he read the results. Whatever was the virus which was ravaging this planet, the Doctor had caught it and that was a very bad thing.

 

×

 

Rose hadn’t moved in hours. She had refused to leave and let the Doctor alone. She wanted to be there when he would wake up, especially now that she knew what was really happening to him. Jack hadn’t wanted to tell her but she had forced him to say what he knew. Her Doctor was sick. He knew it but hadn’t admitted it to her. He knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to her for a long time but he had kept his worries for himself. She couldn’t be angry at him, not when he was laying there, in an agitated unconscious condition, not when he was murmuring her name again and again in a feverish delirium. She was holding his big hand in hers. He was cold, colder than usual. A tear rolled down on her cheek.

 

“I’m here, Doctor,” she whispered to him while he kept calling her.

“Rose,” he repeated.

 

She didn’t know in which kind of frightening dream the Doctor was but the fear was clear on his face. However, the fact he kept calling her was telling her that this dream was about her, and that his fear was linked to her. She held his hand tighter and repeated that she was here, close to him, that he didn’t have to be worried. She was still talking to him when his eyelids fluttered open. Rose froze when she noticed that the icy blue of his eyes had become dark purple. She recognised the symptoms she had seen on the other patients. His condition was getting worse, quicker than it should. He wanted to sit up but found himself unable to.

 

“Stay down, Doctor. You’re not alone.”

 

She knew he couldn’t see her. It was how the symptoms were evolving. The virus was attacking every sense of the person little by little and was slowly eating away at his/her strengths until the heart stopped and the body gave in in a last convulsion. Rose was wondering how she could have been so blind not to see that the Doctor had caught the virus. Yet, there had been a lot of precursory signs. Several times, he had faked to be fine while he was already having some symptoms of touching and hearing troubles. He had pretended to suffer from hypoglycaemia when it was the virus spreading in his body. That was why he had barely eaten, and why he now had a big cut on his forehead. She noticed that it was painful when she saw him brush the fingers of his right hand and grimaced.

 

“Why are we hiding in the dark?”

 

He was trying to hide his fear with humour and Rose couldn’t help but smile sadly. He knew very well that the virus had reached his sight and that was terrifying him. He would never admit that he was frightened by the situation out loud though. She could feel it. Then, she cupped his cheek. This contact reassured the proud guy he was but it wasn’t enough to completely calm him down. He raised his right hand and groped for his companion.

 

“We’re gonna fix this. I promise you.”

“Where are you?” he asked, his voice lightly trembling.

“Here,” she replied, catching his hand.

“Don’t let me go.”

“I never let you go.”

 

The Doctor’s voice seemed to beg her. He didn’t want to be alone in this situation. He needed comfort in this moment of weakness. He was showing, despite himself, that he wasn’t controlling anything, that he was afraid, and he was more than thankful that she was here for him, even if he hated the idea of her seeing him like this.

 

“Thanks.”

“Jack found your notes. He’s creating the cure. You just need to hold on a little bit longer.”

 

It would have made him smile if he hadn’t been on the edge of diving back into the darkness of the unconscious. He held Rose’s hand tighter and asked her to lie down close to him and to put his right hand on her temple. She did it, uncertain. The contact of his cold skin made her shiver. She closed her eyes as he was asking her to do and she let herself be carried by the power of his mind. She suddenly found herself in a room plunged into a destabilising darkness. The Doctor was sat in the middle of it and had a protective attitude for himself that his companion had never seen before.

 

“We’re in my mind,” he explained to anticipate her question.

“I didn’t think it was so dark. I always thought it was colourful and full of life, a place as big as space.”

 

She came closer to him when she was done looking around her and sat down. He wasn’t looking at her and preferred keeping his eyes locked on the dark void in front of him.

 

“I should show it to you in a better day. It would be a very unique adventure.”

“I’m not sure to understand.”

“The virus is eating away at my physical and mental strength. I don’t have the strength to show you a complete vision of my mind. Usually, it’s more colourful and animated, just like you’re thinking. Everything abruptly shut down a few hours ago.

“What do you want to say, Doctor?”

 

She had understood that he wanted to say something specific but he was beating out the bush. He wouldn’t be able to keep that connection for a long time. His mental projection was dwindling.

 

“There is a missing ingredient very important for the cure. Jack will remark it soon while reading my notes.

“What is it?”

“A bit of regenerative energy.”

“Where do we find it?”

“In my blood. But it’s useless now.”

“…”

“I hoped I would have more time but… When a Time Lord dies, every cell of his body is rewriting itself to form a new being. That’s what will happen to me if I can handle it. You don’t have to worry if it happens.”

“You won’t die. I refuse that eventuality.”

“Rose,” he answered, finally looking at her with a smile, “I trust you. You’re immune to the virus. I’ve had the time to make sure of it before things came one after another. I’m currently giving you a bit of that energy. Tell Jack to take some of your blood and to add it to the cure.”

“Don’t die,” she begged him, falling on his neck. “Please.”

“I’ll do my best.”

 

Then, everything became black and Rose was sent back to reality. Jack was there and was looking at her with questioning eyes. He must have seen part of the scene from the outside. She didn’t lose any time and explained him what he had to do just like the Doctor had told her. They did it immediately. The cure needed a little hour of waiting to be used. Half of this time was up when the monitors went nuts. The Doctor’s body was giving in. One of his hearts had stopped and the other one was about to do the same. Jack was doing a heart massage while encouraging him to stay with them. Close to him, Rose remained silent, tears rolling down on her cheeks paler than usual.

 

“Stay, please,” she weakly begged him. “Don’t leave me.”

 

The monitors suddenly stopped as if Rose’s plea had reached the Doctor in his unconscious and forced him to hold on. His condition was stable again. Jack had a sigh of relief. They still had a bit of time before them before the Doctor let them down. Rose murmured a ‘thank God’ that didn’t go unnoticed.

 

“I’m not sure He has something to do in the matter.”

“That’s just an idiom, meaningless now.”

“He’s gonna make through it. He’s tough.”

 

Rose nodded. He maybe was tough but he wasn’t safe from weakness, from the one too many, from the one which could harm him. Jack came closer to her and hugged her to comfort her.

 

“He’s not infallible, despite what he’s saying.”

“I know, but I’m stubborn. I decided he would survive. So, he will survive.”

 

He held her tighter against him and kissed her forehead before going back to the surveillance of the cure. Rose didn’t move. She was watching the unconscious body of the Doctor. He hadn’t been far from dying. How much time would he still be able to hold on because she was asking him to? His hands were agitated with nervous tremors. Rose hadn’t dared moving, nor coming close to him. To get busy, she looked at the monitors but didn’t understand anything to the measures they were displaying. She only knew that all those beeps were reassuring because it meant the Doctor was still alive. Not good, but alive. She let herself fall on a chair and hid her face in her hands. She felt exhausted but wouldn’t be able to rest before she knew the cure was working for real, before she knew her Doctor was gonna survive that virus.

Deep in her thoughts, she didn’t see the threat coming. She was brutally lifted from her chair and thrown to the ground. She hiccupped because of the shock and only had time to see her assailant when he caught her by the throat. Her eyes grew big when she recognised him. His face was twisted with rage and his look was more purple than before. He shouldn’t have been able to see her. He shouldn’t even have been able to move. Rose immediately freed herself from him and backed away. He had a growl of rage and walked quickly to her. She found herself cornered in a corner of the room and couldn’t run away from him. He slapped her to punish her and the violence of the slap made her dizzy for a moment, giving her attacker the time to grab her by the throat and to lift her from the ground. Her back as against the wall but her feet weren’t touching the ground anymore.

Her big brown eyes were filled with tears. She stared at the blind eyes of the Doctor, of her Doctor, while she was struggling against his tighter and tighter hold. Then, she remembered. She remembered the patients in the final phase the nurse had shown to them when they had arrived. All of them were tied down to their bed, all of them had a look of raving lunatic. Some had insulted them, threatened them and had tried to reach them. Rose remembered that the Doctor had – in an oblivious move of course – placed her behind him to protect her. Now, it was him in that situation and no one had thought that he could have that behaviour, and certainly not her. Here was where her stupidity had taken her: she was struggling, kicking, punching, scratching while she was running out of air more and more, while her face was becoming blue.

 

“Doctor…”

 

The word didn’t come out of her mouth. It was only silently pronounced in an attempt to reach the other Doctor, the true one, the one who only wanted to protect her in the face of all opposition. It didn’t work. Her strengths were failing her and all she was getting by struggling was an outburst of violence. Her head hit the wall. Her hand gripped the Doctor’s arm in a last attempt of freeing herself. She saw Jack running into the room. He immediately reacted when he saw what was happening. He jumped on the Doctor and, with a violent hit of the shoulder, drew him away from Rose. The pressure on her throat disappeared and she let herself fall to the ground, shocked. The Captain didn’t need much time to have the upper hand on the Doctor and knock him out. He dragged him to the bed and tied him down with strong straps.

Only then, the Captain came close to Rose and helped her up. She was crying and her body was uncontrollably trembling. She had been scared for her life and the trust she had in the Doctor had been shaken badly. She jumped to Jack’s neck and let out the sobs stuck in her throat. She was relieved to have such a friend on board. The latter told her that the cure was ready and that he just had to give it to the Doctor to save him from a certain death. She nodded and followed him. She watched him as he filled a plastic pocket with a fluid as purple as the Doctor’s blind eyes and installed a drip for it to be spread into their friend’s blood. When the cure merged with his blood, the Doctor’s body had an uncontrolled spam. That’s all it took for Rose, still shocked, to run away in her room.

 

×

 

The cure was working. The TARDIS and Jack had kept doing tests on the Doctor to be sure of it. The symptoms were disappearing little by little but he showed no sign of waking up. Rose hadn’t come back to the infirmary since the incident. She remained cloistered in her room and jumped every time someone was knocking on the door. Several times, Jack had come to comfort her and help her to sleep but nothing could erase the terrible fear she had felt when the Doctor had attacked her. It was hard to know how he could have done such a thing in the condition he was in. It seemed merely impossible. And yet.

One night, while Jack was dozing off in the infirmary, he woke up to loads of swearing and some move. He was on the alert right away and realised that the Doctor was awake and was trying to free himself from the straps. Jack turned on the light and sat down close to the cursing Time Lord. When he saw him, the latter darted his icy blue eyes on his new companion.

 

“This is one of your stupid ideas I guess?”

 

He was mad. He didn’t understand why he was tied down in his own home. The memories of his latest actions didn’t exist. Jack watched the Doctor’s behaviour for a long while before talking again.

 

“No. Security measure.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Glad to have you back, Doc.”

 

The Doctor suddenly realised that something was wrong. Jack wasn’t smiling and his good mood wasn’t there. He looked tired, but relieved. The Doctor looked around him but didn’t find the person he was looking for.

 

“Where’s Rose?”

“She’s not coming.”

 

Jack could see the fear appearing in the Doctor’s eyes while he remembered some bits of what had happened. The very beginning of that story. He remembered eating some chips with Rose, but nothing after that.

 

“She is…” he started.

“No. She was immune. You’ve told it to her. We just need to have a little talk before I can let you go.”

 

He didn’t like the obligation but he had no choice so he listened to Jack, cursing himself for saving that damn Captain. As Jack was telling him what had happened, the Doctor had a violent reaction of disgust and hate against himself. He asked to be freed as soon as the tale was over. Jack did as he was told but hesitated to let him go when he saw him stumbling and trying to find his balance. He tried to prevent him from going anywhere, to tell him to wait before overestimating his strengths but the Doctor only shot him a dirty look in which remorse and guilt were showing.

 

“I need to see her.”

“Let me help you.”

 

The Doctor didn’t like feeling so weak but he allowed Jack to help him. They both walked to Rose’s bedroom silently. Jack lightly knocked. Rose opened the door and closed it right after when she saw the Doctor.

 

“I don’t want to see him!” she yelled through the door.

“Told ya,” said the Captain with a sad smile.

“Rose, please.”

“Go away!”

“Wait here. I’ll talk to her.”

 

The Doctor nodded. Rose allowed Jack to come in and they both talked for ten minutes. Minutes that looked like hours to the Doctor. When Jack came out, he told him that Rose would accept to talk to him only if his hands were tied together and if Jack stayed behind the door to come in if there was any problem. The Doctor didn’t like that. He almost got angry, thinking they were both mocking him, but finally accepted the conditions. He had to talk to Rose. No matter what. So, Jack firmly tied his hands up and the Doctor could enter the room. When he saw what he had done to Rose, he raised his hands but she stepped back and turned her back on him, facing her wardrobe.

 

“Don’t touch me!” she ordered him.

“I-I don’t remember anything. I don’t know what has happened. Jack told me. The last thing I remember is that we’ve shared chips. Well, I don’t even know if that’s a real memory or just an hallucination. And I woke up in the infirmary, tied down like a prisoner. I don’t remember anything between those two memories.”

“You almost died but Jack saved you,” explained Rose, her voice devoid of emotions. “I was afraid. No, terrified. Terrified to lose you. I stayed with you. I was looking at the monitors. They were telling me that you were alive and that was the only thing that mattered. You…” She swallowed. “You lifted me up from that chair and threw me to the ground. There was so much rage on your face. I was afraid and didn’t know what to do. I tried to run away but you cornered me. You slapped me. And your hand caught my throat. I was struggling. My feet didn’t touch the floor anymore and I couldn’t breathe. If it wasn’t for Jack, you would have killed me.”

“Rose…” he whispered, more frightened by her tone than by the tale he was beginning to feel really guilty of.

“I should have known. I should have remembered sooner. Nothing would have happened if I had remembered the final phase. Maybe I’m not worthy of traveling with you after all.”

 

Her final words were filled with so much sadness and guilt that the Doctor felt his hearts break. It wasn’t her fault. It was his. Entirely his.

 

“You’re not anyone. You’re Rose Tyler. You are the bravest, the most intuitive, the smartest and the most compassionate woman this universe can have. You are fantastic and I don’t deserve someone like you in my life after what I’ve done, after what I’ve done to you.”

“But you will never remember. I will.”

 

He couldn’t answer to that because she was right. He wouldn’t remember, and she would have to live with the memory of him strangling her all of her life. She would have nightmares about it, and he would never remember. His eyes came across the luggage on the ground. He noticed the wardrobe was open. Something broke inside of him and despair filled his hearts and mind.

 

“You’re leaving.”

“I chose to come back home.”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Of course not!” she snapped, finally facing him. Her face was twisted with anger, fear and wet with tears. “No, I don’t wanna leave! I don’t want to go back to my miserable life, in that miserable flat, with my miserable boyfriend! But I just can’t stay here! I just can’t stay here with you wondering when you’ll lay your hands on me again. I just can’t stay here waiting for the day you’ll actually kill me! I can’t live in the fear of you anymore!”

“I didn’t even know what I was doing!”

“Yes! I know! Because that’s how you work! You never know what you’re doing! Funny how you’ve warned me and I didn’t want to believe you.”

“You can’t leave. I won’t let you.”

“You have to. Find another stupid ape.”

“I don’t want another stupid ape! I want you! You’re not leaving!”

 

He saw the fear in her eyes as he was ordering her to stay, as he was telling her he would force her to stay if she tried to leave, and immediately regretted getting angry at her. She stepped back, shaking, as he was coming closer to her.

 

“Don’t come near me!” she cried out, half begging.

 

The door suddenly burst open and Jack came into the room. He walked to the Doctor and forced him to back away from Rose. He was polite, but he was firm. He wouldn’t accept any refusal.

 

“You’ve heard the lady! Step back!”

“That’s none of your business! Get out of here! If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have saved you.”

“He saved my life. He saved _your_ life! How can you be such a jerk?! My mom had warned me. I should have listened to her.”

“Oh, and now your mom!”

“That’s enough! Get the hell out of here and bring me back home! I never want to see you again!”

 

Her words were like a truck hitting him. Brutal and sudden. His hearts seemed about to explode. He took a step back as if she had punched him. She was throwing her clothes in the luggage and he just looked at her, unable to do anything, as if someone had disconnected him. His breath was laboured.

 

“Doctor?” Jack called out.

“…”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure about that?”

“I said I was fine!” he yelled.

 

But that wasn’t true. He hadn’t fully recovered yet and this argument was wearing him out. Rose’s words were still echoing in his head and the pain they were causing left him breathless. He couldn’t breathe and his hearts were hurting so much. His whole body was shaking. He suddenly felt dizzy and would have fallen if Jack hadn’t caught him before his legs gave way. The Doctor closed his eyes. Everything was spinning around and he didn’t feel good. He listened to Jack who was telling him to calm down and to breathe slowly and deeply.

 

“I’m taking you back to the infirmary. The TARDIS will keep an eye on you.”

“You were right. I need rest,” he whispered. “But I can’t let her go. I need her.”

“Show him.”

“What?” asked Rose and the Doctor at the same time.

“Time Lords have the ability of reading minds. You can’t stay mad at him for something he didn’t even know he had done. He took you into his mind. Let him take a look at your memories. Let him see what he has done and how you’re feeling.”

“He’s not touching me again,” she declared firmly as Jack untied the Doctor’s hands.

“Show him, Rose. If he tries anything, I’ll knock him out.”

 

Rose was still angry but the tears had stopped. She stood in front of him. He raised his hand to her face and she turned her head. He swallowed and put his fingers on her temples. She shivered and convinced herself not to get away from him. She allowed him to see the memories of the last few days. Jack didn’t need to knock him out. The memories of what he had done were enough. He let himself fall to the ground, shocked by what he had done. He looked like he was in a catatonic condition. Jack and Rose looked at each other when they saw the big touch guy’s armour be smashed into pieces, when they saw him break down.

He didn’t cry, talk or move. He just stayed there, sat on the ground, looking in the void. His eyes were filled with guilt and fear, with ghosts. Rose instantaneously forgot that she was mad at him, that she hated him. She had never seen him so vulnerable, so broken. Not even after the encounter with the Dalek. She knelt down and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t even react.

 

“Doctor?”

“That was a bad idea,” admitted Jack. “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t know I was so important to him.”

“I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than me.”

“We chose each other, Doctor.”

“I’ll never forgive myself.”

 

He wasn’t talking directly to her as if he had forgotten that she was even here. She carefully took him into her arms. He automatically clung to her as if his life depended on that hug. Usually, Jack would have said some dirty joke but he knew it wasn’t the right time. His friend was vulnerable and Rose was talking to him like a mother would talk to frightened child to calm him down. Something no one would ever forget.

 

“We’ll talk about it later. We all need some sleep now.”

“I’m taking him back…”

“No. He’s gonna sleep here. Help me.”

“You sure?”

“I can’t leave him alone. And you need sleep.”

 

Jack nodded and helped Rose to put the Doctor to bed. He didn’t protest, not even when Rose got away from him. Jack said goodnight and went away. The Doctor was almost asleep when Rose tucked him in. He didn’t move when she lay down close to him.

 

“…”

“I keep the screwdriver, but you can have your jacket back.”

“You had my jacket?” he asked sleepily with a smile.

“A way to keep you close without danger.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“Look in my left pocket. There’s a little box.”

 

She did as she was told and found the box he was talking about. She had a small cry of surprise when she opened it. There was a golden and thin necklace with two pendants on it: one was the TARDIS, the other was a little planet. Both were golden.

 

“But when… How…”

 

She didn’t know what to say. The necklace was beautiful. She’d rather not imagine how much it had cost him. The Doctor never had any money on him. How could he even afford something like that? Why was he showing this to her? She turned her head to watch him. He opened his eyes.

 

“It was the first anniversary of our meeting a few days ago. I wanted a special gift.”

“That’s so beautiful,” she murmured, stroking the jewel.

“I’ve had it done when you were with your mom. Jack has helped me to find the money. I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.”

“I-I love it.”

 

She took the necklace in her hands and tried to fasten it around her bruised neck. The Doctor wanted to help her but stopped his move halfway. He couldn’t touch her, not after what he had done to her. She asked for his help though and he carefully closed the clasp. Then, he lay down again and closed his eyes.

 

“If I could, I would give you the universe, Rose Tyler.”

“You’ve already done that, my Doctor.”

 

She kissed his forehead and lay down next to him. She took his hand and closed her eyes. She was surprised by the fact she had forgiven him so fast but happy to have him back, though that virus had hurt them both.

 

“You’re never gonna leave me?”

“Never.”

 

She held his hand tighter to seal that promise. She would never leave him, and he would never let her go. That was a certain fact. They both fell asleep hand in hand.


	29. Gravity (Alec Hardy/Rose/Ten)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He let her take him back home. There was nobody there, and the house was quiet. Rose was working and their daughter was in school. He walked to his bedroom and let himself fall on the bed. Though he was afraid of having the nightmare, he welcomed the sleep with great relief and pleasure."

Alex Hardy had everything to be happy in life: a beautiful wife, an adorable daughter, a cute little house in a quiet town and a job he was excellent in no matter what the newspapers were saying. And yet, every night, he was having the same awful nightmare which caused him to wake up with a start, sweating, breathless, panicked. That was the strangest nightmare he ever had. Somehow, he felt like he had already lived that situation, like he had already felt that despair, that terror, that pain but he knew it wasn’t possible. That was too unreal. Why was he having that nightmare? Why did he feel so bad every time he woke up from that nightmare?

That night again, he woke up with a start after the dream had haunted his sleep once again. He looked at his wife who was peacefully sleeping next to him and got up, trying not to wake her up. He walked out of the room as silently as possible and opened the front door. He got out and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the small step and looked at the starry night sky which was colouring itself with shades of red, orange and yellow. The sun was rising slowly when Rose sat up next to him and gave him a cup of tea.

 

“That dream again?”

 

Alec nodded and took the cup of tea she was offering him. He drank a mouthful of it. It was hot and warmed his body the terror of the night had cooled down. It wasn’t cold outside, but the dream always left him feeling very cold inside.

 

“Still don’t wanna talk about it?”

“How can I talk about something I don’t understand?”

“You shouldn’t go to work today. Stay home. Get some rest.”

 

He put the cup down on the ground next to him and took her in his arms. He softly kissed her forehead and whispered an ‘I love you’ in her ear. She smiled. As long as she was with him, nothing bad could happen to him. He was convinced of this fact. Oh, how wrong he was!

 

“Nah, I need to go to work. Don’t want Miller to steal my job. She still hates on me for that.”

“I’m pretty sure she likes you actually.”

“I know I count on her. She’s the only one I trust here. But don’t say it. I don’t want her to think we’re friends or whatever.”

“You’re a jerk,” laughed Rose.

 

He knew she was joking. Ellie Miller didn’t like him at first but now she was the closest friend he had in this town. She seemed to be the only one here to like him. The others were calling him ‘shit face’. Not that he cared that much.

Alec finally got ready for work and kissed the two girls of his life before he left. The day was long. He stayed in his office to filling in paperwork. He was exhausted. He took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes and the same images came to haunt him as he was trying to get some rest. The same feeling of despair, of terror and the exact same pain tortured his heart and soul. The same scream coming from his own mouth tore him apart. A scream of powerlessness, of pain. A scream that burned his throat. A scream that was echoing the pain attacking his whole body and mind.

 

“Rose!” he exclaimed as he suddenly woke in the same condition of vulnerability that always followed the nightmare.

“She called me to keep an eye on you. She’s worried about you.”

“Miller?”

 

He rubbed his eyes to get rid of the last images of the dream. He had only slept for ten minutes and he felt even more tired than before. Ellie was sat in the chair that was facing him. Only the desk was separating them. She was observing him closely.

 

“When was the last time you’ve actually slept?”

 

He couldn’t even tell her. As far as he could remember, he had always had that nightmare. That could days, weeks or months for all he knew. No wonder why he was so exhausted.

 

“I don’t know.”

“Go home. Get some rest. Come back when you’ll feel better. I’ll talk with the chief.”

“I’m f…”

“No, you’re not, Hardy, and everybody can see that. You’re exhausted. You’ve been making mistakes. I’m covering for you. And now, you sleep at work and wake up as if you’ve just been running a marathon. Go home, Alec.”

 

Alec sighed deeply. Miller using his first name was always a sign of her being angry at him or worried for him. The second option was the reason why she was using it right now. He gave in.

 

“You won. I’m going back home.”

“I’m driving.”

 

He didn’t protest. It was useless. He let her take him back home. There was nobody there, and the house was quiet. Rose was working and their daughter was in school. He walked to his bedroom and let himself fall on the bed. Though he was afraid of having the nightmare, he welcomed the sleep with great relief and pleasure.

Rose came back home in the afternoon after picking up Lily from school. Ellie had called her earlier to tell her that she had taken Alec home. As the little girl was eating an after-school snack, Rose went to the bedroom. She smiled when she saw that he was deeply asleep. He was lightly snoring and there was no sign of agitation. He wasn’t having a nightmare as if it had finally decided to let him get some rest. Rose took his jacket, tie and shoes off and tucked him in. She then walked back to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Lily was watching cartoons on the television but, when she realised her father wasn’t there for dinner, she grew worried.

 

“Mummy, is daddy sick?” she asked.

“No, sweetheart. Daddy’s been working really hard. He just needs to sleep a little. He’s gonna be fine.”

 

Saying that he needed to sleep a little was an understatement. He needed to sleep more than just a little. He did sleep for twenty-four hours. When he woke up, he found a note on the pillow next to him. Rose had written that she had left a plate of food for him in the fridge. Ellie was covering for him at work.

Life was slowly going back to normal. He could sleep without the nightmare haunting him, but that only lasted a few days. He was thinking that it was finally over when the dream came back more violent than before. He spent the rest of the night in the kitchen, writing and drawing everything that could help him understand why he was having such a dream. Then, he took a shower to relax. Rose was up when he came back in the kitchen. She was holding some of the things he had written. She was crazy worried. Her vision was blurry.

 

“Alec, what is that?”

“The dream I’ve been having over and over again. I-I keep on dreaming that I’m losing you. And that’s scaring me to death,” he admitted, a knot in his throat.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Every time I wake up, the dream just disappears. It’s like my memory doesn’t want me to remember that. I can’t find words to tell what’s happening.”

“But…”

“All I can remember is me yelling your name and the sudden light. And I wake up.”

“Alec…”

“I’m terrified.”

 

Alec had never admitted being afraid before. He had always kept it to himself. Whatever was that dream, it had broken him. Rose hugged him when she saw he was about to break down for good. He had been strong for too long. He needed to let go of some of the tension he had been keeping inside down.

 

“Maybe you should see a doctor.”

 

The word sounded weird in his ear as if it was supposed to mean something to him, but he couldn’t catch the meaning. He nodded. That was the last solution he had before he sank into madness.

 

“I heard there was this woman in town. She’s a specialist of that kind of troubles. I’m taking a day off. We’re both going.”

“Thank you.”

“I made my choice a long time ago and I’m never gonna leave you.”

 

Once again, he felt like those words were supposed to mean something special to him. A meaning that was slipping away from him when he was trying to get a hold of it. However, he didn’t want to think about it right now. He hugged Rose tighter.

Later, they dropped Lily at school and went to the doctor’s office. Alec had never heard of her in that town before, and he had been here for long enough to know everyone. He didn’t trust strangers. When she asked Rose to leave the room so he was alone with her, he suddenly felt uneasy. Who was she? Why did he feel like he knew he would not like whatever she would be saying to him?

He couldn’t find the words to tell her about his dream. Everything was rushing through his head but he couldn’t talk. The woman decided to use hypnosis to help him. It took a few minutes before he finally let go, and then, the words came on their own to explain what his nightmare was about.

 

“I’m a Time Lord. The last of them. I’ve been travelling with Rose Tyler for a while now. We were casually laughing about our next destination, and we ended up in Torchwood, an agency of alien hunters. They had opened a portal between two universes and created a freaking mess. We were invaded by Daleks and Cybermen. The only way to get rid of them was to open the Void, but Rose’s mother, Rose and I had travelled through time and space. The void would have sucked us up. I sent Rose and Jackie in the parallel universe, knowing I would never see them again. But Rose came back. She helped me to get rid of our enemies even if that meant never seeing her mother ever again. She had chosen me over her family. We lowered the levers to open the Void together. It was hard to fight the call of the it but we resisted. Until her lever started to come back to the off position. Until she tried to keep it on the on position. The Void was too strong. She lost her grip, and I screamed her name as the pain tore my hearts apart. Pete, her father, saved her from the Void, but…” His voice broke. “I lost her. I lost my Rose, and I’ll never see the woman I love ever again.”

 

The woman, called Katlyn, broke the hypnosis, telling him he would remember everything. She saw the pain on his face the minute he opened his eyes to face her again. She saw it as it was hitting his whole body, as the tears ran down his face, as he was clenching his fists to control himself. She read the notes he had given her earlier.

 

“That’s very clear to me.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Have you ever considered that the dream you’ve been having was actually the reality and all of this just a dream?”

“Are you insane? That’s too surrealistic to be real.”

“You think so?” she asked, making a rose appear on her desk. “But the weirdest, the most painful things are sometimes the real ones.”

“How did you…?”

“It’s time to wake up, Doctor.”

 

Alec was confused. The word had a real meaning now that he could remember all his dream. Katlyn had woken up his memory but that was too painful and he didn’t want to accept that reality. He pushed the images, the pain and the tears away and let the anger come to him.

 

“Enough! I don’t know what you’re trying to do but it’s not working. You’ve got everything wrong.”

“It’s really working and you don’t want to admit it. But that other you, the you of your ‘dream’, is the real one. Alec Hardy is just a thing in your head. You created all of this to stay with Rose. You don’t want to wake up in a world where she’s not anymore. Tell me I’m wrong, Doctor.”

“Stop calling me that!”

 

He was so full of anger against that woman. He hated her. He hated what she was trying to tell him. He hated what she was trying to make him understand. He lost his control and tried to punch her but she stopped his fist with one hand. She hadn’t blinked, hadn’t moved. She kept her calm.

 

“I’m just an illusion, just like all of that. I’m the voice of your reason. You’re following your heart, Doctor, and that’s usually a good thing. Not now though. You gotta let her go now. Your song isn’t over, Doctor.”

“Stop that now!” he yelled.

 

He was furious but she wasn’t afraid. She should have been. He knocked down everything that was on her desk, yelling and hitting everything that was around. A sudden pressure around his waist forced him to stop. Rose had come into the office and was now hugging him from behind. She put her head on his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. When she requested to talk to Katlyn, he stormed out of the office and slammed the door. Rose faced Katlyn.

 

“Promise me you’ll take care of him.”

“I will. No matter what.”

 

Rose smiled weakly and shook hands with her. She was relieved to know that someone would take care of him, of her Alec, of her Doctor. She couldn’t do it anymore, but he would never be alone.

 

The next day, he was still mad at Katlyn. He didn’t tell Rose what she had said to him. She was still worried about him because the nightmare had kept him awake all night. She thought she had lost him for good when he woke up. She had been watching him while he was struggling against the dream. And suddenly, he had woken up, out of breath, crying, shaking, the heart pounding so hard she could hear it. Terror and pain were marking his face. She would never forget how hurt he was. He didn’t even react when she caught his hand to comfort him. He just stared at the ceiling, his eyes full of ghosts. And all of a sudden, she felt nothing at all. No heartbeats, no breathing, no move. Alec’s face was blank. He was gone. Rose did everything to bring him back, but he didn’t remember anything. For him, nothing had happened except for the nightmare and she wasn’t gonna tell him about that night.

Alec went to work after he told his two girls how much he loved them. His only wish was to stay with them but he couldn’t. He had been absent too many times lately. He got a call from Rose in the middle of the afternoon.

 

“Hey, honey, missing me?”

_“As always, Alec. Can’t you escape from work to come to the beach with us?”_

 

He hated that word and he didn’t even know why. Maybe it was something the Doctor he was supposed to be hated. Or maybe that was just a memory from his childhood. He would never know.

 

“I wish I could. But they need me there. You know how they all are. I wonder how they became cops.”

_“You’re being rude.”_

“Can’t help. Send me pics. I want to see my girls having fun while I’m stuck here.”

 

They kept on talking. Alec didn’t care that everyone was watching him as he was talking to Rose, a smile on his lips. He loved her so much. The dream couldn’t be true. Katlyn couldn’t be right. He couldn’t lose his Rose. He wouldn’t be able to survive without her.

 

“I love you.”

_“So do I, honey. I miss you.”_

_“How cute is that!”_ exclaimed a voice he didn’t know.

“Who’s that?” Alec demanded.

 _“Time to play hide and seek,_ **Doctor** _.”_

 

He froze at the name and flashbacks rushed through his mind. He didn’t want to remember any of that. He shook his head and focused on the phone call to forget about all those images. His hand clutched his phone.

 

“I don’t wanna play. Whoever you are, leave my girls alone.”

_“You’re so naïve. The game starts now. Let’s see if you can find them before the end.”_

“I swear if you hurt one of them…”

 

He couldn’t end his sentence. Rose was sobbing in the background. He had already hurt her. That was something he would never be forgiven for. He was gonna track this son of a bitch down and make him pay for even coming near Rose.

 

_“Tick-tock, Doctor.”_

“YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? YOU ARE DEAD!”

 

Alec stormed out of his office while the other was laughing. Which made him really mad. Then, he hung up. Alec didn’t answer the questions Ellie was asking. He didn’t notice the inquiring looks of his colleagues. He just ran to his car and started hunting down the bastard who dared threatening his family. He ran from one point of the town to another. There wasn’t any clue. Whoever had his girls, he had disappeared and taken them with him. The last place he went to was his house. There was still no sign of them. Alec was exhausted, on the edge of breaking down, but he couldn’t give up. He had to find Rose and Lily before any harm was done to them. That’s when he saw the note on the fridge with a picture.

 

“NO WONDER WHY PEOPLE CALL YOU THE WORST COP OF BRITAIN. NOT EVEN ABLE TO FIND YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTER. WHAT A LAME DETECTIVE YOU ARE. WILL YOU BE A BETTER DOCTOR?”

 

Alec’s heart stopped when he saw that the kidnapper had hurt his girls. He had beaten Rose, slightly but still. His wife and daughter needed his help and he wasn’t able to find them. He creased the paper in his hand as the anger rose in him. He suddenly yelled against the world, knocked everything down around him and finally slid to the ground, crying.

 

“Alec?”

 

He had no reaction when Ellie came into the kitchen and came near him. She put a hand on his shoulder but he continued on staring at the ground, the tears still sliding down his face. He was devastated to say the least. Ellie was worried. She had never seen him so vulnerable before.

 

“Sir?”

 

She saw the paper in his hand. She took it from him and read it. Her face grew pale when she saw the picture. Alec still had no reaction. He was disconnected from reality. On the reverse side of the picture, Ellie found another note: ‘Nothing is real.’ What was that supposed to mean? She forced Alec to get up and brought him to the living room. He sat down on the couch. Ellie made a few phone calls before getting back to him. She needed him to talk, to get out of this state.

 

“How did the both of you meet?”

“That was to the AA,” he replied with a sad smile and Ellie was relieved that he was listening to her. “After the Sandbrook case’s disaster, I lost control and I started drinking. Regularly. Too regularly. My colleagues noticed that I was drunk every time I came to the office. They denounced me. I already didn’t have many friends back then. My boss suspended me and ordered me to stay away from the press. He wanted me to ask for help. I was mad. I totally lost control. If I had had a gun, it could have ended in a very bad way. I just threw things and ran away with my car. I was driving and drinking at the same time to drown my frustration. I didn’t know what sobriety was anymore. And I had an accident. When I woke up, I was in the emergency service. I only had a few scratches. My car was completely wrecked. And I was handcuffed.”

“They’d arrested you.”

“Drunk driving. Endangering people’s lives. My boss had given the order to arrest me. He gave me ultimatum: ask for help or go to jail and definitely be suspended. I chose the AA and the station gave me paperwork to keep me busy without harming anyone. It was my third time. I was worked up, erratic, on the edge of exploding. They said I needed someone to help me through that situation. That’s when she offered to be that person while everyone was turning the idea down. Everyone knew my name, my reputation, my character. They were running away from me. But not her. Rose… Rose had never drunk a drop of alcohol but she was always ready to help people. She wanted to save me and she managed to do it. We’ve become close really quickly. When we got married, I asked to be transferred. Broadchurch was the only town to want me. We moved as soon as I got the job. I’ve been sober for five years, daddy for four years and married for three years. Rose Tyler picked up the waste I was and made a brand new man of me. If I lose her, if I lose _them_ , that will kill me.”

“We’re gonna find them. I promise you. Our best men are looking for them. They won’t stop until they find something. You should get some rest. I’ll wake you up if we have anything.”

“I can’t.”

 

His hands were shaking. He was upset. Ellie could easily guess that those were symptoms he knew very well. He was suffering from great anxiety and his old demon was coming back to haunt him. If she left him alone, how much time would he struggle before diving back into alcohol? She had to prevent that from happening.

 

“I’m gonna make some tea. That’ll help you to relax. Tom and Fred are with my sister. I’m gonna stay with you tonight.”

“Thanks, Miller.”

 

In the end, he slept. Without a dream. Miller had most likely drugged him to force him to sleep but it wouldn’t last. The sound of his phone ringing woke him up with a start. Who the hell was calling him? And what for?

He rushed to the beach as soon as the caller hung up. No one had told him what it was all about but they needed him there. They had already secured the area and officers were keeping the crowd away. He showed them his badge and walked to the crime scene. He wasn’t feeling well. On the edge of a panic attack. It became worse as he was getting closer to the scene. When he saw the two black mortuary bags, he almost fainted. His heart sank in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. That couldn’t be true.

 

“Who the hell called him?”

 

Miller’s voice. Angry. Worried. He kept on walking, his eyes not leaving the mortuary bags. His heart ached. The world was going blurry. Miller came to him and forced him to stop.

 

“They shouldn’t have called you. I’m sorry. Go back home.”

 

Miller was trying to keep him away from the bodies but he wanted to see. He now knew that everything was over because of her tone. He pushed her away and slowly walked to the bags. Two cops in uniforms tried to stop him. He struggled.

 

“I have to see,” he muttered. “Let me see them.”

 

They held him tighter. Miller’s orders. For once, she was doing her job well, but she wouldn’t be able to stop him. He needed to know, to confirm it.

 

“Sir, this is not a good idea.”

 

She was confirming it. His heart hurt more. He couldn’t believe it. That definitely couldn’t be true. It was a mistake. A very bad joke.

 

“LET ME SEE THEM!” he cried out, totally devastated.

 

They let go of him. He rushed to the bags and opened them. That wasn’t true. That couldn’t be true. And yet, his two girls were there, laying still in those black plastic bags. He stroked their faces. They looked like they were sleeping. They weren’t. Alec suddenly broke down, hugging the two dead bodies, rocking them back and forth, and cried because now, he had nothing left in his life.

They had to tear him away from the bodies. All he could do was yell at everyone and struggle against the people forcing him to leave his two girls. They dragged him away from the crime scene. All of a sudden, he stopped everything and just let them drag him away from the bodies. He didn’t say anything, nor move. His tears had stopped rolling down his cheeks. Ellie was more than worried about him. She had promised they would find them. She had given him hope and now, his whole world was falling apart. He had told her how much he loved his girls and now, he had lost them. Life was so unfair. She stopped the car on the side of the road.

 

“Talk to me, Alec.”

“…”

“Please, just say something.”

 

He remained silent, staring at the emptiness through the windscreen. There was nothing to say. Not anymore. It was all done. He was done.

 

“Alec…”

 

Ellie sighed and started driving again. They were still on the road when Alec suddenly stooped out of breath, his hand clutching his heart. He was struggling against a violent pain in his chest. Ellie stopped the car again. He didn’t answer any of her questions. The pain was awful. He felt like someone was crushing his heart and couldn’t breathe anymore. He heard Ellie call for an ambulance but didn’t understand what she was saying. She was trying to keep him alive, but what was the point of living when he had nothing left?

 

A week passed by after Alec’s heart attack. He was diagnosed with the heartbroken syndrome. The whole universe was mocking him. He had pills to take and Miller was watching over him since he got out of the hospital. He hadn’t moved from his house. He spent his days curled up in bed with a picture of Rose and Lily. He was eating only because Miller was forcing him to but he wasn’t hungry at all. She was still on the case and every time she had to go to the station, she always left someone to watch over him. She was crazy worried about him. She knew that if she didn’t keep an eye on him, he would dive back into his old demon. But she was exhausted and one night, while she was sleeping, he just ran away from the house. He bought a bottle of whiskey and went to the beach. He walked in the sand for a while, staring at the horizon. He stopped walking when he reached the spot where the bodies had been found. They still hadn’t caught the killer, but nothing mattered anymore now.

 

“Together or not at all,” he murmured.

 

He unscrewed the cap of the bottle and threw it away. Then, he started drinking. He mixed the alcohol with the pills for his heart. After some time, he welcomed the feeling of death spreading in his body.

 

“It’s time to wake up now, Doctor,” said a voice.

“I don’t want to live in a world where she’s not anymore.”

 

He continued poisoning his own body. When he fell to the ground, slowly dying, he heard Miller’s scream. She had found him. She rushed to his side but it was too late. She wanted to call an ambulance but he stopped her by giving her a letter he had written. As she was reading it, tears ran down her face. She tried to save him but he just gave up on his life. He smiled to her through the dark.

 

“Thank you, Ellie,” he whispered.

 

Alec slowly closed his eyes. Even if Ellie called an ambulance now, they wouldn’t be there in time. He was already too far gone. He greeted death with relief. The pain was finally over. He could see his Rose again now.

 

The Doctor coughed before opening his eyes. The TARDIS was full of smoke and mess. The Doctor could barely move. His whole body was painful. His sight was blurry but he could see feet belonging to the person leaving the place. He weakly called out to know who it was.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to be so violent. You left me no choice.”

 

No name. The Doctor couldn’t even say if it was a woman or a man. He couldn’t run after that person. He coughed again as the smoke was intoxicating him. Although he was in pain, he managed to sit up and looked around, trying to remember how he had ended up unconscious in the TARDIS and how someone had been able to come in. He slowly stood up.

 

“Are you okay? Rose?”

 

The reality hit him violently. He remembered. He remembered losing her and going away. He remembered getting back to the TARDIS and unleashing his pain, his powerlessness, his broken hearts, his frustration, his grief, throwing things and watching those things break to calm his anger. He remembered launching the TARDIS and driving like a mad man. And the remembered the crash. Everything was a black hole after that, except for the strange dream he had had. He was so happy with his Rose and their beautiful daughter. And now, he had nothing left. He was on his own again. He had lost the woman he loved and hadn’t told her about her feelings. He looked at the denim jacket she had left in the TARDIS, grabbed it and smelled it. It brought tears to his eyes. He cried for a while. Then, he fixed his ship, took a look at the gap closing and had an idea: it was time to see his Rose for the last time to say goodbye, to tell her he loved her, even if it was too late now.


	30. Here without you (Nine/Rose/Tentoo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She felt like she was floating when consciousness called her back. The clock was still ticking, but she doubted that Time ever had a meaning there. She had the strange feeling of being out of time and out of space."

The only thing she could hear was a persistent tick tock. She didn’t know where she was, nor what she was doing there. The only thing she knew was that there was the sound of a clock ticking, very slowly ticking the seconds away. How long had she been here? No, where was she? She lazily opened her eyes and blinked a few times because of the bright white light that attacked her eyes. It was unbearable and forced her to close her eyes again. Why were the walls and ground of that room around her so white? She could still see it through her shut eyelids. It was reflecting on her skin, trying to penetrate it. Such a bright light should be burning her skin, but it wasn’t. The room was as white as cold. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of the cold. She hadn’t realised how cold she was, and the clock was seeding the seconds slower and slower. Time itself was slowing down and she was falling in a sea of blinding white light.

 

She felt like she was floating when consciousness called her back. The clock was still ticking, but she doubted that Time ever had a meaning there. She had the strange feeling of being out of time and out of space. She was aware that she was laid – curled up would be a better choice of word – on the ground but she couldn’t feel it under her. Or was she really floating? No, it wasn’t possible unless gravity didn’t exist in there. She would notice it if there wasn’t any gravity. She would be in constant movement and she wasn’t. She had the feeling of floating but she was very still. Out of time, out of space. She was frozen in between something she couldn’t identify. Could the ticking be her heart beating? Everything was so confused in her mind. She tried to remember something, tried to remember anything, but nothing came to her mind. Who was she? No one, and she was so tired. The white light washed over her like the sea was washing over the beach and she lost the trail of her thoughts.

 

The third time, she swept away the questions. She needed answers and not more questions. She opened her eyes slowly and carefully. The white light attacked her immediately but she chose to go through it that time. It wasn’t harmful. It was just aggressive for her eyes. Once they were used to the blinding light, she looked around. Just like she thought, she was curled up on the ground. It was as white and immaculate as the walls surrounding her. It looked unreal and infinite. She moved a bit to see more of her strange surroundings, but the pain exploded in her side when she tried to sit up. She pressed her hands on her side and lay on her back, trying to catch her breath. Where did that sudden pain come from? She closed her eyes briefly and took deep and slow breaths. Her heart was beating so fast, and the pain was like liquid fire in her veins. She was momentarily paralysed because of that sudden tear of her side. She just waited for the pain to disappear before moving again.

When her breath and heartbeats were back to normal, she tried to sit up once again. She was more careful that time. The pain was still there but it was easier to bear with her hands pressed on her side. She wondered where did it come from. She didn’t look hurt though. It wasn’t a stitch. It was too painful to be a stitch. She lifted her shirt slightly and gasped at the large bruise she could see. It was so dark. So recent. So painful. She brushed her trembling fingers over the bruised skin. She almost could feel the reliefs of something under it. Something painful. The skin was very sensitive and burning hot. What had happened to her? She very slowly and very carefully got up. It took her a few minutes to be standing on her feet without reeling. The world was lightly spinning around her but she held on and observed her surroundings. As far as she could see, it was all white walls and white ground. And that persistent tick tock was still there although there was no clock. She couldn’t see any at least. She took a few steps. She didn’t know where she was going. There was nowhere to go, no clear direction to follow. Unless… What was that black thing on the ground?

She walked faster to reach it and before she realised it, she was running. She didn’t feel the ground under her feet so she felt like flying in that white world. She had forgotten about the pain as if it had never been there in the first place. Her feet were making no noise as they hit the ground. She was even surprised to not be breathless because of how fast she was running. The clock was ticking faster now that she was running, and the more she was running, the more she had the feeling the black thing had just been a product of her imagination. She was surprised when she stumbled over something and fell. The fall was hard and she groaned as the pain came back and rushed through her entire body. Sand seeped in her mouth and nose, causing her to cough and sneeze a few times. The wind slipped under her clothes and she shivered. The clock ticking had stopped. It was replaced by the sound of waves coming back and forth on the beach. She was too stunned to even realise she could feel the ground under her. She wasn’t in that blinding white room anymore.

After a few minutes, she managed to sit up and her eyes grew big as she realised she wasn’t in the white room anymore. She looked around. She was on a beach. A desert and craggy beach. No sign of human or alien life around. Not that she could see. Nothing and no one. Only her and the sea. It was quite peaceful but she couldn’t understand how she could have ended up there. Her eyes fell on the little black thing she had seen earlier in the white room. It wasn’t black at all in the end. It was a grey casing with a big orangish button. A voice in the back of her head told her that it was a dimension cannon. Meaning she was traveling through different dimensions, but what for? She picked it up and pressed the button but nothing happened. She was still on that beach that looked kinda familiar to her. She got up slowly and slipped the device in her pocket. She walked on the beach without any purpose. She couldn’t stay there. She had to go back to wherever she was coming from, but she didn’t know how to do that. The dimension hopper didn’t seem to work. What was she there for anyway?

She stopped walking for a moment and looked at the sky. It was a clear blue sky. One that was announcing a beautiful day to come. But it didn’t remind her of a particular good day she could have spent with her family. No, that clear sky reminded her of a man she had once known but who had to disappear too early. She could picture him right now all in leather jacket and jeans with a daft grin and sparkling blue eyes. She could smell him, all leather and mint and a bit of that motor oil he always carried around, a smell he always left in his wake, a smell that always comforted her when she was upset. She really missed him, that daft old man, and she sometimes wanted to see him. Just for a moment, just to hold him tight against her and breath in his scent. Sure, she had a boyfriend now – she knew it somewhere in her heart – and they were happy together but that man, that broken man, was the first one she had fallen for so hard and so quick. A burning passion she had had to hide from everyone, even herself. Where did those memories come from? And what was the name of that stranger in leather?

She couldn’t remember names but she remembered faces and scents. She remembered the man with the leather jacket and blue eyes, and the man with a brown suit and amazing hair. Two different faces of the same man. A man she loved. A man she missed. And there was that thing. A blue box bigger on the inside than on the outside. And that wheezing and so full of hope sound. A sound she was dying to hear once again. She turned around to take a look at the craggy beach. She had to find a way out of there, to find someone who could tell her who she was and where she was. Her heart dropped in her chest when her eyes caught a blue box standing there on the beach. A man was leaned against it. She was sure they weren’t there just a few seconds ago. Her feet started moving quickly to them as if they were familiar with them while her mind while her mind seemed to be frozen. The blue box and the man with the leather jacket. It seemed unreal, but there she was, running to them as if she had done that all her life, and praying for them not to be an hallucination. That would crush her. He seemed surprised to see her but before he could say a thing, she had her face pressed into the wool of his jumper, her arms wrapped tightly around him and her hands gripping the back of his jacket.

He didn’t react immediately. He was too shocked by her sudden appearance to do anything more than just stand there against the TARDIS. However, when she started sobbing against his chest, he snapped back to reality. His arms naturally found their way back around her and he pulled her impossibly closer to him. His embrace was protective and he placed a gentle hand on the back of her head. He couldn’t believe she was there for real. He couldn’t help but take mental notes of how it felt to have her in his arms again, to be able to feel her and touch her and smell her like he could do with the TARDIS. It was the first time he ever saw her since he was there and he wondered how that miracle could have happened. But he didn’t really care about the reason that brought her there. Someone out there had decided to bring her back to him and he couldn’t complain about it. He had missed her so much and she was back to him. He wasn’t so lonely anymore on that beach he never really left since he had arrived. Once again, the brightest and strongest person he ever knew broke his solitude and darkness to bring a bit of light and love and compassion to him.

 

“Oh, Rose…” he murmured, his voice trembling.

 

Rose. That was her name then. Now that he had murmured it in his Northern accent, her memory seemed to unlock itself and free her memories. Some of them. Her name was Rose Tyler. She came from the Powell Estate in London. She was living an ordinary life with her mother and boyfriend until that man, that amazing man, ran into her life and took her away from home. He showed her the universe and she fell in love with him. It was him. The man she had fallen for so hard. The burning passion in her veins was caused by that extraordinary man she had thought was dead. And now, she was there, in his arms. The relief to have him back made her sob against his chest. It felt like she had been drowning and seeing him again brought her back to the surface. She was breathing again. She was _home_ again.

 

“Oh, Doctor! My Doctor!” she whispered between two sobs.

 

He rubbed her back slowly but didn’t say a word. Not now. Now, he was just enjoying what he had been waiting for. He had wished for her to come back to him, or for himself to go back to her. In a way. In any way. But it never worked. Until now. He was really happy to have her back, to be able to hold her in his arms, but he was also really sad. Because if she was there now, it only meant one thing. And he really hoped he was wrong.

 

“It’s okay. I’m here now.”

 

He cradled her gently and slowly to help her calm her sobs. He had no idea what she had been through since he was gone, had no idea of how long he had been gone. He had lost track of time from being there. It could be months or years or days for all he knew. He observed the blonde girl in his arms. She was different from the last time he had seen her. Her hair was longer and she had lost her child’s features. She was a grown woman. So, he had been there for years. Years of hoping to see her again. And his wish had been granted.

Rose’s sobs slowly calmed down but she didn’t loosen her grip on him. She didn’t want to. She wanted him to hold her forever. But something deep inside told her it wouldn’t be possible. They belonged to two different worlds. So, she had to enjoy every single minute she could spend with him. She sniffed and looked up at him. She met his blue eyes and realised they were full of tears too. He wasn’t crying but his eyes said it all. He _knew_. He knew they couldn’t stay together for too long. He knew she didn’t belong there, to that surrealistic world. And he wanted to enjoy every minute he could spend with her. So did she. She didn’t want to leave his arms though. It felt good to be back there in that protective and comforting embrace.

 

“I’ve missed you so much,” she mumbled.

 

Rose was afraid that talking too loud could break that moment, could wake her up from that reality and make her lose him once again. She didn’t know if she would be able to handle that a second time. It always tore her heart apart when she was thinking about him. Seeing him again was a chance and she wouldn’t waste it. Their time was limited. Once again, she couldn’t help but think about the day she had lost him. The beach didn’t seem so peaceful anymore now and a weight settled down on her chest. She had to get rid of it. To forget for a while that she shouldn’t be there with him. The Doctor gave her a tiny sad smile as if he knew, as if he could read her mind – which he probably could actually – and she gave him one back before she managed to leave his blue eyes to look at the blue box behind him.

 

“Is that the TARDIS?”

“Herself.”

“But the new Doctor…”

 

Rose remembered him regenerating. She remembered him facing his worst enemies and his own demons alone because he had sent her back home to protect her. She had come back to him. Somehow. And he had sacrificed himself to save her from something burning through her veins and brain. To save her from the power of Time itself. He had left her with a brand new man. Someone she had needed time to accept. Even if she had grown fond of that new man, she had missed the first Doctor she had met. He would always have a special spot in her heart.

 

“We’re on a land of imagination. We can recreate everything with our mind. Well, almost everything.”

“Almost?”

“I’ve tried so hard to make you appear, Rose, but it never worked until today. Your face was escaping me more and more and I was so scared.”

 

Rose’s eyes left the TARDIS to meet the Doctor’s eyes. They were so full of honesty and sadness and pain that she felt like her heart had been ripped into pieces. She held him against her tighter and she felt his hands desperately clutching her own leather jacket – a jacket she had chosen because it reminded her of him – in an attempt to keep her close. He didn’t want to say goodbye a second time. He eventually let go of her jacket to cup her cheeks. He remained silent as he observed her face, and she didn’t move while he was carving every feature of it in his memory. She didn’t want him to forget her. Never. Just like she would never forget him.

 

“There’s a memory I keep thinking about,” the Doctor confessed. “It was such a perfect night.”

“We had so many nights together, Doctor.”

 

They had never had an affair together. He was always keeping a certain distance between them to protect himself, but he always closed that distance whenever she was vulnerable. He never said anything but he always watched over her when she was sleeping. When she was going through a rough day, he lay down with her and held her in his arms until she fell asleep. But none of them had forgotten about the night after their meeting with the Dalek. Rose had never seen him so vulnerable. He had pretended to be okay and sent her to bed but she hadn’t been able to sleep and had wandered in the TARDIS until she found him in what he had called the Zero Room later. A room created by the TARDIS for him after the Time War. To protect himself. To let him lash out without hurting anyone. To prevent him from killing himself. He hadn’t said a thing that night. She had picked up the pieces of him and held him in her arms until the morning came. They had never talked about that night, but they had never forgotten it either.

 

“Not like that night.”

“What night are you talking about, Doctor?”

 

She was whispering again. The Doctor’s face was close to hers. There was something intimate between the two of them. There had always been some tension between them – Jack would have said it was a sexual tension, and he would be really happy if he knew how right he had been in the end, not only for the sexual tension but also for the romantic feelings – but they had never been close. Not that way. She felt her heart beating faster and her face growing hot and red as she dived in his intense blue eyes. For a second, she thought he was gonna kiss her, and she really wanted it to happen, but instead, he murmured something in her ear.

 

“The night everybody lived, Rose.”

 

She blushed harder and a shiver ran down her spine. Of course, she remembered that night very well. The night they had danced together after Captain Jack came on board. It was a night she could never forget about. A magical night. She had thought a lot about that night, had relived it several times in her lonely dreams. She was surprised that he even remembered it. He probably had met a lot of other women in his long life. She wasn’t the first one. He could have had a better night with a better woman. But he kept thinking about that night they had danced together. Could it be possible that there had been something going on between the two of them before he regenerated? He had always been so cold, so distant with her. There were the hugs and holding hands, but nothing more. When he was taking a step too close to her, he immediately took two steps backwards. He was a broken man. A broken man who needed time to heal. A man who didn’t think he could love and be loved in return. She showed him otherwise, didn’t she?

 

“We should dance again. Like that night. One last time.”

 

_One last time_. Before their paths diverged for the last time. They were both aware that it was almost done, that it was the last time they would see each other. It was their last chance to have proper goodbyes, to say the unsaid, and they had to take it. If that was the way he wanted to say goodbye to her, then she had no objection to it. Before she realised it, he was holding her hand and taking her into the TARDIS. The old girl was exactly like she remembered her. She lightly stroked the console and smiled at the content hum she got in return. The Doctor was fiddling with something. His hand hadn’t let go of hers and she never wanted him to let go of her. That felt so odd and so familiar all at once. But it was good. It was very good. The song they had danced to years ago was on and a wave of memories rushed through her mind. His smile echoed hers as he led her around the console, as they were dancing as if they were back to that special night.

For a few minutes, they both forgot everything around them. All that mattered was the two of them here and now in the void between time and space. They were falling in that void and there was nothing that could stop their fall. It was overwhelming, but Rose didn’t want it to stop. The clock wasn’t ticking anymore, but she was sure that if Time existed in that dimension, it would slow down for them. She would always remember his hands on her body, how he spinned her until she couldn’t see straight anymore, how he threw her backwards over his arm. She pulled herself up and put a hand on his shoulder to steady herself on her feet. Her heart was beating so fast she couldn’t hear anything else. She was breathless, and the world was still spinning around her as if they were still dancing. But she was aware of his arms around her body, of his eyes staring at her, of his lips so close to hers.

 

“This was the night I realised I couldn’t lie to myself anymore,” he whispered, and his breath brushing over her lips made her shiver again.

“What was that lie, Doctor?” she asked just as low.

“That I wasn’t made to love you. That I couldn’t love someone as bright as you.”

“But you…”

“And now, I can finally say the truth.”

 

_Before you disappear for good._ He didn’t say the words out loud but she could hear it clearly in her mind. Their time together was almost over, but she refused the idea of losing him, of him losing her. They needed each other. _But he is dead_ , muttered a voice in her head and maybe if she had been more attentive, she would have noticed that he wasn’t breathing at all, that his hearts weren’t beating under her hand. She was imagining it all, and that thought frightened her. _I love you_ , he murmured against her lips and she desperately needed to believe him. His lips were cold against hers when he finally kissed her and her hands gripped his jacket to pull him closer as she kissed him back.

Darkness was surrounding her now and the only thing she was sure of was that he was there with her and she held onto him tight as she felt him fade away. His lips against hers were keeping her anchored to reality – well, his reality – as waves of memories of her life with the new Doctor, with the human Doctor, flashed through her mind. She no longer was Rose Tyler from the Powell Estate. Now, she was Rose Tyler, the Vitex Heiress, Defender of the Earth. She was working for Torchwood with her husband, John Smith, the human Doctor. She was living a day after day life with him and her mother and father and little brother, Tony. They were all happy together. Until she was sent on that mission. Until she faced that guy keeping a dangerous alien artefact. Until she was shot in the side. Darkness closed around her and she fell into its void, away from that Doctor she would never see again.

 

×

 

When Rose Tyler opened her eyes again, she thought she was back to the white and endless room. She was dazzled by the light and blinked a few times before she got used to it. She slowly became aware of her surroundings. She was in a hospital room and what she had thought was a ticking clock was her heartbeats on the monitoring she was connected to. Her body felt numb, probably because they were giving her morphine or something stronger. She must have gone through surgery but she had no memories of it. She looked down. John was laying on his side, an arm wrapped around her chest, his head on her shoulder, careful to not hurt her. She smiled a bit at the sight and ran a hand through his brown hair. He looked like he had been there for days according to his crinkled clothes, and hairy face. She stroked it gently. He made a groan of contentment and moved a bit. She kissed his forehead softly, her hand back in his hair.

John relaxed and leaned into her touch sleepily. His brain seemed to realise that Jackie wouldn’t be the one touching him that way. There was only one person who could do that. He opened his eyes quickly and met her look. He propped himself up on one elbow and kissed her before a word was spoken. Rose smiled against his lips and kissed him back. It was different from the kiss she had shared with the former version of him, but it felt right. Very right. John broke the kiss and put his forehead against hers.

 

“I was so scared you would leave me alone with Jackie.”

 

Rose chuckled lightly but the pain in her body woke up at that simple move and she winced in pain. John gently forced her to stop laughing before she harmed herself more. Worry was clear on his face.

 

“Sorry. I shouldn’t make you laugh. You’ve been badly injured but thankfully, you won’t have any consequence. They found you in time. You just need a lot of rest and I’ll give you just that. You don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

“John, you’re terrible at cooking.”

“Maybe I’ll leave that bit to your mom. Or we’ll order something. Is that okay?”

“It sounds perfect.”

 

He smiled and everything felt better right away. Of course, she would still miss the first Doctor she had ever met – especially after that strange dream, or was it reality? Had she crossed the line and met him on the other side for a while? – but having John by her side and being able to live an almost normal life with him was perfect, right?

 

“John?”

“Hm?”

“I love you. To Pluto and back.”

“Technically, it has been proved that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. They officially called it a dwarf planet, which is kinda mean for Plutonian people. Less mean than being called a Trans-Neptunian object or a Kuiper belt object in my opinion but…”

“Oh, shut up.”

 

Rose lightly slapped his chest to make him stop talking. She closed her eyes briefly but she could tell John was smiling. He kissed her neck and nuzzled her jawline. He murmured an ‘I love you’ against her skin. Now, it was her turn to smile. After years of denying their feelings, they finally found the way to say the words out loud, and her Doctor, her precious Doctor, made sure to tell those words to her every day. Sometimes, several times a day. There was nothing better in the world than being loved by a man as extraordinary and caring and loving as the Doctor.


	31. Weddings Bells (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Things got complicated for Rose and Maxence when she decided to get married to Ianto, a man who, according to Maxence, isn’t the right one for her…"

Today was a particularly important day. However, Maxence needed a few minutes before he could remember why it was so important. He had a huge memory lapse and every time he was trying to remember, he was hitting a big black hole. He rubbed his face to get rid of the last remainders of sleep. It had no effect. He was still in a haze. Plus, he had a terrible headache and his body was incredibly sore. His memories from last night were out of his reach. What had he done to be in such a situation? He sighed, threw his blanket away and sat up on the edge of the bed.

That was a huge mistake. As soon as he was up, the room started to spin and his stomach turned. His first reaction was to run to the toilet to be sick. It was only while he was rinsing his mouth and face that he started to have memories from last night. They were a bit fuzzy but still. It was something. He had gotten drunk, that was for sure. But what for? And why was he naked? He walked back to his bedroom and remarked that everything was upside down. He picked up boxers that were lying around on the floor and pulled it on. What had he done again? If his room was in such a lame state, the rest of the flat probably wasn’t any better. He was messy when he was drunk.

He pulled on sweatpants and went to the kitchen. As he thought, the rest of the flat was as upside down as his bedroom. Pizza boxes, plastic cups and empty bottles of alcohol were covering the ground and the coffee table. It told him one thing: he wasn’t alone last night. He could never have gulped down so much junk food by himself. He must have thrown a party but didn’t remember it. It had happened a lot when he was younger. It was easier to get better after an alcoholic party back then. He had no idea of what was making that day so important but he was sure that he was gonna have a hard time to take the after-party on.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and microwaved it. Maybe it would wake him up a bit. He had to find the motivation to clean his flat and take a shower. He didn’t remember who was there for the party but some help for the cleaning before leaving would have been welcomed. People were okay for the party but not for the cleaning. It was dreadful. Maxence swallowed his coffee slowly while gauging the damages. All that mess would keep him busy for a least a few hours. He swallowed an aspirin with his coffee to get rid of the headache. He waited for some relief and started cleaning.

With a big bin bag, he picked up cups, bottles, cardboard boxes and papers to throw. It was the after-party step the most annoying. At least, that time, he didn’t find any used condom. It had happened once after a party at a brotherhood. Adults obviously had better manners.  _ Or not _ , Maxence thought while picking up a pair of handcuffs covered with fur. A stripper had come around. He didn’t remember calling one. He had to learn to control his alcohol consumption. It didn’t do him any good. Moreover, he was frustrated not to be able to remember what he had to do today.

When he was done talking around and picking up what needed to, he closed the bin bag, opened the kitchen’s window and threw it in the outside bin three floors below. Then, he vacuumed and washed the floor of the flat. He ventilated and finished his cleaning. When he came in the bathroom, he saw the cover containing his suit hung on the shower booth’s door and remembered the so important thing: Rose’s wedding. Subsequently, new, and still fuzzy, memories from last night washed over his mind. It had been a stag party. That was what they had celebrated by means of excesses.

Maxence suddenly felt torn apart deep inside. He had tried to forget her for so long but she was always coming back to haunt him. Why had she felt the need of inviting him to her wedding? He had come home one day and had found the announcement into his letter box. In a fit of rage, he had taken it to pieces. He had always been impulsive but never violent. He cursed himself for accepting the invitation. He hadn’t planned of going but she had had to come there and ask him personally. He definitely couldn’t say no to her and that was terribly wrong. That girl was making him go crazy.

It wasn’t new. She had made him go crazy since their meeting. His car had collided with hers on a parking lot and had had to make out a report. First, she had called him every name under the sun before she accepted to make it out. He had found it pretty funny. That chit of a girl was insulting and threatening him while he could easily bring her down a peg or two in a few seconds. He had preferred laughing about it than getting angry, which, of course, had infuriated Rose. He had thought she was gonna slap him but she hadn’t and had filled the report. Before leaving, she had promised him that he wouldn’t get away with it so easily. He would hear talk of her.

They had met again a couple days later. She had sat down on a stool in the pub he was working in and had ordered a drink. She hadn’t expected him to pour it to her. She had cursed him again and had thrown the drink in his face. She didn’t know him and yet, she hated him. Once again, he had found it very funny. The fact that he was so calm face to her anger was making her angrier than what was reasonable and Maxence was surprised that she hadn’t hit him yet. He would have loved to see her try, just to see if she was capable of it. Instead, she completely ignored him while he kept smiling.

Although she knew he was working in that pub, she had come back several times. He had become her way to let off steam. Once, she had come looking completely beaten and he had managed to cheer her up. She had stayed until the closing time because he had taken her keys. He had accepted to take her back home when he would be done cleaning and doing a stocktake. It hadn’t gone that way. Giving in to a sudden impulse, she had jumped on him. He hadn’t resisted and had let her do. They had finished the night in the storehouse having wild and uncontrolled sex. It had happened several times after that. They both were filled with a rage they preferred lash out with violent beats instead of letting it burn them. Their meetings were always animated, wild and uncontrollable. Nothing seemed to be able to calm them down except themselves but it was to fear that that rage that was leading them would end up burning them. It had occurred. Maxence had let it burn him. He had thought there was something going on with her but it looked like she wasn’t thinking the same. Two years ago, she had told him that she had met a good guy. She had never wanted to get engaged before Ianto.

After that talk, Maxence had turned the whole storehouse upside down. That had led him to jail. The second time, it had been the hospital. The incidents had continued for weeks and he had been forced to see a specialist to deal with his anger. She had steered him to boxing and kick-boxing lessons. He had laughed in her face when she had told him so but he had to admit that it had done him a lot of good. He had been able to take his life in hand again thanks to his best friend and mentor, Jack Harkness. He had never trained so much than after he received the announcement.

And it was happening all over again. He couldn’t do that, not today. That day was special for her. He couldn’t ruin it. She would never forgive him if she did and he wouldn’t be able to deal with the idea of her being angry with him. He had to control himself. So, he clenched and unclenched his fists while breathing deeply. When he was more or less calm, he took his shower, hoping it would finish to soothe him. It didn’t. His rage was still burning through his veins. He got dressed slowly with steady movements. It was the key of control. A control that was running away from him with every piece of clothes he was pulling on.

His rage was inflating in him like a bubble of chewing-gum. He looked at himself in the mirror. He was half-dressed and drops of water were running on his bare chest. Chest that was rising to the rhythm of his jolting breathing. He was losing his self-control. His fingers were tensing on the edge of the sink. He hated himself when he was like that. He was capable of an incredible violence when such a rage was burning in him. It had never really been the case before, and it certainly wasn’t the right day for a first time. He hated the reflection the mirror was giving him. With no second thought, he punched it. The mirror was smashed to pieces, shattering the reflection of the wild man he was.

The pain took over the adrenalin. The mirror was in pieces and his hand was bleeding. He didn’t care. He even enjoyed the sight of the blood flowing in the sink. It was his rage slowly going away. Now, his reflection was exactly like the man he was: shattered into pieces and red with anger. Could he still go to that stupid ceremony now? Could he break his promise? He didn’t like those two ideas. He knew that it would drive him crazy to see her arm in arm with another man. He still couldn’t accept it.

Repeated knocks on the door made themselves heard. Maxence snapped back to reality and ran his hand through cold water. Then, he wrapped it in a damp towel and walked to the front door. His visitor was growing impatient. Maxence unlocked the door and half-opened it. There was Jack, his mentor, on the doorstep. He had also pulled on his suit and looked terribly uncomfortable in it. Maxence almost smiled at the sight. Almost. Instead, he let him in and closed the door. Jack was pretty angry to have waited so long and was about to say something rude to Maxence he noticed his hand.

“Again?” he exclaimed.

As an answer, Maxence shrugged. It still hurt but it didn’t matter as long as he wasn’t feeling rage or that other pain more unbearable. Jack rolled his eyes and grabbed the first aid kit. Maxence let himself fall on a kitchen’s chair and waited. Jack had fixed him so many times that they couldn’t count them anymore. That one was just the same. When his hand was cleaned and stitched and wrapped in a bandage, the mentor forced him to finish dressing and to talk before even thinking about going outside.

“I don’t want to go.”

“You know, you can still tell her.”

“I won’t ruin her day.”

“That guy isn’t the right one for her. He doesn’t understand her like you do.”

“Who knows?”

“Oh, come on! You’re both filled with that destroying rage. You’re completing each other.”

“That’s not what she thinks.”

“Want my opinion? She’ll end up destroying him and you, you’ll be destroying yourself in your corner because you will have been too stupid to tell her how you feel.”

“Thank you for your so useless honesty.”

“Think what you want.”

The talk stopped there. The two friends left the flat and got into the car. The journey to the chapel was silent. Maxence was watching the landscape through the window, sullen, and Jack didn’t dare bothering him in his deep thoughts. Maxence was pretty unstable today. It was useless to add more pressure on his shoulders. His self-control would be tested enough in the hours to come. It was already hard to tell if he would be able to stay calm all along the ceremony. According to his hand, Jack wouldn’t bet on it. An incident could happen so quickly. Something that was promising to be interesting.

While Jack was speculating upon the good proceedings of the ceremony, Maxence was gathering the bits of his will not to give in to the rage still burning in him. He was keeping it deep inside him and promised himself not to do any scandal. He could do it. He just had to take deep breaths and to stay focused on his calm side. He just had to be there. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t fully following the ceremony. They better not ask him to do more. Thankfully, Jack was with him.

His hangover was still there. His headache too. He was in a lame condition. It was to wonder how he could stand on his feet. And yet! When Jack parked the car on the parking lot, Maxence managed to get out of it and to take a few steps. He was dazzled by the sun, which didn’t help with his headache. There was already people patiently waiting in front of the chapel, happily talking. Maxence frowned. He could go unnoticed but those people were making too much noise for his poor brain. What a brilliant idea to get drunk before a wedding!

Before he could do any damage, Jack led him in the chapel where a few people already were waiting. They both sat down on a bench in the middle to be not too far, but not too close either. If it had only been Maxence’s choice, he would have sat in the back. Or even better, they wouldn’t have come. If it had been so simple! While Jack was observing the surroundings, Maxence frowned even more and lost himself in his thoughts. With his headache, a little nap would be welcomed. It would be funny if he started snoring during the ceremony. Well, funny. She would kill him if he did.

Soon after, the ceremony started. Maxence almost fainted when he saw Rose coming down the alley in her white dress. Even more when she gave him a thankful smile. She was happy to see him there. Him, he hated himself. He hated the penguin prancing about as he watched Rose. He was smiling and crying. It was the first time Maxence ever saw him – in his memories at least – and he hated him. The guy was too plain, too cute, too emotional. He was too perfect. And Maxence was far from being perfect. His rage came back, stronger than ever, and he clenched his fists to the point of digging his nails in his palms to calm himself while Jack was murmuring to him to breathe calmly.

All along the ceremony, he focused on his breathing. It was kind of a meditation. He was only lending a distracted ear to the priest talking. When he was in full control, he managed to doze off. He fell asleep though he didn’t want to. At least, he was calm. Unfortunately, his sleep was bothered by the wedding whose images came into his dream. What a lame friend he was! His jealousy was eating him up and he was sleeping during her wedding. Moreover, he was grumpy because he was dreaming about reality. At least, he had the power of changing everything in the dream. Well, only if he wanted to.

So, he saw himself sat on that same bench, next to Jack, watching a ceremony that was tearing him apart. He looked at the little chit of a girl standing close to the altar. She was smiling from ear to ear and seemed moved. Maxence had never seen her so calm, so relaxed. Was it from the dream or because of her wedding? Was she hiding her rage? How was she doing? Maxence couldn’t take his eyes off of that so beautiful woman. He regretted that she wasn’t his. He would have fulfilled her much better than that guy she was getting married to.

“If any person here can show just and sufficient reason why these two persons may not be joined together in matrimony, let them declare their reasons now or, from this time forward, keep their peace.”

Maxence looked up at the priest and watched him as he was sounding the audience out. He thought that his look stopped on him. Was it just an impression or was he staring at him? Was his subconscious playing tricks on him? Or was it trying to deliver him a message? Could he  _ really _ react and ruin everything? Could he turn his nightmare into a pleasant dream? Suddenly, it’s Rose’s brown eyes that met his blue ones. She seemed like she was begging him. Probably not to do anything wrong. However, when the priest was about to talk again, Maxence chose to follow his heart instead of his reason and stood up.

“Me. I’m opposed to that wedding.”

Everyone looked at him and murmurs streamed through the rows. He felt embarrassed but didn’t take his words back. On the contrary, he kept his cool and took a few steps, looking at Rose straight in the eyes. She didn’t break the eye contact. Her look was impenetrable. What did she think of that twist in the current situation? Next to her, the future ex-husband was as surprised as mad. Would he stop Maxence from going through with his admission? Murmurs were still spreading through the rows though the priest kept asking everyone to keep quiet. Maxence stopped a few steps away from Rose, still staring at her. When she opened her mouth, everyone shut up.

“Maxence,” she sighed.

“I won’t go back on my decision. I’m opposed to that wedding. The reason is very simple: this guy isn’t the right one for you,” he said, pointing a finger on his rival. “He doesn’t understand you and never will. He doesn’t understand that rage that fills you and pushes you to snap at your surroundings and destroy everything around you. He doesn’t understand this anger continuously burning in your veins. He doesn’t understand your need of liberty and violence, that need of yelling against the world. He will never understand all of this like I do. When we had that accident, I felt it. I felt you were just like me. And I know you’ve felt it too. That is why you’ve cursed me as much as you’ve loved me. Because yes, you did love me, and I’m ready to bet that you still do. We both have that destructive passion that got bigger when our cars collided. I say it all over again: this guy isn’t the right one for you. There’s still that flame burning in me but it’s only anger now. You were the only one to have made it burn with something else. We are two broken people, two puzzles impossible to complete. You know it, we were missing a piece for the puzzle to be complete, and that piece, that’s our meeting, that’s us together. We’ll always be incomplete without that piece and that will destroy us. I hope you’ll realise it someday.”

Maxence stopped talking, breathless, his heart rate off the charts. Everyone was looking at him and a huge silence followed his admission. Then, because of some people’s distorted faces, he understood that it wasn’t a dream. He had thought he had fallen asleep but he hadn’t. There was no dream, nor nightmare. Only reality. When he realised it, he felt his heart drop in his chest. He had done all the contrary of what he had promised himself. He had ruined the wedding of the woman he loved. He had given in to his impulses. Some people got up to applause him but, to avoid the others’ looks, he turned around and ran away.

×

A few hours had passed by when Rose pushed the  _ Ticking Bar _ ’s door. It was still closed at that moment of the day but she knew how to come in when it wasn’t open. She had always known it from the time she used to come all the time. In the meanwhile, she had changed clothes and pulled a more comfortable outfit. She wasn’t angry. She was even pretty calm for a hot-blooded woman. She was walking with quiet and measured steps to the counter of the pub. It was always strange to see the room so empty. It was giving some charm to that chic place. It made it peaceful. Somewhere everything was possible.

Maxence was standing behind the counter. He was busy drying off glasses and lining them on the shelves behind him. He had also taken the time to change clothes. He had pulled on a black shirt and black jeans that suited him perfectly. It was his work outfit. Rose stopped for a while. She had always loved watching him work. He was focused and careful. His work was probably the only thing he hadn’t screwed up in his life. It had partly helped him to control his rage. He had already been fired because he had turned the storehouse upside down and caused particularly expensive damage but the boss had offered him a deal when he had seen his efforts to control himself.

Maxence loved his work. That was one of the rare things he was really fighting for in order not to lose it. He couldn’t let his chance go away once again. Even if his life was scattered, he would cling to his job. It was a quality Rose admired about him. She had never been able to keep a job. She blew a fuse too quickly. She didn’t have the patience Maxence had. She had never understood how he could stay so calm on the outside when he was boiling on the inside. She had hated him for that. It had changed when she had started to know him better.

And there she was, coming back to him after she had cursed and hated him so much. There was some kind of attraction between them. They had both felt it. Maxence had talked about puzzle pieces and he had been right. She had never really felt complete except when she was with him. Together, they reached the perfect balance. They were completing each other like the Ying and the Yang and preventing the overflowing of their own characters. An overflowing, that was precisely what had happened earlier in the day. Sometimes, the cap of the bottle flew and freed the flow of the outpouring. It was for worse. Or for better.

Rose snapped back to reality and walked to the counter. She sat down on a stool and waited. Maxence continued his routine. When he was done with the glasses, he checked the bottles and went to the storehouse to renew the stock. He was openly ignoring her. It was creating a tension perceptible in the air. The calm before the storm. Who would explode before the other? The diligence Maxence was using while placing the bottles on the shelves meant he was controlling himself. They were playing a dangerous game and they were aware of it. As soon as all the bottles were on the shelves, Maxence grabbed one from under the counter and filled a glass. He made it slide to Rose.

“It’s a bit early for that, don’t you think?” she said in response to the offer.

“Not really.”

He was still avoiding her look and preferred cleaning the counter than facing her. His previous bravery had disappeared into thin air and he was back to the sullen being he had been for a while.

“You’ll be the one in need of a drink.”

“I’m working tonight.”

“Never bothered you before.”

“I like having control on what I do.”

“Like you had it earlier?”

Rose felt him freeze. He gave up his task, threw the tea towel on his shoulder and faced her. He put his hands on the counter and looked at her in the eyes.

“I admit that I climbed down a bit too much.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“But I won’t take any word back.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

There was a little moment of silence. Maxence was surprised by the calm Rose was showing. She was too calm and hadn’t touched her drink. She was only tapping a distracted rhythm on the counter with the tip of her fingers.

“I’m not sure to understand. I’ve just ruined the best day of your life. I was expecting you to come and find me but I didn’t think you would be so calm.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. You’ve played the part you were given perfectly.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sit down. And have a drink.”

“No,” retorted Maxence, getting angry. “I want answers and I want them now!”

Rose sighed and drank the glass in one-shot. She had to tell him the truth and she would have preferred doing it around a drink so he would stay calm. It wasn’t gonna be easy but they had played cat and mouse for too long. It was about time to stop it.

“I wasn’t gonna marry Ianto. It was a frame-up.”

“…”

“It was a fake wedding. We did it only for you to react.”

“We?”

“Jack and I.”

“This just keeps getting better!”

“Most of the people were actors. That’s why they’ve applauded after your admission.”

“And Ianto?”

“Openly gay. Also an actor.”

“Good actor.”

“Maxence, I was trying to make you understand but you’ve never been receptive. It was as it you were refusing to see how I was feeling, what I’m still feeling. I couldn’t go on that way anymore.”

“So, you got away from me.”

Now, his fists were clenched and all his muscles were tensed. He was struggling not to give in to his rage. He was trembling because of it. Suddenly, he turned his back on Rose and walked away from her. She had played with him long enough. He was fed up with it all. He had been humiliated in front of a crowd of actors. They had forced him to confess his feelings during a monstrous masquerade. He was really mad and Rose understood it. Maxence felt her following him while he was walking to the storehouse. He stopped when she talked to him.

“Say something, Maxence.”

“…”

“Please.”

“And what am I supposed to say?” he exploded, facing her. “There’s nothing to say anymore. I already said it all and all you’ve done was mocking me! Did you feel clever creating this whole masquerade? You had what you wanted? There’s nothing to say anymore, Rose!”

“Calm down, please.”

“Calming myself down? You should have thought about it before doing something so stupid!”

His rage was only increasing. He ended up punching the wall with his wounded hand. It made him yell even more; from pain as much as anger. He was becoming a danger from himself and for the others but Rose didn’t step back. She preferred observing him. In that state of uncontrolled rage, she found him handsome. He was wild and dangerous. She only loved him more. So, she threw herself in Maxence’s personal struggle and brutally kissed him. He fought a few seconds before he gave in to the ardour of the kiss. When they broke it, they were both breathless. Rose cupped Maxence’s cheeks.

“Show me, Maxence. I need you to show me.”

Far from having the reaction she was expecting from him, Maxence took her hand and led her to the stage facing the angle of the counter. He made her sit down on a stool, pulled out a lighter and lighted the candle on the piano. He sat down in front of the keyboard then, staring at Rose, he started playing. He had practised a lot for that moment. He wondered if he was dreaming or not. The strength of his emotions proved him he was wide awake.

_ “A faire pâlir tous les Marquis de Sade, à faire trembler les putains de la rade, à faire crier grâce à tous les échos, à faire trembler les murs de Jéricho, je vais t’aimer. A faire flamber les enfers dans tes yeux, à faire jurer tous les tonnerres de Dieu, à faire dresser tes seins et tous les Saints, à faire prier et supplier nos mains, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer comme j’aurais tellement aimé être aimé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer. A faire vieillir, à faire blanchir la nuit, à faire brûler la lumière jusqu’au jour, à la passion et jusqu’à la folie, je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer d’amour. A faire fermer, à faire cerner nos yeux, à faire souffrir à faire mourir nos corps, à faire voler nos âmes aux septièmes cieux, à se croire mort et faire l’amour encore, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer plus loin que tes rêves ont imaginé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer. Je vais t’aimer comme on ne t’a jamais aimée. Je vais t’aimer comme j’aurais tellement aimé être aimé. Je vais t’aimer, je vais t’aimer.” _

Lots of emotions went through Rose’s eyes while she listened to him singing. He had learned a French song just for her. She hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t expected him to sing a love song to her in the most romantic language to tell her once again how much he loved her either. She would never have thought that she would love a man like she loved him. She loved him so much it was painful. She wouldn’t be able to be separated from him one more minute.

“It’s the most beautiful declaration of love someone has ever done to me.”

“I’m so relieved you liked it.”

“You’re the one that I want. Now and forever.”

After that statement, she threw herself on him once again to kiss him fiercely. Their flames burned with more intensity than ever that night. The puzzle was finally complete. They were together for better and for worse in the end.


	32. Who's gonna save the world tonight? (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He knew they had a profound taste for war – their History was full of them – but that war? The Doctor hadn’t seen that coming. He hadn’t seen the humans falling into the madness of Gods that probably didn’t even exist."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've started writing this one-shot after I learnt about the event in London on June, 3rd. I was so devastated by how regular those events had become and needed to write it all out. I've already done it with ["Sirens"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8097367/chapters/19005902) and the Eleventh Doctor. I thought Nine was more appropriate for that one-shot, and I still believe that if a man like the Doctor had existed, he would have made something against that terrifying madness.
> 
> In the end, this one-shot is an homage for all the victims of that terrible night. Hoping the future days will be better.

The Doctor was running faster than he had ever run. Usually, people were looking at him as if he was crazy for running so fast when there was no reason to. But not today. Today, they were running too. They still could have thought that he was crazy, that he shouldn’t go this way, but he wouldn’t care and wouldn’t even stop running that way even if they tried to stop him. Once again. The human world had done crazy once again, and they were all running away from that craziness, from the yells, the shootings, the slaughter while the Doctor was running straight into it. Everyone was bumping into everyone. People were falling and were getting trampled before they could get up and run again. Run away from the madness that world seemed to have sunk into.

The Doctor had always thought that humans were kinda stupid for thinking they would get killed by something as insignificant as eggs, beef or global warming, when they would conquer space and expand their race all over the universe. He knew they had a profound taste for war – their History was full of them – but that war? The Doctor hadn’t seen that coming. He hadn’t seen the humans falling into the madness of Gods that probably didn’t even exist. He didn’t believe in any of them – didn’t even believe in himself, why would he believe in someone else? – and couldn’t understand that rage that was animating those people killing their own kind because they thought one God was better than another one. It was the will of being better, of being stronger, he thought. The will of winning, the will of expanding their faith. All of this, the way they used to expand their countries a very long time ago.

However, it wasn’t as easy as it had been. With time passing by, there was less and less believers and more and more sceptical people. It was caused by the evolution. Religion still had an important spot in humans’ life because it had played a huge part in their History. And once again, it was one of the biggest deal. The Doctor didn’t care much about those questions of religion though. If he was running tonight, it wasn’t to run away from the danger – he never did such a thing – nor to help all those people to get to a safe place quickly. He wasn’t even running to the TARDIS. He was running straight into danger for someone really special to his hearts. Rose. Rose Tyler, his lovely companion was in the middle of that mess and he couldn’t bear that single thought.

He had brought Rose back on Earth earlier for her to spend some time with her family and friends. After the whole one year disappearance incident, he had owed that one to Jackie. So, they had found some time in their adventures for that special day. The Doctor regretted it now and was blaming himself for not checking the timelines properly. The humans were so indecisive. Something was gonna happen but he hadn’t seen – hadn’t cared either – what it was and where it was. But Rose was part of that equation now and she shouldn’t have. If only he was listening to his instincts, he would keep her safe in the TARDIS and never let anyone come around her. But he could never allow himself to do something like that. He couldn’t think of Rose as his. She wasn’t and would never be his. What would she do with a broken daft old man like him? She deserved much better.

Nevertheless, there he was, running back to her like a lost puppy, running in the midst of a warzone that reminded him too much of the Time War to save her from Hell. The attack had happened around Borough Market and the London Bridge. Exactly where she was supposed to be tonight. He had tried to call her but she never answered. So, he had called Jackie and urged her into telling him if Rose had come home with her. Which she hadn’t of course. He had left Jackie with her questions – she would get answers by turning the damn telly on – and started running to the attack’s location. He needed to find Rose, to make sure she was safe, and to bring her home, to  _ their _ home where he would never let anything happen to her.

He tricked everyone to get past the police and emergency services already on place. He didn’t give them any time to ask him questions. He just ran in the direction his instinct was telling him to: the bridge. He had the feeling he would find Rose there. He avoided all the people running in the opposite way. There were shouts all around. People were scared. People were dying. He forced himself to close his mind to the memories of his own kind’s screams and agony. He hadn’t been able to save them but he could save Rose. Shots were fired and the silence – the so deafening silence – fell on the town. The Doctor ran even faster. He was finally on the bridge. He looked around him, tried to locate the blonde girl he was looking for. He didn’t dare looking at the dead people. His hearts were breaking just at the thought. She couldn’t be dead. He would rewrite it all for her to live if that ever occurred.

Finally, he saw her. His feet followed the direction of his eyes but his mind disconnected itself and his hearts stopped beating. Rose was knelt down in the middle of the road and she was hugging and rocking someone’s body. A friend of hers. The bastards had crossed the line, and rage burnt through the Doctor’s veins. He had enough. Enough of those wars. Enough of the innocent people dying. Enough of the reminders that he was a coward who had killed millions of people. Enough of the screams in his mind and blood on his hands. He looked at the slaughter around him for the first time but all he could see was the fall of Gallifrey. His knees hit the road suddenly but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the massive disaster around him. He didn’t even feel Rose’s hand grabbing his until she was wrapped around him and crying in his neck.

“Doctor…” she could only murmured, her voice knotted with tears and despair.

It tore him away from the sight of horror that were his own memories and anchored him back to the cruel reality. He gasped. How could the world have gone so nuts? He focused on the blonde girl clinging to him as if he was the only thing that could keep her from falling into the dark madness surrounding them. She was only twenty years old. She was still innocent and pure. She didn’t deserve to be confronted with so much violence and destruction. He should have been there. He should have checked the timeline to see if there was a risk. But he hadn’t, and now she was crying into the wool of his dark jumper. She pronounced his name once again and his bubble of self-hatred popped. He realised he was holding his breath and let out a long exhalation.

“Are you alright?” he suddenly asked, his voice croaked because of the strong emotions strangling him.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently detached her from him to look at her closely. Her hair was falling on her face hiding it from his view. He pushed the blonde tangled hair away, tucking the strands behind her ears. Her face was wet with tears and her mascara had flowed on her cheeks, leaving dark trails on her pale skin. He scanned the rest of her body and felt his heart sink in his chest when he saw the blood on her clothes and all over her arms. She didn’t seem hurt. Was that blood hers or… He looked at the body on the ground and swallowed hard. Olivia. Rose’s best friend.

“’S not mine,” Rose replied weakly. “Please, Doctor. Please, save her.”

Her voice broke and his hearts sank in his chest again. He made sure she wasn’t hurt and knelt down close to Liv. He quickly found the bleeding wound on her side. The bullet had ripped the skin and burnt it. The guy had been close. The anger boiled in his veins as he looked for an exit point. He was relieved to find one. The bullet was out and Liv was still alive. Very weak because she had lost a lot of blood but she was holding on.

“I’m sorry, Olivia. I’m gonna have to do something really painful for you to hold on until we get to the TARDIS.”

“What…” started Rose.

“I’m gonna need your help, Rose.”

“What can I do?”

Despite her current situation, Rose was ready to do anything to help. She was loyal to her personality. That was something the Doctor loved about her but he had no time to stop on that detail right now. They had something more urgent to do. Liv was going weaker with every minute passing. They had no time to waste.

“I have to cauterise the wound to stop the blood loss. It’s gonna hurt a lot. I need you to hold her tight.”

Rose’s eyes grew big at the Doctor’s plan but she nodded anyway. Anything to save her friend. She trusted the Doctor and knew he would do his best to save Olivia’s life. She knelt down on the road and wiped away her tears. The Doctor grabbed the gun laying close to him – probably given up by one of the attackers – and pulled out one of the bullets. He tried not to think about the death machine and what it reminded him. He found a flask of strong alcohol in one of his bigger on the inside pockets along with a lighter, some tissues and duct tape. He looked at Rose. She understood that it was time to hold Olivia tight. She used all her weight to do so as the Doctor poured the alcohol on the wound. Liv started brutally and squirmed to get away from them. But she didn’t scream.

The worse was still to come though. The Doctor took the bullet to pieces and gathered the gunpowder. Rose knew immediately what he had in mind and held Liv down tighter as he placed the powder on the wounds and quickly burnt it with the lighter. That time, Liv yelled from the pain and struggled harder but Rose was holding her too tight. She begged for them to stop that pain, that so unbearable pain. Rose’s cheeks were wet with tears again and that’s a sight the Doctor never wanted to see again. He placed the tissues on the freshly cauterised wounds and fixed it with the duct tape. Olivia was crying too now and he apologised for making her go through that. When he was done, he slightly influenced her mind for her to drift into a dreamless sleep. It would be easier for her.

“Let’s get to the TARDIS now.”

Rose nodded silently as the Doctor stood up and loaded Rose’s body on his shoulders. He slipped the gun in the belt of his jeans and helped Rose up. If he hadn’t been busy carrying Liv, he would have taken Rose’s hand to run away like they always did whenever they had to run away from a dangerous situation. They ran anyway. They ran away from Hell as quickly as they could to reach the perfect safety of the blue box. But the Doctor’s running was always fraught with pitfalls. While they were leaving the crime scene, they found themselves stuck in a dead end with a man pointing a gun at Rose. Most likely the man the police was still looking for. He yelled something at them, threatening them to fire, but the Doctor was quicker. Before the man could have the time to press the trigger, the Time Lord grabbed the gun at his belt and shot. Straight into the head. Another murder on his already long list.

He didn’t think about it though. His only thought had been to keep Rose and Liv safe and that’s what he did. After that incident, he started running again with Rose alongside him and they didn’t stop until they reached the TARDIS. Rose closed the doors behind them while the Doctor lay Liv down on a bed in the infirmary. He threw the gun away and took off his jacket. He put it down on a chair and started taking care of Liv. He would do a better job with everything he had there and his knowledge. And with the TARDIS’ help, he couldn’t be wrong.

When Rose joined him in the infirmary a few hours later, he was sitting on a chair close to Liv’s bed. The young woman was still asleep and it was clear that she was doing better though she still looked pale. She was now wearing a shirt too big for her and had a drip in her arm. The Doctor had cleaned the blood she had on her after her wounds were well taken care of and he was now watching over her. He looked up at Rose when he heard her. She had just taken a long and warm shower after hours on the phone with her mother to tell her and Mickey that she was alright. But she hadn’t slept yet. She was still too shaken.

“She’s in the clear.”

Rose’s relief was suddenly written all over her face. She nodded to thank him and walked to the bed. She took her friend’s hand in hers and stroked it gently. She placed a kiss on Liv’s forehead and the Doctor looked away for them to have a bit of privacy. Now his mind was free from the urgent missions he had, his thoughts were drifting back to the slaughter, to Gallifrey, to the blood on his hands. He had scrubbed his skin so hard it was now red and painful. But he felt like there still was blood, that they were still dirty. He had killed again. Without any second thought. He had just shot that guy in the head. To protect Rose. To keep his word to Jackie.

He hadn’t realised he was trembling until his hands were caught into Rose’s gentle ones. He refused to look at her but accepted the silent comfort she was giving him. But did he deserve that comfort?

“Thank you. For coming.”

He could hear the tears in her voice and the quiet sniffle that followed. She hadn’t called him. He had come on his own as soon as he learned for the attack and he had added one victim on the list. On  _ his _ list. Rose knew a part of his story and assumed that what had happened earlier was making him feel really bad. His guilt was torturing him, more than ever.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head. No, he really didn’t want to talk about it. What could he say? That he had suddenly been thrown back into a war which had destroyed his whole race and planet? That it had turned him into a cold-hearted murderer? That he often wanted to end his life? Now more than ever, he wanted to end it all so the screams would stop, so the guilt would disappear. He wanted to find peace. But did he deserve peace after what he had done? After taking the life of another man?

“What you’ve seen earlier…” started Rose. “It wasn’t your fault. You’re not responsible for that attack.”

“I should have seen it coming.”

“And then, what?”

“I would have kept you safe, away from that slaughter.”

“That wouldn’t have changed a thing.”

“Liv wouldn’t be hurt. You wouldn’t have to live with those terrible memories.”

Rose’s hands stopped stroking his, only to catch his chin and force him to look at her. She wasn’t surprised to see the guilt and self-hatred swirling in his blue eyes. She was just surprised to see how powerful those feelings were. He never showed anything usually. She had learnt how to see it through his body language. But now, it was so clear. Crystal clear. She could even see the surprise when she cupped his cheek with her warm hand.

“It wouldn’t have changed much. You know how stubborn I am. How stubborn my mom is. We would have gone. No matter what.”

“No. I know you wouldn’t.”

“Maybe you’re right. But it still isn’t your fault.”

“I killed a man.”

He looked away. He couldn’t look at her in the eyes after those words. Admitting it out loud was worse. It made it real. Before, he could have thought that it was just a bad dream, like the ones he always had about the war, that it was his subconscious telling him how badly he wanted to protect the precious blonde. The so precious Rose Tyler. Now that she knew his soul was so dark he could kill a man without an hesitation, she would run away from him, right? She would be afraid of what he could and couldn’t do, afraid of him hurting her. But he would never do that. He could never bring himself to hurt her no matter the situation. But it was too late to tell her that, to convince her of that now.

He grabbed her hand gently and pushed it away. If she had to go, he wouldn’t ask her to stay. And it would be easier to watch her leave if he didn’t feel her so gentle and soft hands trying to comfort him. He would rather suffer on his own than getting her compassion and apologies. She could go now. He would bring Liv back to her flat. He would travel alone again. Like he had done just after the war.

“Doctor,” she murmured, and her voice showed no sign of fear, “if you hadn’t done it, I would be dead. We all would be dead. This guy…” She swallowed a knot of tears. “This guy shot my best friend right in front of my eyes. I was terrified he would do the same to me because his eyes were so full of hate and thirsty for blood. But I couldn’t leave Olive to die there. You’ve taught me better than that. All I could think of while I was begging her to stay with me, while I was trying to stop the blood was that I couldn’t die. For her. For mum. For you. You all… You only have me.”

She stopped for a moment and swallowed another lump of tears. Thinking about it all was reminding her of how terrified and powerless she had been. All those people had died and she was still alive. Thanks to the Doctor. She quickly glanced at Liv but she hadn’t moved and wasn’t awake yet. So Rose looked back at the Doctor. She took his hands in hers again. She wouldn’t let him push her away. He needed her and she needed him.

“When you’ve told me about your people and planet, I’ve told you that I was there for you. I meant those words. I accept the whole of you and I’m never gonna leave you. Now, look at me, Doctor, and tell me if you want me to leave. If that’s your choice, I’ll leave, but if you don’t want me to, I’ll stay. It’s up to you.”

She had completely caught him off-guard. He had expected everything but that. He slowly looked up at her. He was almost shy, hesitant. But he looked at her. She was honest. There was no lie in her eyes. She meant everything she was telling him.

“So, you’re not afraid of me?”

“’f course not! I don’t even think you’re impressive.”

“But I am impressive!”

“If you think so.”

She shrugged lightly and his lips twitched. It had been one of the first conversations they had on board. She did find him impressive now but she couldn’t have helped the reference. There was a ghost of a smile on his lips and that’s what she wanted. She knew she wouldn’t get anything better than that and she couldn’t smile herself in the present situation.

“So, I’m stuck with you?”

“Until you decide you don’t want me anymore. And even then, it’s gonna be hard to get rid of me.”

“It would be hard to find someone as good as you. Like I’ve said, I only take the best.”

Rose smiled softly and kissed his cheek to thank him for those words of kindness. He was often rude but never meant it while he was always honest when he was saying something nice to her. A detail that told her he really liked her inside down. Maybe more. But that was probably just what she wanted to see. Only wishful thinking.

She noticed that she still had his hands in hers. He hadn’t pushed her away that time, but he was still trembling and his eyes had gone back to the gun that was haunting his thoughts since he remembered pressing the trigger. He couldn’t take it off his mind. No matter what she would say. So, she just hugged him. He gasped in surprise but didn’t push her away. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight, accepting the comfort she was giving him. When she broke the hug, he remarked how exhausted she looked.

“You should get some sleep.”

She bit her bottom lip nervously and he cursed himself for being an idiot. Of course, she wouldn’t want to sleep. She was too worried for Olivia and too shocked by what had happened to even think about sleeping. Even months after he still had nightmares of the war. How many nights had he stayed up because he was afraid of sleeping and facing his demons?

“I don’t think I can.”

That was something he could definitely understand. He wasn’t sure to be able to sleep either tonight. Not that he needed it anyway.

“Not alone, at least.”

What could that mean? The Doctor suddenly felt paralysed. She wasn’t asking him to sleep with her, right? He had to watch over Olivia and… and… No, she really couldn’t be asking him such a thing. They were close friends, but not that close.

“When I have that kind of nights where I can’t sleep because… ‘cause my demons await in the dark, Liv comes and sleeps with me. She holds me and comforts me when I have nightmares… But she can’t tonight. So, I can’t sleep. Not without her.”

And Liv wasn’t available right now. She wouldn’t wake up before a few hours thanks to the Doctor influencing her mind. Her sleep was dreamless and painless so she would get the rest she needed to get better.

“Do you want me to soothe your mind so you can sleep better? I did it with Liv.”

“I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight.”

“Do you want me to take you to your mother?”

Rose sighed. The Doctor was sometimes being a real idiot. He sure didn’t do domestics – he had warned her about it on day one – but he was sometimes more flexible with her. She really hoped that he would be more flexible tonight. But the Doctor was a man and just like every man, he was a bit slow to understand what she wanted from him.

“What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t make me say it.”

“You… You want me to sleep with you?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I don’t need you to sleep. I… Forget it. I’ll be alright.”

The Doctor looked at her, puzzled. She let go of his hands and started leaving the infirmary. He watched her as she softly kissed Liv’s head before walking to the door. His brain was completely stuck. Rose, his Rose, just asked him for help and he was too stupid to understand it. She looked so lost and vulnerable. Just like when he had taken her in the past to see her dad. But today, it was different. She had been a target in the middle of others. They didn’t know her name, her story and they were ready to kill her for some ideology. She had been so close to die in a war that wasn’t hers. No one could get out of that unscathed.

Before he realised he had taken a decision, he was up and walking to Rose. He caught her hand to stop her from leaving the room. Her hazel eyes sank into his icy blue ones and he could see some relief sparkling at the fact he had understood what she needed. He wrapped his arms around her. She was so small, so fragile right now and she needed someone to hold her before she fell to pieces.

“There’s a sofa bed in my office over here,” he said softly, pointing to the open door on his right. “We can go and lie down there to stay around in case Olivia wakes up.”

“You’ll hold me?”

“I’ll hold you and protect you while you sleep.”

“Promise you won’t go?”

“Promise.”

Those words reassured her. He led her to the small office and prepared the bed. She watched him as he checked on Olivia and changed her bandage. The wounds were clean. No infection, no internal damages. She would be fine. He changed the drip and washed his hands. Then, he went in his office. He waited until Rose was settled down in bed before he lay down next to her. Like he had promised, he held her in his arms. He tucked the covers around her as she curled up in his embrace. She thought she wasn’t gonna sleep, that fear would keep her awake, but the Doctor’s arms and proximity made her feel safe and the double heartbeats soothed her. She fell asleep, feeling in safety and protected.

The Doctor didn’t sleep at all. He listened to Rose’s quiet breathing and regular heartbeats, watching for any sign of nightmare. The first sign was her hands gripping his jumper and the soft begging. He pulled her closer to him and talked softly to her. The nightmare hit anyway and when she woke up completely panicked, he was there to hold her and rock her and comfort her until she could sleep again. He did so all night, until she decided that it was useless to try anymore. They didn’t move anyway. They stayed together in bed, Rose all snuggled up into him, and him holding her tight. They were in a cocoon of safety, away from a madness they didn’t understand.

They only moved when Liv woke up. She was confused and in pain but Rose explained the situation to her and the Doctor took great care of her. It was hard for her to remember all the events of last night. She cried in Rose’s arms for a while to let out all her fears and pain, everything she had held back when they still were on the site of the attack. The Doctor forced her to rest. She was under medical supervision for the next few days and couldn’t leave the TARDIS until she was better. No one actually left the TARDIS until she was better. They were all having nightmares but they were there for each other whenever it happened. The Doctor hated people seeing him vulnerable so he wasn’t sleeping much. When he did get some sleep, he always found a way to do it when the women weren’t around him. Only his TARDIS could see him in a state of complete weakness.

It took a few weeks for Olivia to be healed. The scar was clean, almost invisible thanks to the Doctor’s good treatments. She was still in pain sometimes and nightmares still haunted her, just like Rose, but she was ready to go back to an almost normal life. So were the Doctor and Rose. Going back to their routine after that attack would be difficult but they weren’t gonna step back. They weren’t gonna be afraid. If they were hiding because they were afraid, it would mean the bad guys had won. And the bad guys should never win.


	33. Changes (Twelve/Thirteen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Doctor hated Christmas for it always remembered him of disasters he had stopped and companions he had lost. His Christmas always ended in a terrible way. Most of the time, with a regeneration."

It was Christmas time again on that bloody timeline. The Doctor used to be so joyful about it before. Christmas time was about spending time with family and friends, a time of celebration. He remembered the Christmases he had spent with some of his companions. Rose in the Powell Estates, Gwyneth on the Titanic – the space ship, not the water ship, even if the story was quite the same in the end – the Ponds in their house with the door as blue as the TARDIS, and a couple of times with Clara. You would think it was good memories of good times if there wasn’t that hint of bitter sweetness, melancholy and sadness specific to the memories you got of the people you had lost a long time ago.

The Doctor hated Christmas for it always remembered him of disasters he had stopped and companions he had lost. His Christmas always ended in a terrible way. Most of the time, with a regeneration. That year wasn’t any different from the other years. That year was even worse in his opinion. He had promised himself to never take another companion. He had an oath to respect and had to guard a vault. He was a professor in college and that was the perfect cover for a man with an knowledge on almost everything like he was. But he was missing space. Terribly. He had always been a man on the run so becoming a settled man wasn’t one of his best decisions.

However, there had been Bill. Oh, Bill Potts. So ridiculously human and so different all at once. All smiley and sceptical. Honestly reminded him of Rose. Chips lover, bright, clever mind – though she still was a stupid ape at times, they all were, those humans! He couldn’t help himself. He already had the moralistic Nardole, but he wanted – needed – someone who would help him change his mind, who would help him out of that routine he had gotten bogged down with the years passing. What an adventure it had been! All in delicious and breathtaking unforeseen developments, all in old fellows coming back to life, all in disasters that always led him to his end.

Nothing really changed after all. Times moved on, things evolved, but the world was still working the same. It always sank in the madness of a war. And the Doctor was done fighting in wars. He was no warrior. He was just an idiot, passing through and helping out, sharing his knowledge and saving people and planets. He never asked for the troubles he always had gotten into. He never asked for the oncoming storm reputation he had. But that’s how his timeline had always been written and he had never seen anything coming. Watching his own timeline or walking into it would have been breaking the laws. Not that he cared much about the laws anyway.

 _“Times change and so must I”_ had he said in one of his previous lives. Maybe the times had changed, but he was too old now to notice any change around him. Those eyes had seen too much. Those hearts had lost too much. That body had handled too much. Now was the time to let it go. He had lost his companion. He had lost his best friend. Nothing was holding him back anymore. What was the point of fighting when every battle was already lost? He was so sick of it all. He couldn’t bear the rudeness of the universe toward him anymore. That self didn’t have faith anymore. It was time to change, to see the world with brand new eyes, to have a new perspective.

So there he was, on the edge on regenerating after one last hurrah. He was alone again, but it didn’t matter right now. Being alone was a good thing. He was gonna start it all over again with a new face, new personality, new habits. He was gonna meet new people, see new worlds, rediscover things he had gotten used to, travel through the stars with no real purpose. Oh, those were good projects. He could already feel the excitement running through his veins and mixing itself with the burning regenerative energy that was rewriting his cells and creating a new body. And in the midst of misty mind and numbness of body that were always accompanying the regeneration, he smiled. He could never quite give up on the surprises life could bring him.

 

There was one thing the Doctor hadn’t seen coming in his plans for the future and he could see it now that he was discovering his newly regenerated body. He ran his long and thin fingers through his mi-long blonde hair, stroked the skin of his face and checked his new outfit. Something sober. His new face would already be a source of lapse in concentration, no need to add more with a fancy outfit. A simple black hoodie, with jeans and a grey coat were just fine to start with. It looked a lot like his past self style. Better start slowly for the first adventures and the first meetings. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror. Everything was ready. He was ready.

The Doctor had planned it all before his regeneration. Absolutely everything. He just hadn’t seen that times indeed had changed. He hadn’t seen that the future would be female. Things promised to be _interesting_ , because from now on, the Doctor was a _woman_ and she was so ready to conquer space and time.


	34. This is Halloween (Nine/Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rose knew how much the big bad Time Lord hated feeling ridiculous. He was always so serious about everything. Even his outfits were serious. Black jeans and black leather jacket with dark jumpers and boots. She loved that outfit on him, but she sometimes wished he wasn't so serious about everything."

“This is ridiculous!”

 

The Doctor’s voice showed how annoyed he felt about the whole situation. It made Rose smile. She was sitting on their bed and waiting for the Doctor to come out of the bathroom where he had locked himself. He had insisted on her staying outside and not coming in until he was done. But he was very clear on the fact he wasn’t happy at all about that.

 

“Remember who you’re doing it for, Doctor.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I feel ridiculous.”

 

Rose knew how much the big bad Time Lord hated feeling ridiculous. He was always so serious about everything. Even his outfits were serious. Black jeans and black leather jacket with dark jumpers and boots. She loved that outfit on him, but she sometimes wished he wasn’t so serious about everything. He had gone all _cliché_ when they had started dating not long enough after she saved his life on Satellite 5 and became the Bad Wolf, a Goddess of Time, a true legend now. An event that had turned Rose into an immortal and powerful person without disturbing the flux of Time like the change of Jack Harkness. He had even gone to Jackie to ask her to give her consent for him to marry Rose.

The Doctor had changed a lot over the years he had spent with Rose. But there were still things he refused to do. Domestics, he could handle now. The visits to Jackie too. But that? It was absolutely stupid and useless.

 

“I don’t understand why your mother insisted on celebrating Halloween. I’ve seen enough monsters in my life to find totally stupid to have a day dedicated to them. Do I have a day for me when I save those humans from the monsters?”

 

The question was a rhetorical one. If the Doctor did have a day for himself, he wouldn’t even want to be a part of it. He didn’t care about thanks and all of that. He was doing all the saving to amend himself from the terrible things he had done in his life. He didn’t need any reward for that. The monsters shouldn’t have that day for themselves, that was his opinion.

 

“I’ve always loved celebrating Halloween with my mom. It was one of the rare moments when we could have some fun with homemade costumes. She was working so hard for me to be happy after my dad died.”

“I know.”

“It’s sort of a tradition. We were still doing it with Mickey before…”

“Before I came into your lives, yeah, yeah. I know the song.”

“And now she wants our son to be a part of that tradition. Isn’t that a bad thing? She feels left out since we’ve become the _perfect intergalactic couple_.”

 

The Doctor mumbled something about him not being perfect at all and Rose smiled even more. He didn’t need to be perfect for her. He didn’t need to be the Prince Charming of all the _Disney_ movies. Just him was enough for her and for their son. Elliot was thinking of him as a superhero. It was enough for every father. But not for the Doctor. Because he wasn’t any hero. Not in his own eyes.

 

“What is he gonna dress up like anyway?”

“I don’t know. Mom said she was gonna take care of it.”

“Forgive me if I don’t think that’s a good idea to let our son with your mother.”

 

Rose pouted. It never had been big love between her husband and her mother, and they were still arguing over the small things. But she was a good grandmother; and not even the Doctor could say otherwise. Elliot loved his grandma, and the Doctor was making efforts at least.

 

“Instead of mumbling, what about you coming out of there so I can see if your costume fits you well?”

“No.”

“Doctor…”

“I don’t understand why my costume of the emperor Malekith of Asgard wasn’t good enough for you.”

“It was too scary.”

“Isn’t that the principle of Halloween?”

“Maybe. But it’s our son’s first Halloween. I want him to have all the fun he can have. Wouldn’t be fun to be afraid of daddy, right?”

“Yeah. But still, a cursed Lord turning into the greatest evil after he lost everything to the hands of a monster was perfect for this day.”

 

The Doctor stopped for a while. It could have been him. He could have been Malekith the Accursed. He had lost everything to the rage of the Daleks, lost everything to his own hands. But Rose had saved him from a terrible fate. Her brightness and love brought him back on the right path, fixed him and gave him a new everything: a wife and a son he loved and cherished more than anything. He owed her everything he had today.

 

“Doctor?”

 

He sighed and finally decided to come out of the bathroom with the new costume Rose had especially picked for him. She had even made some arrangements for it to be sort of linked to his Time Lords origins. Despite him telling her that there was no such a thing on Gallifrey.

 

“You don’t laugh, promise?”

“Promise.”

 

The Doctor came out of the bathroom slowly, uncertain of how he looked. Rose had decided to play it soft and had chosen the uniform of a fireman. So he was wearing large fireproof and sort of yellow and red pants with a white polo shirt. The logo of some fire squad was in the middle of the shirt and Rose had replaced the name of the town with Gallifrey to fit him better. He had pulled on the red suspenders but the pants were still loose and it bothered him. It was very far from what he was used to wear, and he didn’t feel very comfortable in that outfit.

 

“Are you sure about this, Rose?”

 

When she saw him, Rose couldn’t help but burst out. He was trying to keep the pants in place by gripping the back of them and he had half spread his other arm to let her see the result of her choice. The Doctor frowned, really tempted to go back inside the bathroom and lock himself back in.

 

“You promised not to laugh!” he exclaimed, offended.

“Sorry,” apologised Rose, a big smile still on her face, “but you look so uncomfortable.”

“I feel ridiculous.”

“I think you look fantastic.”

 

Hearing her pronounce his catchphrase almost made him stop sulking, but when she got up and adjusted his costume, making sure her hands wandered on the very sensitive parts of his body, he couldn’t keep a straight face. Rose tiptoed to reach his ear and lightly nibbled his lobe.

 

“If you behave, I might let you extinguish a very particular fire,” she murmured.

“Oh, is that the fire you’ve just lighted in me?”

 

Rose just smiled at him and gave him her tongue-poking out smile. Her signature, but also the smile he loved the most about her. His lips caught hers in a soft kiss and his hands were already trying to get under her shirt; but she gently pushed him away.

 

“Not yet, Doctor. First, you keep that costume on for the evening. Then, you get naughty.”

 

The Doctor protested but knew it would be worth it in the end. Rose changed herself in the bathroom. She had chosen a police officer costume to match their beloved blue box, a costume that was fitting her so well the fire he was supposed to extinguish later was now burning in his veins. It would be hard to hold it back, but he had to.

 

Jackie was the second one to laugh at him when she found out about his costume. To which he had retorted that she had very well chosen hers since she was such a witch. It could have gone into an argument if Elliot hadn’t run to them in his very own costume. Both Rose and the Doctor were surprised. They really hadn’t expected it. The little boy was wearing jeans and boots along with a dark jumper and a small leather jacket. He even had a sonic screwdriver replica in hand.

 

“He happens to have his daddy as his favourite superhero. Would have been too bad not to make his parents proud.”

 

Indeed, the Doctor couldn’t be prouder of his son right now. He looked _fantastic_ in his everyday outfit. He had to admit that Jackie had done a good job on that one, and that’s why he didn’t argue on anything she might say to him later. Actually, he did have as much fun as his son to honour the Tyler’s tradition of going to the neighbours and knocking on the doors to have treats or play tricks -which the Doctor was very good at to be honest.

Later that night, when Elliot was deeply asleep in bed after he got more candies than he could eat, the Doctor and Rose met in their room, and the Time Lord finally got the treat he had been running after all evening: extinguish the fire burning in him and Rose until it went out. He might get used to celebrate Halloween in the Tyler’s way in the end…


End file.
